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View Full Version : FINAL Round 1: OpIv37 Defeats Dozer 15-6



Devin
12-05-2006, 02:19 AM
ROUND 1: Dozer vs. OpIv37

Round 1 will be freestyle. Do whatever the you want. Just make sure it's funny and insulting. And please refer to the rules in the sticky thread if you have any questions.

Each contestant will take turns insulting each other. This round will consist of 3 turns each. Don't post out of order, while there is no time limit we are working on a shorter time table so if no post is made within a reasonable amount of time I will move the match along.

Dozer is up first.

Dozerdog
12-05-2006, 09:14 AM
I'll start off with the worst joke ever.



A Pedophile drags a child into some dark, spooky, isolated woods. The kid is kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs.



OP tells the kid "I don't know why you are so scared. I'm the one who has to walk out of here by myself"

OpIv37
12-05-2006, 09:42 AM
Speaking of walking, you should do a little more of it. You have the body of someone who attempted the supermodel "binge and purge" diet but forgot the "purge" step. If you ever lose the remote, check your fat rolls, because it's probably hidden in there along with an Atari controller and a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers from 4 years ago. In fact, you're such a slob that when you took your sex tourism trip to Thailand, the 11-year-old male prostitutes said "No" in English for the first time ever.

Dozerdog
12-05-2006, 10:32 AM
OP- please- this is a contest. Treat me like the "soccer mom with a stroller in front of you at the mall parking lot" bitch that I am.

You are the dumbest ****ing retard when it comes to football. This phony outrage has to be an act. If it is, I gotta give you props. It's brilliant on an Andy Kauffman type level. It's so outrageous and over the top I can't wait to read it. It cheers me up after a loss. I'm squirting tears every time.

Please put up a decent fight in this contesr, ...mmmmmmkay?

Granted, I'm no Notre Dame vs Army/ Navy/ Coast Guard/ TSA acadamy to get into a bowl game, but put up your gloves and defend yourself, man!


Maybe let Dora type. At least she's scary when she's mad.

OpIv37
12-05-2006, 11:00 AM
An Andy Kauffman reference? That's topical- a comedian that died 20 years ago. Of course, 20 years ago was also the last time you got a REAL blow job (making your dog's ass look like a face and putting your miniscule c*ck in the "mouth" doesn't count as a BJ, regardless of what you say).

Of course, with that pear-shaped body and a hairline receding faster than the French army at the sight of a 14 year old with a slingshot, I guess you have to take what you can get. Nothing says "sex symbol" like a fat, balding NASCAR fan. All you need is a personalized belt buckle, a John Deere mesh cap and a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and you'll be the pride of the trailer park.

Dozerdog
12-05-2006, 07:34 PM
Fat, bald, getting no sex in a trailer park.....did you google the last 4 insult contests for material? 2 insults and you are scraping the bottom of the barrel already. Can't wait for the short bus & you work at McDonalds smack.

Let me write your jokes for you.

I'm fat. My wife thinks I'm an idiot. I can't type I have the letter "F" stamped under "Sex" on my driver's license. I'm joining a sorority this month. I help run a web site to bring together the most socially inept and awkward people on the planet. I just re-gifted my "Brokeback Mountain" DVD today.

Now, with all that.....- go to work ya angry drunken Irish wannabe turd burgler

OpIv37
12-05-2006, 08:30 PM
Great work there- an entire post and you didn't even bother to insult me until the last half sentence. You're so incompetent that you can't even do an insult tournament properly. I probably shouldn't expect anything too intelligent from a Red Sox fan- you guys are the idiots who chant "Let's Go Red Sox!" at football games.

And speaking of stolen material, I saw 8 mile too- the "steal your opponent's thunder" approach isn't going to work with me.

Has your wife ever even had an orgasm? I asked her and she didn't even know, due to the fact she has to wash GHB down with vodka before she can **** you. That's right- you've forced your wife to be the first woman in history to date rape herself.

Of course, your sexual inadequacy isn't entirely your fault. It can mostly be blamed on your Uncle Mmmrpht. You called him that because when you were a kid, he would always take his pants of in front of you and you'd say "But I don't want to put that in my mouth, Uncle Mmmrpht *gag* *cough* Mmmrpht."

And I wouldn't want to disappoint you by failing to include a fat joke, so put down the twinkies and go visit http://www.jennycraig.com/, that is if you can take your hand out of your pants long enough to use the mouse.

lordofgun
12-05-2006, 08:56 PM
Nice job, guys!

Mr. Miyagi
12-05-2006, 09:03 PM
That was a good round! :bf1:

lordofgun
12-05-2006, 09:11 PM
You wouldn't know a good round if it hit you in your egg roll.

hammerbillsfan
12-05-2006, 09:11 PM
Very nicea! :up:

Mr. Miyagi
12-05-2006, 09:16 PM
You wouldn't know a good round if it hit you in your egg roll.
Yes I would.

Last night with Mrs. Log was also a good round.

She backed right into me in my egg roll. :hump:

Topdog
12-05-2006, 09:25 PM
Yes I would.

Last night with Mrs. Log was also a good round.

She backed right into me in my egg roll. :hump:
Shame your egg roll was soft boiled!

She might have enjoyed it!

Mr. Miyagi
12-05-2006, 09:29 PM
Shame your egg roll was soft boiled!

She might have enjoyed it!
I didn't enter the insult contest. What's with the ganging up on Miyagi? :mad:

lordofgun
12-05-2006, 09:30 PM
Shame your egg roll was soft boiled!

She might have enjoyed it!

Doubt it. She's not a lesbian. :D

Topdog
12-05-2006, 09:30 PM
Are you sure ... she is Married to you know who!

SABURZFAN
12-05-2006, 09:32 PM
I didn't enter the insult contest. What's with the ganging up on Miyagi? :mad:


they're blaming you for their pets missing.how'd they taste?

Topdog
12-05-2006, 09:36 PM
they're blaming you for their pets missing.how'd they taste?

Anyone seen F_L's cat?

hammerbillsfan
12-05-2006, 09:50 PM
Anyone seen F_L's cat?

check the BBQ

Kerr
12-05-2006, 10:50 PM
Op came to fight just like the fighting irishman in his avatar.

Mr. Miyagi
12-06-2006, 02:40 AM
Anyone seen F_L's cat?
Check his pants.

THATHURMANATOR
12-06-2006, 09:41 AM
This one was so mean spirited that I got Scared....

OpIv37
12-06-2006, 10:41 AM
Woo-hoo! I win!


Good match, Dozer.

The King
12-06-2006, 10:43 AM
The hand in the pants mouse joke was the clincher.

Kerr
12-06-2006, 10:50 AM
Woo-hoo! I win!


Good match, Dozer.

Congrats man.

Forward_Lateral
12-06-2006, 12:33 PM
I don't think Dozer's heart was in this competiton. I expected more of a fight from him.

OPI made me laugh out loud, literally with one of his barrages.

Mr.Reality
12-16-2006, 10:57 PM
Speaking of walking, you should do a little more of it. You have the body of someone who attempted the supermodel "binge and purge" diet but forgot the "purge" step. If you ever lose the remote, check your fat rolls, because it's probably hidden in there along with an Atari controller and a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers from 4 years ago. In fact, you're such a slob that when you took your sex tourism trip to Thailand, the 11-year-old male prostitutes said "No" in English for the first time ever.
:rofl:

That's just so retarded and stream of conscience that it's funny.

Mr.Reality
12-16-2006, 10:59 PM
You are the dumbest ****ing retard when it comes to football. This phony outrage has to be an act. If it is, I gotta give you props. It's brilliant on an Andy Kauffman type level. It's so outrageous and over the top I can't wait to read it. It cheers me up after a loss. I'm squirting tears every time.
:rofl:

Mr.Reality
12-16-2006, 11:03 PM
Uncle Mmmrpht
:lmao:

Good usage of the free style format.