FINAL Round 1: OpIv37 Defeats Dozer 15-6

[Devin]

ROUND 1: Dozer vs. OpIv37

Round 1 will be freestyle. Do whatever the you want. Just make sure it's funny and insulting. And please refer to the rules in the sticky thread if you have any questions.

Each contestant will take turns insulting each other. This round will consist of 3 turns each. Don't post out of order, while there is no time limit we are working on a shorter time table so if no post is made within a reasonable amount of time I will move the match along.

Dozer is up first.

[Dozerdog]

I'll start off with the worst joke ever.



A Pedophile drags a child into some dark, spooky, isolated woods. The kid is kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs.



OP tells the kid "I don't know why you are so scared. I'm the one who has to walk out of here by myself"

[OpIv37]

Speaking of walking, you should do a little more of it. You have the body of someone who attempted the supermodel "binge and purge" diet but forgot the "purge" step. If you ever lose the remote, check your fat rolls, because it's probably hidden in there along with an Atari controller and a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers from 4 years ago. In fact, you're such a slob that when you took your sex tourism trip to Thailand, the 11-year-old male prostitutes said "No" in English for the first time ever.

[Dozerdog]

OP- please- this is a contest. Treat me like the "soccer mom with a stroller in front of you at the mall parking lot" ***** that I am.

You are the dumbest ****ing ****** when it comes to football. This phony outrage has to be an act. If it is, I gotta give you props. It's brilliant on an Andy Kauffman type level. It's so outrageous and over the top I can't wait to read it. It cheers me up after a loss. I'm squirting tears every time.

Please put up a decent fight in this contesr, ...mmmmmmkay?

Granted, I'm no Notre Dame vs Army/ Navy/ Coast Guard/ TSA acadamy to get into a bowl game, but put up your gloves and defend yourself, man!


Maybe let Dora type. At least she's scary when she's mad.

[OpIv37]

An Andy Kauffman reference? That's topical- a comedian that died 20 years ago. Of course, 20 years ago was also the last time you got a REAL blow job (making your dog's ass look like a face and putting your miniscule c*ck in the "mouth" doesn't count as a BJ, regardless of what you say).

Of course, with that pear-shaped body and a hairline receding faster than the French army at the sight of a 14 year old with a slingshot, I guess you have to take what you can get. Nothing says "sex symbol" like a fat, balding NASCAR fan. All you need is a personalized belt buckle, a John Deere mesh cap and a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and you'll be the pride of the trailer park.

[Dozerdog]

Fat, bald, getting no sex in a trailer park.....did you google the last 4 insult contests for material? 2 insults and you are scraping the bottom of the barrel already. Can't wait for the short bus & you work at McDonalds smack.

Let me write your jokes for you.

I'm fat. My wife thinks I'm an idiot. I can't type I have the letter "F" stamped under "Sex" on my driver's license. I'm joining a sorority this month. I help run a web site to bring together the most socially inept and awkward people on the planet. I just re-gifted my "Brokeback Mountain" DVD today.

Now, with all that.....- go to work ya angry drunken Irish wannabe turd burgler

[OpIv37]

Great work there- an entire post and you didn't even bother to insult me until the last half sentence. You're so incompetent that you can't even do an insult tournament properly. I probably shouldn't expect anything too intelligent from a Red Sox fan- you guys are the idiots who chant "Let's Go Red Sox!" at football games.

And speaking of stolen material, I saw 8 mile too- the "steal your opponent's thunder" approach isn't going to work with me.

Has your wife ever even had an orgasm? I asked her and she didn't even know, due to the fact she has to wash GHB down with vodka before she can **** you. That's right- you've forced your wife to be the first woman in history to date rape herself.

Of course, your sexual inadequacy isn't entirely your fault. It can mostly be blamed on your Uncle Mmmrpht. You called him that because when you were a kid, he would always take his pants of in front of you and you'd say "But I don't want to put that in my mouth, Uncle Mmmrpht *gag* *cough* Mmmrpht."

And I wouldn't want to disappoint you by failing to include a fat joke, so put down the twinkies and go visit http://www.jennycraig.com/, that is if you can take your hand out of your pants long enough to use the mouse.

[lordofgun]

Nice job, guys!

[Mr. Miyagi]

That was a good round! :bf1:

[lordofgun]

You wouldn't know a good round if it hit you in your egg roll.

[hammerbillsfan]

Very nicea! :up:

[Mr. Miyagi]

You wouldn't know a good round if it hit you in your egg roll.
Yes I would.

Last night with Mrs. Log was also a good round.

She backed right into me in my egg roll. :hump:

[Topdog]

Yes I would.

Last night with Mrs. Log was also a good round.

She backed right into me in my egg roll. :hump:
Shame your egg roll was soft boiled!

She might have enjoyed it!

[Mr. Miyagi]

Shame your egg roll was soft boiled!

She might have enjoyed it!
I didn't enter the insult contest. What's with the ganging up on Miyagi? :mad:

[lordofgun]

Shame your egg roll was soft boiled!

She might have enjoyed it!

Doubt it. She's not a lesbian. :D

[Topdog]

Are you sure ... she is Married to you know who!

[SABURZFAN]

I didn't enter the insult contest. What's with the ganging up on Miyagi? :mad:


they're blaming you for their pets missing.how'd they taste?

[Topdog]

they're blaming you for their pets missing.how'd they taste?

Anyone seen F_L's cat?

[hammerbillsfan]

Anyone seen F_L's cat?

check the BBQ

[Kerr]

Op came to fight just like the fighting irishman in his avatar.

[Mr. Miyagi]

Anyone seen F_L's cat?
Check his pants.

[THATHURMANATOR]

This one was so mean spirited that I got Scared....

[OpIv37]

Woo-hoo! I win!


Good match, Dozer.

[The King]

The hand in the pants mouse joke was the clincher.

[Kerr]

Woo-hoo! I win!


Good match, Dozer.

Congrats man.

[Forward_Lateral]

I don't think Dozer's heart was in this competiton. I expected more of a fight from him.

OPI made me laugh out loud, literally with one of his barrages.

[Mr.Reality]

Speaking of walking, you should do a little more of it. You have the body of someone who attempted the supermodel "binge and purge" diet but forgot the "purge" step. If you ever lose the remote, check your fat rolls, because it's probably hidden in there along with an Atari controller and a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers from 4 years ago. In fact, you're such a slob that when you took your sex tourism trip to Thailand, the 11-year-old male prostitutes said "No" in English for the first time ever.
:rofl:

That's just so ******ed and stream of conscience that it's funny.

[Mr.Reality]

You are the dumbest ****ing ****** when it comes to football. This phony outrage has to be an act. If it is, I gotta give you props. It's brilliant on an Andy Kauffman type level. It's so outrageous and over the top I can't wait to read it. It cheers me up after a loss. I'm squirting tears every time.
:rofl:

[Mr.Reality]

Uncle Mmmrpht
:lmao:

Good usage of the free style format.