FINAL Round 1: Forward_Lateral Defeats Honey 18-13

[Devin]

ROUND 1: Forward_Lateral vs. Honey

Round 1 will be freestyle. Do whatever the you want. Just make sure it's funny and insulting. And please refer to the rules in the sticky thread if you have any questions.

Each contestant will take turns insulting each other. This round will consist of 3 turns each. Don't post out of order, while there is no time limit we are working on a shorter time table so if no post is made within a reasonable amount of time I will move the match along.

Forward_Lateral is up first.

[Forward_Lateral]

You'll have to excuse Honey, she's busy auditioning for the new Queen video for "Fat Bottomed Girls".
Hey Honey, how's the husband? I sort of feel sorry for you, being married to someone who looks like a cross between Santa Clause and Jerry Garcia. Actually, I don't, its hard to feel sorry for someone who looks like a blow-fish on crack. Your the only person I know who's stairmaster has an ash-tray attatched to it.
Long night last night Honey? I bet it's hard to mate when you've had 3 boxes of wine and 2 bottled of Boone's Cherry Red. I'm sure TD has to drink that much just so he can muster up the courage to see you nude. I heard it looks like you have 4 arms when you take your shirt and bra off. Nice. The last time I saw hooters that saggy was when I accidently walked in on my Grandmother changing.
Funny story TD told me about Honey the other day. He said when they first met, they went back to his place, and he was going down on her, and something smelled horribly bad. He asked Honey what it was, and she said, "Oh I forgot to tell you, I have arthritis." TD was a bit confused, he said "In your vagina? How do you get arthritis in your vagina?". Honey then said "No, I have arthritis in my shoulders, I haven't been able to wipe my ass in 3 years!" Nice. Fresh. Might want to invest in a douche bag, oh wait, you are already married to one!
OK, your turn, Mrs. Clause-Garcia.

[honey]

Hey, F_L! Is your cat still s**ting all over your house? You know, if you didn't spend all your time giving her rimjobs and ATM's she'd probably settle down and learn to use the litter box. Your wife might appreciate a little bit of that attention you give your pets. The neighbors are getting tired of taking up your slack. Instead of calling you "Forward_Lateral" they refer to you as the "Feline_Laxitive".

Did your buddy ever figure out that it was you who gave his kids that ex-lax candybar? I hear you like your beer - up your ass, that is. Then do you drink the beer? Kind of like giving yourself an ATM???? I suppose you'd nickname the beer "Feces_Lager". Talk about self-gratification! Sounds pretty sh**ty to me!

Anyway - good luck on your new promotion in the circumcision ward at the hospital! 50 skins a week and all you can eat! At least you're making a move in the right direction. I hear you're making real headway there!

[Forward_Lateral]

Hey, F_L! Is your cat still s**ting all over your house? You know, if you didn't spend all your time giving her rimjobs and ATM's she'd probably settle down and learn to use the litter box. Your wife might appreciate a little bit of that attention you give your pets. The neighbors are getting tired of taking up your slack. Instead of calling you "Forward_Lateral" they refer to you as the "Feline_Laxitive".


Good alliterations. Impressive. I bet it took you 4 hours to come up with those, or did your half-******ed husband help you out? I can just see you to nimrods standing by the computer screen giggling and jumping around like a couple of inbred monkies. Felin_Laxitive, that's a good one, at least I'm not hung like a feline, like your better half. I call him the better half, because it's not hard to be better when your other half ate paint chips growing up, and has been rear-ended more than Michael Waltrip in her lifetime.




Did your buddy ever figure out that it was you who gave his kids that ex-lax candybar? I hear you like your beer - up your ass, that is. Then do you drink the beer? Kind of like giving yourself an ATM???? I suppose you'd nickname the beer "Feces_Lager". Talk about self-gratification! Sounds pretty sh**ty to me!


This coming from someone who thinks a night of entertainment involves a galon of axle-grease, a plunger, and a bag of feathers.
Another impressive alleteration "Feces_Lager". Good one. Did mongo come up with that one too? I wonder if you put both of your IQs together if it would combine to equal double digits? Your teeth combined sure wouldn't.



Anyway - good luck on your new promotion in the circumcision ward at the hospital! 50 skins a week and all you can eat! At least you're making a move in the right direction. I hear you're making real headway there!

:rofl: It beats your job as a walking sperm bank. I hear you are having that surgery to have a paper towel rack and hand cream dispenser installed on your ass. Makes it easier for all the pump and dumps I suppose. Nice work, cumzilla.

[honey]

First and foremost (an alliteration):

al·lit·er·a·tion http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/edu/ref/ahd/t/pron.jpg (http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/pronounce;_ylt=Auhej5TJ1Yn5iV7IWcBjhYKugMMF?id=A0213000&path=prons/A0213000.wav) (http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/edu/ref/ahd/s/schwa.gif-lhttp://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/edu/ref/ahd/s/ibreve.gifthttp://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/edu/ref/ahd/s/lprime.gifhttp://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/edu/ref/ahd/s/schwa.gif-rhttp://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/edu/ref/ahd/s/amacr.gifhttp://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/edu/ref/ahd/s/prime.gifshhttp://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/edu/ref/ahd/s/schwa.gifn) KEY (http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/pronunciation_key;_ylt=AlcHXCDwrYUFK_qknK.ieequgMMF)

NOUN:
<dl><dd> The repetition of the same sounds or of the same kinds of sounds at the beginning of words or in stressed syllables, as in "on scrolls of silver snowy sentences" (Hart Crane). Modern alliteration is predominantly consonantal; certain literary traditions, such as Old English verse, also alliterate using vowel sounds. </dd></dl>If you weren't illiterate you'd know how to use the word alliterate properly. Dumbass.

Asses seem to be an obsession with you. Most likely because when you stick your pee-pee into a real woman she can't feel it - kinda like a safety pin in a donut hole - and you have to resort to the dirt road. Maybe that's why you have to screw your cat - she can probably at least feel something. Oh, wait! It's YOU who wants to feel something.

I don't have any idea about paper towels and hand cream dispensers, but you seem to have an intimate relationship with them. Were those items on your Secret Santa wish list?

Speaking of penises....do you even know what yours looks like? How can you possibly even see it under that watermelon you call your 6-pack? More like a keg, if you ask me, and not a pony keg at that! Of course, yours is so small you wouldn't be able to see it even if you didn't have a gut the size of a small car. Probably takes you all morning just to figure out where to look for it. Keep on eating there, tubbo!

[Forward_Lateral]

Tell me Honey, is the "Wide Load" sign still on the back of your house, or did you transfer it to your ass?

Thanks for the grammar lesson, dingleberry. I haven't been that bored since I watched an episode of Scrubs. Must've taken you 8 hours to find that definition online, eh? Good one.

As for genitals go, I've heard that having sex with you is like sticking your dick in a bucket of warm water, or was it like throwing a hot dog down a hall way? Either way, that's one banged up labia. You might want to get a labia-plasty, or at least get the doc to throw a few stiches in there.

Since we are discussing Wish Lists, what's on yours? The usual can of paint thinner and a drum of used motor oil? Top Dog going to take you out to dinner at Denney's? Or maybe your going to take another all-inclusive vacation to the dump?

Anyways I'll let you get back to helping TopDog put the empties on the tree. Have fun, you ***-gargling jizz dumpster.

[honey]

English wasn't your strong suit in school, was it? A grammar lesson? Try vocabulary lesson. :rofl:

Since I don't have a dick, I wouldn't have a clue as to what sticking it in a bucket of warm water or throwing it down a hallway would be like. Sounds like you do, though. I've heard your wife says that when you were circumcised the biggest part of your dick got tossed into the ashtray.

You'll have to excuse F_L, folks. I just caught him stealing some sort of device called "Pump It Up" to try out tonight. I guess Viagra, Cialis and Levitra (his idea of a threesome) don't work on him. He needs that pump-up-dolly to get him off. The cops just drug him off to jail, so I guess he may have a little fun tonight after all! When the biker dudes get done with him, his "dirt road" will be more like an "interstate"! Good luck with that, assboy! 'Bout time you had a little fun!

In conclusion, life has it's little ups and downs. In F_L's life experiences, he has lots of big downs and very "little" ups.

[Devin]

Good battle guys and gals, time for the vote!

[Kerr]

<table id="post1755429" class="tborder" align="center" border="0" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tbody><tr valign="top"><td class="alt1" id="td_post_1755429">"Have fun, you ***-gargling jizz dumpster".

lol

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[honey]

Great job, F_L. You were awesome! :up:

[clumping platelets]

Tough one :huh:

[Topdog]

<table id="post1755429" class="tborder" align="center" border="0" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tbody><tr valign="top"><td class="alt1" id="td_post_1755429">"Have fun, you ***-gargling jizz dumpster".

lol

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I shoot animals that show more brains then some here do!

[Forward_Lateral]

Good job Honey!

[YardRat]

Did honey actually use the term 'pee-pee'?

[Dude]

You took the words out of my mouth, Yardie. How can you use "pee-pee" in an insult tournament???

[LtFinFan66]

Damn, Fat Tony was considering settiing Honey's Odds of winning this one at 10-1. There could have been bank to be made

[Topdog]

Did honey actually use the term 'pee-pee'?

I think she wanted to make sure F_L knew what she was talking about! :chuckle:

[LtFinFan66]

so she dumbed it down :idunno:

[Forward_Lateral]

Looks like the fix is in. :down:

[Topdog]

I guess thats a good choice of words! :lol:

[LtFinFan66]

No room for bitterness here!

[The_Philster]

Too close to call, IMO

[Kerr]

Looks like the fix is in. :down:

That's an understatement.

[Kerr]

I shoot animals that show more brains then some here do!

1)than, not then

2) don't shoot them because they're smarter than you.

[LtFinFan66]

boo:down:

[Forward_Lateral]

Good match, Top Dog, I mean Honey. :snicker:

[Topdog]

Wasn't me, I'd of Wooped Ya!

[Topdog]

I kept telling her to get into the Gutter!, but she just wouldn't climb into the Sespool with the rest!of the contestants, only wanted to lift the lid!!

[Mr. Miyagi]

I kept telling her to get into the Gutter!, but she just wouldn't climb into the Sespool with the rest!of the contestants, only wanted to lift the lid!!
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigt :up:

[Forward_Lateral]

You thought I was mean to honey, you haven't seen anything yet. I held back because I like her, it could've been much more vulgar and insulting.

[Topdog]

She just not as Crude and Rude as the rest of us!

[Mr. Miyagi]

She just not as Crude and Rude as the rest of us!
That's the truth!

[PUCKER]

"Feline_Laxitive". :lmao:

[Mr.Reality]

Hey, F_L! Is your cat still s**ting all over your house? You know, if you didn't spend all your time giving her rimjobs and ATM's she'd probably settle down and learn to use the litter box.
Is this true, FL?

[LtFinFan66]

:popcorn: