Historian
12-14-2006, 05:50 AM
On this date in fishtory…<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
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1969- Linebacker Nick Buonconti was traded from the Boston Patriots to Miami, starting the fish tradition of small, slow, talentless, white middle linebackers that is still carried on today.
1971- The Fish draft QB Joe Theisman who opts to play in Canada over becomming a fish.<o:p></o:p>
1974- Almost 12 months after nearly losing Super Bowl VII, due to Garo' Yepremian's ill timed throw, Garo was asked to comment on the play, in which he responded..."I keeek!"
<o:p>Coach Shula, not able to fine kicker Garo Yepremian for his ill timed throw in Super Bowl VII that almost cost them the game, instead fines him his entire game check, for having as he calls it, "the ugliest mutton chop sideburns" in the league.
<o:p>1975- The Orange Bowl gets a facelift! Due to the impending Super Bowl to be played there in January 1976, Miami city officials replace the crummy, uncomfortable, wooden bench end zone seats, with crummy, uncomfortable, aluminum bench end zone seats.</o:p>
<o:p> <o:p></o:p></o:p>
</o:p>1977- Dolphin Denny was arrested outside the Orange Bowl for cross dressing in orange.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>1979- Manny Fernandez gets law degree and passes the bar, so as to defend his to ex-teammates.<o:p></o:p>
1980- After being convicted of cocaine trafficking, Mercury Morris gets his first job banging out license plates in Florida's Raford Prison.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>1981- Lawrence Phillips steals his first automobile.<o:p></o:p>
1982- In a pre-bowl interview, responding to allegations that he did drugs during all four years of eligibility at Pitt, Dan Marino replied..."Huh?"
1983- After losing a game in New England the previous season 3-0 because of a convict sweeping the field with a snowplow, Don Shula puts forth to the competition committee at the Winter meetings, a proposal that would ban snowplows in all stadiums North of Havana.
1983- Huddles, the dolphin mascott, was assaulted outside the Orange Bowl, by irate fans who just watch the fish lose to the Bills in overtime, 38-35.
1984- Coach Don Shula waives QB David Woodley, stating he was making the cut, because Woodley's passing e"fish"iency stunk.
1985- The NFL forces Strock to retire due to the fact that he has reached the league's mandatory retirement age.
1986- Uwe Von Schmamman is deported as it is discovered that he is really a Nazi, snuck into the country from Paraguay.
<o:p></o:p>
1988- The fish consider drafting Eric Kumerow, causing ESPN anylists mumble.... "Who?"
1989- After a disappointing 6-10 campaign in 1988, Dan Marino decides to "get serious" about football, and cuts off his blonde afro.
1990- Running Back Sammie Smith checks himself into a Miami psych ward, for feelings of inadequacy, stemming from a game versus the Oilers, where after a second fumble, he was greeted with a chorus of "Sammie Sucks!!!" as he walked to the bench.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
1993- Irate fish fans hold a demonstration outside No Pro Bowl Player Stadium, to protest the filming of Ace Marino, Fish Defective. Picketers are incensed about the name of the dolphin in the movie. Fish fans had thought the name "Snowflake" was actually an ironic reference to the fact that there was no snow skiing in South Florida. However, they became outraged when the film's producers let it slip on AM Miami, that "Snowflake" was actually a pseudo-cryptic reference to Miami's booming cocaine trade.
<o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p>1994- Center Tim Ruddy actually wears wife’s underwear in a game for luck.
1995- Bernie Parmalee is offered more money to drive for UPS than to play running back for the fish.
1996- Don Shulas new duties with the fish include cleaning Jimmy Johnson's hair brush, and emptying his office wastepaper basket.<o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
1996- Jimmy Johnson, after just stealing the head coaching job from Don Shula, proclaimes that his fish will win the Super Bowl that year. They finish 8-8.
1997- Team o-fish-ials announce that they are adding highlights of blue to the fish's jerseys and helmets. When asked why the change, one o-fish-ial said, "When we wore our ugly, old throwback uniforms for "Throwback Weekend" in 1994, we realized <o:p></o:p>
that they were the same ugly uniforms that we wear now." "Besides", he added, <o:p></o:p>
"Wanny thinks it looks more masculine."<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
1998- The League investigates Marinos Blockbuster ads, charging that they violate not only the NFL salary cap, but the boundries of good taste as well.
2001- Since Miami han't enough money under the salary cap to give end Jason Taylor a suitable signing bonus, Zack Thomas offers Taylor his sister instead.
<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p>
2003- Confederate flags are banned at No Pro Bowl Player Stadium, much to the dismay of their trailer park trash fans.
2005- Team o-fish-als raise the parking rate for swamp buggies from 15 to twenty dollars at No Pro Bowl Player Stadium.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
1969- Linebacker Nick Buonconti was traded from the Boston Patriots to Miami, starting the fish tradition of small, slow, talentless, white middle linebackers that is still carried on today.
1971- The Fish draft QB Joe Theisman who opts to play in Canada over becomming a fish.<o:p></o:p>
1974- Almost 12 months after nearly losing Super Bowl VII, due to Garo' Yepremian's ill timed throw, Garo was asked to comment on the play, in which he responded..."I keeek!"
<o:p>Coach Shula, not able to fine kicker Garo Yepremian for his ill timed throw in Super Bowl VII that almost cost them the game, instead fines him his entire game check, for having as he calls it, "the ugliest mutton chop sideburns" in the league.
<o:p>1975- The Orange Bowl gets a facelift! Due to the impending Super Bowl to be played there in January 1976, Miami city officials replace the crummy, uncomfortable, wooden bench end zone seats, with crummy, uncomfortable, aluminum bench end zone seats.</o:p>
<o:p> <o:p></o:p></o:p>
</o:p>1977- Dolphin Denny was arrested outside the Orange Bowl for cross dressing in orange.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>1979- Manny Fernandez gets law degree and passes the bar, so as to defend his to ex-teammates.<o:p></o:p>
1980- After being convicted of cocaine trafficking, Mercury Morris gets his first job banging out license plates in Florida's Raford Prison.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>1981- Lawrence Phillips steals his first automobile.<o:p></o:p>
1982- In a pre-bowl interview, responding to allegations that he did drugs during all four years of eligibility at Pitt, Dan Marino replied..."Huh?"
1983- After losing a game in New England the previous season 3-0 because of a convict sweeping the field with a snowplow, Don Shula puts forth to the competition committee at the Winter meetings, a proposal that would ban snowplows in all stadiums North of Havana.
1983- Huddles, the dolphin mascott, was assaulted outside the Orange Bowl, by irate fans who just watch the fish lose to the Bills in overtime, 38-35.
1984- Coach Don Shula waives QB David Woodley, stating he was making the cut, because Woodley's passing e"fish"iency stunk.
1985- The NFL forces Strock to retire due to the fact that he has reached the league's mandatory retirement age.
1986- Uwe Von Schmamman is deported as it is discovered that he is really a Nazi, snuck into the country from Paraguay.
<o:p></o:p>
1988- The fish consider drafting Eric Kumerow, causing ESPN anylists mumble.... "Who?"
1989- After a disappointing 6-10 campaign in 1988, Dan Marino decides to "get serious" about football, and cuts off his blonde afro.
1990- Running Back Sammie Smith checks himself into a Miami psych ward, for feelings of inadequacy, stemming from a game versus the Oilers, where after a second fumble, he was greeted with a chorus of "Sammie Sucks!!!" as he walked to the bench.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
1993- Irate fish fans hold a demonstration outside No Pro Bowl Player Stadium, to protest the filming of Ace Marino, Fish Defective. Picketers are incensed about the name of the dolphin in the movie. Fish fans had thought the name "Snowflake" was actually an ironic reference to the fact that there was no snow skiing in South Florida. However, they became outraged when the film's producers let it slip on AM Miami, that "Snowflake" was actually a pseudo-cryptic reference to Miami's booming cocaine trade.
<o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p>1994- Center Tim Ruddy actually wears wife’s underwear in a game for luck.
1995- Bernie Parmalee is offered more money to drive for UPS than to play running back for the fish.
1996- Don Shulas new duties with the fish include cleaning Jimmy Johnson's hair brush, and emptying his office wastepaper basket.<o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
1996- Jimmy Johnson, after just stealing the head coaching job from Don Shula, proclaimes that his fish will win the Super Bowl that year. They finish 8-8.
1997- Team o-fish-ials announce that they are adding highlights of blue to the fish's jerseys and helmets. When asked why the change, one o-fish-ial said, "When we wore our ugly, old throwback uniforms for "Throwback Weekend" in 1994, we realized <o:p></o:p>
that they were the same ugly uniforms that we wear now." "Besides", he added, <o:p></o:p>
"Wanny thinks it looks more masculine."<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
1998- The League investigates Marinos Blockbuster ads, charging that they violate not only the NFL salary cap, but the boundries of good taste as well.
2001- Since Miami han't enough money under the salary cap to give end Jason Taylor a suitable signing bonus, Zack Thomas offers Taylor his sister instead.
<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p>
2003- Confederate flags are banned at No Pro Bowl Player Stadium, much to the dismay of their trailer park trash fans.
2005- Team o-fish-als raise the parking rate for swamp buggies from 15 to twenty dollars at No Pro Bowl Player Stadium.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>