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View Full Version : FINAL: Round 1: MissBuffalo defeats Earthquake Enyart 17-5



lordofgun
05-11-2003, 11:14 PM
Round 1: Earthquake Enyart vs. MissBuffalo

Round 1 will be freestyle. Do whatever the heck you want. Just make sure it's funny and insulting.

Each contestant will take turns insulting each other. This round will consist of 6 turns apiece.

Earthquake Enyart will go first.

Earthquake Enyart
05-12-2003, 08:12 AM
I can't believe I'm paired up against the lovely MissB. But I know she will be ready to strap it up and go for it.

The one good thing about playing goal in field hockey is that you have no fear of getting dirty diving for the loose balls. You have plenty of volunteers ready to "wash" your backside in the shower afterwards.

MissBuffalo
05-12-2003, 03:36 PM
Well, well, well!!! This should be interesting.

I knew you'd know all about washed backsides, ever since your kids put you in Wild Achres Nursing home. I know it's hard to wash yourself honey, old age does that to a person. And poor EE has a tough time standing in the shower and the Nursing Home Attendents have no idea how to help this ancient, decrepited man. I've got just the product to help them out:

The Adjustable Shower Seat with Removable Back (you know, for the backside)

http://www.vitalitymedical.com/isroot/Stores/VitalityMedical/piclg/CEXB65601.jpg

Extra large 25(1/4)"W x 20"D seat adjusts from 18(1/2)" to 23(1/2)"H and is ideal for anyone requiring a larger seating area. Leg levelers ensure custom, firm fit with tub or shower floor without wobble. Built-in drainage holes, hand-held shower holder and convenient carry handles. Assembles and disassembles quickly without tools for easy transport and storage. Sturdy, monoblock construction has no metal parts to corrode.

Earthquake Enyart
05-13-2003, 07:13 AM
Let me get this straight......

You live with a guy and decide to move, he not only doesn't try to convince you to stay, but he won't help you move either. Basically, don't let the door hit your ghetto booty on the way out.

You use your journalism degree to work in a mail room. Gee, the matchbook cover lied about the worth of their degrees. You should have drawn the parrot instead.

You try to get a job in law enforcement even though you have as much chance of passing a urine test as Darryl Strawberry.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

MissBuffalo
05-13-2003, 01:22 PM
Finally you get one thing straight and it isn't your sexuality. I know patroling mens bathrooms at the local park is your idea of an exciting weekend, but I heard paint chips may contain lead and your ass checks are more speckled than the glitter room walls. Besides, your pick up line "May I push in your stool?" would probably work better in a bar Miss Fluffquake Buttart.

Fluffquake's 5 reasons to be Gay:

1. Because being called a "cheap slut" isn't an insult.
2. Because love handles are actually used as such.
3. He knows where to find a meat rack and it isn't in his kitchen drawer.
4. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower.
5. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity.

Earthquake Enyart
05-13-2003, 01:28 PM
Wow. That was weak. I would have thought someone who has spent so much time amonst the rug munchers would have better stuff than that.

Oh well. You are one lucky girl all right. Goodwill had glasses with your perscription. Your flair for fashion could be classified as Cheektowaga garage sale. Good thing young boys out grow their clothes so fast.

MissBuffalo
05-13-2003, 02:45 PM
LOL--At least a woman would let me munch her rug. Oh I know it's a tough thing to deal with and all, when I'm able to attract a beautiful woman and you, a man, is left digging for scraps. I can see why you've been uneasy lately. Rhonda, the toothless, flab encrusted prostitute hasn't been returning your calls. Maybe it's because that feces stained cardboard box you laid down behind the dumpster just isn't her cup of tea anymore.

Earthquake Enyart
05-13-2003, 02:58 PM
Must be 420 there. That was about as coherent as a BOA post.

Since you can't write, let's do some math (maybe you missed your calling)...

field hockey + San Francisco + "roommate" + driving across country with another "lady" = what?

What's this: :tongue:

A lesbian with a hardon.

MissBuffalo
05-13-2003, 03:24 PM
:rofl: That's all?? I guess you really are Fluffquake. But hey, at least I can still get it up at will. Fantasizing about me and another woman will not help your impotency, nor will the pornographic pictures of teenage girls you have on your hardrive. I could suggest Viagra, or the generic form Mycoxaflopin, but I'm afriad that your little toothpick might explode. Look on the bright side though, the end is almost near for you, so the impotency shouldn't last too much longer.

Earthquake Enyart
05-13-2003, 03:31 PM
I can't believe I waited for that. And you call yourself a moderator. :snicker:

The purple haze is taking it's toll on you, hun. No job, no man, no rug muncher, the "magic wand" and the killer weed is a horribly depressing combination. Got any glue? Paint thinner?

Maybe you should start gambling. That's about the only vice left.

Look at the bright side, you can always get a job at Wegman's. They let any loser work there. Just like the zone.

MissBuffalo
05-13-2003, 06:24 PM
I know it hurts you that I don't have a job, having been unemployed yourself for over 20 years. I know you sold pencils out in front of the local mall, but I don't think that counts. The difference between us though is that I do have an education. Not being able to pass the 5th grade is where your problem lies. :idea:

And since I feel bad that you're so dumb, I've decided to help you with those confusing computer words you were having such a hard time with. I know you have trouble reading, so maybe the nursing home attendent can help you out:

A Hacker is not your Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking. It's someone who illegally tampers with info. in a computer system.

Byte is not what your pitbull done to cousin Jethro. It's a group of eight binary digits processed as a unit by a computer.

Megahertz is not how your head feels after 17 beers. It's a unit of frequency equal to one million hertz.

Modem is not what you do when the grass gets too high. It's a device that converts signals produced by one type of device to a form compatible with another.

And finally, my favorite Fluffquake computer term mistake:
The Internet is not where cafeteria workers put their hair. It's an electronic communications network that connects computer networks and organizational computer facilities around the world.

And while your at it, get the attendent to change that smelly, soiled depends diaper you're wearing. The fowl stench is really ruining what you have left of a brain.

Earthquake Enyart
05-14-2003, 06:18 AM
Wow, Pat teach you how to cut and paste?

Well, I have forgotten to congratulate you on your highest achievement in life to date, your promotion to Super Moderator. You have entered the hallowed halls that house several other noted geeks and nerds:

A guy who throws a football like a girl, showed up by a 9 year old. You can look forward to insightful feedback on your work, just like that he gave Eb….

“I heard all those jokes last year. You forgot to remind me to kill myself.

Since you brought up the subject of contribution to the site, let's discuss you. There isn't much positive to discuss, so let's go straight to all the things you suck at.

1. Up my flagpole: Quite simply, no one cares. It would be one thing if you were famous or at least if people knew who the crap you were. Then your opinion might mean something. No one cares that you're angry. No one cares what bugs you. All anyone cares is that you shut your hole.

2. Outside the Zone: Yet another column you started and quit. You keep saying how terrible everything is in Western NY. Well, Eb, it's because of people like you who start something and never finish it. It's because of people like you who complain, whine, and moan instead of getting off their rear end and actually make a difference. And no one cares about curling on a Bills Site. I shudder at the thought that we actually published that piece of crap. A BrianH and BillsOwnAll point-counterpoint article would be easier to read and comprehend.

3. You're a terrible mod. Hey Eb, instead of whining to the rest of the mods about how this person and that person are terrible, and how this and that broke the TOS, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You're about as effective now as you would be if you didn't own a computer. Thank God for Rent-A-Center, eh?”

A guy who brings a briefcase to the draft party, who can knock your sorry ass out with one or two punches (depending on his mood).

A guy selling wing sauce out of his basement in a place they don’t eat wings. “The stats don’t lie.”

A crybaby in every game he plays, wondering out loud why he can’t get a job even though he weighs 600 pounds.

A gap tooth slack jaw military “tomboy” whose only function I can tell is to “Welcome so and so”

A fat pansy who reports from his bed: “His long punts went high and far”

A guy who says he’s in Alaska, but is really from North Tonawanda

And a dog assed wise guy who says he gave up beer. “I have a box of Merlotr (sic), A box of Chardonay (sic), and a sangria in the fridge...LOL I'm getting trashed and healthy at the same time...


I bet Mama is busting with pride. I’ll tell her next time I see her on the refrigerator box.

Good luck. I’d say let the best man win, but that would give you an unfair advantage.

MissBuffalo
05-14-2003, 07:42 PM
Oh Fluffquake! I'd say that I'm disappointed in you after that last post, but that just seems to be the story of your life. One let down after another. Apparently you forgot (that dementia must be kicking in) the rules of the contest. Bashing my fellow moderators won't help you out in this one buddy. I have a feeling your a little jealous of what they've achieved in their lives. Let's take a closer look:

The guy and his briefcase--I know your major beef is not with the guy, but with his briefcase. The only "briefcase" you've ever had is of gonorrhea.

The guy selling wing sauce--Fluffquake has always wanted to start his own business. Too bad his idea of selling the recipe for ice cubes failed. You can always go back to selling pencils, right?

The crybaby--I know being emotionally inept is a problem for you Fluff, having been disgraced by the words of your parents for so many years, but maybe one day you'll overcome the "we wish we never had yous" and the "stop acting like a little sissys."

Gap tooth slack jawed military girl--It still bothers you, doesn't it?? The fact that the military saw you as too week and feeble to inlist. And just because toothless Rhonda didn't want to be your 50 second pounding pole doesn't mean you should disgrace a proud member of our military by comparing her to the love of your life.

Fat pansy who reports from his bed--Well, at least he can get some action in that bed. The last time you saw any action was right before the hand arthritis set in.

Guy in Alaska--Just because the farthest you've ever been from the nursing home is the local Piggly Wiggly, that shouldn't give you the right to mock someone with a sense of adventure. Try BINGO night next time, maybe that will give ya a boost.

Dog assed wise guy whose losing weight--I know how much you love big asses and I'm sorry that with his recent weight reduction you won't be able to get that mental picture to fantasize about anymore. It must be hard for you to deal with that obsession, but hey, at least something is hard for once.

And I'll say good luck also!!! You are right, I do have the unfair advantage: being more of a man as a woman than you'll ever be!

Fat Tony
05-14-2003, 07:58 PM
Polls are open for voting! Voting will close at 9 AM tomorrow


Great job, EE! Alienate the voters! :rofl:

Mr. Miyagi
05-14-2003, 07:59 PM
I know how I'm gonna vote. No freaking contest.

ArcticWildMan
05-14-2003, 08:03 PM
I'm disappointed in you EE. Your kinder, gentler side is so not you. :shakeno:

Gazoo
05-14-2003, 08:20 PM
Ladies first, using that logic though, it'd be a draw, so I'm going with Miss Buffalo!

SoCalBillsFan
05-14-2003, 09:53 PM
I abstain.

Earthquake Enyart
05-15-2003, 06:24 AM
I'm much better at improv than I am at standup.

What a crappy draw. I would have loved to tear in to some of the rest of you losers. :eek:

mybills
05-15-2003, 06:47 AM
I am SHOCKED at EE for sprouting angel wings, and I had no idea that Miss B's pitch fork was bigger than mine! :evil:

Way to go, girl!!! You got my vote! :D :up:

Earthquake Enyart
05-15-2003, 07:11 AM
I'd have loved to take a shot at you, you old bag.

mybills
05-15-2003, 07:22 AM
yeah, and the winner would get a bottle of Geritol!

Valerie
05-15-2003, 07:44 AM
Miss B, you were GREAT! :hi5: You killed him! I hope you make it all the way to the finals. :)

Dozerdog
05-15-2003, 08:02 AM
Originally posted by Earthquake Enyart
I'm much better at improv than I am at standup.

What a crappy draw. I would have loved to tear in to some of the rest of you losers. :eek:


Crappy draw? Don't blame the draw for Field hockey amd lesbian jokes.

You were weak from start to finish. It's not like you used "A" material and still got beat.

BOOOOOOOO!

Mr. Miyagi
05-15-2003, 08:06 AM
Miss B started a little slow, but when she warmed up she was unstoppable! Got EE ducking for covers!

Ebenezer
05-15-2003, 08:07 AM
EE, it is proper ettiquette to be nice to ladies...

BUT IT IS FAIR GAME TO BEAT THEM UP IN AN INSULT CONTEST


...and I did not bring a briefcase to the draft party...I don't even bring one to work. :chuckle:

Dozerdog
05-15-2003, 08:07 AM
This sums it up-

Ebenezer
05-15-2003, 08:08 AM
....and be thankful I forgot to vote...

Valerie
05-15-2003, 08:09 AM
Eb, Earthquake would've ripped me to shreds, woman or not. His problem was he's in love with Miss B and was thinking with the smaller of his two heads. lol

honey
05-15-2003, 08:11 AM
Originally posted by Jaded 7
Eb, Earthquake would've ripped me to shreds, woman or not. His problem was he's in love with Miss B and was thinking with the smaller of his two heads. lol

:rofl:

Earthquake Enyart
05-15-2003, 08:11 AM
Originally posted by Ebenezer
EE, it is proper ettiquette to be nice to ladies...

BUT IT IS FAIR GAME TO BEAT THEM UP IN AN INSULT CONTEST


...and I did not bring a briefcase to the draft party...I don't even bring one to work. :chuckle:

I didn't have the heart to thrash my survivor partner. We had a lot of fun during that contest.

But, c'mon.... Cheektowaga garage sale and goodwill glasses.....

I at least fouled a couple off before I struck out.. :ill:

Ebenezer
05-15-2003, 08:13 AM
EE, you should come up for the opener...

Michael82
05-15-2003, 10:50 AM
EE, If we knew you were going to throw the contest like a little baby girl....then we could have put you against someone else. BOA is more your style...and your age...isn't he? Oh wait...he's more of a man than you! Well, in this contest you truely proved that you are NOTHING but a :cry:ing, whiny :bigmike: PANSY! :evil: :snicker:

Good luck next year though. I'd love to face you! :snicker: :D

Ebenezer
05-15-2003, 10:53 AM
Mikey, EE would chew you up and spit you out...if you are so confident why didn't you sign up for this years??

Michael82
05-15-2003, 10:59 AM
LOL! Then why didn't he have the balls to at least do some trash talk against MissB? Is he her lover or something? :rolleyes:

:lol:

Anyways...I have been so busy with work, and have some other things going on in my life. I didn't have the time to do it this time and didn't find out about it until it was too late. :ontome:

Ebenezer
05-15-2003, 11:08 AM
stick with that one...too busy...said the man who overslept at training camp last year.

Earthquake Enyart
05-15-2003, 11:12 AM
Originally posted by Mike32282
EE, If we knew you were going to throw the contest like a little baby girl....then we could have put you against someone else. BOA is more your style...and your age...isn't he? Oh wait...he's more of a man than you! Well, in this contest you truely proved that you are NOTHING but a :cry:ing, whiny :bigmike: PANSY! :evil: :snicker:

Good luck next year though. I'd love to face you! :snicker: :D

Special death match???:snicker:

How many zonebucks ya got, punk?

lordofgun
05-15-2003, 11:14 AM
After the tourney, we should set up some special matchups by request just for the heck of it.

Ebenezer
05-15-2003, 11:15 AM
Oh, I'd pay to see that match...I'd even be willing to challange the winner.

Michael82
05-15-2003, 12:07 PM
I'd love to see QT.....errr....a...I mean Ebenezer and Clump go at it. That would be fun to watch! :D

Or maybe....Thurmanator and Thurmanatur. :snicker:

Or the grand finale.....Jaded7 AND Philster! :snicker: :evil:

:D

Ebenezer
05-15-2003, 12:18 PM
call me QT again and you'll wish you could run faster than a lawn mower.

Michael82
05-15-2003, 12:56 PM
:snicker:

ArcticWildMan
05-15-2003, 01:02 PM
Originally posted by Mike32282

Or the grand finale.....Jaded7 AND Philster! :snicker: :evil:

:D


:eek:

Cntrygal
05-15-2003, 01:25 PM
A gap tooth slack jaw military “tomboy” whose only function I can tell is to “Welcome so and so”

:lol:

Ebenezer
05-15-2003, 01:27 PM
yeah, but now she has to come hang around with us...and wait til we write about her!

Valerie
05-15-2003, 01:32 PM
Originally posted by Mike32282 Or the grand finale.....Jaded7 AND Philster! :snicker: :evil:

:D
I don't think so, Mike. I don't need anyone crying to the mods because I said something mean about them. :rolleyes:

Michael82
05-15-2003, 01:49 PM
Ouch!

Philster:loblo:Jaded

:evil:

The_Philster
05-15-2003, 03:02 PM
Originally posted by Jaded 7

I don't think so, Mike. I don't need anyone crying to the mods because I said something mean about them. :rolleyes:


I can take it when it's in fun and I already told you that before. :rolleyes: Some words just happen to be nasty and cutting to some people but they aren't to others.

Valerie
05-15-2003, 03:30 PM
Originally posted by The_Philster I can take it when it's in fun and I already told you that before. :rolleyes: Some words just happen to be nasty and cutting to some people but they aren't to others.
Yeah, me and everyone else. lol It sure didn't take you long to track down my post and comment on it. Don't worry, Phil, I'd NEVER take you on in an insult contest. I'd rather kill myself.

The_Philster
05-15-2003, 03:39 PM
Actually, when I get home, I check stuff forum by forum or do the New Posts thing...I rarely see any of your posts until after 4...and I get on around 3:50 if I come straight home.

Typ0
05-15-2003, 06:43 PM
Just wanted to stop by and thank EE for taking an even more thorough beating that I did.

mchurchfie
05-16-2003, 09:44 AM
EE..you fat :angry:ing pansey..how could you let a :angry:ing woman :angry:ing hand you your fat :angry:ing a$$ in a :angry:ing simplea$$ insult contest! You are a :angry:ing disgrace to mankind across the :angry:ing world. Now get back in the :angry:ing kitchen and finish making MissB her :angry:ing pie you fat :angry:ing softy!:bigmike: :D
:lol::church: