View Full Version : FINAL: Round 1: BillC defeats MyBills 17-8

05-11-2003, 11:27 PM
Round 1: BillC vs. MyBills

Round 1 will be freestyle. Do whatever the heck you want. Just make sure it's funny and insulting.

Each contestant will take turns insulting each other. This round will consist of 6 turns apiece.

BillC will go first.

05-12-2003, 12:02 AM
Good morning sunshine!

How was Mom's day? You know it's trouble when the only Mother's day card is a post-it-note from hubby saying "Gone fishing" One problem- he took $100 in singles for bait. The only poles he's seeing are the brass ones at the Foxy Lady. I didn't know they had a champaign room at the end of the docks.:huh:

Well, drag one of those kids in from the bus stop in front of your house to open those child proof caps on the meds.....because the best part of waking up is Robitussen in your cup!

HELPFUL HINT: Save those empty beer cans. They make great hair curlers ....pffft!......

Your turn, Gangsta kitty!

05-12-2003, 05:57 AM
Great, my first opponent/victim is a POSER!

I know you only think with your (little) head, so Iíll keep things simple so you can remember.

By the way, Iíd rather look at a dogís ass than your dick nose.

05-12-2003, 07:42 AM
Great....sexual humor from someone who's seen more ports and sailors than the US Navy.

Time to bring that Exxon Valdez ass of yours into dry dock for the annual barnacle scraping. You know, a couple coats of that marine paint willl prevent that from happening.

Me and my "little" head will light a cigar and supervise.

05-12-2003, 08:53 AM
Speaking of posers, I see youíre still posing for your constituents. You might want to refrain from describing your penis next time..

05-12-2003, 09:06 AM
I can't help it... I'm to sexy.......

Listen Lady. Next beer run to the packy (which should be within the hour) use the handicapped parking. They are wider and you won't nail the car door against another. And with that drunk induced stagger of yours, people will think you are a gimp and won't bother to check for the special plates on your El- Camino.

While your at it, get a pack of Marlboros for lunch.

05-12-2003, 09:24 AM
Try again, my epi pen hurts more than that.

I see you called me "lady"...I guess you CAN think with your bigger head sometimes. Will wonders ever cease?

I wouldn't need to walk all gimpy, I could just wear a mask of you. Hell, they might even offer vallet parking to get me IN and OUT.

05-12-2003, 09:36 AM
Epi Pen? Try duct tape.

Better yet, the home elecrolisys kit- It starts with a pair of jumper cables.

At the next Bills game you can shave D- Fense or the #11 in your back.... that would be cool. People would walk up to you looking for the zipper before they realized it wasn't an ape costume you got for halloween.

I'm suprised you got up out of bed.....well, actually, the couch..... just remember to give yourself a portugese shower (splash water into those furry pits of yours- you look like you have Don King and Willie Nelson in a headlock) and brush your tooth.

Make yourself feel "Purdy" pushing that vacuum cleaner (Bahhwhahahahah) ....yeah, right......

05-12-2003, 09:52 AM
I know youíre desperate to win this, but maybe itís just too difficult for you to type with **** in hand! Why donít you let the mouse nibble on that dead thing for a little while, so you can use both hands on the keyboard.

05-12-2003, 10:43 AM
Gimme a break. I gotta use both hands or I'll knock the lamp over on the table. I type with my feet.

Let's see what's on MyBill's day planner this afternoon.....

1 PM- Tatoo parlor. That ass of yours is beginning to look like a Stock Car with all the names and sponsors on it. Who needs the Cranston phone book when all you got to do is drop your ....(throws a bone to LoG) ....slacks!

2:30- Head to the Gym- Where else you going to find only used once towels? Beats doing laundry. I visualize you as a homely version of Peg Bundy.

3:00 - PTA meeting- It's a condition of the youngin's parole - orderd by the Juvie court.....damn cherry bombs in the toilets....

4:30- Swing by Olneyville to get gaggers for dinner.

(Guide to non Rhode Islanders- Olneyville-Providence slum
Gaggers- Hot dog type substance coated with diseased meat sauce)

No wonder you won "Mother of the Year"

05-12-2003, 11:41 AM
You're about as interesting as an infected fart, you have all the charisma of a vulgar canker sore, you have the athletic prowess of a stale pile of chit, and the only way you could get a woman wet, is if you sprayed her with a garden hose. So the next time you look in the mirror when try on Hillaryís earrings and you see that used sanitary napkin of a face staring back at you, just remember that you are subordinate to everybody else on the planet.

p.s. Botox isn't for dicks.

05-12-2003, 11:54 AM

Man, to think Japanese businessmen pay thousands of dollars to fly to Thailand to get abused, and All I had to do was fork over 5 zonebucks.:spank:

Thank you Mistress MyBills, may I have another? :gag::whip:Beat me, hurt me, make me write bad checks.

Speaking of farts- can you light one up for me? Does that cost extra?

Rats! The peep show booth door is closing! And I left the rest of my spare change in my pants ( I can't recall where those are either)!

CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!

*peep show booth blind closes with a thud*

oh well, time for a cuban............

05-12-2003, 06:17 PM
Dear Billy Bub,

I know I said I'd keep things simple so you'd understand, but are people from Arkansas really that stupid? That wasnít me you were peeping at, it was your cousin. Oh, and that change you thought you had jingling in your pocket was her diaper pins. Donít you remember that she asked you to hold them for her? Jeesh, and you say you donít inhale! :rolleyes:

Iím afraid the Cuban stogie smoke is getting to you, or itís the feces residue on it. Thatíll teach you not to stick it up your catís ass first. I donít know why you canít remember where you left your pants, and yet you never have trouble finding Socks. If youíre still looking for them, theyíre in the litter box. Socks dragged them in there...he canít seem to get enough of you. Is he another relative of yours?

By the way, Billy Bub, there is a difference between moonshine and cat piss. The moonshine doesnít have any hair around it.

Keep giving away those zone bucks there left nut, and your Uncle John Girl wonít sell any more of his high heel shoes or thongs to you. I know how much you like frilly things, so Iím returning the 5 that you gave to me.

Sorry I forgot about you the other day. I really meant to wish you a Happy Mother Fíers Day, but Iím sure you didnít forget her. How is she? Or should I ask, how was the ride? Did you remember to unhook the milking gadget this time?

I hope youíre taking care of yourself, I always worry that youíre going to pop an artery with that perma-grin of yours. No dumb ass, artery is not the study of paintings. Itís what rattles every time you take that Viagra crap.

In closing, Iíd like to advise you to pick up some Prozac before you crawl back under that swamp rock from once you came. Youíre gonna need it. I donít understand the ďhurt feelingsĒ warning at the start of this game, because Iím disappointed that I still donít feel insulted. But itís over, Billy Bub, you hicks canít handle non-relatives, let alone a Queen Yankee like me. To think you were once the president of this great nation, HA! This is the <i>last</i> capitol youíll ever see again -> <b>L</b>oser!

~Queen mybills~

05-12-2003, 06:41 PM
Good job! No hard feelings...best of luck! :up:

May the best jerk lose. (that would be you...hehehehe)

05-12-2003, 06:47 PM
Good round, and churchie's...I mean mybills' last insult was good :D But consistency is the name of the game, and Bill C had it. Great job to you both.

05-12-2003, 06:52 PM
Originally posted by BillC
Good job! No hard feelings...best of luck! :up:

May the best jerk lose. (that would be you...hehehehe)

Ditto! :D

socal, nobody else said anything about having to be consistant...I was wetting my feet as I didn't play last year, and had no idea how it worked. Oh well, if I lose I lose, no biggy! ;)

05-12-2003, 06:56 PM
that's the thing mybills..there really are no rules or anything. To some voters, consistency might not mean anything. One big insult might win it. Some people will vote for someone because they like seeing them get insulted even if they can't do it back. It's not an exact science.

For me, I thought Bill C was consistently funny and I want to see him advance. You did a great job and have nothing to be ashamed of, and that last one was really good :)

05-12-2003, 07:07 PM
OK, time to vote! Polls close at 9:15am eastern on tuesday morning.

05-12-2003, 07:08 PM
:up: mybills. Good job on the last post! :D

05-12-2003, 07:08 PM
You gotta keep the anger high, though, you know? :lol:

05-12-2003, 07:12 PM
mybills came on at the end but BillC blew out of the gate so fast it was hard to catch up...

05-12-2003, 07:18 PM
Strong finish by Mybills, but it was too little too late.

Mr. Miyagi
05-12-2003, 07:19 PM
I think mybills started out slow but came back very very strong.

05-12-2003, 08:05 PM
Now I'm insulted. This shouldn't be a landslide victory. Did ya vote fer yerself there, Billy Bub? :cynic:

05-12-2003, 08:25 PM
Noper. Won't vote unless it's tied with 1 minute left...:D

05-12-2003, 08:27 PM
Originally posted by mybills
Now I'm insulted. This shouldn't be a landslide victory. Did ya vote fer yerself there, Billy Bub? :cynic:

Now you are insulted? What was I doing all day? :rofl::bug:

05-12-2003, 08:30 PM
lol, like water off a duck's back :D

05-13-2003, 08:12 AM
And it's a final.

BillC - 17
MyBills - 8