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Today, self-promoting Christian Kurt Warner submitted a new proposal to the Cards for 2 years and $23 million.
Although I do not have the sources Mr. Moran does, I do have sources close to Jesus that says he fully endorses the new proposal. Jesus reportedly feels bad about putting all of his powers behind Ben Rothlesburger (Super Bowl winner) and Tim Tebow (BSC/NCAA Championship game winner) and ultimately leaving long-time friend Warner "up
creek" (my words, not Jesus'). It comes, therefore, as no surprise that Jesus is fully endorsing Warner's recent contract demands, stating to my source, to "get my Brother paid." Jesus, unlike most agents (who regularly take 3-5%) will take 10% of this new contract provided that Warner mentions Him before and after each game and twice within each televised interview. More importantly, Jesus' new contract with Warner requires that Warner's wife "keep her hair on and mouth shut."
The 49ers, who have reportedly offered more than the $23 million to Warner, are not endorsed by Team Jesus due to a conflict with "gays," "hippies," and "weirdos" that make up a large portion of the fan base.
On a related note, God still hates Buffalo and the Bills.
Happy Tuesday!
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