FINAL: SEMIFINALS: BillC defeats LOG 18-6

[lordofgun]

SEMIFINALS: BillC vs. LOG

Round 3 will be a combo round. It will consist of limericks, one-liners, yo' momma jokes, freestyle, and 8-mile.
<ul>
<li>By now you should know what a limerick is.
<li>A one-liner should be just one sentence long.
<li>Yo' momma jokes should be original, not looked up on the internet.
<li>8-mile style should be a rap-style rhyming insult. Medium length. You don't have to make up choruses and crap if you don't want. Just make it funny and insulting.
<li>FREESTYLE is anything you want.

There will be a total of 5 insult posts per contestant. Contestants will alternate posts in the fashion below:

Here is how the SEMIFINAL round will go:

1st post from each contestant: FreeStyle
2nd post from each contestant: yo' momma jokes
3rd post from each contestant: limerick
4th post from each contestant: one-liner
5th post from each contestant: 8-mile style

IMPORTANT: You should write ONLY what is instructed in each post, NOTHING ELSE! Voters should deduct points for any words typed or pictures inserted which are not a part of a limerick, one-liner, etc..

And remember, no editing your post once it's submitted!

LOG will go first. (smallest margin of victory in Round 1)

[lordofgun]

It's not easy insulting an alias. I mean seriously, have some cahones if you're going to play. If BillsOwnAll didn't hide behind an alias, you shouldn't need to.

But...

When a ****** named Dozerdog is behind the mask, it's easier.

When a walking tub of Crisco tries to insult you, it doesn't hurt as much.

When a "man" that's uglier than Eb and Patrick put together calls you names, it kinda just rolls off your back.

When a butt-face with a superiority complex rivaled only by the size of the blockage in his arteries "opens up a can of whoop-a$$", you tend to feel so sorry for the poor idiot, that you let him kick you a few times before you destroy him. Wouldn't want to damage his ego too severely.

When someone more than twice your age tries to insult you, it doesn't really bother you. He'll be dead soon anyway.

The guy's a harmless little bug.

So I'll let him feel all cozy and safe behind his BillC character while I methodically tear him to pieces.

Oh yeah, and since you all love homosexual jokes...

Dozer's gay.

[BillC]

Hey LoG-
What gave me away being Gay? Did my dick taste like S**t?


....'bout time you were a victim of your own cruel games.....

You FINALLY got around to fixing the multiple quote feature! How long was that, 4 months? Let me test it out for you and see if it works…..



Originally posted by mchurchfie
Log sucks, ‘nuff said :church:


Originally posted by Mike32282
BREAKING NEWS!!! - Log sucks!


Originally posted by Art Wander
Don’t get me started! - Log sucks!


Originally posted by honey
I’m Sorry, Log- but you suck!


Originally posted by The Historian

1992- Log sucked
1993- Log still sucked
1994- Log continued to suck
1995- Log sucked, but not as bad as he did in 1994
1996- Log’s suckiest year to date.
1997- Became the Buffalo Bills all time suck leader



Originally posted by BironsGirl43
OMG! Log sucks! LOL! :D


Originally posted by Shelby
That :angry:ing Log! He sucks copiously!


Originally posted by Earthquake Enyart
How Apropos. Log sucks……


Originally posted by Ebenezer
Things that I think suck…..

1) NASCAR
2) Joe Millionaire
3) Rap Music
4) Jennifer Aniston
5) Log


Originally posted by clumping platelets
Log :cp: Clump


Originally posted by Jaded 7
Hello my dear…

Thanks for not picking me up at the airport before the draft party……
You suck! :j7:


Originally posted by Patrick76777
Gawd! You really suck, man! Sucking this bad, I find it very hard to believe you never went to West Seneca West!


Originally posted by Brian H
You sucked so bad, I had to create my own site!


Originally posted by Ingtar33


lordofgun scouting report-

Footwork-sucks
40 time- sucked really bad
Cone drill- sucked. The cones won.
Vertical leap- You could barely slip 2 sheets of paper between his feet and the ground. That really sucks.
This guy couldn’t bench press a mop handle. You really have to suck to accomplish this.




Originally posted by The Cincinnati Bengals
With the first pick in the 2004 NFL Draft, we proudly select… from Elmira, NY….LordofGun!


Originally posted by Wys Guy
You suck more than Kevin Gilbride, Drew Bledsoe, and Willis McGahee combined!

Just look at the last two rounds. This blind faith of everyone on this board in your ability to insult people really baffles me. Take away the 2nd and 4th insult against Ebenezer in round one and there is no way your insults were remotely funny.

Another point of concern is your inability to hold a lead vs. Patrick in round 2. Three times you held a 4 vote lead only to surrender it late. This means only one thing! Your defensive coaching sucks. Until this is rectified, your insults will be marginal at best.


Originally posted by Tim Connolly
Welcome to Suckville



Originally posted by badspanish
El señor Lordofgun, yo nunca he visto que alguien chupa como este usted es un pollo.


Originally posted by bduff54
i think u suck wors than Mario in feberary


Originally posted by France
Monsieur LordofGun…

We enjoy your sense of humor. For your contributions to comedie’, we will award you with the Jerry Lewis Medal D’honour


Originally posted by Bogus Trumper
I want to bear your children



Originally posted by Mr Miyagi
You suck worse than diaper rash


Originally posted by Rick Serafin
You suck worse than www.sabresinsider.com


Originally posted by TypicalBill
You suck way the hell over here.


Originally posted by Al Jezeera
You are original, witty, and refreshing! A Breath of fresh air! Two Thumbs up!


Originally posted by Scott Peterson
Sucks being you.


Originally posted by Little Lordofgun Jr
Dad? Are you positive I don't look like the mailman?


Originally posted by Josh Mora
I hear you like gay jokes. What are you doing Friday night?


Originally posted by Chris Watson
Welcome to my world…..

[lordofgun]

Yo' momma looks like Jim Brinson with leprosy.

[BillC]

Ony one? Yo' Momma raised a kid so lazy, I'm suprised you ain't the one wearing the diaper on this board!

Yo' Momma is so fat, when she hops in the tub, the water levels in the toilets around Elmira rise.

Yo' Mommas so fat, while making love your daddy has to tie a two- by- four to his ass so he won't fall in!

Yo' Momma is soooo ugly.............................


Peanut Gallery Thread

HOW UGLY IS SHE?


...................she's uglier than If I shaved Dozer's ass and taught him to walk backwards.!!!!!!!!!!

[lordofgun]

How do you know that I'm gay?
Dozer asked on draft party day.
You had too much swill
You were all over Phil
'Til Jaded got in the way.

[BillC]

There once was a network named Empire
Which LoG watched with a burning desire
His favorite anchor was Josh Mora
Whom he sent a bouquet of fresh flora
And who's children he wanted to sire!

[lordofgun]

The only difference between dozer and air is about 5 inches.

[BillC]

The one complaint you will never hear in the LordofGun household-"Who left the seat up?"

[lordofgun]

LOG in da hizouse comin' to represent all my oppressed bruthas from tha zone ghetto.

Dazy has been...
51 years in the making
after 29 years of faking
She told me she was there for the taking
Cuz she wuz getting tired of baking...

Dozer's Cholesterol-free food
Here, chew on this piece of wood
I'm sure it tastes just as good
I hope a fat clot takes you outta this hood.

Dozer can't even make kids
even if he did they'd die of SIDS

Says he got tested
Says he was molested
Says he accidentally ingested
his own sperm which was accidentally infested

excuses excuses excuses...

CHORUS:
Dozer making fun of me's crazy
He can't even make a baby
It's not just the fact that he's lazy
I think there's something wrong with Dazy

24 hours a day at the Zone
You're forgetting the sound of a voice tone
You don't even know if your wife's home
You don't even know if she's alone
She's not alone. She's getting owned.

He says his dogs are his offspring
Too bad their life span is only in the teens
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you like paws
But they'll be dead before you hit menopause

Just keep telling yourself you feel fulfilled.

CHORUS:
Dozer making fun of me's crazy
He can't even make a baby
It's not just the fact that he's lazy
I think there's something wrong with Dazy

No matter the excuse
If life's a train, he's not even the caboose.
If life's a plane, he jumped out without a chute.
If he complains one more time, I think I'm gonna puke.
It's no fluke
You were born without game
You were born lame
You were born without a last name. Bizastard.

You need to go talk to a pastor
Ask him if there's any way you can see your maker faster
Your life's a disaster

CHORUS:
Dozer making fun of me's crazy
He can't even make a baby
It's not just the fact that he's lazy
I think there's something wrong with Dazy

[BillC]

http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/pubpaps/photos/phoh99v2.jpg


May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real LordofGun please stand up?
I repeat, will the real LordofGun please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here. Don’t make me ban you.

Y'all act like you never seen a mesh hat before
Jaws all on the floor like Shelby , like Churchie just burst in the door
and started kissin her ass worse than before- hearin – Y’alls mating calls
LoG don’t mean to be a bore……He’s a ZoneBuck whore

I'm LordofGun , yes I'm the real LoG
My wiener drips something that looks like egg nog
So won't the real LordofGun please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Feminist women love JimmyP
"LordofGun, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so reatrded though!"
Yeah, He’s probably got a couple of screws up in his head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in BillC’s Lincoln bedrooms

I'm LordofGun , yes I'm the real LoG
I’m living in this internet world in a big electronic fog
So won't the real LordofGun please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?


Sometimes, Jim Brinson just wanna get on TV and just let loose,
but it's cool for LoG to hump a dead moose
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time BOA hits fourth grade
They got the Zone’s Private Forum don't they?

I'm LordofGun , yes I'm the real LoG
Leeching off the hard work of TypicalBill, nbf, Typ0 & Dozerdog
So won't the real LordofGun please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Elmira is the town that gave us Tommy Hilfiger
But LoG’s the only guy wearing polyester in Extra-bigger
Riding the adult trike, with his boy toy named Mike,
Sleeping in together and spooning he’s psyched!

I'm LordofGun , yes I'm the real LoG
Jaded’s my Miss Piggy and I’m her Kermit the Frog
So won't the real LordofGun please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

LordofGun has shown the world his stuff….
But like George Costanza eating the muff…
gets the tap on the shoulder…enough is enough…
time for a relief pitcher….. take a seat on the bench
next to Ebenezer and Patrick … you made them your wench
These penis size jokes got me in a stitch
Let me help you out measuring that you *****!

http://www.berkeley.edu/news/features/2002/clinton/slideshow/images/slides/08.jpg

I'm LordofGun , yes I'm the real LoG
Kickin’ whitey’s heinie for going analog
So won't the real LordofGun please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?



WORD!

[lordofgun]

Good game Billy Boy.

Voting's open til 12 midnight eastern time.

[BillC]

It's over already?

That was a hoot!


Good Job, LoG!

[lordofgun]

I think you're automatically DQ'd for saying "That was a hoot!" :snicker:

[BillC]

Damn you LoG!!!!

[Ebenezer]

This wasn't even close BillC won after the quotes!

[Earthquake Enyart]

Nothing more pathetic than pasty white boys rapping. :eek:

[lordofgun]

You're not an eminem fan??? :eek: ;)

[Ebenezer]

Originally posted by Earthquake Enyart
Nothing more pathetic than pasty white boys rapping. :eek:


:yikes:

I agree.

[Earthquake Enyart]

Originally posted by lordofgun
You're not an eminem fan??? :eek: ;)

Eminem is from da hood.:afro:

[Gunzlingr]

My overview:

Freestyle- Advantage BillC, original and humorous material
Yo Mama- Advantage LOG, definitely orginal, BillC's seem contrived
Limerick- Advantage LOG, props for dragging other zoners into the fray
1 liner- Advantage BillC & his subtle attack on Log's manhood
Rap- Advantage BillC, I liked the rhyme and flow of Logs better, but I laughed much harder at Bill's

Winner 3-2 BillC

[lordofgun]

Guess I should have done that takeoff on "Baby Got Back" instead. :doh:

[Valerie]

Originally posted by lordofgun Guess I should have done that takeoff on &quot;Baby Got Back&quot; instead. :doh:
That would've cemented Earthquake's vote, Log. He loves baby with back. lol

[BFBills]

Bills C for sure

[Mr.Reality]

Your mama's are so fat you keep their pictures in a fishbowl.

[shelby]

:spit: You two are both :angry:ing hysterical....



BTW y'all....do you realize that they will both know who you voted for?:eek:

Sorry log...but Dozer, er, i mean BillC....won this one by a small margin.
:couch:

[honey]

:huh: Aren't these just the semifinals? Or am I wrong, AGAIN? :D

[shelby]

no, my bad:doh:

[lordofgun]

I can't believe anyone voted for me...especially after my one-liner which made absolutely no sense. :snicker:

[Sabre Ally]

Originally posted by BillC


You FINALLY got around to fixing the multiple quote feature! How long was that, 4 months? Let me test it out for you and see if it works…..

























































OMG....the voting is going to be closed by the time I'm done laughing. CLASSIC! Send it straight to the ... whatever the heck y'all named the classic thread forum. Best post on the site in its entire history!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. Sorry log ;)

[lordofgun]

That was a great post. It beat all of mine by itself.

[Sabre Ally]

originally posted by Tim Connolly Welcome to Suckville. :snicker: :snicker: :snicker:

[Dazydog]

Originally posted by Dazydog

Log - You Suck

[Mr.Reality]

This vote is about as compelling as three switchboard operators in a game of twister.

[Bufftp]

I would of voted for LOG if he showed up, I voted for Bill C by default.

[imbondz]

Originally posted by Mr.Reality
This vote is about as compelling as three switchboard operators in a game of twister.

that would be fun to watch. :dizzy:

[lordofgun]

Well I can't be expected to run the contest AND win it can I?

Thanks to all who felt sorry enough to vote for me. :D

[Gunzlingr]

Originally posted by lordofgun
Well I can't be expected to run the contest AND win it can I?

Thanks to all who felt sorry enough to vote for me. :D

I would have rallied my troops for you, but no, you had to vote for MM. Sayonara sucka!:travel:

[lordofgun]

hater

[lordofgun]

BTW, 18 of you have no sense of humor!

[Valerie]

Originally posted by lordofgun I can't believe anyone voted for me...especially after my one-liner which made absolutely no sense. :snicker:
I voted for you because you were down something like 9-0. I felt sorry for you.:pet: I would've hated to see you wind up with no votes, so I gave you one. :)

[Mr. Miyagi]

Jaded the Merciful!!!

[Valerie]

I try. :)

[Mr. Miyagi]

Did you ever see the movie Gladiator?

[Valerie]

No, is that the one with Heath Ledger? I mentioned that one yesterday in the Matrix thread. I've heard the movie is AWESOME, but it doesn't appeal to me at all. :( Why?

[Patrick76777]

I didn’t even get a chance to vote.

[Earthquake Enyart]

That's ok. The dozer family voted for you.

[Mr. Miyagi]

It's a great movie. My wife had never seen it before either, but last weekend we saw the DVD and she thought it was a great movie too, a bit violent with all the gladiator sword fights but the story is great.

[Patrick76777]

Originally posted by Earthquake Enyart
That's ok. The dozer family voted for you.


I’m shocked you didn’t win with that material.

[clumping platelets]

BillC will always get my vote :up:

[mchurchfie]

Good job fellas!:up: That was some hilarious material:rofl:::D