ServoBillieves
06-12-2009, 07:43 PM
Since I'm in the running for the CBSSports spot on Bleacherreport.com, I'd like to see what fellow Bills fans think of this and other future articles about the Bills before I publish them.
I was told to write a Humor piece, and decided to do a mock of what may have happened if someone else decided to pick up our new talent.
I think it's a little tounge in cheek, but let me know what you think. Enjoy.
What If T.O. Didn't Land in the B-Lo?
Where would T.O. be if Ralph Wilson didn't extend a hardy handshake? Although the crying popcorn box guy couldn't fathom the thought, it's one that occasionally crosses my mind. While Bills fans hope he can become a producer on the field, what if he were to pull a Max Biyalistock for another team?
Many felt he'd join the Raiders regime and make his return to the west coast in black and silver under Darth... er... Al Davis, while other ESPN analysts thought that the New England Patriots didn't have enough firepower on their offense at receiver and that Randy Moss needed a buddy to play with.
There are 32 teams in the NFL, and most had already said they wouldn't touch the locker room "cancer." He brings teams down, he's not the same player he used to be, et cetera, but the Bills decided to take a shot on the "ex"-superstar.
Let's take a look at what could have been if he hadn't signed that 6.5 million dollar deal on March 7th...
It's March 6th, 10 PM.
Terrell and his agent Drew Rosenhaus are upset about being cut by the Cowboys. His *sniff* quarterback pretty much threw him to the dogs like Vick to... wait... too soon?
Rosenhaus tells the media that plenty of teams had extended offers to pick up the disgruntled receiver, but he fails to mention that Terrell's Madden '09 rating shot up after playing a franchise season on rookie and Drew put him on the games offseason trade block for only a 3rd round pick.
His ever ready cellphone on hand, Rosenhaus drops his X-Box 360 controller (compliments of Devin Thomas) when his cell begins to vibrate in his Ravens pajamas (compliments of Willis McGahee's baby momma). It's an offer for Terrell! But which team is it?
Oakland Raiders
Through the heavy breathing of the cybernetic breathing device, Drew Rosenhaus can hear the Raiders owner tell him they want Owens to join the Raiders (and something called the Dark Side) for a 2 year, $5 million contract. Rosenhaus is extremely offended by the offer, but then remembers that all of their money is invested in JaMarcus Russell.
He raises the offer to $7 million, and Owens is greeted by thousands of screaming fans, most in spiked football pads, all who want his head. He is given the key to the local cinema, afraid of what may happen to Terrell if he was given the key to the city and could walk in to any place in Oakland unwelcomed.
Denver Broncos
Fearing that Jay Cutler may demand a trade in the near future and fearing that Brandon Marshall would have another arrest against him soon, new head coach Josh McDaniels felt he needed a Randy Moss type player like he had in New England.
After watching Marshall throw a midget through a television set (charges would later be dropped), McDaniels begged owner Pat Bowlen to offer Terrell anything. Soon after signing with the Broncos, Owens would immediately buy Denver's now-ex quarterback's Colorado home. The neighbors would openly accept Owens, saying they loved the drama that was brought through Cutler.
New England Patriots
Having heard that Buffalo made an offer to Owens, the Patriots knew they could steal any superstar who was desperate for a Super Bowl ring from the Toronto Argonauts. After offering T.O. $6.49 million, the Patriots netted a much needed receiver. With scrubs such as Randy Moss, Wes Welker, and Joey Galloway on the team and with letting Jabar Gaffney walk, Gisele had let Tom Brady off his leash to beg the FO for a competent receiver.
Rosenhaus received a brand new watch after the deal, compliments of Bill Belichek (which in turn, was compliments of Lucifer).
(The previous spot was written be ESPN analysts)
Philadelphia Eagles
Donovan McNabb restructured his deal to be ready for the impending lockout, and also in anticipation for Owens' re-arrival in Philly. The front office of the Eagles had a change of heart, the nicest fans in all of sports would certainly welcome him back, and Donovan called up the local honeymoon spot so he and Terrell could reacquaint themselves and patch things up.
A two year deal signed, T.O. would glide softly back in to the willing arms of his public, and be with his former quarterback once again.
Buffalo Bills
In a move that would shock the sports world, the Buffalo Bills give Terrell Owens an offer. Reluctantly, T.O. would accept the offer that Mr. Magoo (Ralph Wilson Jr.) gave him and travel to Buffalo to sign his contract personally. He would probably say something gimmicky like calling the Bills North America's team.
The Bills faithful would be furious. No one (except a popcorn enthusiast with something in his eye) would welcome his arrival the night of his flight in to town. Jersey sales would plummet in Buffalo, and the Bills would jet for Canada faster than Travis Henry has children.
Next week, why Storm Troopers respect Al Davis.
I was told to write a Humor piece, and decided to do a mock of what may have happened if someone else decided to pick up our new talent.
I think it's a little tounge in cheek, but let me know what you think. Enjoy.
What If T.O. Didn't Land in the B-Lo?
Where would T.O. be if Ralph Wilson didn't extend a hardy handshake? Although the crying popcorn box guy couldn't fathom the thought, it's one that occasionally crosses my mind. While Bills fans hope he can become a producer on the field, what if he were to pull a Max Biyalistock for another team?
Many felt he'd join the Raiders regime and make his return to the west coast in black and silver under Darth... er... Al Davis, while other ESPN analysts thought that the New England Patriots didn't have enough firepower on their offense at receiver and that Randy Moss needed a buddy to play with.
There are 32 teams in the NFL, and most had already said they wouldn't touch the locker room "cancer." He brings teams down, he's not the same player he used to be, et cetera, but the Bills decided to take a shot on the "ex"-superstar.
Let's take a look at what could have been if he hadn't signed that 6.5 million dollar deal on March 7th...
It's March 6th, 10 PM.
Terrell and his agent Drew Rosenhaus are upset about being cut by the Cowboys. His *sniff* quarterback pretty much threw him to the dogs like Vick to... wait... too soon?
Rosenhaus tells the media that plenty of teams had extended offers to pick up the disgruntled receiver, but he fails to mention that Terrell's Madden '09 rating shot up after playing a franchise season on rookie and Drew put him on the games offseason trade block for only a 3rd round pick.
His ever ready cellphone on hand, Rosenhaus drops his X-Box 360 controller (compliments of Devin Thomas) when his cell begins to vibrate in his Ravens pajamas (compliments of Willis McGahee's baby momma). It's an offer for Terrell! But which team is it?
Oakland Raiders
Through the heavy breathing of the cybernetic breathing device, Drew Rosenhaus can hear the Raiders owner tell him they want Owens to join the Raiders (and something called the Dark Side) for a 2 year, $5 million contract. Rosenhaus is extremely offended by the offer, but then remembers that all of their money is invested in JaMarcus Russell.
He raises the offer to $7 million, and Owens is greeted by thousands of screaming fans, most in spiked football pads, all who want his head. He is given the key to the local cinema, afraid of what may happen to Terrell if he was given the key to the city and could walk in to any place in Oakland unwelcomed.
Denver Broncos
Fearing that Jay Cutler may demand a trade in the near future and fearing that Brandon Marshall would have another arrest against him soon, new head coach Josh McDaniels felt he needed a Randy Moss type player like he had in New England.
After watching Marshall throw a midget through a television set (charges would later be dropped), McDaniels begged owner Pat Bowlen to offer Terrell anything. Soon after signing with the Broncos, Owens would immediately buy Denver's now-ex quarterback's Colorado home. The neighbors would openly accept Owens, saying they loved the drama that was brought through Cutler.
New England Patriots
Having heard that Buffalo made an offer to Owens, the Patriots knew they could steal any superstar who was desperate for a Super Bowl ring from the Toronto Argonauts. After offering T.O. $6.49 million, the Patriots netted a much needed receiver. With scrubs such as Randy Moss, Wes Welker, and Joey Galloway on the team and with letting Jabar Gaffney walk, Gisele had let Tom Brady off his leash to beg the FO for a competent receiver.
Rosenhaus received a brand new watch after the deal, compliments of Bill Belichek (which in turn, was compliments of Lucifer).
(The previous spot was written be ESPN analysts)
Philadelphia Eagles
Donovan McNabb restructured his deal to be ready for the impending lockout, and also in anticipation for Owens' re-arrival in Philly. The front office of the Eagles had a change of heart, the nicest fans in all of sports would certainly welcome him back, and Donovan called up the local honeymoon spot so he and Terrell could reacquaint themselves and patch things up.
A two year deal signed, T.O. would glide softly back in to the willing arms of his public, and be with his former quarterback once again.
Buffalo Bills
In a move that would shock the sports world, the Buffalo Bills give Terrell Owens an offer. Reluctantly, T.O. would accept the offer that Mr. Magoo (Ralph Wilson Jr.) gave him and travel to Buffalo to sign his contract personally. He would probably say something gimmicky like calling the Bills North America's team.
The Bills faithful would be furious. No one (except a popcorn enthusiast with something in his eye) would welcome his arrival the night of his flight in to town. Jersey sales would plummet in Buffalo, and the Bills would jet for Canada faster than Travis Henry has children.
Next week, why Storm Troopers respect Al Davis.