FINAL: Championship: gunzlingr defeats BillC 13-9 - FREESTYLE THREAD

[lordofgun]

FINALS: BillC vs. gunzlingr - FREESTYLE THREAD

THE FINALS will be a combo round of sorts. I will post 3 threads. One for FREESTYLE, one for limericks, and one for one-liners (one one-liner per post please).

Each contestant will have 3 turns per thread. Once those turns are completed, the voting will open for approx. 24 hours in that thread. For each category (thread) where you get more votes, you get a point. The first one to 2 points is the winner!

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IMPORTANT: You should write ONLY what is instructed in each post, NOTHING ELSE! Voters should deduct points for any words typed or pictures inserted which are not a part of a limerick, one-liner, etc..

And remember, no editing your post once it's submitted!

THIS THREAD IS FOR FREESTYLE INSULTS.

gunzlingr will go first in this thread. (smallest margin of victory in SEMIS)

[Gunzlingr]

Gunz vs. BillC in the final. Wow, how did you get here Bill? Tell the Chinese government that they can stay in the "Chelsea Bedroom" in Chappequa if they registered the entire Chinese population so they could vote for you? Or did you promise Hillary and her lesbian friends that you wouldn't interrupt their next "executive session"?

How are you going to pull this victory out of your ass? I guess you can call up Roger and all of the other illegitimate siblings and have them vote for you. Wait that will never work, because none of them have computers, the closest thing is that Speak N'Spell that you gave your mom for Christmas last year, but we both know that the old whore will never figure out how to use it. I hear Momma Clinton has gone down on all the hillfolk, male and female, down home, I bet that makes you so proud. You taught her well.

So how is life in New York state? Lots of time for whittlin', 'coon huntin', and squirrel f uckin', huh? Did you have to register with the authorities over that pesky "Meghan's Law"? life must be a ***** when all you have is a bull dyke wife, a shanty in the hills, and case of herpes simplex 10, and a moonshine still. Do you still make the Secret Service guys "perform" for you, or is your dog (Chelsea, not Buddy) holding your attention?

Now I here you have a book deal on the horizon. What is it going to be titled? Bubba gets a Blow: A Presidential Pop Up Book, or How to use the Arkansas Highway Patrol, Little Rock Coroner, and U.S. Secret Service to Pick up Damn Ugly Women? You had better sharpen you crayons, if you are going to try writing it yourself.

[BillC]

Gotta suck being you.

It's gotta suck when sharing intimate moments on the internet with your chatroom buddies R Kelly and Peter Townsend make up your day . I won't even venture a guess to what the expression "try the veal" in your neck of the woods means.


It's gotta suck being South Dakota's version of the red assed monkey at the zoo. Crowds stop in front of your house, watching you jack off and fling Sh1t at your primate house mates. Maybe we can hang a tire in the back yard for you to swing from. I'll make it a snow tire, since it will be the only studs your family will ever see.


It's gotta suck when your vacations consist of the same old sci-fi convention, where acne and virginity are more rampant than SARS in China. What you goin' as this year? Jabba the Slut? Got those pink thongs ready?


Can't wait for the next photoshop special. Where you gonna stick my head where It hasen't been already?

[Gunzlingr]

Oh, Bill you never fail to disappoint! First your lame Presidency where you took the credit for the positives from the previous administration, then passed off the your faults on to the successor administration, now this weak ass attempt at an insult. :shakeno:

How does it feel to have a venereal disease treatment named after you?



That is like having a port named after you because you like getting gang fisted by burly sailors (oh, wait, did you want to tell everybody the news about Clinton Harbor? Sorry!), and I am not talking Chelsea (we all know only a blind deaf mute would screw that ugly *****).

Speaking of the bastard love child spawned by one night of unbridled lust in the basment of the Little Rock VFW between you and the razor back hog, I hear she has a beau with a 4.0 ...blood alchohol level. No wonder he can tolerate her puss filled countenance. I bet you are a proud papa, and Soo-ey the pig is a slop ruttin' proud mama, afterall I bet you never thought anybody would be stupid enough to marry into your family (that is why you all marry within the family, or get married to farm animals)http://www.sbtc.net/~drwho/images/clinton.jpg

[BillC]

I'm glad this contest is almost over, because I'm tired of hearing your lame-ass excuses.


How many times you going to try and pass off "I splashed my pants while washing my hands" as an excuse for the big wet stain on the front of your pants? 12 trips in a row.... there's got to be something going on in there. Stop pretending you are playing fireman. And it's not a hose. Don't put your thumb over the "nozzle"


Son, Turkey basters are for thanksgiving, not for some bizzare "home pregnancy kit"....


...another of your lame assed excuses....."Um... they are collector's items..." Yes, Batman and Spiderman memorabillia are traded back and forth on E-Bay - some of it for big dollars. But used soiled underoos? That's just wrong.........

...and finally.....Low testosterone levels and a shriveled up sack still does not qualify you for handicapped plates. Who do you think you are, Cade McNown? Well, we will cut you some slack in front of Pier One when you and Miyagi pick up your new wicker patio set. You guys were spooning so much after that last round I was getting sick to my stomach. I think we all were. Go rent Bridges of Madison County open up a wine cooler, and watch Clint in his gayest movie yet.

[Gunzlingr]

BillC was excited, for it was time for his junior prom. He had asked Dolly for a date weeks ago, and when she said yeah, he nearly jumped for joy.

BillC was hoping that prom night would be the night he "went all the way" (with someone that wasn't kin), so he went out and bought a brand new tank top, some velcro gloves, and of course condoms.

http://www.sbtc.net/~drwho/images/brown.jpg

When he arrived at Dolly's place, she was reluctant to go. It was not unusual, as Bill was a smelly bastard, so he graciously helped her out the door.

http://www.sbtc.net/~drwho/images/billy.jpg

Once outside, they climbed on Billy's motorbike, and headed to the prom.

http://www.sbtc.net/~drwho/images/sheep-dip.jpg

They danced and danced, and Bill was getting rather randy, so he decided to slip a little something extra into Dolly's punch:

http://www.sweetsecretions.com/graphics/spanishfly2.jpg

He kept putting more and more Spanish Fly into Dolly's punch, but her arousal never came, so he tried his old standby:

http://www.fifty.cc/b3ta/rohypnol.jpg

Once the roofies kicked in, BillC thought that his virginity was gone for sure. So he took Dolly to a motel for a night of disgusting man on beast action.

But all good things must come to an end, which they did for BillC. You see Farmer Johnson realized Dolly was missing, and the other students ratted BillC out as the sheep****er. Not only were the people in Hickville, Arkansas aware of Bill's perverted acts, but the Little Rock Inbreeder (the no. 1 paper in Arkansas- if only because it is the only newspaper in Arkansas) got ahold of the story as well.

http://www.sbtc.net/~drwho/images/nznews.jpg

[BillC]

Very good gunz.......you forgot "Then he got blown by his dog"


http://airjudden.tripod.com/images/funnypolmonicadog.jpg


I Know you want to win. You can taste it. You haven't been this close to a victory since you won the Grand Pooh-Bah's fez at the N.A.M.B.L.A. lodge.

Did You know that while I was in office 8 years, South Dakota wa the only state in the union I failed to visit? True fact. Probably because their is only two things in South Dakota- Pedophiles and drunks....and I don't see a bottle in your hand.

Well, I'll leave you with your only two hobbies. Stalking and listening to sucky country music. This was fun, mildly entertaining, and very educational. I learned a lot about gay cowboys that you just don't read off the Village People record sleeve.


sung to "Pictures" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow


[Gunzlinger] Livin' my life in a slow hell
Different circus midget every night at the hotel
I aint seen clean underwear in 9 damn days
Been feeling up a gorilla named Misty
Wish I had a good girl to miss me
Lord I wonder if Cntrgal will drop those charges and send me on my way
I took your picture from far away
Stalked you from a distance today
I keep staring and touching myself down there
Where I have all my curly hair
I keep stalking you and taking pictures of your trucks……

[Cntrygal]
I called the police last night at he hotel
Everyone knows your fetishes but they wont tell
And the Police have just issued an APB
You know you just ain't right
You should be locked up for a long time
I’ve been loading up on Ammo and cheap wine
I’ve been stalked by you for 3 damn nights
I put your picture atop the FBI’s top Ten
You’re the nation’s most wanted men
You have a sickness that makes you stalk me
I think the only cure will be shock therapy………………..

[Gunzlinger] It was the same ole same "I know I’ll make her love me"

[Cntrygal] I’m missing some underwear from my dirty laundry…..

[Gunzlinger] That’s because I’m wearing it on my head……

[Cntrygal] That’s it, the next time I see you you’re dead

[Gunzlinger] If I had to make a guess
I think that no really means “yes”

[Both] I thought about you for a long time
Can't seem to get you off my mind
I can't understand why you are living life this way


[Cntrygal] I’m Moving to Korea to get away from you

{Gunzlinger} Maybe I’ll enlist there too….

[Cntrygal]…..If you do you will come home in a body bag



[Gunzlinger]

I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I'll just glue a cut out of mef next to you
Goddam Caller ID is so lame
I just called to say I want you to come back home…………….

[Dozerdog]

OK Time to Vote!


Polls Close 10 AM Friday!

[Cntrygal]

:eek: How did I become a "featured person" in this year's contest?!?!?
Funny song though. lol

ANYWAY..... to the real reason I'm posting in this thread.... BillC... have you forgotten that you did visit SD? Well, you landed at Ellworth AFB (several hours late, I might add) and the military folks had a mandatory crowd to greet you. (Enough people didn't want to go on their own, so it became mandatory for the military and highly encouraged for the civilians.)

[clumping platelets]

BillC was probably in orgasmic bliss after one of his interns was taking dictation :gag:

[Mr. Miyagi]

Originally posted by BillC
Well, we will cut you some slack in front of Pier One when you and Miyagi pick up your new wicker patio set. You guys were spooning so much after that last round I was getting sick to my stomach. I think we all were.
I can't speak for Cntrygal but it's safe to say that BillC was trying very hard to get my vote. :rolleyes:

[lordofgun]

Gunz wins this thread.