Top Five Prospects for 2025

[Ron Burgundy]

#5. Tito "Silverback" Williams

http://www.rjclarkjr.com/mypictures/babyfootball/football1.jpg

ILB Williams is a workout warrior who also produces on the field. Diagnoses plays instantly and is a vocal leader, particularly before nap time. Gets good pad level, and rarely (if ever) ****s his pants under pressure anymore.

#4. Jackie Chiang Kai-shek

http://jmbblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/obese_baby.jpg

Ed Wang's nephew Jackie already shows signs of intensity. "Excellent bubble on that one!" raves candy-wielding scout Dr. Lecter, right before Chris Hansen escorts him to the interview room. Gross.

#3. Marlon Wayans-Cromartie

http://www.nchealthystart.org/images/Summit_Baby_3.jpg

DE prospect from St. Anna's Day Care. Shows good rip and swim moves to be the first man in the sandbox. Plays too high out of his stance, but should be correctable by preschool with proper coaching. Rumors of being a diva persist.

#2. Michael Nimitz

http://www.personadondada.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/baby_joel_football2.jpg

Four year starter at tight end for the Naval Academy. Strong blocker, inconsistent hands. Explodes into the second level with a natural burst. Top notch intangibles. Failed drug test at the Combine, claims test was triggered by tainted Gerber's apple sauce.

#1. Jermaine Paterno

http://www.ultramarathonmike.co.uk/blog/media/blogs/all/images/angry%20baby.jpg

Unbelievable competitor at running back. A threat to go the distance any time the baby gate is left open. Powers through would-be tacklers due to really ****ing scary face! Some concerns about his vertical leap.

[Dr. Lecter]

My scouting abilities got some props!

[Bling]

Hilarious...?

[ServoBillieves]

I need to know who has a high ****ing motor before I agree. Otherwise they all seem like workout warriors.

[Ron Burgundy]

Hilarious...?

I get that a lot. :nod:

It's always funny to me, though. And this particular thread is layered beyond what meets the eye.

[DraftBoy]

I think the sleeper of that class though is;

Jimmy "Knuckles" Nagurski
http://brilliantexpressions.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/dsc_2643.jpg

Excellent WR who really bust out of the jam coverage by using his punch, effective vision for seeing the soft spots in the zone, and was highly recruited coming out Tots In Training School. As we all know TITS has a long legacy of producing top caliber talent!

[ZAZusmc03]

Absolutely hilarious!

[Ron Burgundy]

And this particular thread is layered beyond what meets the eye.

See what I mean? DB's addition is solid, and he caught on with a funny/famous last name.

But DID YOU KNOW:

1) ...that each of the five prospects listed above have the first name of a member of the Jackson 5?
2) ...that DraftBoy and Roman Polanski are equated in the thread subtitle? And DID YOU KNOW that Roman Polanski was famously accused of raping a toy poodle in 1969, causing him to flee the country? And that he now resides in Brussels, where he whittles marionettes and performs sidewalk art?
3) ...that Chris Hansen, who is trying to pin down child molestor Dr. Lector, is the host of the popular Dateline segments "To Catch A Predator," and "How Would You Like To Explain the Snickers Bars, the Smirnoff Ices, and the Duct Tape, You ****ing Freak?"
4) ...the nickname "Silverback" Williams is a reference to Roger Goodell using the nickname for Trent Williams when he announced the selection last Thursday? And that Goodell's nickname in college was also "Silverback?"
5) ...that Chiang Kai-shek was a famous 20th century Chinese president, an anti-Communist nationalist, and the inventor of the standard transmission lawn mower?
6) ...that Marlon Wayans is a famous member of the Carrot Top family of comics, and the hyphenated Cromartie name is a play on a recognizable family of NFL talent and heirs of the Kraft macaroni and cheese fortune?
7) ...the name Nimitz is a reference to famous naval admiral and cross-dresser Chester "Furburger" Nimitz?
8) ..."Paterno" is actually the name of an extraterrestrial demon sent from another galaxy to lull Pennsylvanians to sleep while Ohio State invades Happy Valley?

There are other subtleties, too. See if you can spot them all!

[YardRat]

Lecter's not in charge of their Wonderlick, is he?

[The King]

won't that only make these prospects like 16?

[DraftBoy]

See what I mean? DB's addition is solid, and he caught on with a funny/famous last name.

But DID YOU KNOW:

1) ...that each of the five prospects listed above have the first name of a member of the Jackson 5?
2) ...that DraftBoy and Roman Polanski are equated in the thread subtitle? And DID YOU KNOW that Roman Polanski was famously accused of raping a toy poodle in 1969, causing him to flee the country? And that he now resides in Brussels, where he whittles marionettes and performs sidewalk art?
3) ...that Chris Hansen, who is trying to pin down child molestor Dr. Lector, is the host of the popular Dateline segments "To Catch A Predator," and "How Would You Like To Explain the Snickers Bars, the Smirnoff Ices, and the Duct Tape, You ****ing Freak?"
4) ...the nickname "Silverback" Williams is a reference to Roger Goodell using the nickname for Trent Williams when he announced the selection last Thursday? And that Goodell's nickname in college was also "Silverback?"
5) ...that Chiang Kai-shek was a famous 20th century Chinese president, an anti-Communist nationalist, and the inventor of the standard transmission lawn mower?
6) ...that Marlon Wayans is a famous member of the Carrot Top family of comics, and the hyphenated Cromartie name is a play on a recognizable family of NFL talent and heirs of the Kraft macaroni and cheese fortune?
7) ...the name Nimitz is a reference to famous naval admiral and cross-dresser Chester "Furburger" Nimitz?
8) ..."Paterno" is actually the name of an extraterrestrial demon sent from another galaxy to lull Pennsylvanians to sleep while Ohio State invades Happy Valley?

There are other subtleties, too. See if you can spot them all!


Somebody is bored at work today...

But no ****ing recognition for my TITS acronym?

[LtFinFan66]

:rofl:

[THRILLHO]

Rep coming for the Chris Hansen reference. Very nice.

Can any of these prospects contribute on special teams?

[Ron Burgundy]

Somebody is bored at work today...

But no ****ing recognition for my TITS acronym?

I am, actually. Two cancelled ****ing appointments and our computer system is being overhauled. I'm wrinkling a very nice suit in a very expensive chair for no discernable purpose. Awesome.

TITS was pretty good, I'll give it some props. :up:

I'm writing Moby ****ing Dick over here, though.

[Ron Burgundy]

won't that only make these prospects like 16?

I anticipate that in the future, prospects will be able to be signed directly out of junior high. Besides, 2025 sounds better than 2028-2029 or some bull****.

[Ron Burgundy]

Rep coming for the Chris Hansen reference. Very nice.

Can any of these prospects contribute on special teams?

Absolutely. These are all high motor kids. And HGH is hard to detect in infants.

[DraftBoy]

I am, actually. Two cancelled ****ing appointments and our computer system is being overhauled. I'm wrinkling a very nice suit in a very expensive chair for no discernable purpose. Awesome.

TITS was pretty good, I'll give it some props. :up:

I'm writing Moby ****ing Dick over here, though.

Speaking of wrinkling nice suits...

A little bit ago I got out a meeting that I was "demanded" to attend...which was about a new policy regulation that I wrote, and the nitwit running it wasn't my superior or have the first bit of an idea about what the regulation was for.

So in between games of Papertoss on my I-Phone Id ask annoying questions that I knew he couldnt answer and I sent an email to my boss letting him know that Id miss our 2:15 meeting with a new client because I was being demanded to attend this meeting. At about 2:07 he stormed in pissed off , and started yelling about why the hell I was was being demanded in the first place to attend any meeting, and secondly why I was even in a meeting about a policy that I wrote. At that point I got up and took over the meeting, closed that ***** out in about 30 seconds by saying Ill send you all a memo with the details on it, mainly because you're all too stupid to understand it anyways and I dont feel like wasting my breath. So I only thought the part after the comma, but it was heavily implied.

That gentleman is the Tits. And yes Im coining a new phrase over here, all copyrights to DB!

[DraftBoy]

Absolutely. These are all high motor kids. And HGH is hard to detect in infants.

Got your own blood cleansing ring running over there, you sneaky bastard!

[TheGhostofJimKelly]

I thought this was another one of those Youtube video things where the parents proclaim their kid to be the next greatest athelete as he runs over little five year old kids.

[DraftBoy]

I thought this was another one of those Youtube video things where the parents proclaim their kid to be the next greatest athelete as he runs over little five year old kids.
It is...those are all Burgundy's kids...the Asian one was after a long night of sake bombs in China Town. I wasn't sure that it's Mom was a she but there is no telling Burgundy when he starts thinking with his tally wacker.

[Ron Burgundy]

That gentleman is the Tits. And yes Im coining a new phrase over here, all copyrights to DB!

This is a good story, but you sure as hell didn't copyright the phrase "tits" to describe something cool. That ****'s been running around forever.

However, I like your work demeanor.

[jamze132]

I think Ron Burgundy just cemented a top 10 spot in MBBs next Zoner Rankings...

:bf1: