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Our own Kevin Shenoy (trapezeus) breaks it down...enjoy!
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The NFL lockout has been cured, and the Bills are about to start a new season. If you didn’t notice, last year took a toll on me. I couldn’t even bring myself to write anything after the games. “Hey, look at that. They lost. Again. Painfully. Allow me to do an in depth analysis. The team has no talent, and is struggling to keep its head above water. The end.” That would have been the write up each week after the Stevie Johnson drop in OT versus the Steelers. There wasn’t one additional exciting game after that. Although watching Favre get destroyed was an unusually exciting moment in the Bills season.
So, in short, I apologize for not being timely with my write-ups. This year, I shall return to form. I promise. With the 4-12 season behind us, we are off to start a potential 3-13 season. Sure,3-13 is terrible, but apparently Ralph’s doctors told him the only medicine to live forever was to have a sub .500 team. Well, congrats, Ralph, you found immortality!
As I like to do with my preseason article, I’ve made my predictions of how the season will unfold. Enjoy.
Preseason Action
Prior to kickoff, the Bills brass looked at their roster and noticed that Poz left, they still had no RT, and they promptly decided to sign another WR/PR specialist (because having 4 in Spiller, Parrish, Mckelvin and Mcgee wasn’t enough). Every championship team has at least 5 punt returners, a handful of average LB’s, and no RT’s. Thank God we addressed this in free agency. When I felt like the Bills needed a B. Smith back on the team, Buddy proved to me that you should always be as specific as possible with your requests. Why we have Brad Smith on this team, I don’t know.
Regular Season
Week 1 @ KC- 1-0 – Bills win. A team that needs 5 quarters to beat the Bills at home last year isn’t very good. The Bills, as bad as they are, still are rebuilding, whereas the Chiefs for some reason have this Jauron-ian viewpoint that they are close. As a result, we will win this game. The magical luster of the season opener will completely wear off by the middle of the second quarter when you are looking at the score tracker below. “How is this the only game that is scoreless?” “We punted the ball 6 times before the end of the half?” “KC punted 5 times? Against this defense?” “Moorman doesn’t look like a stud punter anymore.” You will say “same old Bills” when they go to the locker room down 6-0. You will jump up and down trying to remember when the Bills were 1-0 last when Stevie Johnson runs a sweet crossing pattern touchdown to win 7-6. I’ll write that I hate this team. You’ll write me saying, “are you ever happy?” I’ll say, “wait for it.” You won’t write back.
Week 2 Oakland – 2-0. When down on your luck in the dating world, there is nothing better for the self esteem than meeting the ugly girl for a quick romp and then trying to justifying it. “The Raiders have talent. Their running game has a lot of talent,” you say to yourself after you walk out of the Ralph after a 24-10 win. Much like how you justify that she was truly a beautiful person if she didn’t have that Groucho Marx mustache and Elvis sideburns. In the end, there is nothing to be taken from this victory. We needed it, we got it from the worst possible team and that’s that.
So, in short, I apologize for not being timely with my write-ups. This year, I shall return to form. I promise. With the 4-12 season behind us, we are off to start a potential 3-13 season. Sure,3-13 is terrible, but apparently Ralph’s doctors told him the only medicine to live forever was to have a sub .500 team. Well, congrats, Ralph, you found immortality!
As I like to do with my preseason article, I’ve made my predictions of how the season will unfold. Enjoy.
Preseason Action
Prior to kickoff, the Bills brass looked at their roster and noticed that Poz left, they still had no RT, and they promptly decided to sign another WR/PR specialist (because having 4 in Spiller, Parrish, Mckelvin and Mcgee wasn’t enough). Every championship team has at least 5 punt returners, a handful of average LB’s, and no RT’s. Thank God we addressed this in free agency. When I felt like the Bills needed a B. Smith back on the team, Buddy proved to me that you should always be as specific as possible with your requests. Why we have Brad Smith on this team, I don’t know.
Regular Season
Week 1 @ KC- 1-0 – Bills win. A team that needs 5 quarters to beat the Bills at home last year isn’t very good. The Bills, as bad as they are, still are rebuilding, whereas the Chiefs for some reason have this Jauron-ian viewpoint that they are close. As a result, we will win this game. The magical luster of the season opener will completely wear off by the middle of the second quarter when you are looking at the score tracker below. “How is this the only game that is scoreless?” “We punted the ball 6 times before the end of the half?” “KC punted 5 times? Against this defense?” “Moorman doesn’t look like a stud punter anymore.” You will say “same old Bills” when they go to the locker room down 6-0. You will jump up and down trying to remember when the Bills were 1-0 last when Stevie Johnson runs a sweet crossing pattern touchdown to win 7-6. I’ll write that I hate this team. You’ll write me saying, “are you ever happy?” I’ll say, “wait for it.” You won’t write back.
Week 2 Oakland – 2-0. When down on your luck in the dating world, there is nothing better for the self esteem than meeting the ugly girl for a quick romp and then trying to justifying it. “The Raiders have talent. Their running game has a lot of talent,” you say to yourself after you walk out of the Ralph after a 24-10 win. Much like how you justify that she was truly a beautiful person if she didn’t have that Groucho Marx mustache and Elvis sideburns. In the end, there is nothing to be taken from this victory. We needed it, we got it from the worst possible team and that’s that.
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