IlluminatusUIUC's first, only, and best mock draft

[IlluminatusUIUC]

So I decided to throw my hat in the ring this year and post up my own mock draft. I'm drafting as if I was the GM of all the teams NOT where I actually think these players will go.

Plus my value added is girls, so there's always that.

1) Kansas City Chiefs - Luke Joekel, OT Texas A&M
http://i35.tinypic.com/28qm4m.jpg

Contract talks between the Chiefs and Brandon Albert have reportedly collapsed, so if he leaves town then an OT is pretty much a no brainer. Rip on Smith if you wish, but KCs has talent at the skill positions and needs blockers to let them do their magic.

2) Jacksonville Jaguars - Jarvis Jones, OLB Georgia
http://i37.tinypic.com/2lo6ty8.jpg

Dion Jordan is a trendy pick here, but Jones was much more productive in a much tougher college conference. Plus, being honest here, the local boy is a bigger ticket draw for a franchise that has historically had trouble outshining the college teams playing in its own stadium.

3) Oakland Raiders - Sharrif Floyd, DT Florida
http://i38.tinypic.com/icss2p.jpg

Watching the Raiders pass on Cordarelle Patterson and Tavon Austin here will bring a tear to everyone's eye. It means that Al Davis is truly gone, but not forgotten. In any event, the key to getting traction against Denver is quick pressure up the middle. With the quick strike Manning coupled with the quick strike Welker, if you aren't on top of him in 2-3 seconds then the ball is out and you're boned.

4) Philadelphia Eagles - Dion Jordan, OLB Oregon
http://i34.tinypic.com/zxswk.jpg

A natural instinct for any college coach is to bring a few of his favorite players along with him. They're like his binkie. In this case, this is a marriage made in heaven, as Philly desperately needs edge players who can keep RG3 bottled and bring down Eli from time to time.

5) Detroit Lions - Dee Milliner, CB Alabama
http://i38.tinypic.com/v8lrtz.jpg

I'm generally not a fan of picking cornerbacks this high, but the reality is that you have to be competitive in your division to get anywhere, and this is a division with Jennings, Nelson, and Marshall to lock down.

Will be continued

[IlluminatusUIUC]

6) Cleveland Browns - Tyler Eifert, TE Notre Dame
http://i34.tinypic.com/m93mtx.jpg


A bit of a shocker pick, I admit. But I personally would not give up on Weeden just yet, although as he is already so old they don't really have a ton of time for him to develop. Tight Ends are spectacular for developing QBs, and having someone who will ocasionally catch the ball can't hurt even if they do later dump Weeden.


7) Arizona Cardinals - Matt Barkley, QB USC
http://i34.tinypic.com/2mgv2q9.jpg
(Yes, she's from St. Louis but DAMN)


Cardinals probably wouldn't like this pick too much with the ghosts of Leinart past and Cassel present on their minds. But I think Barkley is the most pro-ready QB in this draft and the Cardinals NEED someone to get Fitz the ball or that contract is going to kill them. Plus Barkley's limitations will be minimized when he's playing 4 of his division games in domes. OL is a popular pick here, but this draft is deep at OL and I think the Cards will fill that hole aggressively later.


8) Buffalo Bills - Geno Smith, QB West Virginia
http://i36.tinypic.com/33vhge0.jpg


Most people would want to take Nassib in this situation, but to be perfectly honest I am not seeing the franchise potential out of him that others are. Geno is a multiyear starter who has put up tremendous numbers despite a midget WR corps that could all comfortably fit in a clown car. I think his flaws are coachable, and he's my pick at 8.


9) New York Jets - Ezekiel Ansah, DE BYU
http://i38.tinypic.com/2gv8zn8.jpg


Rex Ryan is on the hot seat for his job, so if I were in his shoes I would double down on what he knows best - Defense. Try to build another beastly unit that can keep your team in the hunt. Since they attempted the Maybin experiment, we know that the Jets are not averse to raw prospects and Ansah is a raw as they come. But he also has the physical tools to be the best rusher in this class, so I would give Rex a chance to mold him into Terrell Suggs' Clean-Mouthed Mormon brother.


10) Tennessee Titans - Tavon Austin, WR West Virginia
http://i36.tinypic.com/23gxrt1.jpg


After losing Cook and with Kenny Britt constantly getting into run-ins with the law, the Titans need some more playmakers to pull guys out of the box and clear lanes for Johnson. Warmack is mocked here a lot, and I can see the logic, but I think Austin makes their offense more dangerous.

[IlluminatusUIUC]

11) San Diego Chargers - Eric Fisher, OT Central Michigan
http://i33.tinypic.com/e5lpud.jpg


The Chargers' championship window is barely open by a crack at this point, if at all. Their last chance will be keeping Rivers' upright and hoping he makes some magic.


12) Miami Dolphins - Barkevious Mingo, OLB LSU
http://i35.tinypic.com/2hs5891.jpg


Miami has put itself in a very enviable position by being so aggressive early in free agency. With most of their major needs filled, they could go in a lot of directions with this pick. I choose to grab another pass rusher to tutor under Cam Wake and be his eventual replacement.


13) New York Jets - Chance Warmack, OG Alabama
http://i37.tinypic.com/2mgujyo.jpg


Build on their previous pick, the Jets attempt to return to the success they had earlier in the decade. Colon is on a "prove it" contract but I don't know that he can prove all that much. Warmack becomes an instant star between Mangold and Ferguson and again gives the Jets the best left OL in football. QB is another popular pick here, but as Arizon and Buffalo have both moved on theirs, I'd be content to wait until round 2.


14) Carolina Panthers - Star Lotulelei, DT Utah
http://i36.tinypic.com/4p7yd.jpg


Carolina will not accomplish a damned thing until they can stop the high-octane offenses in their division. An elite block eater like Star will make the already dominant Kuechly into Urlacher 2.


15) New Orleans Saints - Kenny Vaccaro, S Texas
http://i36.tinypic.com/2qan6ly.jpg


The Saints are in a difficult position here. The guys they really needed are gone IMO, so I'd go with a safety here to try to keep the lid on the ridiculous downfield threats they face in the South division. Vaccaro needs work as a deep ball player, but he has tremendous upside there.

[IlluminatusUIUC]

16) St. Louis Rams - Cordarelle Patterson, WR Tennessee
http://i38.tinypic.com/2rm4nkx.jpg
(Since the Cards girl was from St. Louis, here's an Arizona girl to even the ledger)


The Rams have staked everything on Sam Bradford developing into a star QB, but getting your wideout corps ravaged by free agency isn't helping. With Austin and Eifert gone, Patterson has to step in and provide some instant offense to keep them competitive in the suddenly murderous NFC West.


17) Pittsburgh Steelers - Xavier Rhodes, CB FSU
http://i38.tinypic.com/211jrwl.jpg

This pick would be a prime spot to trade out of, but I'm not making trades here. The Steelers are old almost everywhere, so this is another pick that can go in any number of directions. But the Steelers' Pass D has been exposed a lot of late nad Ike Taylor is way up there in years.


18) Dallas Cowboys - Jonathan Cooper, OG UNC
http://i36.tinypic.com/1zmfhit.jpg


Since the Cowboys inexplicably went all-in on Tony Romo, they are basically in the same situation as San Diego. Keep him upright and hope he makes magic for you.


19) New York Giants - Bjoern Werner, DE FSU
http://i37.tinypic.com/122f2ow.jpg


I do think there is such a thing as having too many pass rushers but how can I quibble with success? Werner will benefit from coming around the opposite corner from JPP for years.


20) Chicago Bears - Barrett Jones, C/G Alabama
http://i37.tinypic.com/b83imb.jpg


Sure a pick that will turn heads, but Jones has an enormous amount of experience and has been an All-American at multiple positions along the line. The Bears have a QB-HB-WR trio to make them ferocious, again its about the blockers giving them the space to work.

[IlluminatusUIUC]

21) Cincinnati Bengals - DJ Fluker, OT Alabama
http://i33.tinypic.com/2ynos8z.jpg


I flatly do not trust Andre Smith. The guy has had motivation and weight problems his entire career and then puts up a good year just in time for his contract? That's a class red flag to me. Let him get that money from someone else.


22) St. Louis Rams - Eddie Lacy, RB Alabama
http://i34.tinypic.com/90u54l.jpg


Jeff Fisher runs backs into the ground. That's this thing. It's always been his thing. He needs a bellcow halfback to build his offense around so I'd give him one.


23) Minnesota Vikings - Justin Hunter, WR Tennessee
http://i35.tinypic.com/2ue0mcn.jpg


Greg Jennings is a good #1, but the Vikings need more downfield threats to avoid running Peterson into goalline defenses for 5 straight months again.


24) Indianapolis Colts - Manti T'eo, ILB Notre Dame
http://i33.tinypic.com/jfcbr9.jpg


I like T'eo, and I think he's got a great chance to succeed at the next level, but he needs to be in the right situation. Here in front of his hometown fans where he won't be the biggest story, I think he can be very successful.


25) Minnesota Vikings - Desmond Trufant, DB Washington
http://i35.tinypic.com/2ppfu42.jpg


As noted above, the NFC North is jammed with elite wideouts and with Winfield heading west like all Vikings eventually do, Trufant will hopefully take his place.

[BillsFever21]

This is the best mock draft I've ever seen and I only looked at a few of the players in the mock draft. The Chiefs, Raiders, Steelers and Saints draft picks are great choices.

[SpikedLemonade]

You forgot all about Lane Johnson, but hey, I'm only in this thread for the pictures.

Please do all 7 rounds.

[IlluminatusUIUC]

26) Green Bay Packers - Matt Elam, S Florida
http://i34.tinypic.com/ie0yrq.jpg


The Packers were completely undressed by the 49ers offense in the playoffs this year, and they need someone who can stop that bleeding. Lane Johnson was a consideration here, but I just kept flashing back to Kaepernick running around their defensive backfield like they were in cement shoes.


27) Houston Texans - Robert Woods, WR USC
http://i36.tinypic.com/30jse1e.jpg
LMAO at this pic. It's good to be the Pres.


With Andre Johnson aging, I would take a solid #2 who is accostomed to working underneath a burner in Marquise Lee. Schaub gets one last chance to prove himself, but I would seriously consider a developmental QB later. I almost took Manuel right here, FFS.


28) Denver Broncos - Margus Hunt, DE SMU
http://i34.tinypic.com/1zxwc4k.jpg


Win now win now win now win now. The Broncos cannot afford any developmental projects, their first rounder has to come in and contribute immediately. Why look, there is suddly a gaping hole at Right End thanks to Elvis Dumervil being a maroon, so gotta plug that leak.


29) New England Patriots - DeAndre Hopkins, WR Georgia
http://i33.tinypic.com/so7903.jpg


I don't care if he was flinging his poop around that combine hotel room with his bare hands, I'd pick him to give Brady a threat at flanker. With Talib back in the fold, the defense is not great but good enough to keep them alive. Give the ball to Brady, give him targets, and let him work.


30) Atlanta Falcons - Zach Ertz, TE Stanford
http://i36.tinypic.com/97l81x.jpg


Yes, they do have Tony G. But they only get him for another year, and I would give Ertz a chance to study under the sensei for a year before taking over as the top target up the seam in 2014. In the short term, he gives them a lot of the same TE flexibility that the Patriots have, and he's can block (you have to at Stanford) for Jackson. The Cal-Stanford rivalry between the two TEs should be amusing in the locker room too.


31) San Francisco 49ers - Matt Elam, S Florida
http://i34.tinypic.com/xm0ea1.jpg


San Francisco might be in the best position to go BPA of any franchise ever. I give them Elam to roam around and make plays opposite Whitner.

32) Baltimore Ravens - Kevin Minter, ILB LSU
http://i36.tinypic.com/2jeydd1.png


The post Super Bowl euphoria will be short because they have a lot to replace. A safety is vital early on, but I'm not seeing one I like here, so I give them the man they hope will replace Lewis as teh QB of the defense.

[BillsFever21]

Hello 49er twins.

- - - Updated - - -

Best. Thread. Ever.

[IlluminatusUIUC]

You forgot all about Lane Johnson, but hey, I'm only in this thread for the pictures.

Please do all 7 rounds.

He's a great player and I wrestled with giving him to the Bears or Packers.

[swiper]

Best mock draft I've seen. Very good job. Based on matching best pick for each team. Oh it was hard to concentrate on though.

[DraftBoy]

Im seriously saddened by the Bills pick, but it speaks volumes about our franchise.

[cookie G]

The Vikings got value at 23, but Zona got the cream of the draft. She has tremendous updise. Not surprisingly, the Buffalo chick doesn't fit our system, but at least we didn't take a big fattie.

[ZAZusmc03]

You gave Elam to 9ers and GB, otherwise, job well done

[SpikedLemonade]

The Vikings got value at 23, but Zona got the cream of the draft. She has tremendous updise. Not surprisingly, the Buffalo chick doesn't fit our system, but at least we didn't take a big fattie.

If we did but she was from Syracuse, the homers would have loved her and said they like a woman with jiggle.

[IlluminatusUIUC]

You gave Elam to 9ers and GB, otherwise, job well done

DERP. That's what happens when you are staring at boobs all afternoon.

Since the Packers went first, 49ers get Eric Reid of LSU.

[Fixxxer]

Mock draft? where? I didn't see it.

[Parzival]

Buffalo chick was by far the worst. That being said I dont even know who the OP had us drafting.

Excellent work OP.

[THRILLHO]

Now we need to have a mock draft draft where we all pick these girls. My first selection goes to the Eagles girl. Or maybe the Falcons girl?

[Skooby]

I forgot why I was here so I'll just pretend to say something witty looking. WOW!