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RND 1 PICK 9
KR/WR/QB Ted Ginn Jr. Jr.
Buffalo shocks the world by selecting Ginn Jr. Jr., who didn't declare for the draft and wasn't even playing football. His father, Ginn Jr., says even when he conceived his son at the age of seven he knew he was bound for the nfl. Efforts to trade the pick to the Dolphins fell through when details emerge that Miami is planning on using their first pick to draft Lawrence Phillips Jr.
ROUND 2 PICK 41
WR Josh Andre Reed
Bills select Josh Andre Reed, a little known senior from Wyoming State college. Hoping to combine excellent downfield blocking with HOF level RAC skills, the Bills couldnt resist a guy named Josh Andre Reed. Even though hes half-white half-chinese, and a chemist, the Bills think they may have turned urine to gold with this find.
ROUND 3 PICK 73
OG UNIVAC
Attempting to fill a glaring hole at guard, the Bills select a UNIVAC computer from the Harvard Technology Museum. Although technically not a computer since only the console is allowed on the field, the Bills feel UNIVAC nevertheless has the intelligence necessary to play the guard position. Lateral movement is a weakness but UNIVAC is a big wide body who is tough to move.
ROUND 4 PICK 109
K Madonna
Initial excitement over the Bills drafting the virgin mother quickly dissipated once it was learned its actually the entertainer who will be joining the team. Technically listed as a kicker, Madonna will actually be used as an on-field mentor for the cheerleaders, having lead the country twenty-six straight seasons in frequency of vaginal flushes. The Bills also expect having Madonna doing big warmup kicks into the netting will leave the sidelines with a fresh minty scent.
ROUND 5 PICK 149
WR James Hardy
After a brief jailhouse reunion with his dad, Hardy is released when his attorney team, former Bills Ko Simpson and Anthony Hargrove, persuade Travis Henry to pay off the detention center security chief with bricks of jailhouse rock and dates with twelve of his fourteen daughters. Credited with "life-experience", Hardy completes a one-day degree in Criminal Justice and re-enters the draft, despite scoring more than a thousand Wonderlik points lower than the UNIVAC console that has the processing power of a standard tv remote.
ROUND 7 PICK 224
G Gump Worsley
Although currently dead and actually a hockey goalie, the Bills think Worsley just might be the missing piece theyve been looking for. "Well the G could stand for Guard just as well as Goalie and we think Gump brings the toughness we need at that position. Having the coolest name ever makes us pretty confident he will be able to make that transition." Worsley is also confident, saying "When you've taken as many pucks to the head as I have you get pretty good at knowing when chicks put out and I'm expecting to knock the bottom out of that Madonna a few times." We sure hope so too, Gump.
KR/WR/QB Ted Ginn Jr. Jr.
Buffalo shocks the world by selecting Ginn Jr. Jr., who didn't declare for the draft and wasn't even playing football. His father, Ginn Jr., says even when he conceived his son at the age of seven he knew he was bound for the nfl. Efforts to trade the pick to the Dolphins fell through when details emerge that Miami is planning on using their first pick to draft Lawrence Phillips Jr.
ROUND 2 PICK 41
WR Josh Andre Reed
Bills select Josh Andre Reed, a little known senior from Wyoming State college. Hoping to combine excellent downfield blocking with HOF level RAC skills, the Bills couldnt resist a guy named Josh Andre Reed. Even though hes half-white half-chinese, and a chemist, the Bills think they may have turned urine to gold with this find.
ROUND 3 PICK 73
OG UNIVAC
Attempting to fill a glaring hole at guard, the Bills select a UNIVAC computer from the Harvard Technology Museum. Although technically not a computer since only the console is allowed on the field, the Bills feel UNIVAC nevertheless has the intelligence necessary to play the guard position. Lateral movement is a weakness but UNIVAC is a big wide body who is tough to move.
ROUND 4 PICK 109
K Madonna
Initial excitement over the Bills drafting the virgin mother quickly dissipated once it was learned its actually the entertainer who will be joining the team. Technically listed as a kicker, Madonna will actually be used as an on-field mentor for the cheerleaders, having lead the country twenty-six straight seasons in frequency of vaginal flushes. The Bills also expect having Madonna doing big warmup kicks into the netting will leave the sidelines with a fresh minty scent.
ROUND 5 PICK 149
WR James Hardy
After a brief jailhouse reunion with his dad, Hardy is released when his attorney team, former Bills Ko Simpson and Anthony Hargrove, persuade Travis Henry to pay off the detention center security chief with bricks of jailhouse rock and dates with twelve of his fourteen daughters. Credited with "life-experience", Hardy completes a one-day degree in Criminal Justice and re-enters the draft, despite scoring more than a thousand Wonderlik points lower than the UNIVAC console that has the processing power of a standard tv remote.
ROUND 7 PICK 224
G Gump Worsley
Although currently dead and actually a hockey goalie, the Bills think Worsley just might be the missing piece theyve been looking for. "Well the G could stand for Guard just as well as Goalie and we think Gump brings the toughness we need at that position. Having the coolest name ever makes us pretty confident he will be able to make that transition." Worsley is also confident, saying "When you've taken as many pucks to the head as I have you get pretty good at knowing when chicks put out and I'm expecting to knock the bottom out of that Madonna a few times." We sure hope so too, Gump.
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