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CALGARY, Alberta -- It's been nine years and two weeks since former NHL star Theo Fleury had a drink. It's been almost 11 years from the time he bought a gun in a Santa Fe, New Mexico, pawn shop, drove home, put the barrel in his mouth and thought about pulling the trigger.
He doesn't miss the drinking. In fact, he said he doesn't even remember the last drink he had.
He no longer has suicidal thoughts. He never even really wanted to kill himself, he said. He just wanted to stop the pain that tormented him each and every day.
He doesn't seem to miss his NHL playing days either. Doesn't keep in touch with many of his old hockey buddies. His tight-knit inner circle now includes an Irishman who manages his band, Theo Fleury and The Death Valley Rebels, a Serbian peace officer he met at his sons' soccer game and a former AHL tough guy who now works in the drilling business.
Distance from his former life has provided him perspective. Fleury, 46, would be happy if none of the things from his past defined him. He'd be thrilled if, looking back at his life, someone were to remark: "Hey, you know, he was a pretty good hockey player too."
"I would love that," Fleury told ESPN.com in a lengthy sit-down interview last week. "Hockey was the vehicle and it gave me everything I have, but it was only the first 35 years of my life. I still have 35 years left to live, and I certainly want to make a difference in the next 35."
Though he leaves behind an indelible legacy on the ice, the former Stanley Cup champion, Olympic gold medalist, Canada Cup winner and World Junior champion has a new purpose in life.
He wants to help. He wants others to heal.
"I chose to live my life -- every little detail -- publicly because I know how many people it's helped. I know how many people have taken the noose off their neck, I know how many people have put the gun down, how many people that have not taken the whole bottle of pills," Fleury said. "What I want to encourage people is, it's OK to tell your story. One day you're going to tell your story, and it's going to save someone's life."
He doesn't miss the drinking. In fact, he said he doesn't even remember the last drink he had.
He no longer has suicidal thoughts. He never even really wanted to kill himself, he said. He just wanted to stop the pain that tormented him each and every day.
He doesn't seem to miss his NHL playing days either. Doesn't keep in touch with many of his old hockey buddies. His tight-knit inner circle now includes an Irishman who manages his band, Theo Fleury and The Death Valley Rebels, a Serbian peace officer he met at his sons' soccer game and a former AHL tough guy who now works in the drilling business.
Distance from his former life has provided him perspective. Fleury, 46, would be happy if none of the things from his past defined him. He'd be thrilled if, looking back at his life, someone were to remark: "Hey, you know, he was a pretty good hockey player too."
"I would love that," Fleury told ESPN.com in a lengthy sit-down interview last week. "Hockey was the vehicle and it gave me everything I have, but it was only the first 35 years of my life. I still have 35 years left to live, and I certainly want to make a difference in the next 35."
Though he leaves behind an indelible legacy on the ice, the former Stanley Cup champion, Olympic gold medalist, Canada Cup winner and World Junior champion has a new purpose in life.
He wants to help. He wants others to heal.
"I chose to live my life -- every little detail -- publicly because I know how many people it's helped. I know how many people have taken the noose off their neck, I know how many people have put the gun down, how many people that have not taken the whole bottle of pills," Fleury said. "What I want to encourage people is, it's OK to tell your story. One day you're going to tell your story, and it's going to save someone's life."
Everybody should read "Playing With Fire". It is one of the most powerful books I have ever read. Very disturbing in spots. But just an incredible story.
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