the dude
09-04-2003, 04:24 AM
Bills/Pats 9-7-03 ... with full apologies to John Malkovich
I am Kevin Gilbride - Bills Offense
I hate that bastard, Buddy Ryan. I'll show him that this chuck 'n' duck offense can work anywhere - just give me a QB who can throw. Hmmmmm, well let's see here, we got spanked pretty good last year - in fact, those %$#&s kinda humiliated me - fortunately most everyone blames Drew, I got a free pass. What can I do? Bellicheck just doesn't play fair - zero linemen, 6 linebackers, 4 safeties, 5 corners, the refs are so confused they can't count all the guys on the other side.
Why do offenses fail against the Pats? They either fall behind and are forced to go to a passing offense against that well-schemed defense or else they get in a battle of wits with BB. I know I'm smarter than that egoiste SOB, but this year I'm gonna simplify things and improve my chances. First, Fat Ted should be in good form for game 1. He may not be a viable entity come game 16 for the rematch, but I better gameplan around him this time. I think all the work we did with Travis' fumbling problems in the offseason seem to have worked, soooo:
1. Run Henry on lots of sweeps on 1st and 2nd downs. Run it at Colvin if possible, but I also like the idea of pounding it behind my road graders on the left side of the line. Since Washington hasn't played much in the last 12 months, we'll save the "between the tackle" runs for later in the game when we got their D panting. Also, I got Les Steckel and an OL coach who finally teaches my kids how to block. I'm expecting big things from the run game.
2. I must be patient. Let the gameplan have a chance to form. I have to trust our defense to keep us in the game early. Don't fall behind by 17 points in the 1st quarter and then have to rely on the pass. If the game is close, our team's confidence grows and we believe we can finally get the BB monkey off our backs.
3. Unlike last year, do NOT put the ball in Drew's hands early. Stay with the run - work the edges, our receivers this year are MUCH better at blocking. Even if they hold Travis to 2 or 3 yards on a several plays, he will break at least a couple 15-20 yarders.
4. Have Drew throw short dumpoff passes to the tight ends, Bobby Shaw, Josh Reed and the running backs early. A few first downs will pull their safeties up - and that secondary, while it has potential, is mostly baby-faced and inexperienced working together.
5. When you have short yardage situations on 2nd down, work the play action to go deep. Moulds usually gets owned by Law, but without Milloy out there, Eric may have more opportunities - especially if we put him in motion like we have this preseason. We'll put in some special double-move plays for the young safeties back there.
6. Pray that Antonio Brown takes one to the house or at least breaks a long one. If we win the special teams battle, that makes my job so much easier.
I am Romeo Crennel - Pats Defense
I hate that bastard Bellicheck. We don't need these distractions 3 days before this game. What do I do in the secondary? I got Harrison, who's a decent run-stuffing safety but he got burned often in coverage last year. And I just lost the quarterback of my defense. And to top that off, he's spilling his guts to Gilbride and Bledsoe right now. Good thing that Gilbride's a total goober. And I'm pretty sure I know how Bledsoe thinks so not all is lost.
How do I gameplan around losing the best player I had on defense? I can't teach the secondary a whole new bag of tricks. I think I've got some talent back there in Harris and Morris and my young corners have played great in the preseason but how will they perform when real bullets fly? I'll have to figure out a way to hold things together and hope the offense repeats their performance from last year soooo:
1. Keep the secondary assignments simple. Have Law tail Moulds around everywhere - he HAS to shut him down on his own. Based on past experience - Eric calls Ty the toughest CB in the division to play, I think that's a decent possibility.
2. Force Bledsoe to throw short dump passes. Play a cover-2 and make Drew take 5 yard pass plays. I'm betting he gets greedy and tries to force one into Moulds by the 2nd quarter if he has to nickel and dime his way down the field. We have to get at least one pick or fumble from Drew.
3. Fat Ted looks in fightin' form so I don't worry about too many running plays up the middle. I'm gonna reiterate to my linebackers to strip that ball from Henry - he didn't play much in the preseason - he's gonna be a little too jacked up after his offseason and hearing about fumbles. I'm betting we can get at least one turnover from Travis.
4. Protect Colvin's side of the line. They're gonna try to pound him on that side with the run game to limit his effectiveness on the pass rush. Seymour or Warren are gonna have to win their matchups and force double teams. That way, we can spring Rosie free on rushes and bring the safeties up to help if need be.
5. While I play conservative on the back end, I'm gonna use everything I can for the front seven. Gilbride's such a dweeb, he may try throwing early to outsmart me. But I don't think so. I need to make Bledsoe get into passing situations. Make Buffalo have negative plays by blitzing Colvin or Bruschi on run downs.
6. Two ways I win this game. I need to have us jump ahead of the Bills early. We need to be able to control the tempo of this game. If we can get the lead, I start moving linemen around and use funky blitz schemes that confuse their young O-line. Secondly, I get a key turnover. Confuse Bledsoe, gang tackle Henry. Do both and I'll win the turnover battle.
I am Charlie Weis - Pats Offense
I hate that bastard Bellicheck. I got blamed for our offense's inadequacies last year ... well, get me a running back, dude. I've got to get my offense to focus on this game only. I have a new speedy wideout in Bethel Johnson, a good group of tight ends and the best 3rd down receiving back in NFL history - with revenge on his mind.
Well, here's the deal - my QB threw for more touchdowns than any other QB - in his first full year of starting - he's only getting better as the preseason showed. What I don't have is a solid running game, soooo:
1. I owned Buffalo's D last year. I had eight scoring drives that averaged some 70 yards in the 2 games. Everyone whines about our ability to run the ball. Against the Bills' new defense, I'm not going to count on running with much success. Well, unless we get up by 2 scores, my "run game" is gonna consist of flanker screens and dumpoffs to Centers and Faulk.
2. Lots of 5 wide, I'll send out my running backs and force their linebackers to cover. That means Brady has to get rid of the ball quickly, but that plays to his strength. Keep the chains moving. Frustrate their defensive line. Occupy the strength of their team-the linebackers.
3. This new defense of theirs hasn't gelled yet. I'm gonna figure out how to pull Lawyer or Wire or Prioleau up, hit a quick slant to Brown or Patten or Branch and break a long one. Things may not come as easy as last time. I'll have to design a couple plays that go counter to the way Lawyer may have seen them at practice.
4. 3-step drops, pitch and catch, no turnovers and I figure this is a matchup we can win. I'll send Johnson or Patten deep maybe once or twice each half to keep that D honest. But I just wanna make sure we win the turnover battle.
I am Jerry Gray
I hate that bastard, Tom Donahoe - look my defense was #7 the 2nd half of the season. Really. Look, I found this article on BillsZone that shows how great we finished up. I don't need no stinkin' Dick Lebeau comin' in here, tellin' me how to run things. "He invented the zone blitz blah blah blah". Look, his defenses in Cincy didn't scare anybody, did they? Whatever, Greg tells me I need to listen to him so I'll have to grin and bear it.
I love that bastard, Tom Donahoe. He got me TKO and Posey and Fat Sam and now Lawyer. I guess we better make this defense work or I'll have the rug pulled out from under me so fast, it'll make goofy Gilbride's head spin. I hope fans understand it may take a while to get everybody on the same page. but I got some playmakers now, soooo:
1. Still got no true pass rush from the DL. I'll have to get Posey and Spikes and Milloy and Wire some quick check-offs to blitz Brady. Lawyer should be able to give us tendencies about Brady's progression on blitz pickup.
2. Get pressure up the middle. Drop Denney or Schobel into the short zone to prevent the quick slants, especially on 3rd down. They ate us up on flanker screens last year. My guys WILL know where to be this time around.
3. The Pats torched the Steelers vaunted zone blitz defense early last year. But Pittsburgh's strength was their front 7. You get into their secondary and you can run for days. With the hitters and cover guys we have in Wire, Milloy, Winfield and Clements, those pipsqueak receivers are gonna take a pounding.
4. Rotate the DL liberally. I hope Fat Sam was dogging it in preseason, because if that's as good as he can play, he'll play less than the other tackles. Since I don't worry about their run game - unless we fall behind - I'd rather keep troops fresh with waves of linemen.
5. If we don't get turnovers, we probably don't win. We need to pop a ball out of Antowain's or Brady's hands and shorten the field for our offense. Last year we did nothing to help our offense against the Pats. We worked hard all preseason to strip the ball carrier. I NEED Lawyer or Winfield or Clements to force turnovers in this defense.
I am Kevin Gilbride - Bills Offense
I hate that bastard, Buddy Ryan. I'll show him that this chuck 'n' duck offense can work anywhere - just give me a QB who can throw. Hmmmmm, well let's see here, we got spanked pretty good last year - in fact, those %$#&s kinda humiliated me - fortunately most everyone blames Drew, I got a free pass. What can I do? Bellicheck just doesn't play fair - zero linemen, 6 linebackers, 4 safeties, 5 corners, the refs are so confused they can't count all the guys on the other side.
Why do offenses fail against the Pats? They either fall behind and are forced to go to a passing offense against that well-schemed defense or else they get in a battle of wits with BB. I know I'm smarter than that egoiste SOB, but this year I'm gonna simplify things and improve my chances. First, Fat Ted should be in good form for game 1. He may not be a viable entity come game 16 for the rematch, but I better gameplan around him this time. I think all the work we did with Travis' fumbling problems in the offseason seem to have worked, soooo:
1. Run Henry on lots of sweeps on 1st and 2nd downs. Run it at Colvin if possible, but I also like the idea of pounding it behind my road graders on the left side of the line. Since Washington hasn't played much in the last 12 months, we'll save the "between the tackle" runs for later in the game when we got their D panting. Also, I got Les Steckel and an OL coach who finally teaches my kids how to block. I'm expecting big things from the run game.
2. I must be patient. Let the gameplan have a chance to form. I have to trust our defense to keep us in the game early. Don't fall behind by 17 points in the 1st quarter and then have to rely on the pass. If the game is close, our team's confidence grows and we believe we can finally get the BB monkey off our backs.
3. Unlike last year, do NOT put the ball in Drew's hands early. Stay with the run - work the edges, our receivers this year are MUCH better at blocking. Even if they hold Travis to 2 or 3 yards on a several plays, he will break at least a couple 15-20 yarders.
4. Have Drew throw short dumpoff passes to the tight ends, Bobby Shaw, Josh Reed and the running backs early. A few first downs will pull their safeties up - and that secondary, while it has potential, is mostly baby-faced and inexperienced working together.
5. When you have short yardage situations on 2nd down, work the play action to go deep. Moulds usually gets owned by Law, but without Milloy out there, Eric may have more opportunities - especially if we put him in motion like we have this preseason. We'll put in some special double-move plays for the young safeties back there.
6. Pray that Antonio Brown takes one to the house or at least breaks a long one. If we win the special teams battle, that makes my job so much easier.
I am Romeo Crennel - Pats Defense
I hate that bastard Bellicheck. We don't need these distractions 3 days before this game. What do I do in the secondary? I got Harrison, who's a decent run-stuffing safety but he got burned often in coverage last year. And I just lost the quarterback of my defense. And to top that off, he's spilling his guts to Gilbride and Bledsoe right now. Good thing that Gilbride's a total goober. And I'm pretty sure I know how Bledsoe thinks so not all is lost.
How do I gameplan around losing the best player I had on defense? I can't teach the secondary a whole new bag of tricks. I think I've got some talent back there in Harris and Morris and my young corners have played great in the preseason but how will they perform when real bullets fly? I'll have to figure out a way to hold things together and hope the offense repeats their performance from last year soooo:
1. Keep the secondary assignments simple. Have Law tail Moulds around everywhere - he HAS to shut him down on his own. Based on past experience - Eric calls Ty the toughest CB in the division to play, I think that's a decent possibility.
2. Force Bledsoe to throw short dump passes. Play a cover-2 and make Drew take 5 yard pass plays. I'm betting he gets greedy and tries to force one into Moulds by the 2nd quarter if he has to nickel and dime his way down the field. We have to get at least one pick or fumble from Drew.
3. Fat Ted looks in fightin' form so I don't worry about too many running plays up the middle. I'm gonna reiterate to my linebackers to strip that ball from Henry - he didn't play much in the preseason - he's gonna be a little too jacked up after his offseason and hearing about fumbles. I'm betting we can get at least one turnover from Travis.
4. Protect Colvin's side of the line. They're gonna try to pound him on that side with the run game to limit his effectiveness on the pass rush. Seymour or Warren are gonna have to win their matchups and force double teams. That way, we can spring Rosie free on rushes and bring the safeties up to help if need be.
5. While I play conservative on the back end, I'm gonna use everything I can for the front seven. Gilbride's such a dweeb, he may try throwing early to outsmart me. But I don't think so. I need to make Bledsoe get into passing situations. Make Buffalo have negative plays by blitzing Colvin or Bruschi on run downs.
6. Two ways I win this game. I need to have us jump ahead of the Bills early. We need to be able to control the tempo of this game. If we can get the lead, I start moving linemen around and use funky blitz schemes that confuse their young O-line. Secondly, I get a key turnover. Confuse Bledsoe, gang tackle Henry. Do both and I'll win the turnover battle.
I am Charlie Weis - Pats Offense
I hate that bastard Bellicheck. I got blamed for our offense's inadequacies last year ... well, get me a running back, dude. I've got to get my offense to focus on this game only. I have a new speedy wideout in Bethel Johnson, a good group of tight ends and the best 3rd down receiving back in NFL history - with revenge on his mind.
Well, here's the deal - my QB threw for more touchdowns than any other QB - in his first full year of starting - he's only getting better as the preseason showed. What I don't have is a solid running game, soooo:
1. I owned Buffalo's D last year. I had eight scoring drives that averaged some 70 yards in the 2 games. Everyone whines about our ability to run the ball. Against the Bills' new defense, I'm not going to count on running with much success. Well, unless we get up by 2 scores, my "run game" is gonna consist of flanker screens and dumpoffs to Centers and Faulk.
2. Lots of 5 wide, I'll send out my running backs and force their linebackers to cover. That means Brady has to get rid of the ball quickly, but that plays to his strength. Keep the chains moving. Frustrate their defensive line. Occupy the strength of their team-the linebackers.
3. This new defense of theirs hasn't gelled yet. I'm gonna figure out how to pull Lawyer or Wire or Prioleau up, hit a quick slant to Brown or Patten or Branch and break a long one. Things may not come as easy as last time. I'll have to design a couple plays that go counter to the way Lawyer may have seen them at practice.
4. 3-step drops, pitch and catch, no turnovers and I figure this is a matchup we can win. I'll send Johnson or Patten deep maybe once or twice each half to keep that D honest. But I just wanna make sure we win the turnover battle.
I am Jerry Gray
I hate that bastard, Tom Donahoe - look my defense was #7 the 2nd half of the season. Really. Look, I found this article on BillsZone that shows how great we finished up. I don't need no stinkin' Dick Lebeau comin' in here, tellin' me how to run things. "He invented the zone blitz blah blah blah". Look, his defenses in Cincy didn't scare anybody, did they? Whatever, Greg tells me I need to listen to him so I'll have to grin and bear it.
I love that bastard, Tom Donahoe. He got me TKO and Posey and Fat Sam and now Lawyer. I guess we better make this defense work or I'll have the rug pulled out from under me so fast, it'll make goofy Gilbride's head spin. I hope fans understand it may take a while to get everybody on the same page. but I got some playmakers now, soooo:
1. Still got no true pass rush from the DL. I'll have to get Posey and Spikes and Milloy and Wire some quick check-offs to blitz Brady. Lawyer should be able to give us tendencies about Brady's progression on blitz pickup.
2. Get pressure up the middle. Drop Denney or Schobel into the short zone to prevent the quick slants, especially on 3rd down. They ate us up on flanker screens last year. My guys WILL know where to be this time around.
3. The Pats torched the Steelers vaunted zone blitz defense early last year. But Pittsburgh's strength was their front 7. You get into their secondary and you can run for days. With the hitters and cover guys we have in Wire, Milloy, Winfield and Clements, those pipsqueak receivers are gonna take a pounding.
4. Rotate the DL liberally. I hope Fat Sam was dogging it in preseason, because if that's as good as he can play, he'll play less than the other tackles. Since I don't worry about their run game - unless we fall behind - I'd rather keep troops fresh with waves of linemen.
5. If we don't get turnovers, we probably don't win. We need to pop a ball out of Antowain's or Brady's hands and shorten the field for our offense. Last year we did nothing to help our offense against the Pats. We worked hard all preseason to strip the ball carrier. I NEED Lawyer or Winfield or Clements to force turnovers in this defense.