Stewie
09-09-2003, 07:00 PM
http://espn.go.com/page2/s/tmq/030909.html
Bills related stuff:
"Tennessee lowered the bar a few years back, with its high-school-inspired look. Denver went rollerball. Last year, Buffalo abandoned red, white and blue -- not to put too fine a point on it, but the single most successful color scheme in world history -- for duds featuring 19th Century Rusting Russian Dreadnaught Aft Bulkhead Cynic."
"Slowest Touchdown of the Week: Ticonderoga-class DT Sam Adams returned an interception 37 yards for a Bills touchdown; his run took seven seconds. That's the equivalent of a 7.6 40-yard dash."
"Leaps of the Week: Trailing 21-0, the Patriots faced fourth-and-inches on the Buffalo 43 in the third. New England jumped offsides, and punted on fourth-and-six. On the next possession, the Patriots faced third-and-goal at the Buffalo 3. New England jumped offsides, and failed on fourth-and-goal from the 8."
"Note: on ESPN's Sunday pregame show, Limbaugh declared that his pick of the week was New England over Buffalo; the Pats lost 31-0. Presumably, this means that if Rush picks Arnold Schwarzenegger in the California race, Arianna Huffington will be the next governor."
"Recently, TMQ his ownself played the Official Firstborn of TMQ, 14-year-old Grant, at the 2004 version of EA Madden NFL. (Note: Madden works for ABC, which has the same corporate parent as ESPN.com; TMQ shamelessly sucks up to ESPN's corporate parent and considers this fine so long as it is disclosed. Buy Madden NFL 2004 today!) In last year's game, Grant demonstrated that the little electronic Michael Vick was faster than any of the other players -- totally realistic.
This year, I played as Buffalo and Grant played as Miami. The electronic Bills' front seven could not stop the electronic Ricky Williams -- how realistic! My Buffalo offense gained 330 yards passing and 23 yards rushing -- how realistic! But the best part was that my electronic Travis Henry fumbled three times on 13 carries. The real Travis Henry fumbled 15 times during the 2001 and 2002 seasons, by far the most fumbles of any NFL non-quarterback through that period. Henry fumbled again on Sunday. So Madden's little electronic Travis Henry is, realistically, a fumbler! I kept trying to find a button that would take Henry out of the game and bring in Willis McGahee. Apparently, Buffalo management has been thinking along the same lines."
"t's An Insult! TMQ chronicles those precious moments when an NFL player is made a generous offer, denounces the deal as an insult, and ends up signing for less....In a rare case of an athlete coming out ahead by crying "it's an insult," Pro Bowl gentleman Lawyer Milloy was given an ultimatum by New England (an "ultimatoe," as Amos and Andy used to say) to cut his scheduled take this season from $4.4 million to $3 million. He cried "insult!" and asked to be released. A bidding war ensued in which many teams made offers. Milloy ended up with Buffalo and $7 million for this season -- $4 million more than the Pats offered."
"As for the Bills, here's a wrong turn down memory lane. Just before the start of the 1988 season -- when Buffalo had lots of talent but a hole at safety -- the Bills got Pro Bowl safety Leonard Smith from the hapless Cardinals, who, engaged in one of their perennial efforts to make the team bad, had declared Smith expendable. Buffalo went on to reach five of the next six AFC championships, winning four. ("Super Bowl? That some kind of college game?" is the Bills' fans official position about the rest.) The football gods may find a parallel here."
"Tampa was No. 1 in defense in 2002 by playing a low-blitz, conservative, position-oriented game. Pittsburgh was No. 1 in defense in 2001 by playing a low-blitz, conservative, position-oriented game. (The Steelers use a 3-4 base and almost always rush a linebacker, which causes announcers to cry "blitz," but a total of four rushing is not a blitz.) Baltimore was No. 1 in defense in 2000 by playing a low-blitz, conservative, position-oriented game. Buffalo was No. 1 in defense in 1999 by playing a low-blitz, conservative, position-oriented game. When is the rest of the league going to catch on to this carefully-hidden tip?"
Bills related stuff:
"Tennessee lowered the bar a few years back, with its high-school-inspired look. Denver went rollerball. Last year, Buffalo abandoned red, white and blue -- not to put too fine a point on it, but the single most successful color scheme in world history -- for duds featuring 19th Century Rusting Russian Dreadnaught Aft Bulkhead Cynic."
"Slowest Touchdown of the Week: Ticonderoga-class DT Sam Adams returned an interception 37 yards for a Bills touchdown; his run took seven seconds. That's the equivalent of a 7.6 40-yard dash."
"Leaps of the Week: Trailing 21-0, the Patriots faced fourth-and-inches on the Buffalo 43 in the third. New England jumped offsides, and punted on fourth-and-six. On the next possession, the Patriots faced third-and-goal at the Buffalo 3. New England jumped offsides, and failed on fourth-and-goal from the 8."
"Note: on ESPN's Sunday pregame show, Limbaugh declared that his pick of the week was New England over Buffalo; the Pats lost 31-0. Presumably, this means that if Rush picks Arnold Schwarzenegger in the California race, Arianna Huffington will be the next governor."
"Recently, TMQ his ownself played the Official Firstborn of TMQ, 14-year-old Grant, at the 2004 version of EA Madden NFL. (Note: Madden works for ABC, which has the same corporate parent as ESPN.com; TMQ shamelessly sucks up to ESPN's corporate parent and considers this fine so long as it is disclosed. Buy Madden NFL 2004 today!) In last year's game, Grant demonstrated that the little electronic Michael Vick was faster than any of the other players -- totally realistic.
This year, I played as Buffalo and Grant played as Miami. The electronic Bills' front seven could not stop the electronic Ricky Williams -- how realistic! My Buffalo offense gained 330 yards passing and 23 yards rushing -- how realistic! But the best part was that my electronic Travis Henry fumbled three times on 13 carries. The real Travis Henry fumbled 15 times during the 2001 and 2002 seasons, by far the most fumbles of any NFL non-quarterback through that period. Henry fumbled again on Sunday. So Madden's little electronic Travis Henry is, realistically, a fumbler! I kept trying to find a button that would take Henry out of the game and bring in Willis McGahee. Apparently, Buffalo management has been thinking along the same lines."
"t's An Insult! TMQ chronicles those precious moments when an NFL player is made a generous offer, denounces the deal as an insult, and ends up signing for less....In a rare case of an athlete coming out ahead by crying "it's an insult," Pro Bowl gentleman Lawyer Milloy was given an ultimatum by New England (an "ultimatoe," as Amos and Andy used to say) to cut his scheduled take this season from $4.4 million to $3 million. He cried "insult!" and asked to be released. A bidding war ensued in which many teams made offers. Milloy ended up with Buffalo and $7 million for this season -- $4 million more than the Pats offered."
"As for the Bills, here's a wrong turn down memory lane. Just before the start of the 1988 season -- when Buffalo had lots of talent but a hole at safety -- the Bills got Pro Bowl safety Leonard Smith from the hapless Cardinals, who, engaged in one of their perennial efforts to make the team bad, had declared Smith expendable. Buffalo went on to reach five of the next six AFC championships, winning four. ("Super Bowl? That some kind of college game?" is the Bills' fans official position about the rest.) The football gods may find a parallel here."
"Tampa was No. 1 in defense in 2002 by playing a low-blitz, conservative, position-oriented game. Pittsburgh was No. 1 in defense in 2001 by playing a low-blitz, conservative, position-oriented game. (The Steelers use a 3-4 base and almost always rush a linebacker, which causes announcers to cry "blitz," but a total of four rushing is not a blitz.) Baltimore was No. 1 in defense in 2000 by playing a low-blitz, conservative, position-oriented game. Buffalo was No. 1 in defense in 1999 by playing a low-blitz, conservative, position-oriented game. When is the rest of the league going to catch on to this carefully-hidden tip?"