Tatonka
01-03-2004, 11:56 PM
guys.. this is a bit long, but it is well worth the read.. it is essentially the best of this seasons random shots from Joe Bryant, who is the creator and owner of footballguys.com, which is probably the best fantasy football site out there.
i just wanted to share it with you.. great read about the season and tons of stuff that you will think.. hmm.. yeah.. i thought that too!
"Hi Folks,
I think it's fitting that the regular season wrap up around December 25. Because for me, the NFL season is sort of like Christmas: Tons of anticipation and then it seems to be over before I know it.
I think this has been my favorite season ever. But then I say that every December. I admit it, I'm an NFL junkie. And I'm guessing the fact you're reading this puts you pretty far up the NFL Junkie scale too. It's ok. Recognition is the first step.
Seriously, part of the fun in writing this column is that every week, I know I'll get to share some thoughts with folks like yourself who love football as much as I do. And that strikes me as a very good thing. I've had a blast throwing out my goofy thoughts this season. And I've chuckled at the emails from people telling me they've thought some of the same things as they were watching the games. (the fact these people are having the same thoughts as me should probably concern these folks...)
Before this turns into a Hallmark card let's get on with this. I've got some stuff from this past week 17, but I've also drug up some of the more interesting things I remember seeing during the year. I've thrown them into the mix as well. It's a wrap to the season for these Random Shots.
Bottom line is this thing has been an absolute gas. It's my sincerest hope that enjoyed reading it 1% as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Here's to Football,
Joe
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Random Shots Season Finale
A Twisted Look At The NFL And All That Goes With It
Here's what happens when you sit an NFL Junkie down in front of multiple big screens with Sunday Ticket and fresh batteries in the remote...
I've said it before, but things move pretty fast around here. You have to pay attention. Looking back not too long ago, the Bills and Bledsoe were unstoppable, the Patriots had no chance without Lawyer Milloy, the Falcons would be ok with Doug Johnson, the Cowboys were in for a rough year, Keyshawn Johnson and Jon Gruden were poised to dominate again, and Rush Limbaugh was getting good reviews on ESPN's countdown show...
The NFC North was decided Sunday in Sun Devil Stadium by Josh McCown and Nathan Poole. Think about that.
CBS' Dan Marino stunned the audience earlier this year when he stated that the Cleveland Browns have a drug problem: "They get drug down one side of the field and get drug back down to the other."
I love the guy, but unless he scores a TD, Peyton Manning always comes off the field looking constipated...
The Ravens finished the regular season with 2,674 rushing yards and 2,255 passing yards. And a defense that is scaring everyone. I wonder if Brian Billick could have envisioned that scenario five years ago?
I like ESPN's Monday Countdown show but why didn't anyone tell me they were replacing Stuart Scott with Urkel?
Dallas kicker Billy Cundiff has a shoe in the Hall of Fame in Canton. Yes, Billy Cundiff.
Buffalo, Washington and Oakland, thanks for mailing week 17 in.
One (of the many) things I love about football: There's no set "formula". You can win with great defense and an average offense. You can win with great offense and an average defense. It's been very interesting to me the differences among extremely effective coaches. Grumpy Bill Parcells playing mind games with his players is on the far end of the spectrum from the cry at the drop of a hat Dick Vermeil. But both are leading their teams very effectively. The one thing they both have very much in common is that they've done this before. Cool.
Note to Al Michaels: Greg Brady called and wants his tie back.
"People who use stats don't know the game. When you know the game inside and out, you can look at it and understand. You ask my mom to make a gumbo, she can't tell you how much of anything goes into it. She can't tell you the stats, but she can kick a gumbo in the butt." -- Greg Blache, defensive coordinator of the Bears, on how statistics are overrated in the NFL.
Classic quote from Kansas City kicker Morten Andersen after Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt (who is 71) was needling Andersen about his age: "I find it ironic that Lamar Hunt talks to me about age. I mean the guy had lunch with Alexander the Great".
Nobody does the "beautiful girl in a football jersey singing the Star Spangled Banner" better than the Titans. Of course it helps being in Nashville. You may remember Faith Hill a few years back. Earlier this year, LeAnn Rimes did an awesome job. They also had the Challenger Bald Eagle that flies into the stadium and lands on the trainer's hand. If that didn't get you fired up for the season, you should stop reading right here because you and I don't have enough in common for this thing to work.
Week 2: Lisa Guerrero looked more than a little nervous interviewing Lawrence Taylor. Joe Theisman would have looked more comfortable...
Marv Levy laid out what it takes to be successful at the NFL level: "A great football coach has the vision to see, the faith to believe, the courage to do, and Brett Favre to play quarterback."
ESPN's Tom Jackson cut right to the chase with Minnesota's defense: "I'm looking for a technical term to describe the Vikings defense: They suck."
Week 2: Terrell Owens warmed up on an all white skin tight Lycra suit before the game. He looked like a cross between Michael Johnson and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Cris Collinsworth commented for FOX that it was "amazing how all wide receivers are built pretty much alike..."
I don't think this is an original from Bill Cowher but it's still good: "As often happens in business, warfare, and sports, the 7 P's determine much of the outcome for any endeavor: Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance."
Patriots head coach Bill Belichick offered this advice for drafting real NFL players that makes a lot of sense for you guys at your FF draft: "Patience is another. Everybody's going to have their time at bat. You're going to get your swing at the plate. You can't force it. What's there is there. What's not is not. You can't manufacture guys. You can't say, `Well, we need a guard and even though there aren't any there, we're going to manufacture one. This guy can do this, he can do that, and he can do something else.' Then when you sit back objectively and look at it, you're just trying to force something there that's not really there. That's the position you don't want to be in. We want to feel good about the players we've picked, and I think that's the most important thing. "
Week 2: Colts Center Jeff Saturday was credited with a fumble Sunday when Manning was in the shotgun but Saturday thought the quarterback was under center. How many centers get charged with fumbles? And not to get personal, but can't you tell whether Manning's there or not?...
Anyone else think it was a little creepy that New England smoked Buffalo 31-0 to close the season after being trounced by them 0-31 to open the season?
Green Bay's Donald Driver said to Brett Favre before the huge week 16 Monday Night game following the death of Favre's father, "Anything you throw, we're gonna catch." He was pretty much right.
Week 3: Great quote from Indianapolis Colt Reggie Wayne who caught two touchdowns. "The crowd was chanting 'Reg-gie, Reg-gie' and some of the guys said they were looking around to see if (Indiana Pacer) Reggie Miller had walked into the stadium..."
How does Matt Millen keep a job? Seriously. I suspect there are some sensitive Ford photographs hidden somewhere. And I don't mean the 2005 Mustang.
The New York Giants players surprised departing coach Jim Fassel Saturday night before the game with a sentimental presentation and video they made for the coach. There were lots of humorous spots in it that helped cheer up a tough situation. I said earlier that I understood Dan Reeves' reasoning and doing what he did. But I bet Jim Fassel wouldn't trade that Saturday night for just about anything.
Week 3: Warren Sapp's Beyonce celebration prompted ESPN's Dan Patrick to drag up some of the worst celebration moments. You'll remember Gus Frerotte headbutting the wall and injuring himself, Bill Gramatica leaping for joy and wrecking his knee, Coy Detmer doing something I'm unable to describe and Matt Hasselbeck leaping into what should have been his teammates arms but instead was just air as he came crashing down face first into the turf. Evidently, there's something about white guys and celebrations gone bad.
Speaking of Sapp, he lists one of his hobbies as "Swimming".
Week 3: An interesting quote from Martz speaking of Lamar Gordon who wasn't feeling too well Sunday "He was throwing up on the sideline when we were going out on the field" in the fourth quarter. I was trying to tell him he was OK. He didn't look OK. He was re- painting the sideline over there."
Surely someone makes shoes for kickers that don't look like ballet slippers, don't they? C'mon.
Does Terry Bradshaw have enough hair left for James Brown to call him the "Blonde Bomber". I'm just asking.
New drinking game for you. Toss one back every time James Brown says the word "paydirt" when FOX breaks in for a highlight. You'd better be within walking distance of home...
I still think it's odd that lots of coaches arrive at the stadium in a really nice looking coat and tie. And nobody sees them. Then when the get on the sideline in front of hundreds of thousands of viewers, they wear a sweatshirt.
Week 3: Anyone else cringe when Rush Limbaugh agreed with Michael Irvin and said, "Michael and I are bros on this one". You go, Rush. Get down with your bad self. Shizzle the Nizzle and all that...
Seattle's Koren Robinson is a regular at a fancy spa in Washington. He says, "I'm cool with my masculinity. I'm not ashamed to get a little pampering like the ladies do." Although he does have some requirements. "Make sure a female works on me. I come to the spa to take my mind off things. I don't need no man rubbin' me"
Week 4: Terrell Owens screaming at offensive coordinator Greg Knapp made me think of the Godfather line when Michael has to confront his brother after the Moe Green incident: "Fredo, you're my older brother and I love you, but don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever". Note to Owens, if Dennis Erickson arranges a fishing trip in a small boat on a secluded lake for you and Tony Siragusa, don't go...
I don't really "get" the Lays commercial with the girl talking non stop about her football knowledge. Am I supposed to like her? If so, I'd say the ad agency missed the mark on that one.
Somebody in New England please get Tom Brady to mess his hair up a little and take a new photo http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/187741
Week 4: I thought Tom Jackson was going to smack Michael Irvin on the set when Irvin started talking about how you shouldn't yell at your quarterback or your head coach, but the offensive coordinator was fair game. And I don't care how old he is, I want no part of Tom Jackson...
I don't get nearly as much hate mail as I used to from Vikings fans for when I was ripping their pass defense early in the year.
Week 4: Is it just me or is Carolina's Jake Delhomme looking almost too confident? It looked like he winked at the camera a couple of times just for fun. Is it a bad thing that I noticed that?...
Here's a quote from Fassel in the last days as a Giant: "Men, you are fortunate to do what you do for your life's work. Playing in the NFL is an honor. Coaching in the NFL is an honor. Don't ever take it for granted. This is a great organization. A great organization. A proud organization. Don't ever disrespect it or the NFL. Because we're all fortunate. Don't ever take for granted that you'll be here forever, because that's not this league either. It's an honor to play here. And it's been an honor for me to coach you. And I mean that sincerely. Time moves on. It's part of this game. I love you guys. I mean that sincerely. It didn't always come out right, but you gave me the effort. And when the ship was going down...you guys held together. There was no finger-pointing going on. That's a sign of your character. And nobody can take that away from you. I love you, men."
Week 5: Evidently, Denver coach Mike Shanahan missed my Random Shots last week where I advised all NFL coaches to kick away from Dante Hall. That hurts, Mike. Really.
Philadelphia defensive end "N.D." Kalu's real name is Ndukwe (pronounced EN-doo-kway). I love this guy. He's from Nigeria and in the Ibo language, Ndukwe means "long life and prosperity" and Kalu means "god of thunder". He lives in Houston and went back to Rice this offseason and earned enough credits to graduate with a major in English. You don't graduate from Rice unless you're sharp. Nice work, Ndukwe.
Week 5: Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck summed things up pretty well after Sunday's loss to the Packers: "It's tough to win when Brett Favre is having a Brett Favre day".
Jacksonville cornerback Fernando Bryant on trying to cover David Boston: "I have no problem saying, that's probably the most physically mismatched I will ever be, or any other corner will ever be. I have no problem saying that. Physically, not ability-wise, but physically, that (Boston) is a freak of nature. I've never seen anything like it. The coaches tell you to go up and be physical with him. I mean, it's a physical mismatch. There's no way. Once he gets his hands on you . . . I mean, I'm 180 - wet. If he gets his hands on me, there's nothing I can do. All you can try to do is work the scheme of the defense and be where you're supposed to be and hold your leverage."
Classic quote from Dallas wide receiver Joey Galloway on how to stop the Dallas passing attack: "Double Terry Glenn and roll an extra guy over to Antonio Bryant..."
Week 6: You probably know about Jacksonville punter Chris Hanson taking a swing with Jack Del Rio's "motivational" axe at the wooden stump he placed in the locker room to encourage his players to "keep chopping wood". Hanson missed and cut his leg severely enough that he's out for the year. This is also the guy that hurt himself last year in a fondue cooking accident. That is just wrong on so many levels...
Do I really need to be told it's a "dramatization" when the submarine comes bursting through the ice on the Ford Explorer commercial?
Something I did not know: Denver cornerback Jimmy Spencer is the first Player - Coach in the league since Dan Reeves in 1971. He's an assistant defensive backs coach. Mike Shanahan says he can handle it. "We talked about the workload and all the responsibility. But of all the people I've been around, I thought Jimmy could handle it because he's very mature and very smart. I think he's got a big upside in coaching." Good for him.
On ESPN's Monday Countdown show, John Madden always does a little segment where they use action from his EA Sports Madden 2004 game to illustrate what he's talking about. They show the video game Marc Bulger throwing the TD to Isaac Bruce and such. I bet the guys who market ESPN's football video game don't like that.
I'm a Deion Sanders fan. But it still cracks me up that he's the host of American Sportsman.
Week 6: ESPN's Michael Irvin has picked up where Sterling Sharpe left off with the splashy suits. Said the more conservatively dressed Tom Jackson Sunday, "I don't know whether to talk to him or date him".
You have to like the Budweiser "Real Men of Genius" commercials. But the "Foot Long Hot Dog Inventor" spot plays a lot better on radio...
Week 6: You probably saw Cleveland kicker Phil Dawson take off on the fake field goal Sunday. Here's a great quote from Browns defensive end, Kenard Lang: "Dawson looked like that guy Forest Gump. I was gonna yell, 'Run Forrest, run.' He didn't look all that pretty running but the result was beautiful, man."
Cincinnati's Pro Bowl offensive tackle Willie Anderson made his feelings pretty clear on Corey Dillon: "That's the old Cincinnati Bengals. Anybody with that old mentality, we've got to get him out of here. "If you don't want to be here, if you don't want to pay the price that Marvin [Lewis] is demanding that you pay, get him out of here. Bye. Good Riddance. Out."
Speaking of Dillon, he removed all of his equipment and uniform after the game and threw it into the crowd. Even his cleats. Really now, what do you do with a Corey Dillon cleat?
Week 7: As you know, Jake Plummer will miss a few weeks with an injured foot. Details were pretty sketchy but apparently, he injured the foot while playing but the real damage came when he got out of his chair at home. No word as to whether Brian Griese's dog was involved.
I'm with Shooter McGavin from our http://footballguys.net/forum/ message boards in that those Under Armor commercials kinda scare me. Those guys start hopping around with the "We must protect this house" stuff and it looks like they're about to break into a West Side Story dance / rumble.
Week 7: Asked if he had ever seen a play like the one Moss made Sunday, flipping a no-look, over-the-shoulder lateral -- as he was being tackled by two players -- to a trailing Moe Williams, who then raced 15 yards for a touchdown as the first-half clock expired, Denver receiver Rod Smith replied: "Yeah, on PlayStation. ..."
I've got a new theory on the Bengals. Their number of wins in a season are inversely related to the number of times that Mike Brown's name is brought up. I think I'm on to something.
Why aren't more QBs better at faking the play action pass handoff? I mean, that takes no skill. I'd be a world class play action faker.
Week 7: ESPN interviewed Miami's Ricky Williams and they asked the mandatory questions about his hair. When they went back to the studio, Tom Jackson said of Williams' hair, "I been thinking about going that route myself"
Riddle me this - I was browsing through the NFL.com jerseys the other day. I know different jerseys have different number styles and embroidery and such but it seemed interesting to me that an authentic home customizable Reebok Colts jersey was $189.99. Same thing for the Packers was $199. But the same style home jersey for Dallas is $304.99. Why do I suspect Jerry Jones has something to do with that?...
Week 7: Denver's Rod Smith summed up his feelings on backup quarterback Danny Kanell: "Danny did a good job. If he did a great job, we would've won."
Anyone miss Rush Limbaugh? Just askin'.
Donte' Stallworth's chronic hamstring troubles made me think of Isaac Bruce. Remember way back when he had so much trouble there?
I wonder what the Maryland folks think of Panther Kris Jenkins' assessment of college life: "You practice in the afternoon, it's easy. You feel invincible. The teachers, you know, give you a little more leeway, so you can sleep through class, get notes from a girl or something like that and you're fine."
Week 7: I know Steve Beuerlein is old and all. But does he really need to ride the golf cart to the locker room after a finger injury?
The Bengals now have gone 13 years without a playoff appearance. That's the second longest among any team in any of the four major sports.
"Four major sports" - I always try to make sure and use that phrase around my friends who like NASCAR or Soccer.
Week 8: Asked what the Titans have to do to beat the Jaguars this past weekend, Tennessee coach Jeff Fisher took a shot at the Jaguars recent locker room axe injury when he replied "just keep chopping wood". That's harsh.
ESPN ran a feature on New England's Fred McCrary owning a barbershop. I think it's safe to say that Carolina's Rod Smart is not a regular customer. http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/283505
CBS' Jim Nantz said the Lions were looking "rather feisty" Sunday. Hang on there Jim, football's almost over and you can get back to golf here soon.
Week 9: It was only fitting that New Orleans' Boo Williams had a big catch on Halloween weekend.
I'm not sure what it says about the fans at Mile High when the Barrel Man is signing autographs.
Dunno about you but that Pam Anderson commercial has me seriously considering that Sirius radio thing.
Cletidus Hunt's middle name is Marquell. His teammates call him "Nuke". Just because I know you guys like to know that kind of stuff.
Week 9: When will the Colts' Mike Vanderjagt miss? I wonder now if Tony Dungy feels bad about making Vanderjagt sweat this summer in camp. After the Manning - Vanderjagt issue in the off season, Indianapolis carried a 2nd kicker right up until the final cuts. (Note - as you well know, it's now Wildcard Weekend and Vanderjagt still hasn't missed.)
I personally think one of the most stupid "conventional wisdoms" in sports is the "you can't lose your job to injury". Why? It's the coach's job to put the best players on the field. If a backup player proves himself to be better than the guy he replaces, why shouldn't he remain the guy? In reality, that's how it works. Just look at Marc Bulger / Kurt Warner. Coaches aren't stupid. At least not the ones who stay employed.
Week 9: With all due respect to my many friends in Minnesota, I kind of agree with the Green Bay guys when discussing the Viking - Packer rivalry. How tough can you look in the "Heidi" wig? Really. (Note - this one generated a ton of email from Vikings fans asking me how tough one could look with a block of cheese on their head. That's a pretty good point.)
Is there a worse uniform in all of pro sports than an NFL Pro Bowl jersey?
By week 9, Dallas had more wins at the Meadowlands than the Jets did.
Mike Tice was classic on the mic'd up feature. My favorite was Randy Moss asking him, "Are you scared?". Tice said, "No, get out there". A couple of other great ones from Tice: "These guys will drive you to drink... More." And when he told the referee, "I'm not that smart. That's why I got this pencil". Tice looks like a great guy to play for. He sounds like a cross between Vince Lombardi and Rocky Balboa...
Week 10: You had to love the "Carolina Prowler" fan. During a time out, someone from the Carolina staff sought out the Prowler, who was selected as fan of the game. Somehow, the guy wound up with a microphone that was broadcasting live to the entire stadium. The situation was 3rd and long with 10 minutes left in the 4th quarter. The Panthers were leading 20-14. The Prowler grabbed the mic and yelled, "Simeon Rice and Warren Sapp, you guaranteed a win. Well, we guarantee we're going to kick your butt." The crowd went wild. But so did Rice who quickly registered two sacks as the Bucs took the lead. Said Center Jeff Mitchell, "It's usually (receiver) Steve Smith we're trying to keep quiet. He's talking trash to the D-line. Now we've got somebody in the stands doing it."
Here's how it's going for the Cowboys. The camera caught a young woman waving a sign in Dallas that said, "Marry Me Tuna"
Week 10: Gary Anderson's longest field goal of the season so far is only 43 yards. I'm pretty sure there's something in the league bylaws invoking a mandatory retirement if you finish a season with your longest Field goal being less than your age.
Takeo Spikes talks non stop on the field. In ESPN's "Mic'd Up" segment he gets on Miami's Jamie Nails who weighs in at 360 pounds. "Your big a** needs to get on the stick. Get on the jump rope, son."
Note to Troy Hambrick: I'd hold off on buying that big house in Dallas if I were you.
Week 10: Green Bay's Darren Sharper had me rolling before Monday Night's game doing the "Reg" from ESPN's video game: "Do I play football? Every day I do." My wife had to ask me what was so funny about that.
Mike Irvin looks like he raided the Bad Guys wardrobe closet from the Dick Tracy set...
Here's how weird week 10 was: Brett Favre had just barely twice as many passing yards as Rudi Johnson had carries.
Cincinnati has four players with the last name of Johnson on their roster. I'll let you make your own joke there.
I know I'm supposed to make the connection between Shockey and "G-Shock" but the watch ads are terrible. Besides, if they wanted a guy wearing a watch, I bet they could've snagged Reggie Roby for a lot less money. (The old timers will get that one...)
Congratulations to Indianapolis Head Coach Tony Dungy. He's the only head coach to notch victories over all 32 teams. That's no easy feat.
I rail on guys like Aaron Brooks who joke around after a loss. I found this quote from the Yankee's Derek Jeter talking about the World Series. Granted, it was a bigger game he lost but the point is still the same. "You play to win. If the other team beats you and it doesn't make you sick than you shouldn't be competing." Amen.
Parkersburg, Iowa has a population of 1,800. Yet they boast four current NFL players. If New York City had the same ratio, they'd have 16,000 current NFL players. At least according to ESPN's math...
Week 11: Dallas wide receiver Terry Glenn was stoked about facing his former team. "I just hate everything about everything over there," Glenn said. "I can't wait to get up there. I hate everything about New England."
Those guys on the Coors Night Out commercial have a full evening. I can't remember the last time I managed to squeeze sumo wrestling, dinner, cards, bowling and a hockey game all into one night.
Week 11: Titans coach Jeff Fisher suffered a brain cramp last week when Jacksonville's Marcus Stroud made some very derogatory comments toward Fisher. Instead of taking the high road, Fisher responded with this: "We had a great deal of interest in him (Stroud) prior to the draft. We thought he was a fine player, but we were concerned about his (Wonderlic) test score." As you probably know, the Wonderlic test is an intelligence / aptitude test given to rookies. It was a low blow and Fisher was reprimanded by the league. If that wasn't bad enough, Stroud actually scored a 23 on the test which is considered good and happens to be higher than several quarterbacks who are starting in the league. To his credit, Fisher sought out Stroud in the pregame warm-ups and apologized. Stroud was cool afterwards - "What he said is just part of the game. Coach Fisher is a good coach who has his boys playing well. I told him I understood where he was coming from."
Panthers wide receiver Ricky Proehl was asked to describe his quarterback Jake Delhomme's behavior in the huddle. Proehl said Delhomme was "like a little boy with Attention Deficit Disorder." Delhomme does seem like he has a lot of fun. From a personality angle, he reminds me of Brett Favre. In the South where I live, they'd say, "He ain't near right". Funny, but that's probably how Delhomme would say it too...
So much for the "Marshall Faulk's Return Will Kill Torry Holt's Numbers" theory...
San Francisco center Jeremy Newberry was asked what he feels like after a game. He said, "You ever been in a real good car wreck?"...
Week 11: I've been a Peter Warrick fan for a long time. He was great during the press conference Sunday. "Y'all came to see Dante Hall. And instead you got some of P-Duhhhhhb". You gotta like that.
Note to Lisa Guerrero: Pinky Tuscadero called and wants her jacket back.
For you dynasty league guys in deep leagues - remember this name: Ricky Ray. He's the 6'3" / 210 pound quarterback who just led the Edmonton Eskimos to a Grey Cup win in the CFL. He's logged two excellent seasons with Edmonton and has drawn the eye of many NFL teams. The best part is that he's only 24. Stay tuned...
ESPN finished a segment with Hank Goldberg and followed with Mike Irvin. I thought for a second I was watching the Cartoon Network.
"That shouldn't be too hard" Ronde Barber when asked if he'd try to make Tiki Barber fumble.
Steve McNair is injured again. Surprise. No doubt he's a very tough guy playing through injury. But it begs the question - is it better to be a guy like McNair who is often injured but plays or is it better to be like Peyton Manning and just not be injured?
I know it's a long shot, but if they ever make a movie about Carmen Policy, http://www.clevelandbrowns.com/team/front_office/ Joe Pesci http://henancius.martin-scorsese.net/pesci/index.html is a shoe in. Why do I think of these things?
Week 12: I know it's cold in Kansas City this time of year but someone please give Dick Vermeil a different jacket and hat? He looks like Santa and it's confusing my kids.
Speaking of the CFL, hats off to wide receiver Jermaine Copeland. The former University of Tennessee player became the first player to lead three professional leagues in receiving: The CFL, the XFL and NFL Europe. Just because I know you guys like stuff like that...
Week 12: Something was totally goofy Sunday with quick scores: Tennessee's Frank Wycheck is making up for lost time. He scored two touchdowns Sunday in a span of 49 seconds. And Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck threw two touchdowns in the span of 16 seconds. And finally, Minnesota scored two touchdowns within 20 seconds of each other and both were on interception returns. That has to be some sort of record.
Seattle coach Mike Holmgren wanted every edge he could get with his Seahawks on the Playoff bubble: "I told the fellas, that if they don't normally go to church, I wanted them in church tomorrow". Must have worked.
Week 12: Kordell Stewart rushed four straight plays from inside the 1 Sunday. Note to Anthony Thomas Owners: Yes, Dick Jauron really does hate you.
Have you ever noticed that the Bengals jersey looks a lot like the Jaguars jersey with the cat thing on the sleeve? Well yeah, one is black and the other is teal. And the Bengals have the tiger stripes on the shoulder. And. Ok, they both have the cat thing on their sleeves.
Smooth move from Brett Favre wearing the Bart Starr Throwback # 15 jersey at the press conference. 30 years from now, the starting quarterback for the Packers will be wearing a throwback # 4 jersey.
Week 12: Featuring names like Sam Gash, Rock Cartwright, Omar Easy, and Mack Strong, I've long said the fullback position has a stronghold on the best names by position race. They got even stronger this week when Joey Goodspeed was activated for St. Louis.
Every year, I see it more and more clearly: Al Davis was right. Just win, Baby. It's all about the wins. Jon Gruden wins the Super Bowl and he's a fiery competitor. They miss the playoffs and he's too emotional. Bill Parcells rips his players and it's funny. Bill Callahan rips his players and it's a mutiny. It's all about the wins.
I like the Bengals in all black. Speaking of Cincinnati, hats off to them and to Marvin Lewis. They didn't quite well enough to earn a playoff spot but you had to like what they did there. I still find it interesting that for a all the improvements Marvin Lewis made there, the defense is still awful.
Another season, another year without Tampa Bay returning a kick for a touchdown. I'd trade for Dante Hall if I were them.
Priest Holmes is just a touchdown machine. He's the anti Fred Taylor. The Chiefs can be driving down the field using all their players but you just know that when it comes time to score, it'll be Holmes.
Everyone knows Steve McNair is tough, but sheesh. http://www.sperts.net/article.php?page=70
Week 13: One of the cooler moments I've ever seen on a football field happened two Sundays ago in Green Bay. And it didn't involve a player. The National Anthem was sung by a young boy who is blind. Little guy looked to be about 10 years old and was decked out in full on Packers gear. Had his guide dog by his side. By the time he got to "land of the free" the applause was thunderous. Brett Favre, smiling from ear to ear, put his helmet on during the song so he could applaud.
After he finished, coach Mike Sherman walked over to the boy, bent down, shook his hand and said, "I'm Mike Sherman, coach of the Packers" The boy couldn't have been any more startled if they'd told him President Bush was standing in front of him. He excitedly said, "Mike Sherman? It's an honor to meet you!".
Sherman's a better man than me because I wouldn't have been able to say anything there. The coach was cool though and said, "It's an honor to meet you too. I want you to know the guys are all excited about what you sang there."
The kid didn't hesitate one second and said, "Go Pack". Un frickin believable.
Eagle fullback Jon Ritchie says he likes all his running backs. "We can run the same play whether it's Buck, Duce or Brian and it's all the same to me. Because I don't have a camera in my butt."
Most disturbing image of the week that is unfortunately burned into my brain. (The faint of heart should stop right now. Seriously). There was a Sasquatch looking guy in the stands at Green Bay with no shirt on. He was hairy enough to shave Brett Favre's jersey out of his chest and back hair. Sporting the #4 plus "FAVRE" on the back. I still can't shake it.
Week 13: When asked about the soft pass defense, coach Dick Vermeil said they were in a "Prevent - Prevent". When pressed for details on this "Prevent - Prevent", Vermeil said it was "looser than loose." Yessir.
Earlier this season, USA Today ran its NFL midseason package featuring four capsules of information about rookies to watch, including Cardinal wide receiver Anquan Boldin. One of the information categories was the player's "secret ambition." Green Bay linebacker Nick Barnett talked about getting into the music industry. Minnesota defensive end Kevin Williams talked about being a professional basketball player. Dallas cornerback Terence Newman said he wanted to be Jennifer Lopez's husband. This was Boldin's answer: "To turn our organization around and make people believe we're winners." That doesn't sound a rookie NFL player to me.
With every loss, Dennis Erickson's hair gets a little mussier and he starts looking more and more like Andy Warhol.
I guess it's pretty safe to say that with all the preseason worry, Priest Holmes' hip is ok.
I love when an ad is set up. Sprint has been running the ad where the Sprint guy explains the new deal to the sorority girls and they just start squealing and screaming until the windows shatter. Sunday, Sprint started running a similar ad where the same guy explains the same deal to the fraternity guys. And they start squealing and screaming until the windows shatter. Classic.
Matt and Tim Hasselbeck prove that Male Pattern Baldness is indeed genetic.
I've always loved Miami's logo with the dolphin wearing the helmet. But why does the little dolphin's helmet http://www.miamidolphins.com/home/home_index.asp have just a plain "M" on it? Shouldn't the helmet on the dolphin logo look like Miami's real helmet? Which sports the logo of the dolphin with the helmet. It could be an Escher like dolphin on the helmet to infinity thing. I think I do need help.
Week 13: There's a little unrest in Dallas this week. Derek Ross fumbled twice Thursday and was cut. His locker was cleaned out and reporters said his clothes and shoes were in a nearby trashcan. I predict zero Cowboy fumbles Sunday.
I'm pretty neutral on Dan Reeves, http://images.nfl.com/images/coaches/reeves_dan.jpg but c'mon Coach, use the whole bottle of Grecian Formula next time.
Week 14: Cool image Sunday from Foxboro when at the end of the game, fans were throwing snow into the air like confetti. Hats off to the rabid fans who brace the cold / snow / wind in support of their team. But I have to admit, I like my way of watching games with a nice chair, shorts and my NFL Films T shirt. Nothing beats a live game though.
Speaking of tough, why is it that nobody talks about Eddie George being tough? This guy has never missed a start. That goes back to when his team was the Oilers in Houston.
The Colts' Tony Dungy has never challenged a call. Is that right?
I've been a big fan of the Bengals' Jon Kitna all season but how in the world does he take that sack before halftime. Everyone in the stadium is saying, "Do anything but take a sack". It's a lot easier for me sitting in this chair than it is for him on the field.
Week 14: My new buddy Ray Lewis had plenty to say as always. During the Raven's dismantling of Cincinnati, Lewis put his arm around running back Jamal Lewis and said, "I need you, boy. That's what I'm talking about. CARRY US! CARRY US!" I don't know about you, but when Ray Lewis says "CARRY US!", I'm good to go. It was a good picture of how he leads the team on both sides of the ball.'
Note to Donte' Stallworth and Peerless Price - Great games this past weekend. But the season started in September, fellas.
Dan Marino was asked why he called Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga, "Mr." Huizenga. He said, "He put a statue of me outside the stadium." That works for me.
Vikings owner Red McCombs sounded a little miffed and then stuck his foot in his mouth as he usually does when talking to the LA Times about defensive coordinator George O'Leary leaving for Central Florida: "If you're married to one girl and have another one stashed, I think you'd be thinking a lot about the other one ... not that I've ever done that.''
Week 14: Interesting stat lines from this weekend: Ten running backs gained 100 yards or more. Only one quarterback passed for more than 300 yards. Nine of the ten teams with the 100 yard rusher won their game. The team with the lone 300 yard passer was blown out by 18 points.
Steve Young put Mike Irvin in his place Sunday with the "You've convinced me once again that when you lined up on the field, you were a lot closer to the Gatorade than you were to the action on the field".
With half of Denver's starters on the sidelines, Sunday was the perfect reason why no fantasy league should have a meaningful game played in week 17. Much less their Super Bowl.
One of the most telling quotes of the year regarding the state of some pro athletes came from Saints head coach Jim Haslett following the Joe Horn cell phone celebration: "He'll learn. He's only 32."
My one comment on Horn (I'm contractually obligated to whine/rip/defend him as a member of the writing community): You may have seen ESPN's Dan Patrick interview with Horn on Monday night. The wide receiver repeatedly said this wasn't about drawing attention to Joe Horn. You know what? I'm fine if you want to showboat. Just showboat, take your fine and be done with it. But don't sit there on national TV and take me for being friggin' stupid.
I bet the Texan's Demarcus Faggins is so over the Hobbit jokes.
Week 14: Kansas City's Eddie Kennison was the latest guy talking smack last week when he said of Denver: "We'd rather be 11-1 frauds than 7-5, you know, hanging from a string from Mike Shanahan sucking on his behind all the time. This weekend - y'all can quote me, y'all can do what you want to do - but we're going to put something on their a**, you can believe that. You think I'm not serious? Huh, I'm about to get emotional right now just thinking about it. Put something on their a**, that's what we're going to do."
This was pretty big talk from a guy that once quit the team 12 hours before kickoff 8 weeks into the season. Says Rod Smith, "He quit the night before a game. We were 4-4 and we needed him. I had to go out there and I had two rookies and a third-year guy playing receiver and I'd rather go out there with some guys who wanted to play with their hearts."
Smith held up his two huge Super Bowl rings for Kennison and said: "Before you start popping off at the mouth you ought to get yourself some of these."
C'mon Jamal Lewis. Get Happy. http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/187391
FOX's James Brown called Terry Bradshaw a "suppository of information". I'm not sure Bradshaw got it.
Funny moment on the sideline of the Eagles game. Defensive tackle Corey Simon was heatedly explaining in great detail how he was going to adjust his technique. He went on and on about "A" gaps and "B" gaps. It was somewhat complicated sounding. Finally, linebacker Nate Wayne said, "In other words, just make a damn play."
Indianapolis' Mike Vanderjagt looks tired of the media trying to bring up the Peyton Manning thing. After his game winning kick Sunday, he said, "Peyton lines 'em up and I knock 'em down. I'm Peyton's biggest fan and he's my biggest fan." That's really all there is to it.
Week 14: Carolina's Mike Rucker was mic'd for the game and had plenty to say. He was toying with 2nd year Falcon tackle Kevin Shaffer. After one play he shouted, "What's up now, Seven Six? You're scared. Call the poh-lice if you're scared!" Before the game, Rucker had the Panthers whipped into a frenzy. He said, "We're like a pack of wolves that ain't ate in a while! Let's EAT!" And then the broke the huddle with "1-2-3-EAT!" That was pretty funny.
I may be the only one, but I still love Steve Spurrier. If nothing else just for his post game comments. After Bruce Smith set the "all time" (since 1892) NFL Sack Record, Spurrier was asked what Bruce Smith meant to the team. He slowly said in that drawl, "Bruce? What has he meant to our team? Well, he's one of our defensive ends. He plays about half the time. He's a good leader and a veteran player."
Scanning the Injury Report, looks like Saddam Hussein (Iraq) will be inactive for the foreseeable future.
Week 15: The Clinton Portis injury has many owners in a panic as they try to decipher the cryptic signals coming out of Bronco headquarters. Smcindoe from our message boards put it best: "People, it's Mike Freaking Shanahan. Portis could be dead for all we know."
New York Giants RB Ron Dayne, the 1999 Heisman winner and the Giants' No. 1 draft pick in 2000, went the entire season without being active for a game. Because you need to know that kind of stuff.
Tom Brady is now 25-4 in the months of November and December as a starter.
With 41 consecutive field goals, it's pretty safe to say Vanderjagt is in the proverbial "zone." He said, "The uprights are looking pretty big right now."
Watching the Colts celebrate in the locker room, I wondered why the championship T-shirts are always too big while the hats are too small. Why do I notice such things?...
As tough as this season must have been for him, it was nice to see Steve Mariucci finish with a win.
How awesome was Tennessee's Neil O'Donnel Sunday? This guy was on the couch a few weeks ago. And he looked like never skipped a beat. He talked about working through his progressions down to his third and fourth reads. Are you kidding me? He was pretty funny when asked about his style. He's not one to take a sack if he doesn't have to. "Steve [McNair] can improvise and make things happen. Me, I'm going to get the ball out."
Bill Parcells talked about why he's so strict and as usual, he didn't mince words: "I've got young, immature and in some cases stupid players, ok?"
Week 15: Ray Lewis reminded me of Jules "Did I break your concentration?" Winnfield from Pulp Fiction when he yelled to the Raider offense: "Don't get nervous 'cause I'm here".
The worst TV broadcast guy doing a game this Sunday is still better than Bill Walton covering a basketball game.
One of my favorite commercials is the Brett Favre spot where he walks around town "second guessing" the folks that they should have watched out for the water main or double bagged the groceries. How long till the Packer fans create their own spoof with Favre walking by a couple of Culpepper/Moss look alikes and saying, "I woulda beaten Arizona."
"I felt like I ran 20 yards. Probably got 8". Peyton Manning on his quarterback draw play.
Lion (and former Ram) Dre Bly was cool when asked if beating St. Louis made it any more special: "Don't ask me that. I still have a lot of good friends over there. I'm just glad to be able to finish out like this."
Week 16: Brett Favre. Wow. I could fill this column with thoughts on the Monday night game but I don't have the writing skill to do it justice. So I'll leave it at "Wow".
Donte' Stallworth was definitely not cool tossing the ball back to rookie cornerback Terence Newman on his touchdown reception. When you put of 485 yards for the season, you shouldn't be showing off to anyone.
Quincy Carter now has 12 interceptions in his last 7 games. I know he's an ultra-hard worker but does that sound like a Bill Parcells quarterback to you?
Is Mike Vick important to the Falcons? They were 2-10 without him. And 3-1 with him.
No confirmation as of yet, but I hear Coors Light will be teaming Joe Namath with Kid Rock for the new commercials...
Hats off (literally) to Randy Moss for the stylin' blow out afro http://www.startribune.com/stonline/images/news15/15VIKE122103.jpg.l.jpg
After he caught the game winning touchdown, Nathan Poole nearly had his head taken off by Anquan Boldin. If Boldin played for Minnesota, they would have thrown a flag.
Hindsight is 20-20 but I know I wasn't the only one who raised an eyebrow at Mike Tice forgoing the sure FG on the first drive and going for the touchdown. They failed to convert and Arizona drove the field and posted a field goal. Minnesota looked like a team that thought they could toy with Arizona.
Tony Dungy looked pretty smart Sunday having Mike Vanderjagt fake the FG and pooch kick a punt to pin the Texans deep. Carr threw an interception and the Colts scored.
Prior to Sunday's debacle in Detroit, ESPN reported that St. Louis coach Lovie Smith would have plenty of time to interview for head coaching jobs this week as his team had the bye. I'd say Smith gets a little more focused this week.
How'd the game go for Dallas Sunday? Defensive end Eric Ogbogu entered the game and ran almost to midfield before he realized he didn't have his helmet with him.
Green Bay scored Sunday on a 0 yard fumble return by Marcus Wilkins and a 98 yard run by Ahman Green. That's pretty much the spectrum.
Was there any NFL fan in the country that wasn't watching Jamal Lewis try to break Eric Dickerson's record Sunday night? I can't imagine there was.
Congrats to Jamal Lewis. 2066 rushing yards. What else can you say?
Hats off as well to Pittsburgh's Jerome Bettis. He passed Jim Brown on the all time rushing list.
Speaking of Jim Brown, Jamal Lewis has averaged over 99 yards per game for his career. That's second only to Brown.
ESPN's Paul Maguire had a nice comment after Lewis ripped through the Steeler line early in the game: "If you can't touch him, you can't stop him." You also have to congratulate the Steelers staff on making the adjustments that were needed.
Baltimore is back to the scary defense. Guys look like they're afraid of getting hurt when they line up against Ray Lewis and company. And they probably have good reason to. Speaking of Baltimore, I'm not sure that Ed Reed isn't as good as Ray Lewis.
What a season by San Diego's LaDainian Tomlinson. 1000 yards rushing and 100 receptions is special. He's one of those guys that will post sneaky type numbers in leagues that reward RBs for receiving yards.
Did you see backup quarterback Kyle Boller punt for Baltimore? Regular punter Dave Zastudil broke his nose and coach Brian Billick asked for volunteers.
You have to give Jamal Lewis his props. As I said, 2066 says it all. But I'm hearing lots of people saying not only should Eric Dickerson be worried about his record, but that Emmitt Smith ought to be worried about his mark. Easy there. Get back to me about 10,000 yards from now and we'll start talking about it.
Week 16: "They're the greatest show on turf, we're the greatest improvement on grass." -- Bengals WR Chad Johnson after a 27-10 defeat at St. Louis.
From the miracle finish in Arizona to his receivers catching TD passes they have no business catching, things are looking special for Green Bay. Brett Favre sees it: "Something is going on here."
Oakland tackle Lincoln Kennedy went to the University of Washington. That's a presidential sounding resume...
Week 16: If Jamal Lewis could play the Browns every week, he'd roll up 4,000 yards this season. I've heard this a hundred times since Sunday and you probably have too. But it's still pretty impressive.
According to Sportsline.com's Pete Prisco, some of the Arizona players had started calling quarterback Jeff Blake "Leon" from the Budweiser commercial. Really? I thought Leon at least was a good player.
Kevan Barlow? I knew it. Truthfully, we all knew it. Now let's see if the 49ers do anything about it.
Week 16: Denver's Quentin Griffin ran wild Sunday Night. Say what you want about Mike Shanahan and the Denver front office but those guys can scout running backs.
When did everyone get so interested in hotels? I don't understand all the fuss over a video of the Hilton in Paris. I did find this hot picture though http://www.ehi.com/travel/ehi/france/paris-hotels-paris-hilton.htm
Along those lines, does any running back in the league go down easier than Troy Hambrick? I think not.
And yes, I STILL miss Melissa Stark.
That'll do it Folks.
Here's to Football. Have a great 2004 and I'll see you here next season. Thanks for letting me share this goofy stuff with you.
Joe
Thanks to Footballguys Bob Harris, Bri and Mike Anderson for the help with this one.
i just wanted to share it with you.. great read about the season and tons of stuff that you will think.. hmm.. yeah.. i thought that too!
"Hi Folks,
I think it's fitting that the regular season wrap up around December 25. Because for me, the NFL season is sort of like Christmas: Tons of anticipation and then it seems to be over before I know it.
I think this has been my favorite season ever. But then I say that every December. I admit it, I'm an NFL junkie. And I'm guessing the fact you're reading this puts you pretty far up the NFL Junkie scale too. It's ok. Recognition is the first step.
Seriously, part of the fun in writing this column is that every week, I know I'll get to share some thoughts with folks like yourself who love football as much as I do. And that strikes me as a very good thing. I've had a blast throwing out my goofy thoughts this season. And I've chuckled at the emails from people telling me they've thought some of the same things as they were watching the games. (the fact these people are having the same thoughts as me should probably concern these folks...)
Before this turns into a Hallmark card let's get on with this. I've got some stuff from this past week 17, but I've also drug up some of the more interesting things I remember seeing during the year. I've thrown them into the mix as well. It's a wrap to the season for these Random Shots.
Bottom line is this thing has been an absolute gas. It's my sincerest hope that enjoyed reading it 1% as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Here's to Football,
Joe
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Random Shots Season Finale
A Twisted Look At The NFL And All That Goes With It
Here's what happens when you sit an NFL Junkie down in front of multiple big screens with Sunday Ticket and fresh batteries in the remote...
I've said it before, but things move pretty fast around here. You have to pay attention. Looking back not too long ago, the Bills and Bledsoe were unstoppable, the Patriots had no chance without Lawyer Milloy, the Falcons would be ok with Doug Johnson, the Cowboys were in for a rough year, Keyshawn Johnson and Jon Gruden were poised to dominate again, and Rush Limbaugh was getting good reviews on ESPN's countdown show...
The NFC North was decided Sunday in Sun Devil Stadium by Josh McCown and Nathan Poole. Think about that.
CBS' Dan Marino stunned the audience earlier this year when he stated that the Cleveland Browns have a drug problem: "They get drug down one side of the field and get drug back down to the other."
I love the guy, but unless he scores a TD, Peyton Manning always comes off the field looking constipated...
The Ravens finished the regular season with 2,674 rushing yards and 2,255 passing yards. And a defense that is scaring everyone. I wonder if Brian Billick could have envisioned that scenario five years ago?
I like ESPN's Monday Countdown show but why didn't anyone tell me they were replacing Stuart Scott with Urkel?
Dallas kicker Billy Cundiff has a shoe in the Hall of Fame in Canton. Yes, Billy Cundiff.
Buffalo, Washington and Oakland, thanks for mailing week 17 in.
One (of the many) things I love about football: There's no set "formula". You can win with great defense and an average offense. You can win with great offense and an average defense. It's been very interesting to me the differences among extremely effective coaches. Grumpy Bill Parcells playing mind games with his players is on the far end of the spectrum from the cry at the drop of a hat Dick Vermeil. But both are leading their teams very effectively. The one thing they both have very much in common is that they've done this before. Cool.
Note to Al Michaels: Greg Brady called and wants his tie back.
"People who use stats don't know the game. When you know the game inside and out, you can look at it and understand. You ask my mom to make a gumbo, she can't tell you how much of anything goes into it. She can't tell you the stats, but she can kick a gumbo in the butt." -- Greg Blache, defensive coordinator of the Bears, on how statistics are overrated in the NFL.
Classic quote from Kansas City kicker Morten Andersen after Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt (who is 71) was needling Andersen about his age: "I find it ironic that Lamar Hunt talks to me about age. I mean the guy had lunch with Alexander the Great".
Nobody does the "beautiful girl in a football jersey singing the Star Spangled Banner" better than the Titans. Of course it helps being in Nashville. You may remember Faith Hill a few years back. Earlier this year, LeAnn Rimes did an awesome job. They also had the Challenger Bald Eagle that flies into the stadium and lands on the trainer's hand. If that didn't get you fired up for the season, you should stop reading right here because you and I don't have enough in common for this thing to work.
Week 2: Lisa Guerrero looked more than a little nervous interviewing Lawrence Taylor. Joe Theisman would have looked more comfortable...
Marv Levy laid out what it takes to be successful at the NFL level: "A great football coach has the vision to see, the faith to believe, the courage to do, and Brett Favre to play quarterback."
ESPN's Tom Jackson cut right to the chase with Minnesota's defense: "I'm looking for a technical term to describe the Vikings defense: They suck."
Week 2: Terrell Owens warmed up on an all white skin tight Lycra suit before the game. He looked like a cross between Michael Johnson and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Cris Collinsworth commented for FOX that it was "amazing how all wide receivers are built pretty much alike..."
I don't think this is an original from Bill Cowher but it's still good: "As often happens in business, warfare, and sports, the 7 P's determine much of the outcome for any endeavor: Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance."
Patriots head coach Bill Belichick offered this advice for drafting real NFL players that makes a lot of sense for you guys at your FF draft: "Patience is another. Everybody's going to have their time at bat. You're going to get your swing at the plate. You can't force it. What's there is there. What's not is not. You can't manufacture guys. You can't say, `Well, we need a guard and even though there aren't any there, we're going to manufacture one. This guy can do this, he can do that, and he can do something else.' Then when you sit back objectively and look at it, you're just trying to force something there that's not really there. That's the position you don't want to be in. We want to feel good about the players we've picked, and I think that's the most important thing. "
Week 2: Colts Center Jeff Saturday was credited with a fumble Sunday when Manning was in the shotgun but Saturday thought the quarterback was under center. How many centers get charged with fumbles? And not to get personal, but can't you tell whether Manning's there or not?...
Anyone else think it was a little creepy that New England smoked Buffalo 31-0 to close the season after being trounced by them 0-31 to open the season?
Green Bay's Donald Driver said to Brett Favre before the huge week 16 Monday Night game following the death of Favre's father, "Anything you throw, we're gonna catch." He was pretty much right.
Week 3: Great quote from Indianapolis Colt Reggie Wayne who caught two touchdowns. "The crowd was chanting 'Reg-gie, Reg-gie' and some of the guys said they were looking around to see if (Indiana Pacer) Reggie Miller had walked into the stadium..."
How does Matt Millen keep a job? Seriously. I suspect there are some sensitive Ford photographs hidden somewhere. And I don't mean the 2005 Mustang.
The New York Giants players surprised departing coach Jim Fassel Saturday night before the game with a sentimental presentation and video they made for the coach. There were lots of humorous spots in it that helped cheer up a tough situation. I said earlier that I understood Dan Reeves' reasoning and doing what he did. But I bet Jim Fassel wouldn't trade that Saturday night for just about anything.
Week 3: Warren Sapp's Beyonce celebration prompted ESPN's Dan Patrick to drag up some of the worst celebration moments. You'll remember Gus Frerotte headbutting the wall and injuring himself, Bill Gramatica leaping for joy and wrecking his knee, Coy Detmer doing something I'm unable to describe and Matt Hasselbeck leaping into what should have been his teammates arms but instead was just air as he came crashing down face first into the turf. Evidently, there's something about white guys and celebrations gone bad.
Speaking of Sapp, he lists one of his hobbies as "Swimming".
Week 3: An interesting quote from Martz speaking of Lamar Gordon who wasn't feeling too well Sunday "He was throwing up on the sideline when we were going out on the field" in the fourth quarter. I was trying to tell him he was OK. He didn't look OK. He was re- painting the sideline over there."
Surely someone makes shoes for kickers that don't look like ballet slippers, don't they? C'mon.
Does Terry Bradshaw have enough hair left for James Brown to call him the "Blonde Bomber". I'm just asking.
New drinking game for you. Toss one back every time James Brown says the word "paydirt" when FOX breaks in for a highlight. You'd better be within walking distance of home...
I still think it's odd that lots of coaches arrive at the stadium in a really nice looking coat and tie. And nobody sees them. Then when the get on the sideline in front of hundreds of thousands of viewers, they wear a sweatshirt.
Week 3: Anyone else cringe when Rush Limbaugh agreed with Michael Irvin and said, "Michael and I are bros on this one". You go, Rush. Get down with your bad self. Shizzle the Nizzle and all that...
Seattle's Koren Robinson is a regular at a fancy spa in Washington. He says, "I'm cool with my masculinity. I'm not ashamed to get a little pampering like the ladies do." Although he does have some requirements. "Make sure a female works on me. I come to the spa to take my mind off things. I don't need no man rubbin' me"
Week 4: Terrell Owens screaming at offensive coordinator Greg Knapp made me think of the Godfather line when Michael has to confront his brother after the Moe Green incident: "Fredo, you're my older brother and I love you, but don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever". Note to Owens, if Dennis Erickson arranges a fishing trip in a small boat on a secluded lake for you and Tony Siragusa, don't go...
I don't really "get" the Lays commercial with the girl talking non stop about her football knowledge. Am I supposed to like her? If so, I'd say the ad agency missed the mark on that one.
Somebody in New England please get Tom Brady to mess his hair up a little and take a new photo http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/187741
Week 4: I thought Tom Jackson was going to smack Michael Irvin on the set when Irvin started talking about how you shouldn't yell at your quarterback or your head coach, but the offensive coordinator was fair game. And I don't care how old he is, I want no part of Tom Jackson...
I don't get nearly as much hate mail as I used to from Vikings fans for when I was ripping their pass defense early in the year.
Week 4: Is it just me or is Carolina's Jake Delhomme looking almost too confident? It looked like he winked at the camera a couple of times just for fun. Is it a bad thing that I noticed that?...
Here's a quote from Fassel in the last days as a Giant: "Men, you are fortunate to do what you do for your life's work. Playing in the NFL is an honor. Coaching in the NFL is an honor. Don't ever take it for granted. This is a great organization. A great organization. A proud organization. Don't ever disrespect it or the NFL. Because we're all fortunate. Don't ever take for granted that you'll be here forever, because that's not this league either. It's an honor to play here. And it's been an honor for me to coach you. And I mean that sincerely. Time moves on. It's part of this game. I love you guys. I mean that sincerely. It didn't always come out right, but you gave me the effort. And when the ship was going down...you guys held together. There was no finger-pointing going on. That's a sign of your character. And nobody can take that away from you. I love you, men."
Week 5: Evidently, Denver coach Mike Shanahan missed my Random Shots last week where I advised all NFL coaches to kick away from Dante Hall. That hurts, Mike. Really.
Philadelphia defensive end "N.D." Kalu's real name is Ndukwe (pronounced EN-doo-kway). I love this guy. He's from Nigeria and in the Ibo language, Ndukwe means "long life and prosperity" and Kalu means "god of thunder". He lives in Houston and went back to Rice this offseason and earned enough credits to graduate with a major in English. You don't graduate from Rice unless you're sharp. Nice work, Ndukwe.
Week 5: Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck summed things up pretty well after Sunday's loss to the Packers: "It's tough to win when Brett Favre is having a Brett Favre day".
Jacksonville cornerback Fernando Bryant on trying to cover David Boston: "I have no problem saying, that's probably the most physically mismatched I will ever be, or any other corner will ever be. I have no problem saying that. Physically, not ability-wise, but physically, that (Boston) is a freak of nature. I've never seen anything like it. The coaches tell you to go up and be physical with him. I mean, it's a physical mismatch. There's no way. Once he gets his hands on you . . . I mean, I'm 180 - wet. If he gets his hands on me, there's nothing I can do. All you can try to do is work the scheme of the defense and be where you're supposed to be and hold your leverage."
Classic quote from Dallas wide receiver Joey Galloway on how to stop the Dallas passing attack: "Double Terry Glenn and roll an extra guy over to Antonio Bryant..."
Week 6: You probably know about Jacksonville punter Chris Hanson taking a swing with Jack Del Rio's "motivational" axe at the wooden stump he placed in the locker room to encourage his players to "keep chopping wood". Hanson missed and cut his leg severely enough that he's out for the year. This is also the guy that hurt himself last year in a fondue cooking accident. That is just wrong on so many levels...
Do I really need to be told it's a "dramatization" when the submarine comes bursting through the ice on the Ford Explorer commercial?
Something I did not know: Denver cornerback Jimmy Spencer is the first Player - Coach in the league since Dan Reeves in 1971. He's an assistant defensive backs coach. Mike Shanahan says he can handle it. "We talked about the workload and all the responsibility. But of all the people I've been around, I thought Jimmy could handle it because he's very mature and very smart. I think he's got a big upside in coaching." Good for him.
On ESPN's Monday Countdown show, John Madden always does a little segment where they use action from his EA Sports Madden 2004 game to illustrate what he's talking about. They show the video game Marc Bulger throwing the TD to Isaac Bruce and such. I bet the guys who market ESPN's football video game don't like that.
I'm a Deion Sanders fan. But it still cracks me up that he's the host of American Sportsman.
Week 6: ESPN's Michael Irvin has picked up where Sterling Sharpe left off with the splashy suits. Said the more conservatively dressed Tom Jackson Sunday, "I don't know whether to talk to him or date him".
You have to like the Budweiser "Real Men of Genius" commercials. But the "Foot Long Hot Dog Inventor" spot plays a lot better on radio...
Week 6: You probably saw Cleveland kicker Phil Dawson take off on the fake field goal Sunday. Here's a great quote from Browns defensive end, Kenard Lang: "Dawson looked like that guy Forest Gump. I was gonna yell, 'Run Forrest, run.' He didn't look all that pretty running but the result was beautiful, man."
Cincinnati's Pro Bowl offensive tackle Willie Anderson made his feelings pretty clear on Corey Dillon: "That's the old Cincinnati Bengals. Anybody with that old mentality, we've got to get him out of here. "If you don't want to be here, if you don't want to pay the price that Marvin [Lewis] is demanding that you pay, get him out of here. Bye. Good Riddance. Out."
Speaking of Dillon, he removed all of his equipment and uniform after the game and threw it into the crowd. Even his cleats. Really now, what do you do with a Corey Dillon cleat?
Week 7: As you know, Jake Plummer will miss a few weeks with an injured foot. Details were pretty sketchy but apparently, he injured the foot while playing but the real damage came when he got out of his chair at home. No word as to whether Brian Griese's dog was involved.
I'm with Shooter McGavin from our http://footballguys.net/forum/ message boards in that those Under Armor commercials kinda scare me. Those guys start hopping around with the "We must protect this house" stuff and it looks like they're about to break into a West Side Story dance / rumble.
Week 7: Asked if he had ever seen a play like the one Moss made Sunday, flipping a no-look, over-the-shoulder lateral -- as he was being tackled by two players -- to a trailing Moe Williams, who then raced 15 yards for a touchdown as the first-half clock expired, Denver receiver Rod Smith replied: "Yeah, on PlayStation. ..."
I've got a new theory on the Bengals. Their number of wins in a season are inversely related to the number of times that Mike Brown's name is brought up. I think I'm on to something.
Why aren't more QBs better at faking the play action pass handoff? I mean, that takes no skill. I'd be a world class play action faker.
Week 7: ESPN interviewed Miami's Ricky Williams and they asked the mandatory questions about his hair. When they went back to the studio, Tom Jackson said of Williams' hair, "I been thinking about going that route myself"
Riddle me this - I was browsing through the NFL.com jerseys the other day. I know different jerseys have different number styles and embroidery and such but it seemed interesting to me that an authentic home customizable Reebok Colts jersey was $189.99. Same thing for the Packers was $199. But the same style home jersey for Dallas is $304.99. Why do I suspect Jerry Jones has something to do with that?...
Week 7: Denver's Rod Smith summed up his feelings on backup quarterback Danny Kanell: "Danny did a good job. If he did a great job, we would've won."
Anyone miss Rush Limbaugh? Just askin'.
Donte' Stallworth's chronic hamstring troubles made me think of Isaac Bruce. Remember way back when he had so much trouble there?
I wonder what the Maryland folks think of Panther Kris Jenkins' assessment of college life: "You practice in the afternoon, it's easy. You feel invincible. The teachers, you know, give you a little more leeway, so you can sleep through class, get notes from a girl or something like that and you're fine."
Week 7: I know Steve Beuerlein is old and all. But does he really need to ride the golf cart to the locker room after a finger injury?
The Bengals now have gone 13 years without a playoff appearance. That's the second longest among any team in any of the four major sports.
"Four major sports" - I always try to make sure and use that phrase around my friends who like NASCAR or Soccer.
Week 8: Asked what the Titans have to do to beat the Jaguars this past weekend, Tennessee coach Jeff Fisher took a shot at the Jaguars recent locker room axe injury when he replied "just keep chopping wood". That's harsh.
ESPN ran a feature on New England's Fred McCrary owning a barbershop. I think it's safe to say that Carolina's Rod Smart is not a regular customer. http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/283505
CBS' Jim Nantz said the Lions were looking "rather feisty" Sunday. Hang on there Jim, football's almost over and you can get back to golf here soon.
Week 9: It was only fitting that New Orleans' Boo Williams had a big catch on Halloween weekend.
I'm not sure what it says about the fans at Mile High when the Barrel Man is signing autographs.
Dunno about you but that Pam Anderson commercial has me seriously considering that Sirius radio thing.
Cletidus Hunt's middle name is Marquell. His teammates call him "Nuke". Just because I know you guys like to know that kind of stuff.
Week 9: When will the Colts' Mike Vanderjagt miss? I wonder now if Tony Dungy feels bad about making Vanderjagt sweat this summer in camp. After the Manning - Vanderjagt issue in the off season, Indianapolis carried a 2nd kicker right up until the final cuts. (Note - as you well know, it's now Wildcard Weekend and Vanderjagt still hasn't missed.)
I personally think one of the most stupid "conventional wisdoms" in sports is the "you can't lose your job to injury". Why? It's the coach's job to put the best players on the field. If a backup player proves himself to be better than the guy he replaces, why shouldn't he remain the guy? In reality, that's how it works. Just look at Marc Bulger / Kurt Warner. Coaches aren't stupid. At least not the ones who stay employed.
Week 9: With all due respect to my many friends in Minnesota, I kind of agree with the Green Bay guys when discussing the Viking - Packer rivalry. How tough can you look in the "Heidi" wig? Really. (Note - this one generated a ton of email from Vikings fans asking me how tough one could look with a block of cheese on their head. That's a pretty good point.)
Is there a worse uniform in all of pro sports than an NFL Pro Bowl jersey?
By week 9, Dallas had more wins at the Meadowlands than the Jets did.
Mike Tice was classic on the mic'd up feature. My favorite was Randy Moss asking him, "Are you scared?". Tice said, "No, get out there". A couple of other great ones from Tice: "These guys will drive you to drink... More." And when he told the referee, "I'm not that smart. That's why I got this pencil". Tice looks like a great guy to play for. He sounds like a cross between Vince Lombardi and Rocky Balboa...
Week 10: You had to love the "Carolina Prowler" fan. During a time out, someone from the Carolina staff sought out the Prowler, who was selected as fan of the game. Somehow, the guy wound up with a microphone that was broadcasting live to the entire stadium. The situation was 3rd and long with 10 minutes left in the 4th quarter. The Panthers were leading 20-14. The Prowler grabbed the mic and yelled, "Simeon Rice and Warren Sapp, you guaranteed a win. Well, we guarantee we're going to kick your butt." The crowd went wild. But so did Rice who quickly registered two sacks as the Bucs took the lead. Said Center Jeff Mitchell, "It's usually (receiver) Steve Smith we're trying to keep quiet. He's talking trash to the D-line. Now we've got somebody in the stands doing it."
Here's how it's going for the Cowboys. The camera caught a young woman waving a sign in Dallas that said, "Marry Me Tuna"
Week 10: Gary Anderson's longest field goal of the season so far is only 43 yards. I'm pretty sure there's something in the league bylaws invoking a mandatory retirement if you finish a season with your longest Field goal being less than your age.
Takeo Spikes talks non stop on the field. In ESPN's "Mic'd Up" segment he gets on Miami's Jamie Nails who weighs in at 360 pounds. "Your big a** needs to get on the stick. Get on the jump rope, son."
Note to Troy Hambrick: I'd hold off on buying that big house in Dallas if I were you.
Week 10: Green Bay's Darren Sharper had me rolling before Monday Night's game doing the "Reg" from ESPN's video game: "Do I play football? Every day I do." My wife had to ask me what was so funny about that.
Mike Irvin looks like he raided the Bad Guys wardrobe closet from the Dick Tracy set...
Here's how weird week 10 was: Brett Favre had just barely twice as many passing yards as Rudi Johnson had carries.
Cincinnati has four players with the last name of Johnson on their roster. I'll let you make your own joke there.
I know I'm supposed to make the connection between Shockey and "G-Shock" but the watch ads are terrible. Besides, if they wanted a guy wearing a watch, I bet they could've snagged Reggie Roby for a lot less money. (The old timers will get that one...)
Congratulations to Indianapolis Head Coach Tony Dungy. He's the only head coach to notch victories over all 32 teams. That's no easy feat.
I rail on guys like Aaron Brooks who joke around after a loss. I found this quote from the Yankee's Derek Jeter talking about the World Series. Granted, it was a bigger game he lost but the point is still the same. "You play to win. If the other team beats you and it doesn't make you sick than you shouldn't be competing." Amen.
Parkersburg, Iowa has a population of 1,800. Yet they boast four current NFL players. If New York City had the same ratio, they'd have 16,000 current NFL players. At least according to ESPN's math...
Week 11: Dallas wide receiver Terry Glenn was stoked about facing his former team. "I just hate everything about everything over there," Glenn said. "I can't wait to get up there. I hate everything about New England."
Those guys on the Coors Night Out commercial have a full evening. I can't remember the last time I managed to squeeze sumo wrestling, dinner, cards, bowling and a hockey game all into one night.
Week 11: Titans coach Jeff Fisher suffered a brain cramp last week when Jacksonville's Marcus Stroud made some very derogatory comments toward Fisher. Instead of taking the high road, Fisher responded with this: "We had a great deal of interest in him (Stroud) prior to the draft. We thought he was a fine player, but we were concerned about his (Wonderlic) test score." As you probably know, the Wonderlic test is an intelligence / aptitude test given to rookies. It was a low blow and Fisher was reprimanded by the league. If that wasn't bad enough, Stroud actually scored a 23 on the test which is considered good and happens to be higher than several quarterbacks who are starting in the league. To his credit, Fisher sought out Stroud in the pregame warm-ups and apologized. Stroud was cool afterwards - "What he said is just part of the game. Coach Fisher is a good coach who has his boys playing well. I told him I understood where he was coming from."
Panthers wide receiver Ricky Proehl was asked to describe his quarterback Jake Delhomme's behavior in the huddle. Proehl said Delhomme was "like a little boy with Attention Deficit Disorder." Delhomme does seem like he has a lot of fun. From a personality angle, he reminds me of Brett Favre. In the South where I live, they'd say, "He ain't near right". Funny, but that's probably how Delhomme would say it too...
So much for the "Marshall Faulk's Return Will Kill Torry Holt's Numbers" theory...
San Francisco center Jeremy Newberry was asked what he feels like after a game. He said, "You ever been in a real good car wreck?"...
Week 11: I've been a Peter Warrick fan for a long time. He was great during the press conference Sunday. "Y'all came to see Dante Hall. And instead you got some of P-Duhhhhhb". You gotta like that.
Note to Lisa Guerrero: Pinky Tuscadero called and wants her jacket back.
For you dynasty league guys in deep leagues - remember this name: Ricky Ray. He's the 6'3" / 210 pound quarterback who just led the Edmonton Eskimos to a Grey Cup win in the CFL. He's logged two excellent seasons with Edmonton and has drawn the eye of many NFL teams. The best part is that he's only 24. Stay tuned...
ESPN finished a segment with Hank Goldberg and followed with Mike Irvin. I thought for a second I was watching the Cartoon Network.
"That shouldn't be too hard" Ronde Barber when asked if he'd try to make Tiki Barber fumble.
Steve McNair is injured again. Surprise. No doubt he's a very tough guy playing through injury. But it begs the question - is it better to be a guy like McNair who is often injured but plays or is it better to be like Peyton Manning and just not be injured?
I know it's a long shot, but if they ever make a movie about Carmen Policy, http://www.clevelandbrowns.com/team/front_office/ Joe Pesci http://henancius.martin-scorsese.net/pesci/index.html is a shoe in. Why do I think of these things?
Week 12: I know it's cold in Kansas City this time of year but someone please give Dick Vermeil a different jacket and hat? He looks like Santa and it's confusing my kids.
Speaking of the CFL, hats off to wide receiver Jermaine Copeland. The former University of Tennessee player became the first player to lead three professional leagues in receiving: The CFL, the XFL and NFL Europe. Just because I know you guys like stuff like that...
Week 12: Something was totally goofy Sunday with quick scores: Tennessee's Frank Wycheck is making up for lost time. He scored two touchdowns Sunday in a span of 49 seconds. And Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck threw two touchdowns in the span of 16 seconds. And finally, Minnesota scored two touchdowns within 20 seconds of each other and both were on interception returns. That has to be some sort of record.
Seattle coach Mike Holmgren wanted every edge he could get with his Seahawks on the Playoff bubble: "I told the fellas, that if they don't normally go to church, I wanted them in church tomorrow". Must have worked.
Week 12: Kordell Stewart rushed four straight plays from inside the 1 Sunday. Note to Anthony Thomas Owners: Yes, Dick Jauron really does hate you.
Have you ever noticed that the Bengals jersey looks a lot like the Jaguars jersey with the cat thing on the sleeve? Well yeah, one is black and the other is teal. And the Bengals have the tiger stripes on the shoulder. And. Ok, they both have the cat thing on their sleeves.
Smooth move from Brett Favre wearing the Bart Starr Throwback # 15 jersey at the press conference. 30 years from now, the starting quarterback for the Packers will be wearing a throwback # 4 jersey.
Week 12: Featuring names like Sam Gash, Rock Cartwright, Omar Easy, and Mack Strong, I've long said the fullback position has a stronghold on the best names by position race. They got even stronger this week when Joey Goodspeed was activated for St. Louis.
Every year, I see it more and more clearly: Al Davis was right. Just win, Baby. It's all about the wins. Jon Gruden wins the Super Bowl and he's a fiery competitor. They miss the playoffs and he's too emotional. Bill Parcells rips his players and it's funny. Bill Callahan rips his players and it's a mutiny. It's all about the wins.
I like the Bengals in all black. Speaking of Cincinnati, hats off to them and to Marvin Lewis. They didn't quite well enough to earn a playoff spot but you had to like what they did there. I still find it interesting that for a all the improvements Marvin Lewis made there, the defense is still awful.
Another season, another year without Tampa Bay returning a kick for a touchdown. I'd trade for Dante Hall if I were them.
Priest Holmes is just a touchdown machine. He's the anti Fred Taylor. The Chiefs can be driving down the field using all their players but you just know that when it comes time to score, it'll be Holmes.
Everyone knows Steve McNair is tough, but sheesh. http://www.sperts.net/article.php?page=70
Week 13: One of the cooler moments I've ever seen on a football field happened two Sundays ago in Green Bay. And it didn't involve a player. The National Anthem was sung by a young boy who is blind. Little guy looked to be about 10 years old and was decked out in full on Packers gear. Had his guide dog by his side. By the time he got to "land of the free" the applause was thunderous. Brett Favre, smiling from ear to ear, put his helmet on during the song so he could applaud.
After he finished, coach Mike Sherman walked over to the boy, bent down, shook his hand and said, "I'm Mike Sherman, coach of the Packers" The boy couldn't have been any more startled if they'd told him President Bush was standing in front of him. He excitedly said, "Mike Sherman? It's an honor to meet you!".
Sherman's a better man than me because I wouldn't have been able to say anything there. The coach was cool though and said, "It's an honor to meet you too. I want you to know the guys are all excited about what you sang there."
The kid didn't hesitate one second and said, "Go Pack". Un frickin believable.
Eagle fullback Jon Ritchie says he likes all his running backs. "We can run the same play whether it's Buck, Duce or Brian and it's all the same to me. Because I don't have a camera in my butt."
Most disturbing image of the week that is unfortunately burned into my brain. (The faint of heart should stop right now. Seriously). There was a Sasquatch looking guy in the stands at Green Bay with no shirt on. He was hairy enough to shave Brett Favre's jersey out of his chest and back hair. Sporting the #4 plus "FAVRE" on the back. I still can't shake it.
Week 13: When asked about the soft pass defense, coach Dick Vermeil said they were in a "Prevent - Prevent". When pressed for details on this "Prevent - Prevent", Vermeil said it was "looser than loose." Yessir.
Earlier this season, USA Today ran its NFL midseason package featuring four capsules of information about rookies to watch, including Cardinal wide receiver Anquan Boldin. One of the information categories was the player's "secret ambition." Green Bay linebacker Nick Barnett talked about getting into the music industry. Minnesota defensive end Kevin Williams talked about being a professional basketball player. Dallas cornerback Terence Newman said he wanted to be Jennifer Lopez's husband. This was Boldin's answer: "To turn our organization around and make people believe we're winners." That doesn't sound a rookie NFL player to me.
With every loss, Dennis Erickson's hair gets a little mussier and he starts looking more and more like Andy Warhol.
I guess it's pretty safe to say that with all the preseason worry, Priest Holmes' hip is ok.
I love when an ad is set up. Sprint has been running the ad where the Sprint guy explains the new deal to the sorority girls and they just start squealing and screaming until the windows shatter. Sunday, Sprint started running a similar ad where the same guy explains the same deal to the fraternity guys. And they start squealing and screaming until the windows shatter. Classic.
Matt and Tim Hasselbeck prove that Male Pattern Baldness is indeed genetic.
I've always loved Miami's logo with the dolphin wearing the helmet. But why does the little dolphin's helmet http://www.miamidolphins.com/home/home_index.asp have just a plain "M" on it? Shouldn't the helmet on the dolphin logo look like Miami's real helmet? Which sports the logo of the dolphin with the helmet. It could be an Escher like dolphin on the helmet to infinity thing. I think I do need help.
Week 13: There's a little unrest in Dallas this week. Derek Ross fumbled twice Thursday and was cut. His locker was cleaned out and reporters said his clothes and shoes were in a nearby trashcan. I predict zero Cowboy fumbles Sunday.
I'm pretty neutral on Dan Reeves, http://images.nfl.com/images/coaches/reeves_dan.jpg but c'mon Coach, use the whole bottle of Grecian Formula next time.
Week 14: Cool image Sunday from Foxboro when at the end of the game, fans were throwing snow into the air like confetti. Hats off to the rabid fans who brace the cold / snow / wind in support of their team. But I have to admit, I like my way of watching games with a nice chair, shorts and my NFL Films T shirt. Nothing beats a live game though.
Speaking of tough, why is it that nobody talks about Eddie George being tough? This guy has never missed a start. That goes back to when his team was the Oilers in Houston.
The Colts' Tony Dungy has never challenged a call. Is that right?
I've been a big fan of the Bengals' Jon Kitna all season but how in the world does he take that sack before halftime. Everyone in the stadium is saying, "Do anything but take a sack". It's a lot easier for me sitting in this chair than it is for him on the field.
Week 14: My new buddy Ray Lewis had plenty to say as always. During the Raven's dismantling of Cincinnati, Lewis put his arm around running back Jamal Lewis and said, "I need you, boy. That's what I'm talking about. CARRY US! CARRY US!" I don't know about you, but when Ray Lewis says "CARRY US!", I'm good to go. It was a good picture of how he leads the team on both sides of the ball.'
Note to Donte' Stallworth and Peerless Price - Great games this past weekend. But the season started in September, fellas.
Dan Marino was asked why he called Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga, "Mr." Huizenga. He said, "He put a statue of me outside the stadium." That works for me.
Vikings owner Red McCombs sounded a little miffed and then stuck his foot in his mouth as he usually does when talking to the LA Times about defensive coordinator George O'Leary leaving for Central Florida: "If you're married to one girl and have another one stashed, I think you'd be thinking a lot about the other one ... not that I've ever done that.''
Week 14: Interesting stat lines from this weekend: Ten running backs gained 100 yards or more. Only one quarterback passed for more than 300 yards. Nine of the ten teams with the 100 yard rusher won their game. The team with the lone 300 yard passer was blown out by 18 points.
Steve Young put Mike Irvin in his place Sunday with the "You've convinced me once again that when you lined up on the field, you were a lot closer to the Gatorade than you were to the action on the field".
With half of Denver's starters on the sidelines, Sunday was the perfect reason why no fantasy league should have a meaningful game played in week 17. Much less their Super Bowl.
One of the most telling quotes of the year regarding the state of some pro athletes came from Saints head coach Jim Haslett following the Joe Horn cell phone celebration: "He'll learn. He's only 32."
My one comment on Horn (I'm contractually obligated to whine/rip/defend him as a member of the writing community): You may have seen ESPN's Dan Patrick interview with Horn on Monday night. The wide receiver repeatedly said this wasn't about drawing attention to Joe Horn. You know what? I'm fine if you want to showboat. Just showboat, take your fine and be done with it. But don't sit there on national TV and take me for being friggin' stupid.
I bet the Texan's Demarcus Faggins is so over the Hobbit jokes.
Week 14: Kansas City's Eddie Kennison was the latest guy talking smack last week when he said of Denver: "We'd rather be 11-1 frauds than 7-5, you know, hanging from a string from Mike Shanahan sucking on his behind all the time. This weekend - y'all can quote me, y'all can do what you want to do - but we're going to put something on their a**, you can believe that. You think I'm not serious? Huh, I'm about to get emotional right now just thinking about it. Put something on their a**, that's what we're going to do."
This was pretty big talk from a guy that once quit the team 12 hours before kickoff 8 weeks into the season. Says Rod Smith, "He quit the night before a game. We were 4-4 and we needed him. I had to go out there and I had two rookies and a third-year guy playing receiver and I'd rather go out there with some guys who wanted to play with their hearts."
Smith held up his two huge Super Bowl rings for Kennison and said: "Before you start popping off at the mouth you ought to get yourself some of these."
C'mon Jamal Lewis. Get Happy. http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/187391
FOX's James Brown called Terry Bradshaw a "suppository of information". I'm not sure Bradshaw got it.
Funny moment on the sideline of the Eagles game. Defensive tackle Corey Simon was heatedly explaining in great detail how he was going to adjust his technique. He went on and on about "A" gaps and "B" gaps. It was somewhat complicated sounding. Finally, linebacker Nate Wayne said, "In other words, just make a damn play."
Indianapolis' Mike Vanderjagt looks tired of the media trying to bring up the Peyton Manning thing. After his game winning kick Sunday, he said, "Peyton lines 'em up and I knock 'em down. I'm Peyton's biggest fan and he's my biggest fan." That's really all there is to it.
Week 14: Carolina's Mike Rucker was mic'd for the game and had plenty to say. He was toying with 2nd year Falcon tackle Kevin Shaffer. After one play he shouted, "What's up now, Seven Six? You're scared. Call the poh-lice if you're scared!" Before the game, Rucker had the Panthers whipped into a frenzy. He said, "We're like a pack of wolves that ain't ate in a while! Let's EAT!" And then the broke the huddle with "1-2-3-EAT!" That was pretty funny.
I may be the only one, but I still love Steve Spurrier. If nothing else just for his post game comments. After Bruce Smith set the "all time" (since 1892) NFL Sack Record, Spurrier was asked what Bruce Smith meant to the team. He slowly said in that drawl, "Bruce? What has he meant to our team? Well, he's one of our defensive ends. He plays about half the time. He's a good leader and a veteran player."
Scanning the Injury Report, looks like Saddam Hussein (Iraq) will be inactive for the foreseeable future.
Week 15: The Clinton Portis injury has many owners in a panic as they try to decipher the cryptic signals coming out of Bronco headquarters. Smcindoe from our message boards put it best: "People, it's Mike Freaking Shanahan. Portis could be dead for all we know."
New York Giants RB Ron Dayne, the 1999 Heisman winner and the Giants' No. 1 draft pick in 2000, went the entire season without being active for a game. Because you need to know that kind of stuff.
Tom Brady is now 25-4 in the months of November and December as a starter.
With 41 consecutive field goals, it's pretty safe to say Vanderjagt is in the proverbial "zone." He said, "The uprights are looking pretty big right now."
Watching the Colts celebrate in the locker room, I wondered why the championship T-shirts are always too big while the hats are too small. Why do I notice such things?...
As tough as this season must have been for him, it was nice to see Steve Mariucci finish with a win.
How awesome was Tennessee's Neil O'Donnel Sunday? This guy was on the couch a few weeks ago. And he looked like never skipped a beat. He talked about working through his progressions down to his third and fourth reads. Are you kidding me? He was pretty funny when asked about his style. He's not one to take a sack if he doesn't have to. "Steve [McNair] can improvise and make things happen. Me, I'm going to get the ball out."
Bill Parcells talked about why he's so strict and as usual, he didn't mince words: "I've got young, immature and in some cases stupid players, ok?"
Week 15: Ray Lewis reminded me of Jules "Did I break your concentration?" Winnfield from Pulp Fiction when he yelled to the Raider offense: "Don't get nervous 'cause I'm here".
The worst TV broadcast guy doing a game this Sunday is still better than Bill Walton covering a basketball game.
One of my favorite commercials is the Brett Favre spot where he walks around town "second guessing" the folks that they should have watched out for the water main or double bagged the groceries. How long till the Packer fans create their own spoof with Favre walking by a couple of Culpepper/Moss look alikes and saying, "I woulda beaten Arizona."
"I felt like I ran 20 yards. Probably got 8". Peyton Manning on his quarterback draw play.
Lion (and former Ram) Dre Bly was cool when asked if beating St. Louis made it any more special: "Don't ask me that. I still have a lot of good friends over there. I'm just glad to be able to finish out like this."
Week 16: Brett Favre. Wow. I could fill this column with thoughts on the Monday night game but I don't have the writing skill to do it justice. So I'll leave it at "Wow".
Donte' Stallworth was definitely not cool tossing the ball back to rookie cornerback Terence Newman on his touchdown reception. When you put of 485 yards for the season, you shouldn't be showing off to anyone.
Quincy Carter now has 12 interceptions in his last 7 games. I know he's an ultra-hard worker but does that sound like a Bill Parcells quarterback to you?
Is Mike Vick important to the Falcons? They were 2-10 without him. And 3-1 with him.
No confirmation as of yet, but I hear Coors Light will be teaming Joe Namath with Kid Rock for the new commercials...
Hats off (literally) to Randy Moss for the stylin' blow out afro http://www.startribune.com/stonline/images/news15/15VIKE122103.jpg.l.jpg
After he caught the game winning touchdown, Nathan Poole nearly had his head taken off by Anquan Boldin. If Boldin played for Minnesota, they would have thrown a flag.
Hindsight is 20-20 but I know I wasn't the only one who raised an eyebrow at Mike Tice forgoing the sure FG on the first drive and going for the touchdown. They failed to convert and Arizona drove the field and posted a field goal. Minnesota looked like a team that thought they could toy with Arizona.
Tony Dungy looked pretty smart Sunday having Mike Vanderjagt fake the FG and pooch kick a punt to pin the Texans deep. Carr threw an interception and the Colts scored.
Prior to Sunday's debacle in Detroit, ESPN reported that St. Louis coach Lovie Smith would have plenty of time to interview for head coaching jobs this week as his team had the bye. I'd say Smith gets a little more focused this week.
How'd the game go for Dallas Sunday? Defensive end Eric Ogbogu entered the game and ran almost to midfield before he realized he didn't have his helmet with him.
Green Bay scored Sunday on a 0 yard fumble return by Marcus Wilkins and a 98 yard run by Ahman Green. That's pretty much the spectrum.
Was there any NFL fan in the country that wasn't watching Jamal Lewis try to break Eric Dickerson's record Sunday night? I can't imagine there was.
Congrats to Jamal Lewis. 2066 rushing yards. What else can you say?
Hats off as well to Pittsburgh's Jerome Bettis. He passed Jim Brown on the all time rushing list.
Speaking of Jim Brown, Jamal Lewis has averaged over 99 yards per game for his career. That's second only to Brown.
ESPN's Paul Maguire had a nice comment after Lewis ripped through the Steeler line early in the game: "If you can't touch him, you can't stop him." You also have to congratulate the Steelers staff on making the adjustments that were needed.
Baltimore is back to the scary defense. Guys look like they're afraid of getting hurt when they line up against Ray Lewis and company. And they probably have good reason to. Speaking of Baltimore, I'm not sure that Ed Reed isn't as good as Ray Lewis.
What a season by San Diego's LaDainian Tomlinson. 1000 yards rushing and 100 receptions is special. He's one of those guys that will post sneaky type numbers in leagues that reward RBs for receiving yards.
Did you see backup quarterback Kyle Boller punt for Baltimore? Regular punter Dave Zastudil broke his nose and coach Brian Billick asked for volunteers.
You have to give Jamal Lewis his props. As I said, 2066 says it all. But I'm hearing lots of people saying not only should Eric Dickerson be worried about his record, but that Emmitt Smith ought to be worried about his mark. Easy there. Get back to me about 10,000 yards from now and we'll start talking about it.
Week 16: "They're the greatest show on turf, we're the greatest improvement on grass." -- Bengals WR Chad Johnson after a 27-10 defeat at St. Louis.
From the miracle finish in Arizona to his receivers catching TD passes they have no business catching, things are looking special for Green Bay. Brett Favre sees it: "Something is going on here."
Oakland tackle Lincoln Kennedy went to the University of Washington. That's a presidential sounding resume...
Week 16: If Jamal Lewis could play the Browns every week, he'd roll up 4,000 yards this season. I've heard this a hundred times since Sunday and you probably have too. But it's still pretty impressive.
According to Sportsline.com's Pete Prisco, some of the Arizona players had started calling quarterback Jeff Blake "Leon" from the Budweiser commercial. Really? I thought Leon at least was a good player.
Kevan Barlow? I knew it. Truthfully, we all knew it. Now let's see if the 49ers do anything about it.
Week 16: Denver's Quentin Griffin ran wild Sunday Night. Say what you want about Mike Shanahan and the Denver front office but those guys can scout running backs.
When did everyone get so interested in hotels? I don't understand all the fuss over a video of the Hilton in Paris. I did find this hot picture though http://www.ehi.com/travel/ehi/france/paris-hotels-paris-hilton.htm
Along those lines, does any running back in the league go down easier than Troy Hambrick? I think not.
And yes, I STILL miss Melissa Stark.
That'll do it Folks.
Here's to Football. Have a great 2004 and I'll see you here next season. Thanks for letting me share this goofy stuff with you.
Joe
Thanks to Footballguys Bob Harris, Bri and Mike Anderson for the help with this one.