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Dolphins' new name: 'Clowns of the sea'
Pro football.
The National Football League.
A man's game.
And there is one story that is begging to be discussed. One story that is sticking out like a dislocated finger. One story that needs no analytical proof from a laboratory to be obviously true.
And that story is this:
The Miami Dolphins are certifiably insane.
Hey, don't be blaming the messenger. Don't dismiss this statement of fact just because I have been mildly critical of the Dolphins in the past. Anyone can see this. Dolphins fans can see this. I bet Don Shula can see this.
The Dolphins are nuts. Whacko. Bonkers. Crackers. Teched. Looney. Bananas. Non compos mentis.
Sadly, there is too much circumstantial evidence from this offseason alone to even think about listing here. Let's touch on the lowlights:
It starts at the top with owner H. Wayne Huizenga, who spanks Coach Dave Wannstedt (figuratively speaking, at least) but inexplicably doesn't fire him. H. Wayne also doesn't fire personnel guy Rick Spielman. Instead, he promotes him.
Then there was that little embarrassment with Dan Marino -- who took a job that nobody understood and then realized he was hallucinating and ran back to the comfort of a TV studio, where his only concern is his mascara.
Then there was the strange period when someone named Joel Collier was offensive coordinator until he looked at the Dolphins' offensive line. So the Fish gave the job to someone named Chris Foerster -- a tight ends coach who never even has been in the same elevator with a coordinator.
Is it any wonder Ricky Williams lost all his hair?
Oh, and if you need a clincher:
The Dolphins beat everyone to the punch by racing out to sign A.J. Feeley -- who had been cleverly hidden by the Philadelphia Eagles as their third quarterback. So when Kerry Collins, Tim Couch, Kurt Warner, Jeff Garcia and other quarterbacks came on the open market, the Dolphins have been able to stand on their heads, wiggle their toes and say: "Don't call us 'cause we got A.J.!"
And, of course, they have poor Jay Fiedler, who still happens to be the starter despite Miami's constant efforts to humiliate him.
There's more -- but surely that's enough.
And here's the tragic part -- all this insanity supposedly will make the Dolphins better than last year when they were 10-6.
Come on, Dolphins fans, do you really believe your team has improved?
If you do, then you're certifiable, too.
Postscript: The Dolphins' answer, Feeley, has had a slow start in minicamps. I'm told one reason is that the Eagles used numbers to label their passing plays, while the Dolphins' new offensive coordinator uses words instead to identify his plays. You know, words such as "eenie, meenie, miney, mo."
The National Football League.
A man's game.
And there is one story that is begging to be discussed. One story that is sticking out like a dislocated finger. One story that needs no analytical proof from a laboratory to be obviously true.
And that story is this:
The Miami Dolphins are certifiably insane.
Hey, don't be blaming the messenger. Don't dismiss this statement of fact just because I have been mildly critical of the Dolphins in the past. Anyone can see this. Dolphins fans can see this. I bet Don Shula can see this.
The Dolphins are nuts. Whacko. Bonkers. Crackers. Teched. Looney. Bananas. Non compos mentis.
Sadly, there is too much circumstantial evidence from this offseason alone to even think about listing here. Let's touch on the lowlights:
It starts at the top with owner H. Wayne Huizenga, who spanks Coach Dave Wannstedt (figuratively speaking, at least) but inexplicably doesn't fire him. H. Wayne also doesn't fire personnel guy Rick Spielman. Instead, he promotes him.
Then there was that little embarrassment with Dan Marino -- who took a job that nobody understood and then realized he was hallucinating and ran back to the comfort of a TV studio, where his only concern is his mascara.
Then there was the strange period when someone named Joel Collier was offensive coordinator until he looked at the Dolphins' offensive line. So the Fish gave the job to someone named Chris Foerster -- a tight ends coach who never even has been in the same elevator with a coordinator.
Is it any wonder Ricky Williams lost all his hair?
Oh, and if you need a clincher:
The Dolphins beat everyone to the punch by racing out to sign A.J. Feeley -- who had been cleverly hidden by the Philadelphia Eagles as their third quarterback. So when Kerry Collins, Tim Couch, Kurt Warner, Jeff Garcia and other quarterbacks came on the open market, the Dolphins have been able to stand on their heads, wiggle their toes and say: "Don't call us 'cause we got A.J.!"
And, of course, they have poor Jay Fiedler, who still happens to be the starter despite Miami's constant efforts to humiliate him.
There's more -- but surely that's enough.
And here's the tragic part -- all this insanity supposedly will make the Dolphins better than last year when they were 10-6.
Come on, Dolphins fans, do you really believe your team has improved?
If you do, then you're certifiable, too.
Postscript: The Dolphins' answer, Feeley, has had a slow start in minicamps. I'm told one reason is that the Eagles used numbers to label their passing plays, while the Dolphins' new offensive coordinator uses words instead to identify his plays. You know, words such as "eenie, meenie, miney, mo."
Too funny. Good one Spaz.
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