My FF updates.

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Gunzlingr
    Registered User
    • Jul 2002
    • 45976

    My FF updates.

    11. (SD): Madden Tournament winner Hired as Offensive Coordinator

    Full Article:


    Clipped from: Todd Peterson, BBS San Diego Press

    SAN DIEGO - Edward Hoffman knew his hard work would pay off. It was only a
    matter of time. It paid off this past Tuesday.

    Hoffman, a 27 year old former dishwasher turned Offensive Coordinator was
    the winner of a local San Diego Madden tournament this past week.

    "It's a dream come true," the slightly overweight Hoffman said. "It's a
    great opportunity for me. This organization is great, and there's a good
    nucleus, a good group of players here. Head Coach Marty and GM A. J. Smith
    are showing they are willing to do what it take to win in this day and
    age."

    Hoffman stunned the coach with his offensive prowess during the game as he
    racked up consecutive 50+ point games, beating his opponents by an average
    score of 41 points. When asked about his strategies, he described his game
    plan as simple.

    "The key is developing a few money plays", he described. "We also plan on
    making some key substitutions throughout the game. Don't be surprised to
    see Quentin Jammer lining up at QB, or Tomlinson at DE"

    "We're excited about his talent and his abilities," said Chargers General
    Manager A.J. Smith. "That's why we hired him when we did. We'll fit him in
    with our offense and he'll get right after it. He's going to install an
    exciting offense."

    When asked about Hoffman's utter lack of real football experience outside
    of Madden, Chargers staff brushed off comments, stating "We have no where
    to go but up".

    Suspiciously absent from the press conference was Head Coach Marty
    Schottenheimer, who was reported to have been seen drinking heavily at a
    local bar.
    You think you're hot **** in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!
  • Gunzlingr
    Registered User
    • Jul 2002
    • 45976

    #2
    HC Tice (MIN) Reworks Randy Ratio, Gives Opponents Entire Offensive
    Strategy

    Full Article here:


    Clipped From: The Pioneer Press

    Minnesota Vikings head coach Mike Tice had some choice words for the media
    today; the Randy Ratio is back. Tice asserted that Moss would be the
    beneficiary of a whopping 92% of Culpepper's throws this season.

    "He's the best receiver in the game. You know what you do when you have
    the best receiver in the game on your team? You throw him the ball 92% of
    the time, that's what."

    Tice's comments raised eyebrows, but he dropped another bombshell when he
    revealed his exact game plan for the season on a PowerPoint presentation.

    "We'll run Michael every first down, toss to Randy on second, then go deep
    to Moss on third." When asked if that was the plan for every single drive,
    Tice gave an enthusiastic thumbs up. "You can take it to the bank."

    The other 8% of the passes would be split between Moe Williams and Ontario
    Smith, whom Tice has apparently more confidence in than any wide receivers
    not named Randy. "Not to take anything away from Marcus, Nate or Kelly,
    but they kind of suck." Tice admitted. "They'll be used strictly as decoys
    and to fetch Gatorade."

    Additionally, Tice told reporters he had worked out a Bennett, Smith and
    Williams ratio, figuring out the exact number of carries each would
    receive, and when they would receive them. He handed out sheets of paper
    detailing every play this season for reporters', and other teams'
    defensive coach's, convenience.

    "I'm tired of being asked who's going to start, is this running back by
    committee, are we going to win a Super Bowl, whatever. Now you know what I
    know. So if we miss the playoffs, it'll be your fault as much as mine."
    Tice also passed out Vikings playbooks to every reporter, even offering
    them to opposing head coaches.

    When one reporter pointed out that going public with this information
    would enable opposing teams to craft better defensive schemes against the
    Vikings, Tice's expression grew vacant. There was a twenty-three second
    pause, before Tice finally blurted the word "MOSS." Tice was then escorted
    gently away by wide receivers coach Charlie Baggett, who denied having any
    involvement in the new Randy Ratio and was subsequently seen posting his
    resume on monster.com.

    "I'm a bit flummoxed", Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells admitted when
    told of Tice's plans. "You don't want to tip your hand at what you're
    going to do come game day, but I guess he's pretty confident." Parcells
    quipped he'd instituted a Culpepper sack and fumble ratio for his team.
    "Now that I know exactly what they're going to do I think we'll be able to
    hold them to, oh, about zero yards on offense." The Cowboys face off
    against the Vikings on opening weekend.

    Lovie Smith beamed with delight when handed the Vikings playbook, but
    became despondent once again when reminded he was still head coach of the
    Chicago Bears.

    None of the Vikings could be reached for comment, though fervent prayer
    was heard from inside the locker room.
    You think you're hot **** in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!

    Comment

    • Gunzlingr
      Registered User
      • Jul 2002
      • 45976

      #3
      That Other Ricky Williams Really Wishing He Had Another Name Right
      About Now

      Link:www.not-that-ricky.com

      Clipped from: Colts Insider News 8/18/2004

      Former Colts running back Ricky Williams really wishes he wasn't named
      Ricky Williams these days, sources reported Tuesday.

      Williams, who was released by the Colts recently after two years with the
      team, had grown accustomed to being mistaken for his more famous
      namesake.

      "It was cool for a while," Williams said after a morning workout. "People
      who didn't really follow football all that closely would get me mixed up
      with the real Ricky Williams. I could get into clubs, meet women, and one
      guy gave me a nice discount on an SUV."

      But after the real Ricky quit the NFL to hang out with Lenny Kravitz,
      Williams has had a difficult time of things.

      "When I call teams looking for a job, they just laugh and hang up," he
      admitted. "I showed up Cardinals camp after Marcel Shipp got hurt and
      tried to talk to Dennis Green, but as soon as I introduced myself he got
      really nervous and asked me to pee in a cup."

      "I didn't even have to go," Williams added.

      Williams also complained of harassing phone calls from stoned guys wanting
      to know if he wants to come over and play Tecmo while they wait for their
      pizza order.

      "It used to be that at least I could explain to people that I was the bald
      Ricky Williams, the other guy was the Ricky Williams with dreadlocks,"
      Williams added. "But he decided to shave his head right before he retired.
      Thanks a lot for that, by the way."

      A clearly emotional Williams acknowledged the strain of sharing a name
      with a more talented player.

      "It's just frustrating," Williams explained. "I mean, I made the NFL. I
      started for the Colts a few times. For most people, that would be pretty
      good. But I'm not even the best guy ay my position with my name. How do
      you think that makes me feel?"

      Nodding reporters then asked Williams if he was really coming back to play
      for the Raiders in 2005, at which point the interview was cut short.
      You think you're hot **** in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!

      Comment

      Working...
      X