My FF updates.

[Gunzlingr]

11. (SD): Madden Tournament winner Hired as Offensive Coordinator

Full Article:
http://maddenrox.nfl2k5sux.net

Clipped from: Todd Peterson, BBS San Diego Press

SAN DIEGO - Edward Hoffman knew his hard work would pay off. It was only a
matter of time. It paid off this past Tuesday.

Hoffman, a 27 year old former dishwasher turned Offensive Coordinator was
the winner of a local San Diego Madden tournament this past week.

"It's a dream come true," the slightly overweight Hoffman said. "It's a
great opportunity for me. This organization is great, and there's a good
nucleus, a good group of players here. Head Coach Marty and GM A. J. Smith
are showing they are willing to do what it take to win in this day and
age."

Hoffman stunned the coach with his offensive prowess during the game as he
racked up consecutive 50+ point games, beating his opponents by an average
score of 41 points. When asked about his strategies, he described his game
plan as simple.

"The key is developing a few money plays", he described. "We also plan on
making some key substitutions throughout the game. Don't be surprised to
see Quentin Jammer lining up at QB, or Tomlinson at DE"

"We're excited about his talent and his abilities," said Chargers General
Manager A.J. Smith. "That's why we hired him when we did. We'll fit him in
with our offense and he'll get right after it. He's going to install an
exciting offense."

When asked about Hoffman's utter lack of real football experience outside
of Madden, Chargers staff brushed off comments, stating "We have no where
to go but up".

Suspiciously absent from the press conference was Head Coach Marty
Schottenheimer, who was reported to have been seen drinking heavily at a
local bar.

[Gunzlingr]

HC Tice (MIN) Reworks Randy Ratio, Gives Opponents Entire Offensive
Strategy

Full Article here:
http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/s...9418877.htm?&1c

Clipped From: The Pioneer Press

Minnesota Vikings head coach Mike Tice had some choice words for the media
today; the Randy Ratio is back. Tice asserted that Moss would be the
beneficiary of a whopping 92% of Culpepper's throws this season.

"He's the best receiver in the game. You know what you do when you have
the best receiver in the game on your team? You throw him the ball 92% of
the time, that's what."

Tice's comments raised eyebrows, but he dropped another bombshell when he
revealed his exact game plan for the season on a PowerPoint presentation.

"We'll run Michael every first down, toss to Randy on second, then go deep
to Moss on third." When asked if that was the plan for every single drive,
Tice gave an enthusiastic thumbs up. "You can take it to the bank."

The other 8% of the passes would be split between Moe Williams and Ontario
Smith, whom Tice has apparently more confidence in than any wide receivers
not named Randy. "Not to take anything away from Marcus, Nate or Kelly,
but they kind of suck." Tice admitted. "They'll be used strictly as decoys
and to fetch Gatorade."

Additionally, Tice told reporters he had worked out a Bennett, Smith and
Williams ratio, figuring out the exact number of carries each would
receive, and when they would receive them. He handed out sheets of paper
detailing every play this season for reporters', and other teams'
defensive coach's, convenience.

"I'm tired of being asked who's going to start, is this running back by
committee, are we going to win a Super Bowl, whatever. Now you know what I
know. So if we miss the playoffs, it'll be your fault as much as mine."
Tice also passed out Vikings playbooks to every reporter, even offering
them to opposing head coaches.

When one reporter pointed out that going public with this information
would enable opposing teams to craft better defensive schemes against the
Vikings, Tice's expression grew vacant. There was a twenty-three second
pause, before Tice finally blurted the word "MOSS." Tice was then escorted
gently away by wide receivers coach Charlie Baggett, who denied having any
involvement in the new Randy Ratio and was subsequently seen posting his
resume on monster.com.

"I'm a bit flummoxed", Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells admitted when
told of Tice's plans. "You don't want to tip your hand at what you're
going to do come game day, but I guess he's pretty confident." Parcells
quipped he'd instituted a Culpepper sack and fumble ratio for his team.
"Now that I know exactly what they're going to do I think we'll be able to
hold them to, oh, about zero yards on offense." The Cowboys face off
against the Vikings on opening weekend.

Lovie Smith beamed with delight when handed the Vikings playbook, but
became despondent once again when reminded he was still head coach of the
Chicago Bears.

None of the Vikings could be reached for comment, though fervent prayer
was heard from inside the locker room.

[Gunzlingr]

That Other Ricky Williams Really Wishing He Had Another Name Right
About Now

Link:www.not-that-ricky.com

Clipped from: Colts Insider News 8/18/2004

Former Colts running back Ricky Williams really wishes he wasn't named
Ricky Williams these days, sources reported Tuesday.

Williams, who was released by the Colts recently after two years with the
team, had grown accustomed to being mistaken for his more famous
namesake.

"It was cool for a while," Williams said after a morning workout. "People
who didn't really follow football all that closely would get me mixed up
with the real Ricky Williams. I could get into clubs, meet women, and one
guy gave me a nice discount on an SUV."

But after the real Ricky quit the NFL to hang out with Lenny Kravitz,
Williams has had a difficult time of things.

"When I call teams looking for a job, they just laugh and hang up," he
admitted. "I showed up Cardinals camp after Marcel Shipp got hurt and
tried to talk to Dennis Green, but as soon as I introduced myself he got
really nervous and asked me to pee in a cup."

"I didn't even have to go," Williams added.

Williams also complained of harassing phone calls from stoned guys wanting
to know if he wants to come over and play Tecmo while they wait for their
pizza order.

"It used to be that at least I could explain to people that I was the bald
Ricky Williams, the other guy was the Ricky Williams with dreadlocks,"
Williams added. "But he decided to shave his head right before he retired.
Thanks a lot for that, by the way."

A clearly emotional Williams acknowledged the strain of sharing a name
with a more talented player.

"It's just frustrating," Williams explained. "I mean, I made the NFL. I
started for the Colts a few times. For most people, that would be pretty
good. But I'm not even the best guy ay my position with my name. How do
you think that makes me feel?"

Nodding reporters then asked Williams if he was really coming back to play
for the Raiders in 2005, at which point the interview was cut short.