(FINAL)SEMIFINALS: Mr. Reality Defeats Crisis 28-7

[lordofgun]

SEMIFINALS: crisis vs. Mr. Reality

It's time for limericks! That's right, not only does it take original insults, but also some skill to win this game.

For the uneducated, a limerick is a five-line poem written with one couplet and one triplet. If a couplet is a two-line rhymed poem, then a triplet would be a three-line rhymed poem. The rhyme pattern is a a b b a with lines 1, 2 and 5 containing 3 beats and rhyming, and lines 3 and 4 having two beats and rhyming. Some people say that the limerick was invented by soldiers returning from France to the Irish town of Limerick in the 1700's.

Ex:

There once was a parson named Bings
Who talked about God and such things.
But his secret desire
Was to join a mixed choir
With nice ladies with whom he'd have flings.

Please note that I did not write the above limerick. It sucks.

Notice lines 1, 2, and 5 rhyme and lines 3 and 4 rhyme.

If that's too tough for you, you shouldn't be here, and deserve to lose.

Each contestant will take turns insulting each other. This round will consist of just 5 turns apiece, so make them good.

IMPORTANT: You should write ONLY a 5-line limerick in each post, NOTHING ELSE! Voters should deduct points for any words typed which are not a part of a limerick.

And remember, no editing your post once it's submitted!

crisis will go first. (smallest margin of victory in last round)

[Crisis]

So one day Mr. Real went to the store
Only to discover his money was no more
So he went to the street
And offered others his meat to beat
And now he is just a whore

[Mr.Reality]

Fifteen years of payin’
Is all that kept Crisis from gayin’
His drawers were not fickle
With a Canadian nickel
Do you dig what the **** I am sayin’?

[Crisis]

So one day Mr. Real went to the store
Only to discover his money was no more
So he went to the street
And offered others his meat to beat
And now he is just a whore

He thinks this is the american dream
But the real dream doesn't include a mouth full of sticky cream
So now hes the boss of the mob
But not the mob that robs
But the one with deep-throating as a theme

[Mr.Reality]

Crisis bought a new pup
Then removed his protective cup
As he ravaged his dog
He named it Log
‘Cause it never shut the **** up.

[Crisis]

There was man named Mr Real
Who would always cope a feel
on the local boys
when questioned on his joys
he said their virginity was his to steal

[Mr.Reality]

And then there was the guy named Crisis
Who nicknamed his own anus Isis
He liked steers and queers
Moose elk and deer
At lower than prostitute prices.

[Crisis]

So you're just an old man
Who lives off c-span
With more pimples than
star-trek fan Dan
and smells like an exhaust fan

[Mr.Reality]

Your gay- whore name is Naomi
For laughs men call you Foamy
You’ve wiped your chin
More than Ginger Lynn
Get the picture, homey?

[Crisis]

And you're whore name is Keith
you circumsize kids with your teeth
but not for pleasure
but for the treasure
of the taste underneath

[Mr.Reality]

The clock read quarter to four
When the poodle began to snore
Crisis kissed it goodnight
Then turned out the light
And quipped, “I am a virgin no more.”

[Mr. Miyagi]

That's 5 turns a piece. Great job guys. :up:

[SabreEleven]

So you're just an old man
Who lives off c-span
With more pimples than
star-trek fan Dan
and smells like an exhaust fan

This one might hurt you.

[Mr. Miyagi]

Mr.R all the way.

[lordofgun]

Polls close friday at 2:30PM

Final round starts Monday.

[Mr.Reality]

Good job Crisis.

[The King]

That will be some consolation if Mr R wins...

[Crisis]

Good job Crisis.

You too.

That LOG slam had me laughing.

[The_Philster]

close match guys. :up:

[Michael82]

Crisis bought a new pup
Then removed his protective cup
As he ravaged his dog
He named it Log
‘Cause it never shut the **** up.
:rofl: @ the log line

[RedEyE]

And you're whore name is Keith
you circumsize kids with your teeth
but not for pleasure
but for the treasure
of the taste underneath

This was the best entry. Too bad it's the only good one Crisis posted.

[mybills]

Mr. Reality, have you been practicing? You really sucked at limericks last time, and this time it's seems you've mastered it! :chuckle: Good job! :up:

[Shiny Chicken]

Everyone in this limerick contest sucked... Mr. R was the closest... but no one knows how to write poetry... and some of them would be so easy to fix... for instance...


And you're whore name is Keith
you circumsize kids with your teeth
but not for pleasure
but for the treasure
of the taste underneath
I fixed it in under a minute

They say that your whore name is Keith
You circumsize kids with your teeth
But not for the pleasure
Instead, for the treasure
Of enjoying the taste underneath.

[Mr. Miyagi]

I take it you have a very high opinion of yourself, don't you?

[Shiny Chicken]

Poetry... limericks included... have a rhythm... a beat. Your rhyming lines should match up in beat... though an extra down beat is allowed to start a line. For instance, the one I just "fixed"...

_ = downbeat
X = beat

_ X _ _ X _ _ X
They say that your whore name is Keith

_ X _ _ X _ _ X
You circumsize kids with your teeth

_ X _ _ X _
But not for the pleasure

_ X _ _ X _
Instead, for the treasure

_ _ X _ _ X _ _ X
Of enjoying the taste underneath.<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

Note the X's are all on natrually emphasized syllables


Notice the pattern?

_ X _ _ X _ _ X
_ X _ _ X _ _ X
_ X _ _ X _
_ X _ _ X _
_ _ X _ _ X _ _ X

Line 5, in this case has the allowed extra downbeat to start.

In limericks, lines 3 and 4 are always shorter!! They are also of the same length, unless there is that added syllable.

And I may be mistaken... but I believe that limericks almost always follow the "_ _ X" form... although, there are others.... the most famous, being iambic pentameter... which is how all of shakespeare's sonnets are written: "_ X _ X _ X _ X _ X"

Instead of following a few simple poetic rules that would have easily won anyone this round, you all sounded like 6 year olds trying to rhyme... except Mr. R, who sounded like a 12 year old.

[Shiny Chicken]

I take it you have a very high opinion of yourself, don't you?
I'm not a very good poet... that's why I find it so funny that all of these sucked so much.

I only think highly of myself when it comes to being on stage... but then if you want to be good at it, you have to think highly of yourself... otherwise you will suck.

But on other points, I don't think very highly of myself at all. For instance, I don't know how to fight. I probably couldn't beat up a dead frog.

[Crisis]

Too bad you got eliminated in the 1st round.

[Shiny Chicken]

Well, I sucked in the first round.

[chernobylwraiths]

close match guys. :up:

Really?

[chernobylwraiths]

Well, I sucked in the first round.

I got tired of seeing all the homosexual and incest type remarks. Is that the only way to insult people, to call them gay? Not much imagination.

I thought Mr. R's limerick's were the closest to having flow. Many only tried to rhyme and that's it. Some didn't even do a good job at that.

[imbondz]

The clock read quarter to four
When the poodle began to snore
Crisis kissed it goodnight
Then turned out the light
And quipped, “I am a virgin no more.”
LOL. best one imo

[Mr. Miyagi]

Time's up. Poll closed. Mr.R won 28-7.

[STAMPY]

good job bro :up:

[OpIv37]

I got tired of seeing all the homosexual and incest type remarks. Is that the only way to insult people, to call them gay? Not much imagination.

I thought Mr. R's limerick's were the closest to having flow. Many only tried to rhyme and that's it. Some didn't even do a good job at that.
it's not enough to just call them gay- that got old years ago. You also have explicitly state (or at least imply) that they committed carnal acts with other men that even most gay people would find appalling. That's how you write a good insult.

[Mr.Reality]

Last year I didn't use any gay material and my stay was a short one.