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It’s spreading!
Fantasy movers and shakers beware. A ravaging case of Losmanitis has infiltrated Buffalo like Seinfeld reruns on cable, ransacking fantasy points quicker than Blackbeard stole gold.
J.P. Losman, the Bills (1-2) sophomore quarterback, finished 10 of 23 for a measly 75 yards and an interception in B-squared’s 24-16 loss to Atlanta on Sunday.
The Tulane product, a first round pick in 2004, has not thrown a touchdown and is 22 of 51 for 188 yards in Buffalo’s last two outings (two losses) while accounting for just three passing first downs in both games. Another textbook symptom: his 61-percent passer rating on the season.
Losmanitis has poisoned everyone from wideouts Eric Moulds, Josh Reed and Lee Evans, the front men of a unit with one TD catch so far, to the Bills acclaimed defense -- if a QB fails to move the ball, the defense will see more time on the field. It already faces significant time without two-time Pro Bowl linebacker Takeo Smith, who injured his right Achilles’ Tendon in the loss.
Wait a minute!
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FANTASY FODDER
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Jerry Miller asked his Grandma for Redskins tickets as a little boy. He begged and begged, pleaded even. Instead, she gave him Redskins Totes, socks with rubber footballs on the toes and heel of the feet. Jerry has never been the same since.
Email him (JMiller@dailyprogress.com).
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Why? What’s a matter?
Whatcha talkin’ about? What about Willis? He was strong today and had a good Week 1.
Oh, McGahee, as in Willis McGahee. Sure, the Bills back had a strong fantasy outing, but let’s take a closer look at the numbers shall we.
Of McGahee’s 140 yards, 64 came off four carries: 12, 21, 13 and 18 yards. Subtract the four and McGahee’s line is much less John Stamos (27 carries, 140 yards, 1 TD) and much more Bob Saget (23 carries, 76 yards, 1 TD).
[Cinematic aside: In keeping with the “Full House” theme, John Stamos’ character Jesse Katsopolis was known as Jesse Cochran in season one until Stamos asked for his character to be of Greek heritage in season two.]
Now back to reality -- fantasy football.
McGahee was able to houdini his way to 140 yards on Sunday because the Falcons were unable to stack the box to limit the run the way Tampa did in week two (McGahee’s line: 13 carries, 34 yards, 0 TDs).
Because of injuries, Atlanta was down to three cornerbacks on Sunday, so the play calling had to be conservative to protect a glaring weakness in the secondary; one Losman failed to exploit.
As a result, McGahee tumbled to a buck.forty on the ground at the expense of an aerial assault that has seen about as much air time recently as Doc Brown’s Delorean.
In Week 1, the former Miami Hurricane rushed for 117 yards off 23 carries against the Texans (0-2), who entered their by-week Sunday second to last in the league in rush defense at 143.5 yards per game.
“I don’t want to second guess what they wanted to do, but at some point, we have to be able to take shots down field,” Moulds told reporters after Sunday’s game.
No Dah!
Still you feel pain in your heart for Moulds and company (it’s not the bacon-double-cheeseburger) after such a lousy showing in back-to-back weeks.
Here’s a guy who caught 88 passes last year for 1,043 yards and 5 TDs. An hombre who has 44 TDs to his LuceDale, MS name. Yet through three games this season, the three-time Pro Bowler has just 8 catches for 66 yards and zip, zilch, zero, nada in the touchdown department. If Moulds continues on this pace, he’ll finish the season with 42 catches for 352 yards.
Holy Losmanitis!
And it’s not just Moulds who’s aching. Reed has 9 snares, 101 yards and 0 scores to his credit; sadly, slightly better than Evans’ 7 catches, 87 yards and 0 touchdowns.
Is it airborne? Passed through contact? Through the water?
The brats at the stadium? Please, not the brats at the stadium.
Anything but the brats at the stadium!!!!
No! It’s passed through inexperience, poor decision making and a simplified playbook.
Thank God it’s not the brats. Is there an antidote?
Well, since last year’s signal caller, Drew Bledsoe, is out of the picture: You remember him, right? The guy who’s now picking apart secondaries like Thanksgiving turkey -- 63 of 98 with 6 TDs and 2 INTs -- for the 2-1 Dallas Cowboys, despite getting Gilliganed out of Buffalo for having the mobility of a Model T.
It leaves only one option: Kelly Holcomb. Who? Kelly Holcomb, the former Indy and Cleveland quarterback, he’s the backup in Billville.
I think I’m getting sick.