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Devin
12-08-2005, 01:49 AM
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to " F***ing."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down! There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

I just **** my pants with laughter.

LtFinFan66
12-08-2005, 01:57 AM
Classic!

TypicalBill
12-08-2005, 02:00 AM
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Forward_Lateral
12-08-2005, 07:31 AM
:rofl:

"There is no chin behind Chuck's beard, only another fist"

:rofl:

EricStratton
12-08-2005, 09:07 AM
"Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!"

Good stuff

Devin
12-08-2005, 11:46 AM
I think MBB posted the first one, i just came across this one last night. Hysterical.

Mr. Miyagi
12-08-2005, 12:18 PM
to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
:rofl:

Mr. Miyagi
12-08-2005, 12:21 PM
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
:rofl::rofl:

Mr. Miyagi
12-08-2005, 12:22 PM
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

:bf1:

TypicalBill
12-08-2005, 12:22 PM
Man this is just TOO funny... funniest thing ever.

BAM
12-08-2005, 12:26 PM
LOL that's frikkin' hilarious.

Bill Brasky
12-08-2005, 03:25 PM
The website I write for is recommended by Chuck Norris :up:

Did you know his tears cure cancer? Too bad he never cries.

I also heard he has sex with guys... not because he's gay, but because he's ran out of women.

www.intellectualjourney.com

RedEyE
12-08-2005, 03:32 PM
27.) Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

:rofl:

Devin
12-08-2005, 03:34 PM
lol

Mr. Miyagi
12-09-2005, 11:51 AM
Chuck Norris was once in a car accident leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. While in a wheelchair,he roundhouse kicked Christopher Reeves in the face and said, "Who's super now?"

Chuck Norris only sees one color "BLOOD".

Chuck Norris single handedly ended World War II with two Roundhouse Kicks. You might know them as Atomic Bombs.

Ask not what Chuck Norris will do for a Klondike bar, ask what the Klondike bar will do for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once did the "gallon of milk in an hour challenge". After thirty seconds Chuck emptied ten gallons into buckets and downed them like they were shots. He then proceeded to titty-bang all the cows that produced the milk.

:rofl:

Devin
12-09-2005, 11:53 AM
:roflmao:

Mr. Miyagi
12-09-2005, 11:56 AM
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with his left leg and his right leg. At the same time.

Mr. Miyagi
12-09-2005, 12:05 PM
Chuck Norris once fought in a two vs. two dual with the greatest martial artists of our time. Chuck Norris and Jackie Chan fought against Jet Li and Mr. Miyagi. Of course Chuck Norris killed both the Karate Kid's Mentor and Chinese movie star. Chuck Norris was later rumored to star in Rush Hour 3 with Jackie Chan, but the movie critics said that Chuck Norris's performance was too great to ever be shown to mortal men. So the movie was put in a secret vault containing the 10 best episodes of Walker Texas Ranger and sealed for all eternity.

:cry:

ublinkwescore
12-09-2005, 01:18 PM
screw chuck norris - it's all about Pat Morita right Miyagi?

WAX ON, WAX OFF!!

TypicalBill
12-09-2005, 01:20 PM
:lmao:
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with his left leg and his right leg. At the same time.

ublinkwescore
12-09-2005, 01:37 PM
"Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with his left leg and his right leg. At the same time."

Oh yeah, well I can kick you higher than you can kick me, I can kick you all the way up into a tree.

Devin
12-09-2005, 02:18 PM
:lmao: