By Nick Bakay
SuperBowl.com Couch Correspondent
How long until he throws Jake Plummer into a wood chipper?
Don't get me wrong, Owens is tempting -- hey, I drafted him in fantasy football because he puts up monster numbers -- as long as he isn't on double secret probation like some naughty kid at boarding school … but there's a big difference: As a fantasy football owner, I don't have to talk to him.
I don't have to change his diapers. I don't have to fork over a seven-figure bonus only to watch his narcissism turn my clubhouse into a bad episode of Jerry Springer, with my make-or-break free agent playing the role of the psychotic pre-op transsexual stripper off his/her meds.
In the mercurial world of T.O., all it takes is one game for things to go south. I'm talking a rough Sunday, or even worse, a primetime game when the guy tossing him the rock plays like "The old Jake Plummer." How long until this diva wide receiver will accuse Plummer of frolicking with barnyard animals?
Maybe the Broncos can harness T.O. with enough incentive-based clauses to milk one, sane year out him and separate from the AFC elite. But Year 2 is shakier than K-Fed's "musical" career.
In the meantime, I don't sign Owens unless he agrees to a Paxil clause and three specials with Dr. Phil …
P.S.: If the Bills can't fit Eric Moulds under the cap, I think I just made Mike Shanahan's job a lot easier. I know he's not T.O. anymore, but he's a pro, he can catch the ball when it's snowing, and Moulds, Rod Smith and Ashley Lelie? Close enough for rock and roll, sans the tabloid stuff.
SuperBowl.com Couch Correspondent
How long until he throws Jake Plummer into a wood chipper?
Don't get me wrong, Owens is tempting -- hey, I drafted him in fantasy football because he puts up monster numbers -- as long as he isn't on double secret probation like some naughty kid at boarding school … but there's a big difference: As a fantasy football owner, I don't have to talk to him.
I don't have to change his diapers. I don't have to fork over a seven-figure bonus only to watch his narcissism turn my clubhouse into a bad episode of Jerry Springer, with my make-or-break free agent playing the role of the psychotic pre-op transsexual stripper off his/her meds.
In the mercurial world of T.O., all it takes is one game for things to go south. I'm talking a rough Sunday, or even worse, a primetime game when the guy tossing him the rock plays like "The old Jake Plummer." How long until this diva wide receiver will accuse Plummer of frolicking with barnyard animals?
Maybe the Broncos can harness T.O. with enough incentive-based clauses to milk one, sane year out him and separate from the AFC elite. But Year 2 is shakier than K-Fed's "musical" career.
In the meantime, I don't sign Owens unless he agrees to a Paxil clause and three specials with Dr. Phil …
P.S.: If the Bills can't fit Eric Moulds under the cap, I think I just made Mike Shanahan's job a lot easier. I know he's not T.O. anymore, but he's a pro, he can catch the ball when it's snowing, and Moulds, Rod Smith and Ashley Lelie? Close enough for rock and roll, sans the tabloid stuff.
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