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I just woke up from this dream.. DAMN.. It was messed up.. I dreamed I was just at a press conference.. It went exactly like this..
Media: Marv. Did the Bills sign Jason Fabini today?
Marv: No, we've been unable to reach an agreement. He said something to the effect that Mr. Wilson was senile. We don't want those kind of players here. You know the kind; guys who know how to block somebody. We want guys of high character.
Media: Any other news to report?
Marv: Yes. I am very proud to announce we have just signed safety Matt Bowen.
Media: Who???
Marv: Matt Bowen is one of the finest white boy bald-headed cover safeties I've ever seen. And of course he's of very high character.
Media: Umm, ok. So why weren't you able to seal a deal for defensive tackle Ryan Pickett; a guy who could have fit in pefectly to Perry's new defensive scheme?
Marv: Because Ryan had the audacity to expect market value. Forget the fact that he led all NFL defensive nose guards in tackles last year. We're not going to pay market value when it comes to irrelevant things like that. Plus, we have Tim Anderson, and Tim Anderson is a guy of very high character.
Media: You said the offensive line is your top priority when you took over as GM, yet to date not a single move has been made to solidify the line. What is your plan to change that?
Marv: We couldn't sign Wells or Fabini so going out and getting guys who will make a difference isn't an option. It would be, but frankly, nobody who's any good wants to come here
Media: Don't you have a backup plan?
Marv: Yes, I do I'm glad you ask. Wait a minute. Did the Redskins just cut anybody from the offensive line?
(At this point of the press conference Ralph Wilson takes the podium for questions)
Media: Mr. Wilson. You're still in excess of $10 million under the cap. What do you plan on doing to bring someone in who the fans actually care about?
Wilson: Huh? We're under the cap? I thought I voted against that. Wait, the fans are going to love Matt Bowen. He's going to challenge Leonard Smith for a starting safety job.
Media: Leonard Smith hasn't been a Bill for over ten years.
Wilson: Oh.
Marv: Now that guy, had high character!
Media: Anything to report as to when the nonsense will be over and you finally cut Eric Moulds?
Marv: We're still trying to keep Eric. We're only about $8 million apart on a renegotiation to keep him here for this year. Plus, we don't need to cut him right now. We'll wait until we need the money, when we need to open up that vault. Guys of high character like Robert Royal don't come cheap you know.
Media: Marv, any other guys coming in for a visit?
Marv: I'm sure the fans will be excited to know we had a third-string quarterback in from Green Bay, and we also entertained backup defensive end from Detroit, Jarred DeVries.
Media: DeVries makes Ryan Denney look like Julius Peppers.
Marv: Yes, but Julius Peppers is not of high character.
Media: Marv. Did the Bills sign Jason Fabini today?
Marv: No, we've been unable to reach an agreement. He said something to the effect that Mr. Wilson was senile. We don't want those kind of players here. You know the kind; guys who know how to block somebody. We want guys of high character.
Media: Any other news to report?
Marv: Yes. I am very proud to announce we have just signed safety Matt Bowen.
Media: Who???
Marv: Matt Bowen is one of the finest white boy bald-headed cover safeties I've ever seen. And of course he's of very high character.
Media: Umm, ok. So why weren't you able to seal a deal for defensive tackle Ryan Pickett; a guy who could have fit in pefectly to Perry's new defensive scheme?
Marv: Because Ryan had the audacity to expect market value. Forget the fact that he led all NFL defensive nose guards in tackles last year. We're not going to pay market value when it comes to irrelevant things like that. Plus, we have Tim Anderson, and Tim Anderson is a guy of very high character.
Media: You said the offensive line is your top priority when you took over as GM, yet to date not a single move has been made to solidify the line. What is your plan to change that?
Marv: We couldn't sign Wells or Fabini so going out and getting guys who will make a difference isn't an option. It would be, but frankly, nobody who's any good wants to come here
Media: Don't you have a backup plan?
Marv: Yes, I do I'm glad you ask. Wait a minute. Did the Redskins just cut anybody from the offensive line?
(At this point of the press conference Ralph Wilson takes the podium for questions)
Media: Mr. Wilson. You're still in excess of $10 million under the cap. What do you plan on doing to bring someone in who the fans actually care about?
Wilson: Huh? We're under the cap? I thought I voted against that. Wait, the fans are going to love Matt Bowen. He's going to challenge Leonard Smith for a starting safety job.
Media: Leonard Smith hasn't been a Bill for over ten years.
Wilson: Oh.
Marv: Now that guy, had high character!
Media: Anything to report as to when the nonsense will be over and you finally cut Eric Moulds?
Marv: We're still trying to keep Eric. We're only about $8 million apart on a renegotiation to keep him here for this year. Plus, we don't need to cut him right now. We'll wait until we need the money, when we need to open up that vault. Guys of high character like Robert Royal don't come cheap you know.
Media: Marv, any other guys coming in for a visit?
Marv: I'm sure the fans will be excited to know we had a third-string quarterback in from Green Bay, and we also entertained backup defensive end from Detroit, Jarred DeVries.
Media: DeVries makes Ryan Denney look like Julius Peppers.
Marv: Yes, but Julius Peppers is not of high character.
I don't care who you are...that right there is funny!!
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