You never really adequately addressed the "holes in [my] post," and as for the paragraphs so friggen what.
Bats are owned & controlled by the player. They don't turn their bats over 2.5 hrs before the game to the umpires. There's no comparison.
There are a few assumptions the Headsmart Labs video made that we simply don't know at this point. The biggest three are we don't know the initial conditions
Ooooh...answers.com says so!!! OK, what does another source say?
"Wall is also notable for sinking 45 holes-in-one
Put down your pitch fork for once.
Whether Bergdahl is charged with desertion or not is irrelevant to bringing him back home. This is what