Hey Sabre 11- Rejected Limericks

Here are some limericks I wrote but didn't use in the competition. I think they're funny enough to be worth posting.

Sabre11 met a girl at the bar
he convinced her to go to his car
he removed his pants
she took a glance
and exclaimed "My, how bizarre!"

This one I used but I changed the last line:

Sabre11 purchased a candy bar
and lured an 8 year-old into his car
He removed his pants
she took a glance
and said "thanks for the emotional scar"

Sabre paid a girl for some fun
He got her to look at his gun
he said "don't be shocked
by the sores on my ****-
a little herpes never hurt anyone"

:chuckle:

I had some good ones against Pat last time:

Met Patrick about 12 PM
He tried to poke me with his stem.
He was so ugly
I started to flee
God molded his face from BMs.

Since Patrick couldn't land Jaded
He said it was his life he hated.
His wife was not tasty
She was white and pasty
He frequently masterbated.

Seventeen days in a row
Patrick sucked my big toe.
He begged for mercy
I nicknamed him Percy
And turned him into a male ho.

Patrick thinks he's Mr. Witty
But his rhymes ask for nothing but pity.
My foot in his mouth
I'll send it down south
And then I will rip off his titty.

I kicked your a** in a big way
I'll do it again, no delay.
I'm glad this is finished
Your skills have diminished
Congratulations, you wasted my day.

To those with no sense of humor
You have brains that resemble Pat's tumor.
Full of puss and curled hair
It's located down there
And requires a full-time groomer.

Sorry to torture you folks
With more of Patrick's lame jokes.
He had one more chance
To get to the dance
For the second straight time, he chokes.

I like those cuz they were original- like chern said in another thread, we mostly just traded gay and incest jokes.

I didn't use any gay material last year and I lost.

ugly and flee rhyme?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lordofgun

Patrick thinks he's Mr. Witty
But his rhymes ask for nothing but pity.
My foot in his mouth
I'll send it down south
And then I will rip off his titty.

---

:rofl:

I want to write more in My "LOG Saga"

L.O.G. was a message board hack
Whose ass had a really huge crack.
Whenever he farts,
Ontario parts
And he asks for a pat on the back.

For every bean that touches his lip
Another pair of panties will rip
We'll never have peace
From his big giant crease
'Til he's dead and his headstone says "RIP"

I warn you to never stray near
This behemoth's dangerous rear
You may get blown away
Or worse, you could stay
In the wake of a stench with no peer

I think now, my story is done
If ever you see him, do run
Stay out of the path
Of his horrible wrath
For they say he can block out the sun

OpIv likes to get free cheese
He stands in line with rather ease
I say “get a job,
You big fat slob
No, he says I want be like my hero, mchurchfie

OpIv says he hates his job
Probably cause he has to blow some guy name Bob
“I am bored” he cackled
Maybe cause he is tired of his eyes getting spackled
He can be another Log’s ***** and be a mod.

There once was a man named OpIv
Who liked to service the boys at sea
He was thought to be a queer
But I wouldn’t fear
His dick is a big as a pea

I think mine weren't too bad last time against Mr. Reality :D

Look out kids! Here comes Mr. Reality
Out on parole from the penitentiary
But he’s now a changed man
With plenty of help in the can
He found his true calling in homosexuality

Want to turn that toothpick between your hips
Into something blooming like beautiful tullips?
Look who is kidding who
Viagra won’t help you
Try masking tape and a couple of Q-tips

MR trying to score with an hourly honey
But with $12.63 the ho thought he was funny
“You’ll have better luck,
if you really want to f**k,
spend it in the pet store on a toothless bunny!”

Don't you know how to talk smack?
You can’t touch me with that, jack
Save yourself some time
there is not enough rhyme
To stop me from smoking MR like he’s crack

It was tough last round facing D
He’s good with rhyming everyone could see
But it’s easy beating you
Clearly you didn’t even go to schoo
Nor can you say “Hooked on Phonics worked for me!”

you balding beer belly slobs
all of you internet hogs
with your mouth full of sass
and your head up log's ass
I am sure you're Canadian frogs

Your jokes are dumb and lame
each one leaves me in pain
You must really hate your cat
Cause your pussy wears a hat
When in public he feels nothing but shame

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mr. Miyagi

I think mine weren't too bad last time against Mr. Reality :D

Look out kids! Here comes Mr. Reality
Out on parole from the penitentiary
But he’s now a changed man
With plenty of help in the can
He found his true calling in homosexuality

Want to turn that toothpick between your hips
Into something blooming like beautiful tullips?
Look who is kidding who
Viagra won’t help you
Try masking tape and a couple of Q-tips

MR trying to score with an hourly honey
But with $12.63 the ho thought he was funny
“You’ll have better luck,
if you really want to f**k,
spend it in the pet store on a toothless bunny!”

Don't you know how to talk smack?
You can’t touch me with that, jack
Save yourself some time
there is not enough rhyme
To stop me from smoking MR like he’s crack

It was tough last round facing D
He’s good with rhyming everyone could see
But it’s easy beating you
Clearly you didn’t even go to schoo
Nor can you say “Hooked on Phonics worked for me!”

---

I thought this round was limericks, not a Detroit rap battle.

The Rapping asian. Moo Shu

http://www.comedycentral.com/images/...y_101e_a10.jpg

Guess you've never seen this guy. :up:

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/rapoff.wmv

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MBBedard

Your jokes are dumb and lame
each one leaves me in pain
You must really hate your cat
Cause your pussy wears a hat
When in public he feels nothing but shame

---

You are a Drew lover
To you there's no other
Your posts are exhaustin'
Like others from Bostin
Sadly your dad broke his rubber

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mybills

You are a Drew lover
To you there's no other
Your posts are exhaustin'
Like others from Bostin
Sadly your dad broke his rubber

---

You un-original hag,
Your sex life requires a paper bag,
You want a war?
I wont fight with a whore,
Or one who resembles a stag.

:chuckle: I don't get the paper bag reference! :chuckle:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mybills

:chuckle: I don't get the paper bag reference! :chuckle:

---

LOL, Never heard of brown baggin it?

nope, don't need one for doggy style! :biggrin:

Yeah I guess a brown bag would get in the way of a donkey punch

you're sick

:posrep:

:chuckle: