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My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Oh god this sucks! There aint nothing wrong with it cos its natural and even monkeys do it. I am a man and I dont get embarased by my sexuality to no one! But I don't know who to talk to cos my friends will take the **** so bad but I dont know how to go on like this!
Normally I will do it quietly in my room or the bath but my mum was out at bingo tonight and the house was free so I decided to have a bit more fun. I got a audio tape of women sex noises I recorded from tv pornos and I got this lifesize poster of some fit naked bird I keep in a secret hiding place and I got it out and laid it on the bed. I took my trousers and pants off and folded a pillow in half and started bumming it. Im sure the guys out there have done it and know what Im talkin about! (dont lie!) It takes ages and it knackers you out but it is worth it and good exercise! and also When I look at the poster and hear the noises it makes me think I am doing it for real!
I was bumming away like a maniac and the sex noises are playin and I am making noises myself so I can't hear nothing. I look around around and I see my mum is standing in my doorway!
She ran off and slammed my door and I got dressed. I turn off the tape and put the poster away then sit on my bed thinking what I can say. I go downstairs and my mum says not to talk to her and calls me a little pervert. I tell her I was exercising and got so hot I had to take my trousers off but she says not to talk to her for the rest of the night.
I non-bigoted up today and my mum wont even look at me. She is trying to act like nothing happened but she is avoiding me and wont even cook my dinner for me! She always does but today she says I am a grown up now and I have to do it myself.
The worst part is my aunty Ruth came round earlier and I hear her and my mum laughing loud for ages! I didnt hear what they were saying but I reckon it was about me!
I am really mad and I think my mum wont ever be the same with me again. I want to run away cos I cant handle it any more. I am trying hard to think of what to say but I cant think of anything.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
:lolpoint:
Quote:
Originally Posted by BuffaloJayhawk
Oh god this sucks! There aint nothing wrong with it cos its natural and even monkeys do it. I am a man and I dont get embarased by my sexuality to no one! But I don't know who to talk to cos my friends will take the **** so bad but I dont know how to go on like this!
Normally I will do it quietly in my room or the bath but my mum was out at bingo tonight and the house was free so I decided to have a bit more fun. I got a audio tape of women sex noises I recorded from tv pornos and I got this lifesize poster of some fit naked bird I keep in a secret hiding place and I got it out and laid it on the bed. I took my trousers and pants off and folded a pillow in half and started bumming it. Im sure the guys out there have done it and know what Im talkin about! (dont lie!) It takes ages and it knackers you out but it is worth it and good exercise! and also When I look at the poster and hear the noises it makes me think I am doing it for real!
I was bumming away like a maniac and the sex noises are playin and I am making noises myself so I can't hear nothing. I look around around and I see my mum is standing in my doorway!
She ran off and slammed my door and I got dressed. I turn off the tape and put the poster away then sit on my bed thinking what I can say. I go downstairs and my mum says not to talk to her and calls me a little pervert. I tell her I was exercising and got so hot I had to take my trousers off but she says not to talk to her for the rest of the night.
I non-bigoted up today and my mum wont even look at me. She is trying to act like nothing happened but she is avoiding me and wont even cook my dinner for me! She always does but today she says I am a grown up now and I have to do it myself.
The worst part is my aunty Ruth came round earlier and I hear her and my mum laughing loud for ages! I didnt hear what they were saying but I reckon it was about me!
I am really mad and I think my mum wont ever be the same with me again. I want to run away cos I cant handle it any more. I am trying hard to think of what to say but I cant think of anything.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
I think the fact that the life size picture was of her is what has her pissed off.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
does she know that it was her dildo that you were using?
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
oh honestly you never turn music up too loud. it needs to be loud enough to drown out what you're doing, but you still need to be able to hear when someone enters the house so you can pack up quick. amateur
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
You still live with your mother? :idunno:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
You masterbate while taking a bath?
She's probably more upset finding out you're gay instead of the whacking off
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dozerdog
She's probably more upset finding out you're gay instead of the whacking off
:rofl:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
I thought you lived in london with your girlfriend or something...
I would be pissed too if I were your mom jerking off in an city thats across the atlantic to an imaginary girl is frustrating for the whole family.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Is boffing a pillow considered masturbation or an actual fetish, like Sealy Posturepedic-phobia?
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dozerdog
You masterbate while taking a bath?
She's probably more upset finding out you're gay instead of the whacking off
:lmao:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
ever think that maybe your mom isn't so upset about the masturbation, but about the bizarre pillow-****ing poster-and-sound-effect ritual that accompanied the masturbation?
Maybe if you were just stroking it in the bathroom or doing some left-handed internet surfing like a normal person, she wouldn't have reacted so poorly.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dozerdog
You masterbate while taking a bath?
Let's revisit this question.
Does the idea of laying in and cleaning up with your own spunk put the idea of your mom finding you on the back burner.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
The worst is getting all relaxed, having a few beers, sitting back in the recliner, and tossing one off to the internet.
Next thing you know, you're awaken in the middle of the night to the voice of your wife shreiking "Get your pants back on! WTF!!!!" :mad:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by EricStratton
Let's revisit this question.
Does the idea of laying in and cleaning up with your own spunk put the idea of your mom finding you on the back burner.
Maybe you should hook the kid up with your heroin dealer, that way he wouldn't have to resort to ****ing a pillow.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Maybe Aunt Ruth could help you out next time Jayhawk. Anythink is better then ****ing the furniture.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by BuffaloJayhawk
I took my trousers and pants off and folded a pillow in half and started bumming it. Im sure the guys out there have done it and know what Im talkin about! (dont lie!)
oh, and one more thing- despite what you say, this is not normal behavior. Obviously, every guy pleasures himself in some form or another. But I can honestly say that I've never resorted to couch-bombing, pillows or other inanimate objects. That's just bizarre.
BTW I hope you don't sleep on that pillow after you're done "bumming it", especially if it's as big a workout as you say it is. Nothing's more sanitary than putting your face in an absorbent object soaked in your own spunk and nut butter!
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by OpIv37
oh, and one more thing- despite what you say, this is not normal behavior. Obviously, every guy pleasures himself in some form or another. But I can honestly say that I've never resorted to couch-bombing, pillows or other inanimate objects. That's just bizarre.
BTW I hope you don't sleep on that pillow after you're done "bumming it", especially if it's as big a workout as you say it is. Nothing's more sanitary than putting your face in an absorbent object soaked in your own spunk and nut butter!
:lmao:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
When did Jayhawk turn british?
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
can anyone try out this pillow intercourse to see if he's telling the truth? mikey?
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
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Originally Posted by Gunzlingr
When did Jayhawk turn british?
His pillow sham likes the accent. It makes her (it) feel more sophisticated
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr.Lecter
This is some funny ****.
:goodpost:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinigirly
can anyone try out this pillow intercourse to see if he's telling the truth? mikey?
:laughing:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinigirly
can anyone try out this pillow intercourse to see if he's telling the truth? mikey?
I'm sure if you folded it just right you could rub one out on a pillow to check the theory.
Just take plenty of pictures when you do.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by EricStratton
Let's revisit this question.
Does the idea of laying in and cleaning up with your own spunk put the idea of your mom finding you on the back burner.
:rofl:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
This thread is disturbing :eek:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by YardRat
Maybe you should hook the kid up with your heroin dealer, that way he wouldn't have to resort to ****ing a pillow.
have that heroine dealer hook up Blohawk with somebody that'll have him biting the pillow instead.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinigirly
can anyone try out this pillow intercourse to see if he's telling the truth? mikey?
I bet you could talk a 'tard into trying it.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
1990 called.
They want their Seinfeld episode back.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinigirly
can anyone try out this pillow intercourse to see if he's telling the truth? mikey?
The pillow works for women.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Thanks for the sig quote! :up:
btw, since nobody gave you advice...the only thing you can do is be on your best behavior. Your mom will get over it, eventually.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by BuffaloJayhawk
I tell her I was exercising and got so hot I had to take my trousers off
:rofl:
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Your mum's not the only one that saw you masturbating.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/56321
Ho, Ho, Ho! I Saw You Masturbating!
And it hasn't been just once either! Oh, no! Santa's seen you at least twice splashing away in the bathtub, three times in the attic with one of your mother's old art-history books, and more times than even he can count spread out like a stunned partridge on that beanbag chair of yours!
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
This is an instant HOF thread, I thought someone hacked JHawk's account, but no.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
this thread is quite creepy to me for some reason.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
This thread made my f'n day!
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
What is this thing all about? This obviously isn't the same Jayhawk that used to be here.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Ub who is that in your Avatar? Super hot!!!
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by THATHURMANATOR
What is this thing all about? This obviously isn't the same Jayhawk that used to be here.
sure it is.
i just wonder how many of his "mums" Playgirl's collection he went through before he got caught.if it was only half,you know he'll be back to check out the other half and Mum will catch him again.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by THATHURMANATOR
Ub who is that in your Avatar? Super hot!!!
ublink will be the next to be caught by his Mom because he does the same thing after every post since putting that avatar up.
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
your mom won't forget about it, believe me
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by camelcowboy
your mom won't forget about it, believe me
:rofl: I was waiting for you to show up!
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
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Originally Posted by mybills
:rofl: I was waiting for you to show up!
:ill: yeah, hoping to forget that chapter of my life
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Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating
Quote:
Originally Posted by camelcowboy
:ill: yeah, hoping to forget that chapter of my life
At least your episode included TWO pulses.