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Thread: Kinigirly's diary

  1. #21
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary


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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Quote Originally Posted by kinigirly
    you're being quite a bitch today you know that?
    You're quite the bitch everyday

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    Registered User SabreEleven's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Quote Originally Posted by kinigirly
    i hate when they imitate everything. this one high functioning kid named Eb is OBSESSED with cereal commercials...knows every word of every one ever made in life. one day i was sitting next to him and he randomly grabs my skirt and lifts it up, peeks his head in and says "let me see your stripes" WTF?! apparently tony the tiger did something like that on tv
    Don't get turned on, Don't get turned on, Don't get turned on.

  4. #24
    The lap dances are always better when the stripper is crying. Static's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary


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    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Those are the funniest things ever, Dozer. I realize you are just recapping what happened at the Draft party, but still... I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!
    You think you're hot **** in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!

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    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary



    #11: Librarian meets Mikey

    One of the few pleasures I have in life is my the Tuesday library sessions. Every Tuesday I get to herd the tards down to the library and watch them annoy the **** out of the librarian. I'm supposed to help her handle the kids, but I get a kick out of watching the tards mutilate library materials and cause general mayhem.

    Today I was sipping my Pepsi and perusing the latest sunshine and rainbows bull**** from the "new books" shelf, when I hear yelling from the librarian and my students in the adjacent reading area. I stand up to peer over the little bookcases and I see Mikey, one of my fat tards, running around the tables with his shorts around his ankles and a paper-back book held firmly between his ass cheeks. He was making high pitched squealing noises like an animal caught in a trap. He was also managing to evade the librarian who was chasing him, even though he had to occasionally stop to cram the book further up his crack.

    I briefly considered walking over and putting and end to the debacle, but since no one was getting hurt I soon decided to sit down and finish "Penguin Pete". If the librarian asks, I'm going to tell her I was in the bathroom.

  7. #27
    The lap dances are always better when the stripper is crying. Static's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary


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    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    1/17: Guest Contributor: What it's like in Kini's class: Ed. Note: This is written by a guest contributor, who is friends with Kini and once visited her classroom:

    I met Kinigirly during a spring break a few years ago. She let me come to her class one time to check out the kids.

    They were all terrible. Some loud, some mute, some shat in pants, some pissed, some spit, swore, some wrote things like "****" on the tables, some scribbled over anything. This list of their transgressions is nearly endless. Despite all the entertaining behavior, the funniest thing was how Kini dealt with the tards. I will never forget this incident:

    Kini was quizzing the tards on their ABC's with flashcards. She is going from tard to tard, and as she held up a card with a letter on it, they would say what letter it was. She gets to one girl, and the letter is a "T." Kini didn't know it, but the card was upside down.

    The tard looked at it and said "What the **** is that?" This alone makes me explode. But then Kini says "Oh, I am sorry Shelby I don't think I said it is time to use bad words." The girl then said "That's a weird ****ing letter," to which Kini said something like, "Excuse me Shelby if you would like to use bad words, we can do this during our recess time. The rest of us would like to finish up here," and left it like that.

    Later on I asked her why she didn't send the girl out. She said something like, "If I send out every kid that swore I would have no kids here to teach."

    Though this was funny, the capstone to the trip was this:

    I laughed at this one huge fat kid because he all the sudden started smelling like ****. He had literally **** his pants, right there in the classroom. Kini hits the intercom button.

    The response is some lady who says "Yes, office?"
    Kini says this only "We have a code brown."
    The lady says "I will send down the principal and the janitor."

    I no longer was able to contain my laughter. THEY HAD A SYSTEM SET UP TO DEAL WITH THE ****TY FAT KID! I started to laugh uncontrollably loud.

    At this, the fat retard becomes mad and charges me, knocks me into a bookcase and the bookcase falls over and all the books fall out, and he lands on top of me, in the middle of all these books all over the floor. He was so huge that the impact of him landing on me knocks the breath out of me and breaks my hand. NO ****--BROKE MY ****ING HAND!

    Now I am not a small man, nor a wimp, and at 6'4, 200 lbs, I figured I was safe around the tards. But the kid was so big that he broke my hand and scratched up my neck and side.

    Mentally picture this image: bookshelf down, little tard books scattered everywhere, me in the middle of them with a fat tard on top of me, the principal and janitor are at the door, AND KINI CONTINUES TEACHING! AS IF NOTHING AT ALL HAD HAPPENED!!

    Finally I throw the tard off of me, and I see the diarrhea all over the ass of his huge, tent-size sweatpants. That image, combined with the intense **** smell, caused me to vomit on the floor.

    Later, I am sitting in a tiny little chair, made for someone 1/4 my size, with my hand throbbing and the taste of vomit in my mouth. All Kini does is look at me and say, "I knew you couldn't handle this. Real good Dozer, real good," and then continues to teach. Her and all of the kids acted as if nothing had happened, with me sitting in my midget chair, nursing my broken hand, faintly smelling of tard crap, and feeling like the biggest tard in the room.

    My roommates had a great 6 weeks of making fun of me until the cast came off. They all signed it with stupid ****, like, "Beware of Fat Tards."

    Kini signed it "Real good, Dozer".

  9. #29
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    OMG, you can't make this **** up!

    #5: Tyrell has problems with referees:
    First of all, I wish to dedicate the following event to all my friends, with the exception of DW, who continue to ridicule, harass, and talk **** to me for encouraging and participating in the extra-curricular activities of my students; both former and present.

    **** you guys. All of you passed up what DW referred to as "Better than a ****ing Lakers game."

    So it begins, Thursday, four o'clock, I arrive at Tyler and Tyrell's residence to pick them both up. I honk my horn a multitude of times, but no one exits the house. ****. I pull up into a handicap parking spot, leave the car running, and run up to their door. After several punches to the door, no one comes. I let myself in.

    The home smelled like cats and smoke. The combination of T.V. and CD player almost deafened me. Both boys are on the couch, staring at the set. Tyrell had to be at his basketball game an hour early to practice. I scare the **** out of them both when I walk into the TV room. I ask if they are ready to go, and they say yes. We leave--the TV and CD player remain on, and the girlfriend remains on the dads bed. She is out for the count.

    We walk out to my car and there is a cheap-ass rent a cop by my car. He begins to bitch at me for parking in a handicap spot. I need not respond to him, as Tyrell busts out with "Me and my brother have to be in special reading classes." I laughed. Not exactly the response he was looking for.

    We all get in the car, the rent-a-cop continues to talk to me. He is signaling at me to roll down my window. I ignore him and slam the car into reverse. We have a basketball game to attend.

    We arrive at Tyrell's middle school and drop him off. Tyler and I go get McDonald's. We hit the drive-through, and I buy them both dinner. Tyler eats his in my NEW car, spilling **** all over the place. I ask him to be more careful. He says OK, and continues dropping french fries everywhere.

    We then go pick up my friend DW, who has expressed great interest in attending one of the games. DW was a baller in High School, but I actually met him in college, where he continued to star on the court. Sadly, he relied way too much on his image, and not enough on the actual game, so his post-college career has been pathetic. But, at one time, he was quite a star, especially regionally.

    Tyrell knew who he was, and it was going to be a surprise for him when we arrived at his game with DW.

    So we arrive back at the school, it is 5:00, the game was to start at 5:30. I have DW take Tyrell his food. Tyrell was speechless, all he could muster up was "I saw you on TV." Tyrell then spouted out something about DW and I getting married and adopting him and his brother. This was too much for DW, he returns to the bleachers.

    The next twenty minutes is filled with DW bitching at me, Tyler asking DW what it is like to be "really black", and Tyrell trying to show off on the court for DW.

    The game finally starts, but Tyrell is not a starter. We could see him bitching to his coach about this, but could not make out any words. Tyrell then points to DW, the coach looks over, Tyrell jumps up and down in temper tantrum, and the one of the starters is pulled. Tyrell is in.

    All is normal for a long ass time. Tyrell is on his best behavior, and is playing a great game. Half-time rolls around, and Tyler is throwing his Ju-Ju fruits on the court. He is aiming for the center. DW is encouraging this behavior. I do nothing to stop it, because it is funny. Finally it is announced on the microphone that "anyone throwing objects at or on the court will be asked to leave."

    Second half begins, and immediately Tyrell is shoved by a kid on the other team. They talk **** to each other throughout the next 5 minutes of the game. Finally, after the kid makes a remark about his dad being in jail and his teacher having to take care of him, Tyrell's dam breaks.

    In the angriest, loudest tone I have ever heard come out of that kids mouth, he screams "Don't make me cotton candy your ass, Mother ****er!! I'll cotton candy that **** right now, Mother ****er!" The referee blows his whistle, and throws Tyrell out of the game. Tyrell will not accept this. To the referee he says, "You want your ass cotton candied too mother ****er? Cuz I will cotton candy that ****, and with a capital K."

    Yes, he said with a capital K. One of his spelling words last year was cotton. I am a poor teacher.

    Everyone in the gym is angry, mothers are covering the ears of their children. DW stands up and shouts out "Cotton candy him kid. Candy dat ass!!"

    DW is now ejected. Tyler then stands up to contest both ejections, when he is also ejected. He calls the ref a "Pansy ass mother ****er." DW then repeats it, except a lot louder.

    At this point, everything is chaos. Tyrell is refusing to leave the court. All his teammates are cheering him on, as is DW. He is loving the attention. He then decides to drop his shorts, grab his penis, and tells the entire visiting side of the bleachers to "EAT THIS".

    DW was barreled over laughing, headed toward Tyrell, I was in shock. DW actually goes out onto the court, and tryies to coax Tyrell off of it. Tyrell looks at DW, again grabs his penis, and suggests that DW "suck my twelve-year old ****."

    DW looks up at me in the bleachers, gives me a seriously apologetic look, and signals for me to get down there. I grab my bag and Tyler, and we head down. Everyone is staring. I refuse to make eye contact with anyone.

    Tyrell's coach is nearing him, when Tyrell announces " Coach get away from my ****!!!" I have never in my life seen a kid as out of control as Tyrell was at this point. I was truly amazed.

    The coach warned Tyrell that the police had been called, when Tyrell decided to pull his pants up. He walks over to the bench, gives some of his teammates a high five, then exits the gym.

    DW, Tyler and I follow him out. DW asks Turell him for an autograph. Tyrell agrees, we get to my car, and he scribbles his name on the McDonalds bag that was still in my car. He proudly hands it to DW. DW then says, "Kid, you have no idea how famous you really are."

    I pull up to DW's house. Tyrell demands that DW kiss me goodnight. I about shot myself. I told Tyrell that this was inappropriate. He announced that his Dad's girlfriend kisses her friends all the time. DW laughs, kisses me on the cheek, and gets out.

    The boys then fight over who will sit in the front seat. They begin punching each other. I stop the car, remove my seatbelt and turn around--just in time to see Tyrell clock Tyler so hard that his mouth starts to bleed. All over the back seat of my new car. I scold Tyrell and give Tyler my jacket to soak up the blood that is now gushing from his mouth. I did about ninety all the way back to their home. Luckily, his mouth stopped bleeding. I then turned them over to the care of the 20 year old girlfriend who asked me if I "had a smoke she could bum." I told her I didn't smoke. She asks "What do you smoke?"

    I said goodnight and got the hell out of there. Next Tuesday I take them to see their dad in jail.

  10. #30
    Registered User Forward_Lateral's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    This is the best blog EVER. I am laughing my ass off right now. I want to teach tards.

  11. #31
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary


  12. #32
    The lap dances are always better when the stripper is crying. Static's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Quote Originally Posted by Gunzlingr
    OMG, you can't make this **** up!


  13. #33
    Registered User chernobylwraiths's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    If this wasn't No TOS, this would be destined for the HOF.

    Hilarious ****!

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    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    "Don't make me cotton candy your ass, mother ****er!"

  15. #35
    Registered User Mad Bomber's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    With a capital K!

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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    @ a retard sniffing "nose candy"

    The computer thing was ****in hilarious too.

  17. #37
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    I wish the links to the pictures worked.

  18. #38
    Registered User Forward_Lateral's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Retards rule! :

    12/10: Meet Augusta...but don't touch him
    Augusta is a new student this year. He appears very normal. He is polite, social, ordinary looking and appropriate (for the most part). The kid is even kind of intelligent. But he hates going to school and he is ****ing lazy. He's missed 13 school days so far this year. And when he is present, he is late. Always. There is no exception to this.

    Augusta had major issues at his last school, which is why he transferred. Basically, no one liked him there, and, well, no one likes him here. He is overweight and German and his name is Augusta (pronounced Agoostah)--just like the fat kid in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
    The kid has severe issues with being touched. This classifies his needs as special, and that’s why I deal with him. During a meeting at the beginning of the school year, some co-workers and I met with his parents and his old teacher.
    One thing was made abundantly clear at this meeting: DO NOT TOUCH AUGUSTA. EVER.
    Don’t even brush by him, or remove a piece of lint from his hair. If you do, he goes ****ing nuts and has to go home to shower and change his clothes. He is one of those "always wash my hands, afraid of germs" types. We have all heard of them, or have read about them in publications like TIME magazine. But this kid is 11. And is already a ****ing head case.
    Many times I have walked by the office and have seen him sitting there with his backpack, waiting for a parent to come and pick him up. I will ask the secretary if he is sick or something, and she just looks at me and says "someone touched him."
    Everyone in the entire school knows not to touch him. It was even announced at an assembly prior to his coming to our school in late September.
    During the middle of October we had an assembly. It was a couple of homo’s that were putting on a juggling show. The kids loved the guys; their tricks, and all the retard-type **** they would say throughout the show. At one point in the assembly, the guys asked for a couple of volunteers to help them perform a stunt. Augusta shoots his hand up , and, for the love of God, he gets chosen. He walks up to the front of the gym, and the first thing the guys do is shake his ****ing hand while introducing him to the audience. I can see the mortified look on Augusta’s face. I can tell he doesn’t know what the hell to do. The juggler guys start handing him pins and bean bags and ****. They then take him by the shoulders, turn him around so that his back is to the audience. They blindfold him, and adjust the blindfold while it is on him. I am waiting for Augusta to lose it. A touch on the hand, the shoulders, and now the FACE!! I sit there, ready to jump out of my seat, waiting for his reaction. After they blindfold him they proceed to put objects in his hand and ask him to guess what they are.
    This was the boiling point. Augusta drops the object, rips off the blindfold and throws it at the jugglers. Keep in mind that the entire school, kindergarten through sixth grade, as well as staff and parents, are watching this. He then violently kicks over all these bowling pins that were lined up on stage. He rips his shirt off, throws it on the ground, yells "PEOPLE AREN'T SUPPOSE TO TOUCH ME" so ****ing loud, then runs out the side door to the parking lot.
    The gym is silent. Nobody knows what the **** to do or say. The jugglers were stunned but then quickly continued the show, which shifted the attention of most of the kids.
    I run out after him, along with the principal and guidance counselor. He is running down the parking lot, off of school grounds. We are all yelling at him to stop. He doesn’t. I continue to run, the counselor goes to the office to call his parents, and the principal gets in his car to drive and capture him. Somehow, I lose him. The principal can’t find him either.
    About 15 minutes later, I am still looking for him, and the office receives a call. The caller says that there is a child behind her wood pile next to her house, that he looks really shaken up, doesn’t have a shirt on, and that she doesn’t want to approach him. She guesses that he is from our school. The principal drives to her home, only a half block away, and finally gets Augusta to get into the car, but not until bribing him with a ****ing ice cream bar.
    I am sorry that I wasn’t in the car at the time, because our principal says that Augusta gets in the car, picks up a container of Armour-All wipes on the floor, and starts furiously scrubbing his body with them. He is all worked up and out of breath, scouring himself with moistened automobile cleaning wipes.
    Back at the office his parents are there to get him. They are all worried, and when they see him they are like "Oh, Augusta, we are glad you are ok, we were so worried about you." They make no mention of the fact that he cursed and exposed himself to the entire school.
    About a week later, we receive a signed, 8 ½ by 11 inch color photograph of the jugglers. "To Augusta: Keep Reading! Best wishes and our Apologies."
    We call Augusta down to the office to give the photo to him. He takes one look at it, tears it up, tosses the pieces in the recycle bin, and says, just like a normal ****ing person, "I didn’t like that assembly, I thought you guys knew that."

  19. #39
    81 st zoner mybills's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    One day Leigh saw one of my aids insert a CD-ROM into the CD drive to install a program. As soon as the aid turned her back Leigh had hit the eject button and slammed her hand on the tray hard enough to break it.

    MBB's singer?
    I didn't come here to fight, I hate fighting. Life is way too short to spend it on fighting! Go fight with yourself, one of you will eventually win!

  20. #40
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    In my 7th grade class, we had a tard who was really good at math and growing facial hair, and really bad at just about everything else. He was pretty much harmless, which was a good thing since he was physically ahead of the rest of us by 5 years and probably could have kicked all of our asses at once, but there were some funny moments, one of which I still remember clear as a bell 15 years later.
    It was a normal day in the 7th grade. My friends and I were behaving like the bunch of little *******s that we were. In the afternoon, a couple of people who were affiliated with the police dept. showed up to talk to us about child abuse. Out came the goofy diagrams and movies where we got to learn that little Johnny made a big mistake putting his hands in his pockets and walking up to Mr. Molester in his 70's A-Team van. Don't walk home alone, scream "fire" if someone grabs you, blah, blah...
    Then the lights came back on, and the two people from the police dept. started talking about how most sexual molestations were committed either by people that the kid knew, usually either family or friend's of the family, and how important it is to tell someone if that ever happened to one of us. Even 13 year-olds get a bit quiet when the subject of being butt-raped by Uncle Bob comes up, so the room was very quiet when Ms. Friendly-Cop asked the class, "Are there any questions that you'd like to ask us?"
    Of course, there is dead silence at this point, as none of us want this conversation to continue any longer than it has to. Then, al of the sudden:
    "Next door Jimmy made me suck his dick."
    *loudest noise ever as someone drops a pencil on the floor*
    Let me tell you, each and everyone of us kids wanted to be ANYWHERE but sitting in that classroom that day. The class tard was sitting in the middle of the room with everyone staring at him, from kids to teacher to the two cop wannabes. Finally one of them asked him to come outside and talk with them, and we didn't see him again for about a month. The principal was called in, and some psychiatrist lady showed up the next day to counsel our ever so slightly-more warped minds.
    From the little I could find out later, "Next Door Jimmy" was another tard a year older than we were. Apparently he had a penchant for wanting to act out the things he saw on certain cable channels when the tuning knob let you see the picture - or hear the sound, but never both damnit! - through the scrambling. And I swear on my ability to ever score again with a hot chick that this is a 100% absolutely true story. It's one I like to tell when I'm ****-faced drunk at parties - which is about the only time I'm low enough to tell it, and given my lack of class, that says something about the story, trust me.

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