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Thread: Kinigirly's diary

  1. #61
    Registered User SabreEleven's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Quote Originally Posted by billsburgh
    whatever it is that you get paid, it's not nearly enough. I dont know how you put up with that every day.
    She gets by knowing that I"m going to **** her one day. That would be enough for anybody.

  2. #62
    The Vanilla admin shelby's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary


    She probably wouldn't be able to feel you, Mr. 2 inch man!


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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Dozerdog's true life Tard Blog-


    Dozerdog meets SuperTard

    So the wife and I see this 30-ish year old 'Tard walking around my hometown of Agawam every weekend. He kinda sticks out because he's always wearing a full-blown Superman costume.

    This isn't some cheesey plastic halloween deal - it's a quality blue and red leotard with a full cape. Got the red boots and everything. It just looks funny on a 30 year old hispanic tard who weighs no more than 100 lbs.

    Anyway- I'm buying some pasta for dinner at the supermarket- as I'm checking out at the express line and leaving- in comes SuperTard...and this time he's carrying an inflatable pool toy- a 5 foot long killer whale or Dolphin or something.

    The kids in the store all went "WOOOAAHHH! COOL- It's Superman!!!!!"

    All the Moms looked at him like some sort of recently released child molester and sped off with the kids in their carts.

    The Employees all have seen him before and they just gave out their usual snickers.

    My only reaction was "What's with the fish? Isn't that Aquaman's schtick?"


    I go tell the wife what happens at the store and she can't beleieve it. She's trying to figure out how SuperTard got there- because the store is about 4-5 miles away from where we usually spot him fighting Tard villians in town. My reply was "He flew- stupid! He's SuperTard! Duh...they don't give Tards wearing superhero costumes driver's liscense- OK- Mabe a 'tarded Batman or something but that's it."

    We then continued the rest of our dinner conversation talking about the 'tarded Clark Kent syndrome. I was wondering if he went back to his tarded circle of tarded freinds and wore glasses, concealing his 'tarded superhero identity.

    My wife says I'm going to hell-

  4. #64
    Registered User kinigirly's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Quote Originally Posted by shelby

    She probably wouldn't be able to feel you, Mr. 2 inch man!
    i hate when that happens!

  5. #65
    Registered User SabreEleven's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Quote Originally Posted by shelby

    She probably wouldn't be able to feel you, Mr. 2 inch man!
    At least my dick sticks out farther than your tits.

  6. #66
    The Vanilla admin shelby's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Doubtful, baby carrot. But nice try.


    Dozer....you ARE going to hell.

  7. #67
    Registered User kinigirly's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    dozer that's awesome!!! i used to watch a kid that wore a batman costume EVERY SINGLE DAY. ****ing weirdo. he wasn't diagnosed then but i'm sure he is now. i hated that kid and his mom knew it too

  8. #68
    I told the pet store guy "How else am I supposed to get the mouse out of my ass?" The last buffalo fan's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    como una persona tan bella, puede tener tan feos sentimientos??

    WTF??
    The Mexican & too!!

    - Adriano & Emiliano, the next Villa & Zapata. Viva Mexico, cabrones!!! -

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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    OMG, that last one has to be the funniest one yet...People are looking at me cause I'm laughing so hard.

    I lost it here.

    go tell the wife what happens at the store and she can't beleieve it. She's trying to figure out how SuperTard got there- because the store is about 4-5 miles away from where we usually spot him fighting Tard villians in town. My reply was "He flew- stupid! He's SuperTard! Duh...they don't give Tards wearing superhero costumes driver's liscense- OK- Mabe a 'tarded Batman or something but that's it."

  10. #70
    Registered User kinigirly's Avatar
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Quote Originally Posted by The last buffalo fan
    como una persona tan bella, puede tener tan feos sentimientos??

    WTF??
    oh my! i didn't expect that out of you

  11. #71
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary



    HMS Tardtanic


    Then the Tard tragedy happens

    I'm driving into work this morning in a rental because my car was tore up in an accident in Worcester/Shrewsbury last week.


    Now Kini, Bedard, and Mybills can all attest to this- New England is infested with these traffic circles called rotarys- they are 4-5 streets that all come together and instead of putting in traffic lights, someone got the idea of putting in a small NASCAR track in the middle of all this. They are traffic accidents waiting to hsappen-especially when *******s don't know the rules of the rotary.

    YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO STOP IN A ROTARY AND WAVE CARS THROUGH!

    We have a large rotary by my house, and I'm looking over my left shoulder for my "hole" in traffic to hit- basically you go from a complete stop to flooring it -kinda like launching yourself off an aircraft carrier. People like going around those things at 30-40 mph- almost fast enough to make the tires squeal.

    Well- the entrance to this rotary practically requires you look sideways and backwards to merge in. Woudn't you know it- there was the town Tard van in front of me loaded with Tards. ....and...of course....he chickened out and stopped cold - just in time for me to hit him in the bumper.


    Now the collision wasn't violent at all- under 5 mph. But it was enough to crack the van's plastic bumper. The tap must have felt like Flight 93 hitting the Earth for the tards. The whole van was rocking from exited tards.

    They calmed down pretty quick until a town cop arrived- the lights got them all exited again.

    It was a no-harm/no foul deal in the cop's eyes. But imagine my disappointment when the retarded Superman failed to show.

  12. #72
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Yep, straight to hell with you.

  13. #73
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Bump for the tards thast couldn't find their dicks with both hands

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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Why hasn't she updated it! Boooooooo

  15. #75
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Tard nearly kills old person

    Last spring, we used to have senior citizens from the local retirement home volunteer at our school. Every Thursday morning the retirement home's shuttle bus would drop them all off. They stopped coming to volunteer because of this incident:

    In case I haven't already made this clear: Tards get extremely attached to things, but it is very hard for them to express their emotional attachment appropriately. One Thursday morning, I am walking four of my 1st grade tards to the gym for "adapted P.E." One of them spots one of the grandmas getting off the bus. He freaks out, lets loose an ear-splitting scream, and charges her like a ****ing bull, knocking her to the ground, really, really hard.

    I run over and pull him off of her. She is laying flat on her back on the pavement in front of the school, writhing in what is obviously excruciating pain. The office ultimately had to call an ambulance, and she was taken to the hospital with a broken collar bone and numerous broken vertebrae.

    All from a tard trying to give her a hug.

  16. #76
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Even Kinigirly can be immature

    I had quite an incident with one of my kiddos, "Tom" today. He has severe behavior problems, and is on major medication. He also constantly picks at things. Anything that can be picked at, he will pick.

    Today he came to school and he had what appeared to be an adhesive like substance on multiple places on his body (face, hands, arms, chest). He could focus on nothing but the sticky **** all over him. I was getting so angry but nothing was fazing him. I was putting zeroes on his behavior chart, threatening to take away his snack, call his mom, etc. He just didn't give a **** about anything but the sticky stuff on his body. I kept asking him what was all over his body, and he kept responding to me, but I think in Russian or something. He has a severe speech impediment, you can barely understand the kid.

    All I knew was that he was covered with this stuff, and smelled like Denny's or something. We were not getting anything accomplished, so when recess rolled around, I told him that because he wasted my time, I will waste his recess time. He had to finish his work during recess (his work consists of tracing letters, cutting out shapes, coloring pictures IN THE LINES, and putting a series of 3 pictures in the correct order--its not as if I was teaching him algebra or anything).

    When he figured out that he wasn't going outside with the other kids, he absolutely ****ing lost it. He starts kicking anything he can, pushing over chairs, breaking crayons, spitting. I immediately hit the button on the wall to summon the principal.

    Now he really freaks out, and proceeds to strip naked. Absolutely ****ing NAKED. He then plants his naked ass in the indoor classroom sandbox that has rice grains in it instead of sand, and is screaming out one word that I cannot, for the life of me decipher, and kicking rice all over the place. At this point, I refuse to be within 20 feet of him. Our principal walks in the room and asks "What is the problem?"

    At this question, I can only wonder if the naked, screaming retard in the rice box is a figment of my imagination.

    Our principal puts on his principal voice, grabs Tom's arm, and pulls him out of the ricebox. He then asks Tom why he keeps yelling "syrup".

    He demands Tom put his clothes on. He puts on his underwear and pants, and refuses to put on anything else. The principal grabs his shoes, socks, shirt, and starts walking out. Tom freaks out. "Give my shirt" and "Not for yours" is all he is yelling as he follows the principal up to the office.

    About 3 minutes later, as I am straightening the displaced furniture, one of my autistic kids comes in to do math with me. He is obsessed with staples, and fixates on looking for staples in carpets. He actually gets rewarded when he goes one day without crawling around on the carpet looking for staples. Anyway, he comes in my room and sees the rice grains all over the place.

    He freaks out.

    He then spends the next 15 minutes of instructional time picking up rice--grain by grain--and putting then in his pockets. He gets all the rice picked up, also cuts the **** out of his hand digging a staple out of the carpet. I walk him up to the health room so he can clean up his scraped up hand.

    Tom's mom is in the office, picking up Tom. She was pissed too because she had to leave work to come get him. I say something to her about Tom picking at sticky stuff on his body. She tells me he had pancakes for breakfast, and offers no other explanation. Welcome to the world of special ed.

    Her and Tom start walking out to the parking lot, I walk back to my room, following behind them like 50 yards. Tom turns around and sees me (his mom is still facing forward) and I stick my tongue out at him. (I know, very immature, but geez I am 24, ok?) He belts out the loudest ****ing screech, and his mom whacked his ass so ****ing hard, picks him up, and carries him, kicking and screaming, to the car. She also is screaming at him that we do not yell at our teachers.
    I was so pleased with myself for the tongue stick out. I love these kids, but sometimes they drive me nuts.
    So, here I sit, Dave Letterman on the TV, TuckerMax.com on the computer, and a stack of papers full of scribbled names and backward fives and twos.

    Thank God tomorrow is a half day. Drinks will begin promptly at noon.

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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    Probably the best one yet-

    A review of Kinigirly's Christmas gifts: The season of giving takes a whole new meaning when you are a special education teacher. Every year I get ridiculous gifts. I would rather get a simple hug around my legs accompanied by large quantities of drool, rather than what my kids bring me. For the most part I just thank the tards, take the gifts home, re-wrap them, and give them to other tards in my class. No one knows the difference, and everyone is happy. Here are some of the gifts I got this year:

    --The stickers are from Brad, the kid who furiously tore apart his stickerbook while calling me an ******* and a greedy bitch. Because of this specific outburst, all of the tards will be rewarded with these stickers for their stickerbooks. Except for Brad.

    --A used book. The binding is worn and it even smells like mothballs. Great. The Frango breathmints are a nice touch. This is a puzzling gift, because I am the only one out of all the kids who actually brushes their teeth on a regular basis.

    --Unpackaged cocoa mix and marshmallows! SOMEBODY ****ing touched this ****. Thanks, I'll pass on the Christmas Hepatitis C to all my friends. I'm sure they'll be very appreciative.

    --An assortment of stupid ****:
    1. I have always hated stretch mittens. Especially this pair--blue and green stripes?! I wouldn't give these to a freezing homeless person, and even if I did he'd probably throw them back in my face.
    2. Stupid Cheap Christmas Ornaments. I don't have a ****ing tree, and these ornaments are gay anyway. If you want any of the pictured ornaments, they are currently in the dumpster behind my house.
    3. More ****ing cocoa mix! I've never once drank cocoa in front of my tards, or ever claimed to like it, yet come Christmas time, I get it by the bushel. At least this time it is packaged. It will sit in the top drawer of my desk for years, until I use it as a birthday gift for one of my other tards.
    4. Washable markers? Yes, thank you, I am not retarded, I can draw inside the lines and on appropriate surfaces.
    5. A book about the solar system. What am I going to do with this? Read it to the class? They won't understand it.

    --This is a tard card. This is the front of the card, and this is the message on the inside. This card is funny for the following reasons:
    1. It is a cat saying "Hi Hun."
    2. The front says, "To: Miss Kini From: ???" The girl who gave this to me did so in person, and she also signed her ****ing name on the inside. So what is up with the little guessing game????
    3. Numerous misspellings. Some are phonetically impossible. I blame myself, as I am obviously a poor teacher. Oh wait, nevermind, she's retarded.

    --Chocolate dipped pretzel sticks wrapped in Kleenex, in the cardboard box, with the Homer Simpson pencil holder that has "Carpe Diem: Seize the Donut" written on the front. I don't even know what to say about this.

    --A dog dish. This I actually like. It is a hell of a paint job, especially for a tard. It was painted at one of those little places where you pick out something and paint it (note that I already put some of my **** in it.)

    --This is classic. The Starbucks Christmas bear--from 2000--in a "Happy Birthday" bag. My birthday is in July. Maybe the tard's parents can't read either.

    --Your run of the mill tard love letter.

    --I got a Starbucks gift card from a girl whose mom has attempted suicide numerous times. The gift card was for 20 bucks. I was slightly excited about it, because this is finally a gift I can use, as opposed to the normal tard gifts.

    I tried to use it the next day. The Starbucks cashier swiped it, and then asked me to wait while she got a manager. The card had never been activated! The mother had jacked it from Starbucks without considering the whole activation aspect.

    It was so embarrassing. I didn't even try to explain the story to the manager because it is so ridiculous. Everyone there thought I stole it and tried to use it. I paid for the latte, but was angry and embarrassed about it. To The Mom: Merry ****ing Christmas to you, too.

    --I did get one good thing---a Barnes and Noble gift card. And this one was not stolen! The mom is a nurse and normal. Once I opened it I knew exactly what it would be used for: My new coffee table book will be Tucker Max's Belligerence and Debauchery: The Tucker Max Stories.

  18. #78
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    Re: Kinigirly's diary

    I'm copying this to the HoF- it's awesome

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