Kinigirly's diary

[kinigirly]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

these stories make me think of this one kid, "Clumpy" that runs around his backyard with an axe in his hands rambling off harry potter scenes loudly. then he runs away and hides in peoples basements. the cops know Clumpy very very well. the kid also believes he is the real life Pinocchio. one time he was in class and randomly said "take a BIG drag...like this!" and imitated the motion. we're like holy **** his parents are giving him pot!!! then we found out it was obscure line from the Pinocchio movie

[Dozerdog]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

these stories make me think of this one kid, "Clumpy" that runs around his backyard with an axe in his hands rambling off harry potter scenes loudly. then he runs away and hides in peoples basements. the cops know Clumpy very very well. the kid also believes he is the real life Pinocchio. one time he was in class and randomly said "take a BIG drag...like this!" and imitated the motion. we're like holy **** his parents are giving him pot!!! then we found out it was obscure line from the Pinocchio movie

Does he do cap pages and own a cat?

[Dozerdog]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

THIS IS GOLD JERRY....GOLD!!!!!!!!!!

#3: Fun with water

The door to the bathroom stays closed most of the day. The tards know that they need to talk to one of the aides or myself if they have to use it. Each tard is allowed to use the restroom 4 times a day, unless they have some sort of medical condition.

The "4 times a day" rule was started because of Kunte. Kunte always tries to ask different aides if he can leave to use the bathroom. He must ask each aide at least five times a day. Because of this I now keep track of his bathroom usage on the board. I put a check next to his name each time he goes to the bathroom, this way each aide knows if he's used up all his restroom privileges.

Recently I found out why he goes to the bathroom so much.

One morning, I put one of my aides in charge and left to grab a Pepsi from the teachers lounge. As I pass the bathroom I hear frantic splashing and heavy breathing. I knock on the door and ask if everything is OK, the splashing immediately stops. I realize something is up and open the door to see what's going on.

I find Kunte in one of the stalls, on his knees and covered in toilet water. I asked him what he was doing. Apparently he
had been dunking his head in the toilet, flushing, and trying to drink as much as he can. When I asked him why, he responded, "I saw Charles do it."

I walked him down to the office and called his father. I told him that he was apparently emulating a friend or sibling named Charles, and that they might want to do something about it. The father proceeded to tell me that Charles was the family dog.

I had to hang up, it was just too funny.

[kinigirly]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

i hate when they imitate everything. this one high functioning kid named Eb is OBSESSED with cereal commercials...knows every word of every one ever made in life. one day i was sitting next to him and he randomly grabs my skirt and lifts it up, peeks his head in and says "let me see your stripes" WTF?! apparently tony the tiger did something like that on tv

[Dozerdog]

Re: Kinigirly's diary



I think he's just pretending to be ******ed- Like Peter Griffin in an episode of Family Guy

[clumping platelets]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

[SabreEleven]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

you're being quite a ***** today you know that?

You're quite the ***** everyday

[SabreEleven]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

i hate when they imitate everything. this one high functioning kid named Eb is OBSESSED with cereal commercials...knows every word of every one ever made in life. one day i was sitting next to him and he randomly grabs my skirt and lifts it up, peeks his head in and says "let me see your stripes" WTF?! apparently tony the tiger did something like that on tv

Don't get turned on, Don't get turned on, Don't get turned on.

[Static]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

[Gunzlingr]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

Those are the funniest things ever, Dozer. I realize you are just recapping what happened at the Draft party, but still... I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!

[Gunzlingr]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

#11: Librarian meets Mikey

One of the few pleasures I have in life is my the Tuesday library sessions. Every Tuesday I get to herd the tards down to the library and watch them annoy the **** out of the librarian. I'm supposed to help her handle the kids, but I get a kick out of watching the tards mutilate library materials and cause general mayhem.

Today I was sipping my Pepsi and perusing the latest sunshine and rainbows bull**** from the "new books" shelf, when I hear yelling from the librarian and my students in the adjacent reading area. I stand up to peer over the little bookcases and I see Mikey, one of my fat tards, running around the tables with his shorts around his ankles and a paper-back book held firmly between his ass cheeks. He was making high pitched squealing noises like an animal caught in a trap. He was also managing to evade the librarian who was chasing him, even though he had to occasionally stop to cram the book further up his crack.

I briefly considered walking over and putting and end to the debacle, but since no one was getting hurt I soon decided to sit down and finish "Penguin Pete". If the librarian asks, I'm going to tell her I was in the bathroom.

[Static]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

[Gunzlingr]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

1/17: Guest Contributor: What it's like in Kini's class: Ed. Note: This is written by a guest contributor, who is friends with Kini and once visited her classroom:

I met Kinigirly during a spring break a few years ago. She let me come to her class one time to check out the kids.

They were all terrible. Some loud, some mute, some shat in pants, some pissed, some spit, swore, some wrote things like "****" on the tables, some scribbled over anything. This list of their transgressions is nearly endless. Despite all the entertaining behavior, the funniest thing was how Kini dealt with the tards. I will never forget this incident:

Kini was quizzing the tards on their ABC's with flashcards. She is going from tard to tard, and as she held up a card with a letter on it, they would say what letter it was. She gets to one girl, and the letter is a "T." Kini didn't know it, but the card was upside down.

The tard looked at it and said "What the **** is that?" This alone makes me explode. But then Kini says "Oh, I am sorry Shelby I don't think I said it is time to use bad words." The girl then said "That's a weird ****ing letter," to which Kini said something like, "Excuse me Shelby if you would like to use bad words, we can do this during our recess time. The rest of us would like to finish up here," and left it like that.

Later on I asked her why she didn't send the girl out. She said something like, "If I send out every kid that swore I would have no kids here to teach."

Though this was funny, the capstone to the trip was this:

I laughed at this one huge fat kid because he all the sudden started smelling like ****. He had literally **** his pants, right there in the classroom. Kini hits the intercom button.

The response is some lady who says "Yes, office?"
Kini says this only "We have a code brown."
The lady says "I will send down the principal and the janitor."

I no longer was able to contain my laughter. THEY HAD A SYSTEM SET UP TO DEAL WITH THE ****TY FAT KID! I started to laugh uncontrollably loud.

At this, the fat ****** becomes mad and charges me, knocks me into a bookcase and the bookcase falls over and all the books fall out, and he lands on top of me, in the middle of all these books all over the floor. He was so huge that the impact of him landing on me knocks the breath out of me and breaks my hand. NO ****--BROKE MY ****ING HAND!

Now I am not a small man, nor a wimp, and at 6'4, 200 lbs, I figured I was safe around the tards. But the kid was so big that he broke my hand and scratched up my neck and side.

Mentally picture this image: bookshelf down, little tard books scattered everywhere, me in the middle of them with a fat tard on top of me, the principal and janitor are at the door, AND KINI CONTINUES TEACHING! AS IF NOTHING AT ALL HAD HAPPENED!!

Finally I throw the tard off of me, and I see the diarrhea all over the ass of his huge, tent-size sweatpants. That image, combined with the intense **** smell, caused me to vomit on the floor.

Later, I am sitting in a tiny little chair, made for someone 1/4 my size, with my hand throbbing and the taste of vomit in my mouth. All Kini does is look at me and say, "I knew you couldn't handle this. Real good Dozer, real good," and then continues to teach. Her and all of the kids acted as if nothing had happened, with me sitting in my midget chair, nursing my broken hand, faintly smelling of tard crap, and feeling like the biggest tard in the room.

My roommates had a great 6 weeks of making fun of me until the cast came off. They all signed it with stupid ****, like, "Beware of Fat Tards."

Kini signed it "Real good, Dozer".

[Gunzlingr]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

OMG, you can't make this **** up!

#5: Tyrell has problems with referees: First of all, I wish to dedicate the following event to all my friends, with the exception of DW, who continue to ridicule, harass, and talk **** to me for encouraging and participating in the extra-curricular activities of my students; both former and present. **** you guys. All of you passed up what DW referred to as "Better than a ****ing Lakers game." So it begins, Thursday, four o'clock, I arrive at Tyler and Tyrell's residence to pick them both up. I honk my horn a multitude of times, but no one exits the house. ****. I pull up into a handicap parking spot, leave the car running, and run up to their door. After several punches to the door, no one comes. I let myself in. The home smelled like cats and smoke. The combination of T.V. and CD player almost deafened me. Both boys are on the couch, staring at the set. Tyrell had to be at his basketball game an hour early to practice. I scare the **** out of them both when I walk into the TV room. I ask if they are ready to go, and they say yes. We leave--the TV and CD player remain on, and the girlfriend remains on the dads bed. She is out for the count. We walk out to my car and there is a cheap-ass rent a cop by my car. He begins to ***** at me for parking in a handicap spot. I need not respond to him, as Tyrell busts out with "Me and my brother have to be in special reading classes." I laughed. Not exactly the response he was looking for. We all get in the car, the rent-a-cop continues to talk to me. He is signaling at me to roll down my window. I ignore him and slam the car into reverse. We have a basketball game to attend. We arrive at Tyrell's middle school and drop him off. Tyler and I go get McDonald's. We hit the drive-through, and I buy them both dinner. Tyler eats his in my NEW car, spilling **** all over the place. I ask him to be more careful. He says OK, and continues dropping french fries everywhere. We then go pick up my friend DW, who has expressed great interest in attending one of the games. DW was a baller in High School, but I actually met him in college, where he continued to star on the court. Sadly, he relied way too much on his image, and not enough on the actual game, so his post-college career has been pathetic. But, at one time, he was quite a star, especially regionally. Tyrell knew who he was, and it was going to be a surprise for him when we arrived at his game with DW. So we arrive back at the school, it is 5:00, the game was to start at 5:30. I have DW take Tyrell his food. Tyrell was speechless, all he could muster up was "I saw you on TV." Tyrell then spouted out something about DW and I getting married and adopting him and his brother. This was too much for DW, he returns to the bleachers. The next twenty minutes is filled with DW *****ing at me, Tyler asking DW what it is like to be "really black", and Tyrell trying to show off on the court for DW. The game finally starts, but Tyrell is not a starter. We could see him *****ing to his coach about this, but could not make out any words. Tyrell then points to DW, the coach looks over, Tyrell jumps up and down in temper tantrum, and the one of the starters is pulled. Tyrell is in. All is normal for a long ass time. Tyrell is on his best behavior, and is playing a great game. Half-time rolls around, and Tyler is throwing his Ju-Ju fruits on the court. He is aiming for the center. DW is encouraging this behavior. I do nothing to stop it, because it is funny. Finally it is announced on the microphone that "anyone throwing objects at or on the court will be asked to leave." Second half begins, and immediately Tyrell is shoved by a kid on the other team. They talk **** to each other throughout the next 5 minutes of the game. Finally, after the kid makes a remark about his dad being in jail and his teacher having to take care of him, Tyrell's dam breaks. In the angriest, loudest tone I have ever heard come out of that kids mouth, he screams "Don't make me cotton candy your ass, Mother ****er!! I'll cotton candy that **** right now, Mother ****er!" The referee blows his whistle, and throws Tyrell out of the game. Tyrell will not accept this. To the referee he says, "You want your ass cotton candied too mother ****er? Cuz I will cotton candy that ****, and with a capital K." Yes, he said with a capital K. One of his spelling words last year was cotton. I am a poor teacher. Everyone in the gym is angry, mothers are covering the ears of their children. DW stands up and shouts out "Cotton candy him kid. Candy dat ass!!" DW is now ejected. Tyler then stands up to contest both ejections, when he is also ejected. He calls the ref a "Pansy ass mother ****er." DW then repeats it, except a lot louder. At this point, everything is chaos. Tyrell is refusing to leave the court. All his teammates are cheering him on, as is DW. He is loving the attention. He then decides to drop his shorts, grab his penis, and tells the entire visiting side of the bleachers to "EAT THIS". DW was barreled over laughing, headed toward Tyrell, I was in shock. DW actually goes out onto the court, and tryies to coax Tyrell off of it. Tyrell looks at DW, again grabs his penis, and suggests that DW "suck my twelve-year old ****." DW looks up at me in the bleachers, gives me a seriously apologetic look, and signals for me to get down there. I grab my bag and Tyler, and we head down. Everyone is staring. I refuse to make eye contact with anyone. Tyrell's coach is nearing him, when Tyrell announces " Coach get away from my ****!!!" I have never in my life seen a kid as out of control as Tyrell was at this point. I was truly amazed. The coach warned Tyrell that the police had been called, when Tyrell decided to pull his pants up. He walks over to the bench, gives some of his teammates a high five, then exits the gym. DW, Tyler and I follow him out. DW asks Turell him for an autograph. Tyrell agrees, we get to my car, and he scribbles his name on the McDonalds bag that was still in my car. He proudly hands it to DW. DW then says, "Kid, you have no idea how famous you really are." I pull up to DW's house. Tyrell demands that DW kiss me goodnight. I about shot myself. I told Tyrell that this was inappropriate. He announced that his Dad's girlfriend kisses her friends all the time. DW laughs, kisses me on the cheek, and gets out. The boys then fight over who will sit in the front seat. They begin punching each other. I stop the car, remove my seatbelt and turn around--just in time to see Tyrell clock Tyler so hard that his mouth starts to bleed. All over the back seat of my new car. I scold Tyrell and give Tyler my jacket to soak up the blood that is now gushing from his mouth. I did about ninety all the way back to their home. Luckily, his mouth stopped bleeding. I then turned them over to the care of the 20 year old girlfriend who asked me if I "had a smoke she could bum." I told her I didn't smoke. She asks "What do you smoke?" I said goodnight and got the hell out of there. Next Tuesday I take them to see their dad in jail.

[Forward_Lateral]

Re: Kinigirly's diary

This is the best blog EVER. I am laughing my ass off right now. I want to teach tards.