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Thread: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

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    Registered User BuffaloJayhawk's Avatar
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    My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Oh god this sucks! There aint nothing wrong with it cos its natural and even monkeys do it. I am a man and I dont get embarased by my sexuality to no one! But I don't know who to talk to cos my friends will take the **** so bad but I dont know how to go on like this!

    Normally I will do it quietly in my room or the bath but my mum was out at bingo tonight and the house was free so I decided to have a bit more fun. I got a audio tape of women sex noises I recorded from tv pornos and I got this lifesize poster of some fit naked bird I keep in a secret hiding place and I got it out and laid it on the bed. I took my trousers and pants off and folded a pillow in half and started bumming it. Im sure the guys out there have done it and know what Im talkin about! (dont lie!) It takes ages and it knackers you out but it is worth it and good exercise! and also When I look at the poster and hear the noises it makes me think I am doing it for real!

    I was bumming away like a maniac and the sex noises are playin and I am making noises myself so I can't hear nothing. I look around around and I see my mum is standing in my doorway!

    She ran off and slammed my door and I got dressed. I turn off the tape and put the poster away then sit on my bed thinking what I can say. I go downstairs and my mum says not to talk to her and calls me a little pervert. I tell her I was exercising and got so hot I had to take my trousers off but she says not to talk to her for the rest of the night.

    I woke up today and my mum wont even look at me. She is trying to act like nothing happened but she is avoiding me and wont even cook my dinner for me! She always does but today she says I am a grown up now and I have to do it myself.

    The worst part is my aunty Ruth came round earlier and I hear her and my mum laughing loud for ages! I didnt hear what they were saying but I reckon it was about me!

    I am really mad and I think my mum wont ever be the same with me again. I want to run away cos I cant handle it any more. I am trying hard to think of what to say but I cant think of anything.

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    short bus extraordinaire SABURZFAN's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Quote Originally Posted by BuffaloJayhawk
    Oh god this sucks! There aint nothing wrong with it cos its natural and even monkeys do it. I am a man and I dont get embarased by my sexuality to no one! But I don't know who to talk to cos my friends will take the **** so bad but I dont know how to go on like this!

    Normally I will do it quietly in my room or the bath but my mum was out at bingo tonight and the house was free so I decided to have a bit more fun. I got a audio tape of women sex noises I recorded from tv pornos and I got this lifesize poster of some fit naked bird I keep in a secret hiding place and I got it out and laid it on the bed. I took my trousers and pants off and folded a pillow in half and started bumming it. Im sure the guys out there have done it and know what Im talkin about! (dont lie!) It takes ages and it knackers you out but it is worth it and good exercise! and also When I look at the poster and hear the noises it makes me think I am doing it for real!

    I was bumming away like a maniac and the sex noises are playin and I am making noises myself so I can't hear nothing. I look around around and I see my mum is standing in my doorway!

    She ran off and slammed my door and I got dressed. I turn off the tape and put the poster away then sit on my bed thinking what I can say. I go downstairs and my mum says not to talk to her and calls me a little pervert. I tell her I was exercising and got so hot I had to take my trousers off but she says not to talk to her for the rest of the night.

    I woke up today and my mum wont even look at me. She is trying to act like nothing happened but she is avoiding me and wont even cook my dinner for me! She always does but today she says I am a grown up now and I have to do it myself.

    The worst part is my aunty Ruth came round earlier and I hear her and my mum laughing loud for ages! I didnt hear what they were saying but I reckon it was about me!

    I am really mad and I think my mum wont ever be the same with me again. I want to run away cos I cant handle it any more. I am trying hard to think of what to say but I cant think of anything.
    Quote Originally Posted by yordad
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    The Octagon Devin's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating


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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    I think the fact that the life size picture was of her is what has her pissed off.

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    short bus extraordinaire SABURZFAN's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    does she know that it was her dildo that you were using?

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    Registered User kinigirly's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    oh honestly you never turn music up too loud. it needs to be loud enough to drown out what you're doing, but you still need to be able to hear when someone enters the house so you can pack up quick. amateur

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    Registered User honey's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    You still live with your mother?

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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    You masterbate while taking a bath?


    She's probably more upset finding out you're gay instead of the whacking off

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    short bus extraordinaire SABURZFAN's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Quote Originally Posted by Dozerdog
    She's probably more upset finding out you're gay instead of the whacking off



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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    I thought you lived in london with your girlfriend or something...

    I would be pissed too if I were your mom jerking off in an city thats across the atlantic to an imaginary girl is frustrating for the whole family.
    I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?"
    "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet.
    You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times."
    It was all
    true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach.
    He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can
    mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.



  11. #11
    I told the pet store guy "How else am I supposed to get the mouse out of my ass?" The last buffalo fan's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    How old are you, Jay?
    The Mexican & too!!

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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Is boffing a pillow considered masturbation or an actual fetish, like Sealy Posturepedic-phobia?
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    Registered User Michael82's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Quote Originally Posted by Dozerdog
    You masterbate while taking a bath?


    She's probably more upset finding out you're gay instead of the whacking off






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    Acid Douching Asswipe OpIv37's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    ever think that maybe your mom isn't so upset about the masturbation, but about the bizarre pillow-****ing poster-and-sound-effect ritual that accompanied the masturbation?

    Maybe if you were just stroking it in the bathroom or doing some left-handed internet surfing like a normal person, she wouldn't have reacted so poorly.

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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Quote Originally Posted by Dozerdog
    You masterbate while taking a bath?


    Let's revisit this question.


    Does the idea of laying in and cleaning up with your own spunk put the idea of your mom finding you on the back burner.

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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    The worst is getting all relaxed, having a few beers, sitting back in the recliner, and tossing one off to the internet.


    Next thing you know, you're awaken in the middle of the night to the voice of your wife shreiking "Get your pants back on! WTF!!!!"

  17. #17
    Well, lookie here... YardRat's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Quote Originally Posted by EricStratton
    Let's revisit this question.


    Does the idea of laying in and cleaning up with your own spunk put the idea of your mom finding you on the back burner.
    Maybe you should hook the kid up with your heroin dealer, that way he wouldn't have to resort to ****ing a pillow.

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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Maybe Aunt Ruth could help you out next time Jayhawk. Anythink is better then ****ing the furniture.

  19. #19
    Acid Douching Asswipe OpIv37's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Quote Originally Posted by BuffaloJayhawk
    I took my trousers and pants off and folded a pillow in half and started bumming it. Im sure the guys out there have done it and know what Im talkin about! (dont lie!)
    oh, and one more thing- despite what you say, this is not normal behavior. Obviously, every guy pleasures himself in some form or another. But I can honestly say that I've never resorted to couch-bombing, pillows or other inanimate objects. That's just bizarre.

    BTW I hope you don't sleep on that pillow after you're done "bumming it", especially if it's as big a workout as you say it is. Nothing's more sanitary than putting your face in an absorbent object soaked in your own spunk and nut butter!

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    Registered User Michael82's Avatar
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    Re: My mum is mad at me... caught me masturbating

    Quote Originally Posted by OpIv37
    oh, and one more thing- despite what you say, this is not normal behavior. Obviously, every guy pleasures himself in some form or another. But I can honestly say that I've never resorted to couch-bombing, pillows or other inanimate objects. That's just bizarre.

    BTW I hope you don't sleep on that pillow after you're done "bumming it", especially if it's as big a workout as you say it is. Nothing's more sanitary than putting your face in an absorbent object soaked in your own spunk and nut butter!

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