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So when they say someone sucks donkey dick, they're referring to your party?
No they are referring to me. Im hung like a donkey.
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times."
It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach.
He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
Speaking of a need for punctuation. Without a comma it sounds like you want to do Bedard.
Yikes! That makes it sound like a group thing.
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times."
It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach.
He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
As President of the zone I promise to use my wealth of rep and zonebucks to buy as many votes as possible.
I furthur promise to hire fulltime someone to post a variety of pornographic links in the no-tos.
On top of that I promise that I will use my office to furthur the cause of the little people of the zone. The people who matter significantly less, but are so very important to the everyday amusement of others.
Lastly I will listen. You need someone negged into oblivion, I have people on it. You need more tater-tots at lunch, that sh** will be handled. Whats that you say? You need a new avatar? Guess who can sort that out for you? Thats right....this guy.
Guess who cant? Thats right. The guy whose busy playing "swords" while you are awaiting your brand spanking new Kawika Mitchell avatar. Shameful.
You wanna talk issues? Fine lets talk issues:
FACT: Yes I lobbied for Kini to be given the "Vagina lifetime achievement award" I stand by my decision. I even made her a sweet shadowbox for the award. FACT: Judo chopped a wild grizzly bear to death.....twice. True story. FACT: Invented Nintendo and the Lesbian 3-way. FACT: Co-wrote "Airtighting for dummies" with Wilt Chamberlain. Best sellers list for 13 years straight. FALSE: Likes fat chicks. This was a rumor started by Bedard and has never been substantiated. There was one time in Vegas but it was late and I was drunk. Besides I excercised the one freebie all men are given at birth for this and it was expunged from my record. FACT: Is an expert in porn movie reviews, examples available in no-tos. A rare, but much needed niche. FACT: Has a thundercats tattoo. And yes it is Lion-O. FACT: Wrote the script to all 3 Godfather movies. FACT: Owns an iPhone FACT: Screams "Look, Gawdzira!" in asian restaraunts. FACT: Fought in 'Nam with Mad Bomber.
My opponent:
FACT: Was in the Taliban FACT: MBB once went trick-or-treating as Freddie Mercury. FACT: Once had a 3-some. And not the cool kind. FACT: Was in the band 25AFFAIR FACT: Invented gay sex and the band Bon Jovi. At the same time. FACT: Was in the band 25AFFAIR FACT: Hates Jesus FACT: Was in the band 25AFFAIR FACT: Loved the movie "Flicka"
Furthermore, as if you needed anymore proof. While giving his latest speech at a Patriots rally last week to drum up support for his campaign his speech notes were found on the ground next to the podium, I mean come on people does this SEEM well prepared:
Sidenote: Icepops rock ass.
Whereas my running mate Chuck and I have been hard at work laying the framework for a successful campaign and more importantly improving the quality of life here at Billszone.
America. Damn right.
My minister of entertainment had this to say....."Its not about quantity, its about quality people....the issues people care about, the issues that make...........STOP! HAMMERTIME!"
I couldnt agree more Mr. Hammer.
At the end of the day everyone, this campaign is successful because of you. The voter. Sure I know, the fact that I dont hold the traditional values a person in this position should have may sway some. And no asking a girl to grab her ankles and say "ahhh" is probably not looked favorably upon by some. But really. My personal life I assure you in no way will affect my ability to make the tough decisions and take on the tough issues. Even the handicap.
Yes indeed my cripple friend, what would jesus do? (and how the hell did you get out of your cage?)
Lets not even talk credentials, 2x Zoner of the year, 06 Insult tourney champ, rep champ......as decorated zone veteran as they come.
As you can see folks, its right there in hard print. The BETTER Choice. The RIGHT Choice. Devin in '08.
.Mandatory annual road tests for drivers over 65. or no SS check....
.Across the board ban on the entry of US borders by any canadian named "Brian", "Gordy", or "Edward". eh? Same ban applies to all muslims with the surname "muhhammed".
.Legalization of marijauna. Full ban on Tobacco.
.Mexicans can apply for citizenship. those here now are here illeaglly and are subject to deportation. FINE ALL EMPLOYERS 50,000 dollars per violation per employee for violating this.
.Elimanate special interest groups' roles in how are laws are made and enforced.
.Dont change a dammed thing about the Patriot Act. If you arent doing anything wrong, what do you have to worry about?
.Tap the vast municiple labor force we have in our jails and prisons.
. Speed the proccess of appeals for death row inmates.I'm sick of feeding and housing these scum for 10 years only to let them off on a technicality. The innocent ones we kill will be far outweighed by the bad ones we kill.
this is just a small taste of the ZONE I'd bring you as president.
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times."
It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach.
He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
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