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Some of you may be familar with the recent attack against my campaign.
I am not here to slander I am here to present facts.
God Hates Devin
Its a sad but true tale. God literally hates Devin. How can you vote for a man even God despises.
Fact, Hurricane Katrina was not a catastrophy. It was a hit sent out by God to kill Devin.
Fact, God despises Devin so much he cursed him with a slow metbolism as to prevent Devin from ever seeing his penis.
Devin has AIDS Devin indeed has AIDS
Fact, Devin is the only person ever to gain weight while having AIDS.
Fact, Devin recently completed his sequel to the 2 girls 1 cup video. Entitled Pu Pu platter for you.
If anything I will salute Devin for running it has got him out of the house and on the campaign trail.
Now I dont need to sit here and blow smoke to you zoners, you know who I am and what I stand for. I brought to you the great chuck norris, I brought to you Bang or Bucks, and dammit I brought you Gina Carano! I am a zone success story from best new poster to zoner of the year! I am the past I am the present and I am the future.
Vote for a guy who can actually see his balls vote MBB!
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times."
It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach.
He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
What a shameless attack, I mean really a copy and recycle of my first shameless attack.....well thats just.....mighty white of you.
If anything young bedard proves my point. God sent the biggest baddest hurricane the coast has ever seen to my doorstep. I laughed at it. Matter fact I didnt just laugh at it, I let it know next time it or any other force of nature needed to speak with me it had better be for god-damn sure I wasnt in the middle of nunchuck practice.
If the largest force of nature ever witnessed tucks tail and runs well I dont need to point out what that says about my brain damaged opponents chances. Below you will find the actual doplar radar image of that fateful night. True story.
And lets not get onto physical appearances. My opponent looks like hes just starred in an episode of "Intervention" for crying out loud. Nice nose btw, in the event anyone needs to know what something smells like 4,000 miles away hes got you covered. Literally.
I think that really says it all people. I mean your OWN pee? Well thats just gross.
At this point my friends choosing between mongo and I is like choosing between a t-bone steak and a corndog thats been dropped in a urinal.
Pictured: Jules, a friend, an orange vest Not Pictured: Self Respect, Heterosexual Male
You want the champ. The original. MBB is reading the book I wrote. Following in my footsteps, well except I dont weight 90 pounds and only have 1 ball, but whatever.
Best new zoner? Please. Thats only slightly more prestigious than a best handwriting sticker.
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times."
It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach.
He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
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