FINAL: Round 1: BillC defeats MyBills 17-8

[lordofgun]

Round 1: BillC vs. MyBills

Round 1 will be freestyle. Do whatever the heck you want. Just make sure it's funny and insulting.

Each contestant will take turns insulting each other. This round will consist of 6 turns apiece.

BillC will go first.

[BillC]

Good morning sunshine!


How was Mom's day? You know it's trouble when the only Mother's day card is a post-it-note from hubby saying "Gone fishing" One problem- he took $100 in singles for bait. The only poles he's seeing are the brass ones at the Foxy Lady. I didn't know they had a champaign room at the end of the docks.


Well, drag one of those kids in from the bus stop in front of your house to open those child proof caps on the meds.....because the best part of waking up is Robitussen in your cup!

HELPFUL HINT: Save those empty beer cans. They make great hair curlers ....pffft!......


Your turn, Gangsta kitty!

[mybills]

Great, my first opponent/victim is a POSER!

I know you only think with your (little) head, so I’ll keep things simple so you can remember.

By the way, I’d rather look at a dog’s ass than your dick nose.

[BillC]

Great....sexual humor from someone who's seen more ports and sailors than the US Navy.

Time to bring that Exxon Valdez ass of yours into dry dock for the annual barnacle scraping. You know, a couple coats of that marine paint willl prevent that from happening.

Me and my "little" head will light a cigar and supervise.

[mybills]

Speaking of posers, I see you’re still posing for your constituents. You might want to refrain from describing your penis next time..

[BillC]

I can't help it... I'm to sexy.......




Listen Lady. Next beer run to the packy (which should be within the hour) use the handicapped parking. They are wider and you won't nail the car door against another. And with that drunk induced stagger of yours, people will think you are a gimp and won't bother to check for the special plates on your El- Camino.


While your at it, get a pack of Marlboros for lunch.

[mybills]

Try again, my epi pen hurts more than that.

I see you called me "lady"...I guess you CAN think with your bigger head sometimes. Will wonders ever cease?

I wouldn't need to walk all gimpy, I could just wear a mask of you. Hell, they might even offer vallet parking to get me IN and OUT.

[BillC]

Epi Pen? Try duct tape.

Better yet, the home elecrolisys kit- It starts with a pair of jumper cables.

At the next Bills game you can shave D- Fense or the #11 in your back.... that would be cool. People would walk up to you looking for the zipper before they realized it wasn't an ape costume you got for halloween.

I'm suprised you got up out of bed.....well, actually, the couch..... just remember to give yourself a portugese shower (splash water into those furry pits of yours- you look like you have Don King and Willie Nelson in a headlock) and brush your tooth.


Make yourself feel "Purdy" pushing that vacuum cleaner (Bahhwhahahahah) ....yeah, right......

[mybills]

I know you’re desperate to win this, but maybe it’s just too difficult for you to type with **** in hand! Why don’t you let the mouse nibble on that dead thing for a little while, so you can use both hands on the keyboard.

[BillC]

Gimme a break. I gotta use both hands or I'll knock the lamp over on the table. I type with my feet.

Let's see what's on MyBill's day planner this afternoon.....

1 PM- Tatoo parlor. That ass of yours is beginning to look like a Stock Car with all the names and sponsors on it. Who needs the Cranston phone book when all you got to do is drop your ....(throws a bone to LoG) ....slacks!

2:30- Head to the Gym- Where else you going to find only used once towels? Beats doing laundry. I visualize you as a homely version of Peg Bundy.

3:00 - PTA meeting- It's a condition of the youngin's parole - orderd by the Juvie court.....damn cherry bombs in the toilets....

4:30- Swing by Olneyville to get gaggers for dinner.

(Guide to non Rhode Islanders- Olneyville-Providence slum
Gaggers- Hot dog type substance coated with diseased meat sauce)



No wonder you won "Mother of the Year"

[mybills]

You're about as interesting as an infected fart, you have all the charisma of a vulgar canker sore, you have the athletic prowess of a stale pile of chit, and the only way you could get a woman wet, is if you sprayed her with a garden hose. So the next time you look in the mirror when try on Hillary’s earrings and you see that used sanitary napkin of a face staring back at you, just remember that you are subordinate to everybody else on the planet.

p.s. Botox isn't for dicks.

[BillC]

Ohhhh....aaahhhhhhh...ooohhhh....mmmmmmmm


Man, to think Japanese businessmen pay thousands of dollars to fly to Thailand to get abused, and All I had to do was fork over 5 zonebucks.

Thank you Mistress MyBills, may I have another? Beat me, hurt me, make me write bad checks.

Speaking of farts- can you light one up for me? Does that cost extra?

Rats! The peep show booth door is closing! And I left the rest of my spare change in my pants ( I can't recall where those are either)!


CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!

*peep show booth blind closes with a thud*








oh well, time for a cuban............

[mybills]

Dear Billy Bub,

I know I said I'd keep things simple so you'd understand, but are people from Arkansas really that stupid? That wasn’t me you were peeping at, it was your cousin. Oh, and that change you thought you had jingling in your pocket was her diaper pins. Don’t you remember that she asked you to hold them for her? Jeesh, and you say you don’t inhale!

I’m afraid the Cuban stogie smoke is getting to you, or it’s the feces residue on it. That’ll teach you not to stick it up your cat’s ass first. I don’t know why you can’t remember where you left your pants, and yet you never have trouble finding Socks. If you’re still looking for them, they’re in the litter box. Socks dragged them in there...he can’t seem to get enough of you. Is he another relative of yours?

By the way, Billy Bub, there is a difference between moonshine and cat piss. The moonshine doesn’t have any hair around it.

Keep giving away those zone bucks there left nut, and your Uncle John Girl won’t sell any more of his high heel shoes or thongs to you. I know how much you like frilly things, so I’m returning the 5 that you gave to me.

Sorry I forgot about you the other day. I really meant to wish you a Happy Mother F’ers Day, but I’m sure you didn’t forget her. How is she? Or should I ask, how was the ride? Did you remember to unhook the milking gadget this time?

I hope you’re taking care of yourself, I always worry that you’re going to pop an artery with that perma-grin of yours. No dumb ass, artery is not the study of paintings. It’s what rattles every time you take that Viagra crap.

In closing, I’d like to advise you to pick up some Prozac before you crawl back under that swamp rock from once you came. You’re gonna need it. I don’t understand the “hurt feelings” warning at the start of this game, because I’m disappointed that I still don’t feel insulted. But it’s over, Billy Bub, you hicks can’t handle non-relatives, let alone a Queen Yankee like me. To think you were once the president of this great nation, HA! This is the last capitol you’ll ever see again -> Loser!

Sincerely,
~Queen mybills~

[BillC]

Good job! No hard feelings...best of luck!


May the best jerk lose. (that would be you...hehehehe)

[SoCalBillsFan]

Good round, and churchie's...I mean mybills' last insult was good But consistency is the name of the game, and Bill C had it. Great job to you both.