View Poll Results: SEMIFINALS: gunzlingr vs. Mr. Miyagi

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  • gunzlingr

    13 50.00%
  • Mr. Miyagi

    13 50.00%
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Thread: FINAL: SEMIFINALS: gunzlingr and Mr. Miyagi tie at 13, go to tiebreaker round

  1. #1
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    SEMIFINALS: gunzlingr vs. Mr. Miyagi

    SEMIFINALS: gunzlingr vs. Mr. Miyagi

    Round 3 will be a combo round. It will consist of limericks, one-liners, yo' momma jokes, freestyle, and 8-mile.

    • By now you should know what a limerick is.
    • A one-liner should be just one sentence long.
    • Yo' momma jokes should be original, not looked up on the internet.
    • 8-mile style should be a rap-style rhyming insult. Medium length. You don't have to make up choruses and crap if you don't want. Just make it funny and insulting.
    • FREESTYLE is anything you want.

      There will be a total of 5 insult posts per contestant. Contestants will alternate posts in the fashion below:

      Here is how the SEMIFINAL round will go:

      1st post from each contestant: FreeStyle
      2nd post from each contestant: yo' momma jokes
      3rd post from each contestant: limerick
      4th post from each contestant: one-liner
      5th post from each contestant: 8-mile style

      IMPORTANT: You should write ONLY what is instructed in each post, NOTHING ELSE! Voters should deduct points for any words typed or pictures inserted which are not a part of a limerick, one-liner, etc..

      And remember, no editing your post once it's submitted!

      gunzlingr will go first. (margin of victory was equal, so we go with least number of votes for.)






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  2. #2
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Miyagi, famed world traveller, posterboy for Gonnorhea, the world's first living abortion, and she-man about town.

    I was a bit worried that this could be a tough match, but then I realized that you lived in Wisconsin, land of cow shIIt and beer farts, and realized my fears were unfounded. Speaking of Wisconsin, how is your sister... err I mean wife and my kids doing anyway? Last time I seen her she was going down faster than George Michael in a crowded rest area.

    While we are on the subject of your wife, I found your engagement photo:

    I can tell by the smile on your face that she must have said yes (or make it $50 and we have a deal, as you yourself have admitted)

    How are you handling rehab? I understand that heroin is tough to beat. Thank God for methodone clinics, huh? I hope that you weren't sharing needles with crazy Larry under the bridge by the 7-11. I hear that he has hepatitus, that would complicate the treatment of the genital warts he gave you.

    Well, I better let you get back to work, those aluminum cans don't collect themselves!

    You think you're hot **** in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!

  3. #3
    Lecter's Little Bitch
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    Oh boy isn’t it gunzlinger from South Dakota I’m up against. I know I know I’m a little late responding to your post, but you need to hold on to your panties. They’re weggied so far up your butt the lacy edge of them are sticking out of your nose. All your proctologist has to do is grab the tip of it and yank it out of your nostril like magician pulling a handkerchief out of a hat. “Dah-da! It’s the Amazing Willie and his panties out of nostril trick!” Ouch that’s gotta hurt. But then again, it probably wouldn’t be too uncomfortable for you to have your colon flossed, since your anal canal area is so regularly used as breeding grounds by the homeless and the Humane Society, you probably wouldn’t feel a thing. In fact, on your 18th birthday the present your parents gave you was a tattoo of the word “Enter” on your left butt cheek and the word “Here” on the right.

    So how is it going? Are you still “the sweetie” of your trailer park? I can imagine so since you seem to have all that time during the day to hover over your computer, while all your Johns are either still passed out drunk in their trailers or actually working at the local adult bookstores as janitors, cleaning out the walls and floors of those peep booths. But I probably shouldn’t expect any replies from you after the sun goes down though, since I know you’ll be hustling the streets and the trailer park for business, sometimes even tag-teaming with your mom and your sister. What is it that you call it? The “family package”? That’s right. It’s half off on Family Nights, right? The Gunzlinger household turns the term “a loving family” into “a family of lovin’.”

    By the way, what is there at all in South Dakota? There’s nothing but a bunch of lowlife hillbillies and Mount Rushmore, and that’s just a big ol’ rock. You know why they put Mount Rushmore there in South Dakota? Because they want to honor those Presidents and let Rest In Peace by putting them somewhere where there’s absolutely NOTHING going on. Now that’s peaceful for you. You know why no one has ever met in person anyone from South Dakota? Because either people will never admit they’re from South Dakota, or they never even get out of the state. Even Ted Kaczynski the Unabomber would rather hide in Montana instead of South Dakota because IT’S TOO BORING!!! Gosh he wouldn’t want to be bored to death before actually launching a few attacks you know.

  4. #4
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Yo' momma is so smelly, she uses dead animals as air fresheners.

  5. #5
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    Yo' mama is so dumb, when she goes into a voting booth and they close the curtain, she takes off her clothes and waits for the doctor to come in.

  6. #6
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Miyagi's man boobs are beginning to sag
    when he walks or runs they begin to wag
    He asked Gregg Williams for advice
    There was no need for him to ask him twice
    "wear a sweater vest, and their in the bag"

  7. #7
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    Gunz got his bed all made
    By his wife he hoped to get laid
    She turned and flipped her hair
    Said “Honey I gotta be fair
    To the other guys so I need to get paid!”

  8. #8
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    Mr. Miyagi hasn't been laid since he got fired from the funeral home.

  9. #9
    Lecter's Little Bitch
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    Gunzlinger named his dog “Bad Grammar”: he rides her on and on and she always end up missing her period.

  10. #10
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    The Miyagi Rap
    Written and performed by Rapmaster G
    Produced by GunzDMC

    Can I get a holla?!

    Miyagi sittin' in his crib
    wallowing in his own filth, sippin' Mr. Pibb
    Makin' out with his cousin, flies are a buzzin'
    Hygiene products aren't in his budget

    Break it down!

    Ain't got no De-Odo-rant
    B-O is running ram-pant
    Underwear has brown and yellow streaks
    ain't no doubt, Miyagi reeks

    Death cloud spewin' out his crack
    body chemistry out of whack?
    Bowel control's no laughin' matter
    Another wet fart makes a splatter

    Ain't got no friends, because of his odor
    the stench of rotting flesh, and hog manure
    They all left him when he was younger
    when he plugged up the toilet and asked for a plunger

    Break it down!

    Ain't got no De-Odo-rant
    B-O is running ram-pant
    Underwear has brown and yellow streaks
    ain't no doubt, Miyagi reeks

    Hasn't taken a shower in years
    His foul smell will bring you to tears
    It is far worse than your worst fears
    Oozes down the street to boos and jeers

    So that's Miyagi to sum it up
    Gangrene and syphilis are running amok
    Noxious fumes are all around
    He should be tied up and then hosed down

    Break it down!

    Ain't got no De-Odo-rant
    B-O is running ram-pant
    Underwear has brown and yellow streaks
    ain't no doubt, Miyagi reeks

    Break it down one more time!

    Ain't got no De-Odo-rant
    B-O is running ram-pant
    Underwear has brown and yellow streaks
    ain't no doubt, Miyagi reeks

    YO!

  11. #11
    Lecter's Little Bitch
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    Gunzlinger’s Ode to my Doctor
    (To the tune of LL Cool J’s “I Need Love”)

    When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall
    I wish my phone would ring, my proctologist would call
    Telling me a visit is due, then my heart is filled with love
    Cuz the only way I score is through his finger and his glove

    There I was, daydreaming about his touch
    So soft and gentle I can never get too much
    Hear the snap of the latex on his big ol’ hand
    Makes me hard as a rock because he’s smooth as sand

    I can feel it inside, I can’t explain how it feels
    He is so deep in me he knows what I ate in my meals
    Moving up and down, his finger as my screw
    I have to bite my tongue so I don’t shout out “I love you”

    Feeling all romanced I turn to gaze at him
    Wishing he would ask me to snap into his slim jim
    But his face is blank and his look is cold
    I’m horrified to realize with me he won’t grow old

    He wears a wedding band I can feel it inside
    On his finger of love it slips and it slides
    Though I bat my eyes, he won’t look at me above
    I have to make another appointment just to get some more love

    I need a glove
    I need a glove

    Why won’t him call me now because I’m lonely as hell
    I promise I’m not that kind of guy I won’t kiss and tell
    I always think of you when I get myself off
    The way you hold me and tell me to “please turn and cough”

    My wife can’t understand it she’s held without a clue
    She will never make me feel as special as the way you do
    As the latex on your hand rubs against my skin
    It feels good as the heavens and it’s bad as sin

    What wins my heart the most is the way you dress
    In your bifocals and white robe you’re a man possessed
    And the few strands of hair that they call the “comb-over”
    Get my willie all tingled I say “why don’t you come over?”

    When you’re finally done with all the tests on me
    I am so fulfilled with love I wanna give you tip money
    My body’s so relaxed I could really use a smoke
    But it’s the studly you on which I want to choke

    Like music in my ears, you say “I’ll see you next time”
    But little do you know I wanna blow you like a chime
    I wish you knew how I long to be your girl
    When we’ll finally together watch our love unfurl

    I need your glove
    I need your glove

  12. #12
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    Good match gunz! You had me balling!

  13. #13
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    Good job guys!

    Voting open until midnight eastern tonight!

  14. #14
    The man in charge - Don't U forget it! BillC's Avatar
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    I can't make up my mind.

  15. #15
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    That was a match for the ages MM!

  16. #16
    Lecter's Little Bitch
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    There goes my entire day in the office!

  17. #17
    Saving the World One Signature at a Time! Valerie's Avatar
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    OMG! You guys were GREAT! Both of you had me hysterical! I'm stuck. I don't know who to vote for.


    There's not a stone in my heart I've left unturned
    Not a piece of my soul that I ain't searched
    The only answer I found for all this hurt
    Is there ain't not answer here on earth


  18. #18
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    I worked up most of my stuff between our first posts

  19. #19
    Lecter's Little Bitch
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    Sorry I could get to this until later this morning. I had a meeting that lasted forever.

  20. #20
    Registered User Gunzlingr's Avatar
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    NP, Your responses were worth the wait!

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