My mocking the draft.

[Mace]

Mace's 2014 mock draft

I did this one year on another site and it proved ridiculously accurate, I think, because I don't remember what I said and never looked at it again.

It's only a one round mock, because additional rounds occupy too much of my thinking if I attempt to consider them, and I can't be bothered because I have other stuff to do. This does not include Combine efforts, because I don't care about Combines.

1 Houston : Jerry Jones, owner, Dallas. The lesser Texas team makes a bold statement here, shoring up their ownership.
2 St. Louis : Michael Sam, lb. Missouri has no gay people, and drafts Sam to shore up their gay people, knowing the gay Sam played locally. Sam is not really gay, but claimed so to be drafted by the Rams, cleverly realizing they needed to draft a gay guy because it's a weak demographic in the state and he had no other hope of getting first round money.
3 Jacksonville : Blaine Gabbert, QB, Jacksonville. Intending to draft Blake Bortles, a misspelling lands them their same QB. This is what happens when you hire Jacksonville natives to work for you.
4 Cleveland : Johnny Manziel, QB. Duh.
5 Oakland : Ken Stabler, Qb. They need a QB, Stabler is available, with a proven history of doing ok for them.
6 Atlanta : Carrie Underwood, singer. Atlanta goes for the frosting on the cake, and the best national anthems in the league despite other pressing needs.
7 Tampa Bay : Gloria Estefan, singer. A short panicked run on anthem singers. Estefan has the range to make people dance if they get rowdy as well.
8 Minnesota : Blake Bortles, QB. They make fun of Jacksonville on live TV.
9 Buffalo : The pick I know everyone is waiting for. Dunno.
10 Detroit : Jadeveon Clowney, defensive end. Astonished he's available, they add another problem gleefully.
11 Tennessee : Ryan Miller, goalie. The franchise is in disorder after the death of the disordered Bud Adams.
12 New York Giants : Ryan Nassib, QB. They used last years list and mixed up the pages. Whoops !
13 St. Louis : Elton John, singer. Anthem singer and gay man for depth in case the first wasn't gay.
14 Chicago : Marc Trestman, coach. Trestman thinks outside the box and always wanted to draft himself.
15 Pittsburgh : Greg Robinson, tackle. Pittsburgh doesn't have a clue what is going on in this round but they need one lineman and they get him here.
16 Dallas : Jerry Jones, owner. Despite the cap problems, it really annoys Jerry Jones when Houston tries to take Jerry Jones. Jerry Jones will lowball himself in negotiations but Jerry Jones will still sign for enough to make them get hollered at by Goodell. Jerry Jones doesn't care, Jerry Jones takes no shine to shenanigans.
17 Baltimore : Arnold Newsome, punter. Ozzie has to think it's all going bad and it's the last chance to hire his nephew.
18 New York Jets : No pick. Goodell stops them at the podium and makes them sit down while everyone has a good laugh at Rex Ryan, who also has a good laugh about it.
19 Miami : Jake Matthews, tackle. No explaining it, but they did something right.
20 Arizona : Jake Matthews, tackle, oh they just so dorked Miami over.
21 Green Bay : Aaron Rodgers, qb. Selecting the younger version of their veteran stalwart, the Pack can be sure the position is solid for the next decade. Rodgers is well known to get along well with himself ensuring he'll be comfortable with him, er, self.
22 Philadelphia : Marc Trestman, coach. Chip Kelly has some fun at Trestman's expense, not realizing pro rules mean he just replaced himself. Trestman finally has Cutler off his back and feels much better getting up in the morning.
23 Kansas City : Pick traded to Kansas City : No pick. Realizing he outsmarted himself, Reid holds his breath until someone else picks. Yes, I don't know what's going on either.
24 Cincinnati : Khalil Mack, lb. Cincinatti is not having any of this and listens to Mike Mayock.
25 San Diego : Mike Mayock, analyst. A stunning move.
26 Cleveland : Johnny Manziel, qb. The crafty Pettine makes sure it worked and saved a roster spot by having
his future starter back himself up, taking a page from the Pack at 21.
27 New Orleans : Anthony Barr, lb. Peyton is out of his element and makes a reasonable pick.
28 Carolina : Jimmy Clausen, qb. They forgot thy took hm previously and it didn't work out, because he really is
a nice guy.
29 New England : Sammy Watkins, wr, Teddy Bridgewater, qb, CJ Moseley lb, Mike Evans, wr, Eric Ebron, te, Jace Amaro, te, Austin Sefarian-Jenkins, te, Louis Nix, nt, Ha-ha clinton Dix, safety, Calvin Pryor, safety, Susan Boyle, anthem singer, Phil Fedorowicz, soft drink vendor. The infuriatingly efficient Belichick takes advantage of a little know rule (he inserted when no one was paying attention) thatlets New England take everyone they want who might be good when they want to, addressing needs.
30 San Francisco : Jim Harbaugh coach. Harbaugh locks himself into being stuck there and laughs at himself in the mirror for not thinking of it beforehand.
31 Denver : Taylor Lewan, tackle. Please God let someone stop people before running into The Manning.
32 Seattle : AJ McCarron, QB, Russell Wilson is getting old, Carroll takes advantage of the chaos to make sure someone who shouldn't be able to replace him will replace him.

[YardRat]

I'm kind of stunned Chuck Norris slid into the second round. Hopefully he gets to our pick, because then we can fill in all of our needs at FS, OLB, ILB, DT, OT, G, WR, TE and starting QB if EJ wakes up late one morning between now and training camp. That would also give us the opportunity to spend the rest of the draft filling in DB depth with corners and safeties from DII powerhouses.

[X-Era]

Mace's 2014 mock draft

I did this one year on another site and it proved ridiculously accurate, I think, because I don't remember what I said and never looked at it again.

It's only a one round mock, because additional rounds occupy too much of my thinking if I attempt to consider them, and I can't be bothered because I have other stuff to do. This does not include Combine efforts, because I don't care about Combines.

1 Houston : Jerry Jones, owner, Dallas. The lesser Texas team makes a bold statement here, shoring up their ownership.
2 St. Louis : Michael Sam, lb. Missouri has no gay people, and drafts Sam to shore up their gay people, knowing the gay Sam played locally. Sam is not really gay, but claimed so to be drafted by the Rams, cleverly realizing they needed to draft a gay guy because it's a weak demographic in the state and he had no other hope of getting first round money.
3 Jacksonville : Blaine Gabbert, QB, Jacksonville. Intending to draft Blake Bortles, a misspelling lands them their same QB. This is what happens when you hire Jacksonville natives to work for you.
4 Cleveland : Johnny Manziel, QB. Duh.
5 Oakland : Ken Stabler, Qb. They need a QB, Stabler is available, with a proven history of doing ok for them.
6 Atlanta : Carrie Underwood, singer. Atlanta goes for the frosting on the cake, and the best national anthems in the league despite other pressing needs.
7 Tampa Bay : Gloria Estefan, singer. A short panicked run on anthem singers. Estefan has the range to make people dance if they get rowdy as well.
8 Minnesota : Blake Bortles, QB. They make fun of Jacksonville on live TV.
9 Buffalo : The pick I know everyone is waiting for. Dunno.
10 Detroit : Jadeveon Clowney, defensive end. Astonished he's available, they add another problem gleefully.
11 Tennessee : Ryan Miller, goalie. The franchise is in disorder after the death of the disordered Bud Adams.
12 New York Giants : Ryan Nassib, QB. They used last years list and mixed up the pages. Whoops !
13 St. Louis : Elton John, singer. Anthem singer and gay man for depth in case the first wasn't gay.
14 Chicago : Marc Trestman, coach. Trestman thinks outside the box and always wanted to draft himself.
15 Pittsburgh : Greg Robinson, tackle. Pittsburgh doesn't have a clue what is going on in this round but they need one lineman and they get him here.
16 Dallas : Jerry Jones, owner. Despite the cap problems, it really annoys Jerry Jones when Houston tries to take Jerry Jones. Jerry Jones will lowball himself in negotiations but Jerry Jones will still sign for enough to make them get hollered at by Goodell. Jerry Jones doesn't care, Jerry Jones takes no shine to shenanigans.
17 Baltimore : Arnold Newsome, punter. Ozzie has to think it's all going bad and it's the last chance to hire his nephew.
18 New York Jets : No pick. Goodell stops them at the podium and makes them sit down while everyone has a good laugh at Rex Ryan, who also has a good laugh about it.
19 Miami : Jake Matthews, tackle. No explaining it, but they did something right.
20 Arizona : Jake Matthews, tackle, oh they just so dorked Miami over.
21 Green Bay : Aaron Rodgers, qb. Selecting the younger version of their veteran stalwart, the Pack can be sure the position is solid for the next decade. Rodgers is well known to get along well with himself ensuring he'll be comfortable with him, er, self.
22 Philadelphia : Marc Trestman, coach. Chip Kelly has some fun at Trestman's expense, not realizing pro rules mean he just replaced himself. Trestman finally has Cutler off his back and feels much better getting up in the morning.
23 Kansas City : Pick traded to Kansas City : No pick. Realizing he outsmarted himself, Reid holds his breath until someone else picks. Yes, I don't know what's going on either.
24 Cincinnati : Khalil Mack, lb. Cincinatti is not having any of this and listens to Mike Mayock.
25 San Diego : Mike Mayock, analyst. A stunning move.
26 Cleveland : Johnny Manziel, qb. The crafty Pettine makes sure it worked and saved a roster spot by having
his future starter back himself up, taking a page from the Pack at 21.
27 New Orleans : Anthony Barr, lb. Peyton is out of his element and makes a reasonable pick.
28 Carolina : Jimmy Clausen, qb. They forgot thy took hm previously and it didn't work out, because he really is
a nice guy.
29 New England : Sammy Watkins, wr, Teddy Bridgewater, qb, CJ Moseley lb, Mike Evans, wr, Eric Ebron, te, Jace Amaro, te, Austin Sefarian-Jenkins, te, Louis Nix, nt, Ha-ha clinton Dix, safety, Calvin Pryor, safety, Susan Boyle, anthem singer, Phil Fedorowicz, soft drink vendor. The infuriatingly efficient Belichick takes advantage of a little know rule (he inserted when no one was paying attention) thatlets New England take everyone they want who might be good when they want to, addressing needs.
30 San Francisco : Jim Harbaugh coach. Harbaugh locks himself into being stuck there and laughs at himself in the mirror for not thinking of it beforehand.
31 Denver : Taylor Lewan, tackle. Please God let someone stop people before running into The Manning.
32 Seattle : AJ McCarron, QB, Russell Wilson is getting old, Carroll takes advantage of the chaos to make sure someone who shouldn't be able to replace him will replace him.

This year supposedly is one of the deepest drafts ever and New England will probably again stockpile picks. I personally feel they are in the bottom half of the league as far as drafting goes and hopefully a crappy draft again this year will permanently be the nail in the coffin on their alleged drafting prowess... They simply fire more darts at the board but hit on even fewer than many teams with half the darts.

[Mace]

This year supposedly is one of the deepest drafts ever and New England will probably again stockpile picks. I personally feel they are in the bottom half of the league as far as drafting goes and hopefully a crappy draft again this year will permanently be the nail in the coffin on their alleged drafting prowess... They simply fire more darts at the board but hit on even fewer than many teams with half the darts.

Doesn't matter, they get just enough accurate darts to annoy people.

[Mace]

I'm kind of stunned Chuck Norris slid into the second round. Hopefully he gets to our pick, because then we can fill in all of our needs at FS, OLB, ILB, DT, OT, G, WR, TE and starting QB if EJ wakes up late one morning between now and training camp. That would also give us the opportunity to spend the rest of the draft filling in DB depth with corners and safeties from DII powerhouses.

I like Norris in round two at BPA, look past D2 to D3 for the sleepers so slumbering that they don't even know. Eastern Wisconsin Tech Community College is loaded with sleeping prospects.