Somewhere in Clearwater, FL...
BFZ regular coastal wakes up and hops in the shower. He speaks out loud for nearly 30 minutes in the tub -- as if there are other Bills fans in his vicinity -- lamenting, "What the hell was with Mario's bogus wrist injury? I mean, what a total BS excuse! Who does he think he's fooling? Not me, that's for sure!"
Later on his commute to work, coastal continues his rant unabated alone in his car. "And why the hell did we pay $100 million for a guy who only gets 13 sacks a year?" - his voice echoing within the lonely confines of his vehicle -- "There were so many guys available in free agency who could have gotten at least 15 sacks a year and for way cheaper! The options were ****ing limitless!"
Exiting his vehicle in a vacant parking lot -- literally hundreds of yards from the nearest human being -- coastal slowly walks to his office building muttering, "$100 million! ****! Why not just give money away!"
A few hours later, alone and pacing around the water cooler during a work break, coastal reboots his grievance, orating in a booming voice about Mario's lack of clutch play, gesturing emphatically as if he were having a face-to-face conversation with another human being. "His sacks came against scrubs and none of them were difference makers in a game!" he clarified to no one in particular -- defying the convention of normal conversation where a sender transmits information to a receiver.
A few hours later, coastal hits up a diner for lunch, continuing his uninterrupted monologue alone at a booth. "Mario's sacks all came in bunches, he's not consistent enough on a game-to-game basis! Fool's gold!" Disinterested waitresses keep their distance, clearly confused by his angry ramblings about this Mario guy they've never heard of.
Finally work is out and coastal makes his way to the beach for a long walk to cool his troubled thoughts under a calming sunset, yet his speech breaks down into odd fragments, "Mario Shmario! Are the Niners on tonight? My favorite percent is 43%! What's the hell is a bandsaw?" The closest living organisms to overhear his strange vocalizations are the scuttling sand fleas at his feet and they happily tunnel back into the wet sand to escape the banter.
Unable to lift his spirits, coastal makes his way home where he greets Blondie and says, "Hi honey, did you know that Mario Williams sucks?" She sighs and says she's going to bed despite the fact it's only 7:30pm. So coastal makes his way to the computer and says, "Hey! I know where I can go to unload on this loser, Mario Williams!"
He signs into billszone.
At last, a captive audience! he muses triumphantly.