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Thread: PLEASE grade my essay SERIOUSLY

  1. #41
    Registered User mchurchfie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by lordofgun
    When THURM notices mistakes, you know it's bad.
    That is a very disturbing thought.
    Last edited by mchurchfie; 01-14-2004 at 05:10 PM.

  2. #42
    My IQ Test results came back negative BillsOwnAll's Avatar
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    Smoking cigarettes are bad for you and should be illegal throughout the world. It can give can you cancer and cause harm to the people around you. It causes harm to the environment too. Cigarettes can lead to more harmful drugs also.

    There are many reasons smoking is bad for you. The smoke that you breathe in goes to your lungs and after many years it causes you to have a hard time breathing and can be a serious problem when you get lung cancer. About 4.84 million people die a year worldwide form smoking related dieses. (http://www.no-smoking.org/sept03/09-12-03-1.html 1-10-04.). Half of that total was people from developed countries. It can also cause dental problems such as gingivitis. It can cause you to lose your voice box and have to have surgery just to be able to talk. Smoking cigarettes is the leading preventable cause of death. Smoking cigarettes is a serious health issue in the world.
    If you smoke a cigarette you aren’t just killing yourself, your hurting the people around you. All the smoke you exhale gets breathed in by other people, in other words “second hand smoke”. Second hand smoke is bad for kids whose parents smoke around them. It causes them to want to start smoking and starts killing their lungs at a young age. Second hand smoke harms children the worst. Over 4000 babies die in the US each year from smoking related causes from their parents. Many children whose parents smoke develop pneumonia and wheezing more often then children’s who parents don’t smoke. (http://www.stopsmokingsupport.com/hurting.htm 1-13-04). Smoking can take off up to 12 years of your life. If you die 12 years before expected that limits your chances of your grandchildren being able to see you as they grow up. Smoking causes many bad things for other people.
    Smoking has a lot of environmental issues also. Smoking causes 33% of all wild fires because of people throwing away their cigarettes. It also is the cause to many car accidents, form people trying to light their cigarettes while driving or looking for their cigarettes. (http://www.stopsmokingsupport.com/hurting.htm 1-13-04). Smoking is a main cause of liter too. When people drive, walk, or smoke anywhere than have nowhere to put their butts they throw them on the ground. That cause harm to many things. Some of the butts get washed into lakes or streams and kill off some fish that try to eat them. Birds that use them for nest and get killed by the chemicals in them pick up some butts. The chemicals in the smoke that comes form the cigarette also cause harm to the air and o-zone layer. The o-zone layer is slowly depleting and smoking is a main reason. Smoking doesn’t just hurt you it hurts the environment.

    Some people say smoking relieves depression. But really it just adds to it. It relives depression for you when you smoke the cigarette but when you get older and are in the hospital when your 60 it adds to the depression. People also say how it’s their life and they’ll do what they want. But it’s really not just their life it can cause harm to everyone and everything when they smoke. There are not many arguments why smoking is good because its not.
    Smoking should be illegal and none should smoke. It kills you and kills other people. Its hurts your pets and the wild life around you. It causes harm to your family and other people around you. It can cause your kids to start smoking also. Smoking is the number 1 preventable cause of death.





    it was printed alreayd i think its good.

  3. #43
    Registered User Patrick76777's Avatar
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    let's see the revision.
    Resign our own guys!

  4. #44
    Registered User LtBillsFan66's Avatar
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    Originally posted by BillsOwnAll
    ok...i revised it

    What are dieses?

  5. #45
    My IQ Test results came back negative BillsOwnAll's Avatar
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    Originally posted by billsfanone
    If I was your teacher, I wouldn’t only fail you, but I would subject you to viscous ridicule.
    thats why your not my teacher

  6. #46
    Registered User LtBillsFan66's Avatar
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    your hurting the people

    Should be

    You're hurting people

    There are still a million mistakes.

  7. #47
    Registered User Patrick76777's Avatar
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    it's better

  8. #48
    Registered User THATHURMANATOR's Avatar
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    Originally posted by mchurchfie


    That is a very disturbing thought.
    WTF I am a college grad!!!!

  9. #49
    My IQ Test results came back negative BillsOwnAll's Avatar
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    Originally posted by ticatfan
    Billsownall.don't let bf1 get you down,he is a little hard on you but he is right.You got all the facts ,but it sounds like a 10th grader.Your approach needs work.
    i just look at his grammar corrections...if i could get in the No TOS TWZ. thne id lay smackdown on him but. right now ihe doesnt bother me lol. he doesnt understand this isnt a collge essay. well let him thinks what he wants hehe.

  10. #50
    My IQ Test results came back negative BillsOwnAll's Avatar
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    Originally posted by THATHURMANATOR
    WTF I am a college grad!!!!
    what college? where you ina ferternity?

  11. #51
    Registered User LtBillsFan66's Avatar
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    Is it o-zone or ozone?

  12. #52
    Registered User LtBillsFan66's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Patrick76777
    it's better
    From an f to a d- maybe.

  13. #53
    My IQ Test results came back negative BillsOwnAll's Avatar
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    reading over the what this essay says........i donot see anywhere on the rubric nything about grammar mistakes.... so if it is readable WHICH IT IS. i had a fellow 10th grader read it he said he read it fine. so its a good essay should get me a low b high C.

  14. #54
    Registered User LtBillsFan66's Avatar
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    There are not many arguments why smoking is good because its not.

    It's not its.

  15. #55
    My IQ Test results came back negative BillsOwnAll's Avatar
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    Originally posted by billsfanone
    From an f to a d- maybe.
    ok i sick of you talking **** about it go post somewhere eklse please.
    for someone who thinks its so bad you musta read it 10 timnes already. maybe you can learn something from it!

  16. #56
    Registered User LtBillsFan66's Avatar
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    Originally posted by BillsOwnAll
    reading over the what this essay says........i donot see anywhere on the rubric nything about grammar mistakes.... so if it is readable WHICH IT IS. i had a fellow 10th grader read it he said he read it fine. so its a good essay should get me a low b high C.

    It's not readable. It's laughable though.

    If I was your teacher, I would spit on you.

  17. #57
    Registered User LtBillsFan66's Avatar
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    Originally posted by BillsOwnAll
    ok i sick of you talking **** about it go post somewhere eklse please.
    for someone who thinks its so bad you musta read it 10 timnes already. maybe you can learn something from it!

    Yeah, smoking is bad. I get it. I'm just trying to help you. Consider me the Bill Parcells of essays.

  18. #58
    My IQ Test results came back negative BillsOwnAll's Avatar
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    Originally posted by billsfanone
    It's not readable. It's laughable though.

    If I was your teacher, I would spit on you.
    my teacher is a 27 year old women with a fro!. she wont spit on me she doesnt even yell EVER.

  19. #59
    Registered User mchurchfie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by THATHURMANATOR
    WTF I am a college grad!!!!

  20. #60
    Registered User mchurchfie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by BillsOwnAll
    my teacher is a 27 year old women with a fro!. she wont spit on me she doesnt even yell EVER.
    Must be the

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