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Thread: PLEASE grade my essay SERIOUSLY

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    Originally posted by RedEyE


    I'd like to nominate this thread into the BFZ HOF. I'm laughing so hard my stomach hurts.
    I second.






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  2. #82
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    Originally posted by mybills
    Hey BOA, I just had my 11th grade daughter read this. Here's what she had to say.

    1. It's too repetitive, and you have at least 10 sentences that start with the word 'smoking'.
    2. Grammar & spelling are part of EVERY rubric.
    3. You combined facts & opinions, where the latter should only be in your argument.
    4. Agree's that it'll only get you a low B or C grade.
    She single?

    Maybe she can hook up with BOA-

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    OK this is a Fragment

    Its hurts your pets and the wild life around you
    Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
    - Frank Dane

    "The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
    -Thomas Jefferson


    The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
    - Mark Twain


  4. #84
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    NOT!
    I didn't come here to fight, I hate fighting. Life is way too short to spend it on fighting! Go fight with yourself, one of you will eventually win!

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    Registered User Voltron's Avatar
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    Have you ever heard of a thesaurus?


    No it is not a Dinosaur

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    OK please don't kill me guys. I have never been a very good writer but I can BS with the best of them

    BOA I have rewritten the opening paragraph so you can see what a Thesaurus can do for you. I won't promise the grammar is perfect but I think this flows much better and is less repetitive.


    Smoking cigarettes has been proven to be detrimental to your health and the health of others. It is this writer’s opinion that it should be illegal throughout the world. It has been confirmed to cause cancer in a majority of people that smoke. Smokers not only hurt themselves, some studies have shown that it may cause asthma and other respiratory problems in children and adults. Cigarette butts littered all over the side of the road can cause damage to wildlife and the environment as well.

  7. #87
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    Originally posted by Voltron
    OK please don't kill me guys. I have never been a very good writer but I can BS with the best of them

    BOA I have rewritten the opening paragraph so you can see what a Thesaurus can do for you. I won't promise the grammar is perfect but I think this flows much better and is less repetitive.


    Smoking cigarettes has been proven to be detrimental to your health and the health of others. It is this writer’s opinion that it should be illegal throughout the world. It has been confirmed to cause cancer in a majority of people that smoke. Smokers not only hurt themselves, some studies have shown that it may cause asthma and other respiratory problems in children and adults. Cigarette butts littered all over the side of the road can cause damage to wildlife and the environment as well.

    There is NO way she'll buy that he wrote that.

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    Originally posted by mybills
    Hey BOA, I just had my 11th grade daughter read this. Here's what she had to say.

    1. It's too repetitive, and you have at least 10 sentences that start with the word 'smoking'.
    2. Grammar & spelling are part of EVERY rubric.
    3. You combined facts & opinions, where the latter should only be in your argument.
    4. Agree's that it'll only get you a low B or C grade.
    What BOA Reads:

    blah, blah, blah hmmmmm 11th grade... I wonder of she's hot. blah, blah, blah

  9. #89
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    Originally posted by yledust



    There is NO way she'll buy that he wrote that.
    I know but I wanted to show him what a Thesaurus can do for you


    Hell I don't care if he copies it because he will have a decent opening paragraph and the rest will look like crap so his teacher will know he didn't do his own work.

  10. #90
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    Even if you were to fix up the entire essay, the teacher would still know that BOA didn't write it because it wouldn't resemble anything that he has ever written in his life.

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    F

  12. #92
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    Originally posted by lordofgun
    F
    Wanna explain why?

  13. #93
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    Originally posted by billsfanone
    Wanna explain why?
    I liked it better before you screwed it up.

  14. #94
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    Originally posted by BillsOwnAll
    my teacher is a 27 year old women with a fro!. she wont spit on me she doesnt even yell EVER.
    She's way too lenient.

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    Originally posted by lordofgun
    I liked it better before you screwed it up.
    It's NOT supposed to be funny!

  16. #96
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    Originally posted by billsfanone
    It's NOT supposed to be funny!
    I still liked it better before. If I was a teacher, I'd give him a B just for making me laugh so hard.

    But if he made me pee my pants from laughing so hard, I might drop it to a C.

  17. #97
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    Originally posted by lordofgun
    I still liked it better before. If I was a teacher, I'd give him a B just for making me laugh so hard.

    But if he made me pee my pants from laughing so hard, I might drop it to a C.
    I see your point. I'm just trying to help the kid out so he isn't the laughing stock of the entire 10th grade. So in the secret teacher meetings, the teacher doesn't whip out the paper and share it with the rest of the faculty so they can laugh their butts off about how terrible it is. I’m not that mean to sit back and allow him to be ridiculed. To be mocked at private parties. Where is your compassion LOG?
    Last edited by billsfanone; 01-14-2004 at 10:44 PM.

  18. #98
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    Originally posted by billsfanone
    To be mocked at private parties.
    That's a sentence fragment, sir.

    F

  19. #99
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    Originally posted by lordofgun
    That's a sentence fragment, sir.

    F
    Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  20. #100
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    Originally posted by billsfanone
    Yeah, yeah, yeah.
    I love you.

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