FINAL ROUND 1: lordofgun defeats mybills 22-14

[lordofgun]

ROUND 1: lordofgun vs. mybills

Round 1 will be freestyle. Do whatever the heck you want. Just make sure it's funny and insulting. And please refer to the rules in the sticky thread if you have any questions.

Each contestant will take turns insulting each other. This round will consist of 6 turns each.

mybills will go first.
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[mybills]

You told us that you over paid that crew to roof your house, but really they charged extra for your new generation. Hey dumbass, you AND your wife got screwed! I mean, it's obvious that your son looks nothing like you. So which one nailed her, the one with the big hammer? My guess is that she was just humoring you with that dollar store incident. By the way, when is her due date for the next one, April Fools? You poor bastard...now I know why you get lots of ass kissing around here, none of these guys will turn their back on you!

[lordofgun]

So everyone knows you're not funny. It's not even funny anymore to say how unfunny you are. Maybe we could have a not-funny tracker. In your case, there'd be way too much updating required, though. Maybe we could just make you the automatic winner every month.

Seriously though, It must suck to never make a tracker. So I decided that I'd suggest a few trackers that you could have a good chance of winning.

Tobacco-Stained Teeth Tracker - You'd be right up there, but we'd have to count teeth that have fallen out if you were going to win. Mush or Kgun might beat you ocasionally.

Most Broken-Down Camaros in Front of your Double-Wide Tracker - Shoe-in!

Face Looks Like a Horse Tracker - you'd win this one easily, you Linda Cohn lookalike. neigh.

[mybills]

Camaros in Front of your Double-Wide? Yeah, ok Ð.
Try being a little original, will ya?

btw, That blue eye shadow looks terrible on you!

*edit* Due to complaints about the use of nudity, I have edited the picture in question. Please refrain from posting nudity on the Bills Zone. Thanks, nbf

[lordofgun]

Just bought a car! Congrats, mybills. You got a real beauty there. I'm sure you'll find enough parts in your junk yard...errr...front yard to keep it running for years!

Man, you got me really good with that urinal cartoon. I still haven't recovered fully! Too bad you didn't think of it. It's a lot better than most of the "art" you do though. Let's take a look at your brilliant handiwork:




Wow. It really doesn't get any better than that. Good luck trying to make a living with that kindergarten crap. I hope you didn't pay for that class. I hear that at the next state of the union speech, President Bush is going to announce that to balance the budget, you have to pay back all that wasted financial aid immediately. They're literally going to cut the pork!

Maybe for your next insult, instead of someone else's cartoon, you could post one of those forwarded emails you post every day. You know, the ones with the jokes that aren't funny.

[mybills]

You would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook.

Speaking of pictures, your mom called.
That picture of an abortion you call a face fell off the mantle & broke.
She'd like you to send her a new one.
Let's see, you have milk white skin, and red hair...
you look a lot like a used maxi pad.
Here's an idea, instead of torturing a photographer,
why don't you just send her one of those and tell her to frame it!

[lordofgun]

Since you brought up used maxi-pads...

I hear that last month around this time, your underwear had to apply for giant red tsunami aid. Over 300,000 cotton fibers were destroyed.

[mybills]

Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

In fact, I'll bet you approach everything with an open mouth, that explains your avatar!
Whatever is eating you, must be suffering horribly.
The difference between you and a fridge is that a fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.

[lordofgun]

Threads Started: 2457 Each and every one of them hurt. You might as well stop wasting your time. Apparently I'm not the only one who always looks forward to your posts.

Let's take a look at some of your beauties:

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Check it out! Awesome Calorie Tracker!

mybills 02-10-2005 08:17 AM

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Awesome.

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Nice House!

mybills 01-27-2005 08:51 AM

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Nice!

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Have you heard this parody? lol

mybills 01-10-2005 08:26 AM

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lol! No, I haven't! Maybe if you post it again, someone will care!

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The Giants

mybills 01-02-2005 09:08 PM

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A piece of great football knowledge here. Too bad no one read it.

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Anybody watching Johnny Zero?

mybills 01-28-2005 09:37 PM

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Nice! You got a reply! Too bad it was from you.

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I wish I could reply

mybills 01-27-2005 08:39 AM

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A pity reply from BJH. What a nice guy.

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Big Tators

mybills 01-23-2005 10:12 AM

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Again, one great big reply from BJH. I can't believe you didn't get more replies. After all, that was a hilarious recycled email joke.



The only reason I haven't banned you is because you donated.

[mybills]

About the coin toss that decided who went first,
I'll bet you got tails and gave yourself head.


Talk about annoying posts...

They've been playing Elkland on Sirius

Don't forget about Elkland.

STOP reminding me, I keep getting flashashashbacks!
I won't buy pre-ripped jeans, why would I buy a pre-skipped record?
I understand he's your brother, but you actually like
that crap? Oil doesn't reach your dipstick, does it?

Btw, here's a more appropriate avatar for ya..

[lordofgun]

That tickles!

I was going to do a photoshop job on your picture to make you look more like Mr. Ed, but I tried and tried and I just couldn't make you look any more like him.

I never believed in reincarnation until I took a look at you and thought "Holy crap, it's Seattle Slew!"

Guess which one is mybills:

[mybills]

Thanks ******, you just called me a WINNER!

But jeez...
That's it? That's all you have? C'mon log, I thought you'd at least try to be a little bit of an
.
I was all set to applaud you. I really thought we'd see that little ***** that you are.

Seriously, if you took viagra you'd get taller!


So, pudgy, what other medical miracles are out there just for you?

I was gonna suggest some Relicore for your stubborn belly fat,
then I noticed it wasn't just your mid-section that needs help.
I know, I know, butt jiggle is just your way of saying goodbye!
Just do one small favor for me?
Don't ever inject yourself with Botox, you'll POP!


Well, it's been fun. Good luck with the roofer's newest baby!
(which ever roofer came back to do the addition, that is)
I hope they didn't look like Phil.
But good thing the baby won't look like you.


Later!


p.s. God gave you a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. Don't forget which one runs for your last post.

[lordofgun]

I have to admit, you did better than I expected. But that's not saying much.

That's like expecting a dog to take a crap on your carpet, but the dog only takes a leak on your carpet. Much better.

It's like expecting both drivers in a head on collision to die, but only one of them dies and the other is a permanent vegetable.

It's like expecting the twin tower death toll to be 3,000, but it turns out only 2,999 people die.

It's like expecting to get expelled from art class, but instead you get an F. You can relate to that one.

It's like expecting a new car and getting a craphole Camaro.

It's like when you expected Phil to have male genitalia, but then it turns out he also had female genitalia. Bonus!

When expectations are low, it doesn't take much to do better than expected. Congratulations, you sucked slightly less than everyone thought you would.

[lordofgun]

Good match, MB! Voting is open until noon ET tomorrow.

[mybills]

I had a a lot of fun! Good match, and good luck!