One Fan's View: Night in the Ruts

by Kevin Shenoy

I don’t ever want to see another game where the Bills don’t score an offensive touchdown ever in my life again. In the most pure venom that I can spit, I need to hear why there have been over 11 games without an offensive player getting into the end zone. There is just no excuse. Even Rob Johnson scored us points. Even Bruce Matthews way back in the day scored touchdowns. Drew “He’s through” Bledsoe finally found the one receiver that we were hoping he’d find. The Bench.

In the spirit of how the Bills played, I’m not even doing an article. Not even going to bother showing up for the one thing I am suppose to do for the site. I’m going straight to the DVD extras.

Kevin’s DVD Extras:

• Do you remember 1st grade? Remember how we all were potty trained but there was that one kid who shocks everyone by peeing on himself. And the kids scatter and the teacher comes in with damage control? Drew Bledsoe is that kid. However, the 1st grader eventually gets ashamed as he stops pissing himself. When is someone going to just tell Drew to stop peeing on himself and embarrassing the rest of the non-peeing part of the class? This is amazing. Every single game that a national audience watches, he just finds joy in being as terrible as possible. The game was 6-0, and it should have been over. - I guess that was a complete one-off by Chris Kelsay the other week. The non-existent pass rush is back. Woo hoo!
• Losman kind of looks like a mixture of Flutie and Johnson with the helmet on. And he kind of plays like a mixture of the two, as well. He runs a lot and fumbles when hit. Blah. I do have to say he looked really annoyed to have to go into such a horrible situation. He literally looked like a kid who didn’t do his homework and was called to present in class. Billy Joe Hobert, anyone? I haven’t seen a QB so disappointed to be the guy that had to go in. I don’t know what to make of it. Quite frankly, I’m nervous. I’m seeing Rob Johnson. No Ben Roesthelessbergerwithketchup.
• J.P.’s interception was the most shocking throw ever. In a highlight reel of idiotic plays for 2004, you’ll see the Aaron Brooks backwards throw and then this one. It’s as though they put Drew’s brain in his head. I didn’t know they had managed to figure out the science of brain surgery, yet skipped the science of putting the ball in the end zone.
• Pats fans, congrats for coming to about 40 minutes of the game. How many empty seats were there? Don’t tell me they are true football fans. The empty seats tell the truth. You still are celebrating your baseball championship.
• Is there a more annoying sports commentary team than the ESPN Sunday night crew? “Look at this…..” “Just watch how he…..” “I am so smart because I over analyze everything.” Theisman and Macguire just talk and talk and talk as though they know what they are talking about. But they just gush about whoever made the latest play. Can we start some sort of petition to remove them? Drunken Joe Namath made more sense than these idiots.
• I can stand Macguire because of his Buffalo roots and the fact that I met him at EB Steakhouse once. He really is a standup guy. He bought the table next to us a bottle of champagne and dessert because the guy proposed to his girlfriend. However, Theisman, as in, rhymes with kneesman, needs to go. Oh, did you know that it’s actually pronounced like kneesman? The cocky tool-bag changed it so it would rhyme with Heisman in college. I hate Kneesman.
• Normally, I wouldn’t drone on and on about how much I hate the commentating team, but it has to be done. One specific play, Sam Adams whacks Brady. And Kneesman says, “That’s a pretty big hit.” Macguire replies, “that’s nothing just check out the monsterous hit from lawyer Milloy.” Then they show the replay where Milloy and the other Bills cornerback pretty much universally miss the Pats receiver and nail each other. Macguire never retracts his comments and the game goes on.
• I was dog sitting during the game. I took the ball that the dog plays catch with and pretended to throw it. The dog turned, looked for the ball, and was confused. He trotted back and came to me with his head cocked in that confused manner that only dogs have. Or so I thought. After the Bruski/bratworst interception, I had the same expression for the television for the rest of the game.
• Why can’t Bledsoe take advantage of a secondary that has been criticized as being decimated? Three interceptions? I’m too weak at this point to look for jokes or criticism. I’m just on my knees screaming “STELLA!!!” That’s the pain I feel when I try to make sense out it.
• How many of you knew that it was going to be a typical Sunday night Bills game after the opening kickoff? Challenging if the returner just downed the ball at the 1. And he did, by the by. He should have been at the one, and the Bills got the break. They should have gone on to score some points to get into the Pats heads. But nope, squandered. I just knew they weren’t going to show up.
• The number 3 defense forgot how to tackle. Too many times they let the first hit not be the only hit. I’ll still stand by them since they got so many field goals. This game could have been 60-6. That’s not a joke, and we all know it.
• What the hell is wrong with football players and cleats? Do we still need Lynn Swann doing his cleat report on Monday night. I don’t want people slipping on punts and coverage. It’s unacceptable. This is your job. I don’t come into work and put my fingers to the left of home position on the keyboard and type memos. Aweuiyaktm u sin;t. If you are patient enough figure that out, that’s me typing to the left of home position. But seriously, Bills players take diggers all the time. Aren’t they a bad weather team? Isn’t Cleat 101 a class that’s taught to the team.
• So we missed a chance to watch “Category 6: Day of Destruction” on CBS….yet we saw “Category 11: Day of Drew.” Category 7 wasn’t looking much better either.
• Going for two at 23-6? Stupid. You have an offense that can’t move the ball. Strike one. If you don’t get it you kill the momentum. Strike 2. And Bledsoe is still your QB. Strike 3. The ghost of Greg Williams is still lingering around.
• The Pats are our kryptonite. That’s assuming that you think of the Bills as Superman.
• From a marketing standpoint, I think JP has to have his initials stand for “Just Play”. I’m telling you I am not going to cheer another Bledsoe led team. I can’t. Again, nice guy, it’s too bad he couldn’t make a comeback, but let’s not be Kansas City about this. Let’s not keep Montana 8 years past his prime. Let’s get over this.
• Ralph, you need to retire the 11 jersey. Let’s just have the ceremony and hang the jersey in the stall where the toilet doesn’t flush
• When the Jet’s lost, I really figured the Bills would be so fired up. I thought they’d come out on all cylinders. Isn’t that the weird thing about the games where they truly self destruct like they did on Sunday night? They come out looking ok, and then just go straight to hell for no reason.
• Do you think Mike Mularkey is close to pulling the plug on Bledsoe? His postgame comments were telling. He said that the Pats didn’t do anything they hadn’t expected. He went on about this for a little while. At the end of the day, he is saying, I put them in a position to win and they chose not to win. I believe Mularkey.
• So at the end of the game, I walked to the freezer, took out a bag of ice and put it on my groin. It was such a kick in the nuts to have watched that game. I’m going to be sterile if I see another game like that. To the Bills Players: you are jeopardizing the Shenoy Lineage with play like that. Can you really live with yourselves knowing that? Please, help me out.

Kevin Shenoy is a member of the New York City Bills Backers