One Fan's Review- The Conference Championships

by Kevin Shenoy

I have to say that this weekend’s games were without question the most boring set of games to be played since the XFL showed games on TV. I literally fell asleep during the Eagles-Falcons game. I woke up as Vick threw his only interception. The Eagles then just ran out the clock and made Vick look like an average QB. I guess the lesson is if you have a fast LB corpse (which the Bills do), one of them should stay at home on the bootleg. The Falcons offense is then reduced to about 8 more plays. That is worth noting since we play them at home next year. Then there was the Steelers-Patriots game.

Let me just get the following out of the way. Yes, the Patriots happen to win all the time. Fine, most of the free world is willing to make love to the Patriots at the drop of a dime. Do I have to like it or agree with it? No, no I don’t. The Patriots just psyche out every team they play. They did it to the Colts, and they did it again to the Steelers. This reminds me of a time in high school.

My best friend Kabir, a known video gaming genius, came over to play Virtua Fighter for the first time. I had just received the Sega Saturn; at the time it was a big deal. I realize as I write “to play virtua fighter” it sounds as antiquated as “to play Pac- Man.” My other pal, Mark, came over to see the new system in action as well. We rotated through as the loser had to give up the controller to the odd man out. Kabir literally won 26 matches straight. Each fight was a best of 5 series. There were lucky wins, there were thorough domination wins, there were questionable wins, but they were all wins. Mark and I traded the controller only to hope that we’d be the guy to show Kabir what losing tastes like. Despite wanting to be the one who dethroned the Kabir Dynasty, Mark and I rooted for one another. We died a little bit each time Kabir raised his arms in victory. Every time I touched the controller, the pressure was just sitting on my shoulders. And even if you won the first two in the series, something would happen where you just knew Kabir was finding his groove and he slapped you around until he won. He got into our heads. It was so frustrating. To this day, Mark and I still harbor ill will to him for those losses. Kabir was the original Patriots.

So you probably are thinking, “we know that Kevin is rooting for the Eagles.” No, I’m not. I’ll tell you what I am really rooting for. I am rooting that the game goes into Overtime and neither team can move the ball from February 7^th until Sept 13^th (or whenever the next season starts). Meanwhile as they fight back and forth between the 40 yard lines, the Bills win two default games against the Pats since they will still be playing the Super Bowl (as well as 14 other games). Of course Super Bowl XXXIX remains a tie until the Bills play an improbable opponent in the NY Giants in Super Bowl 40. Of course we win, and the NFL has no choice but to call Super Bowl XXXIX a draw and hence the most disgusting Super Bowl of all time. Meanwhile the Bills go on to play another improbable Super Bowl team in the Redskins the following year followed by two more Super Bowl against the Cowboys. During this Super Bowl l run, someone runs over to Bill Belichick and tugs on his face. In Scooby-Doo style, his face comes off and underneath it is Rich Kotite. In shock and horror the NFL and all the announcers cringe in a “Crying Game” type fashion, and we erase 2001-2005 from the NFL history books. In its place is a picture of Richard Nixon and the caption, “and you thought an 18 minute gap was a long period to hide.” That is what I root for. It’s all that I really have to believe in.

Why the venom against the Eagles? Philly fans are obnoxious. They belong to be lifetime losers. I think you all know their track record (cheering when opponents are injured, begging to draft Ricky Williams and booing when they picked Donovan McNabb, Cheering for A.J. Feely to start, needing a prison within the Vet to keep them in check, they suck as NHL fans as well, etc). They will torch the town if they win a Super Bowl l. As a matter of National Security, they shouldn’t win the Super Bowl.

To ask me to pick is like telling me Hezbollah and Al Queda had decided to fight each other. Pick a side. Hell no. The conservative right has decided to fight the KKK …..hhmmmm, I still got nothing. Sometimes there are fights between good and evil. But often times it’s a fight between stupid and equally stupid. You are best to just not get involved. There will be no winners. Just losers. Who’s your favorite singer, Ashlee Simpson or Jessica Simpson? Abstain. Which song really gets you going, “People” by Barbara Streisand or “Memories” from Cats the Musical? Veto. Who you rooting for, the Pats or the Eagles? No thanks. It’s that simple. Just say no.

I heard of people choosing not to watch the Superbowl. Instead they are going to the movies. Unfortunately, my football addiction and lack of self control won’t allow for that. I’ll be in front of the TV hoping and wishing for my scenario to play out.

On the side:

- Belichick is now close to being compared to Vince Lombardi. Can someone stop the insanity?

- Corey Dillon, whether they win the superbowl or not, is still, in my books, considered a loser. If you just ditch your loser team to win a championship, a la Hasek, that doesn’t make you a winner. In fact it makes you a bigger loser. Especially when the team was positioned to do it without you. The case is true for Dillon as it is with Hasek. For the rest of their lives they will have to justify they really are winners. It’s just funny that those kinda players speak so highly of their new team. It often comes off as over compensation. Much like when someone you know is on his or her “rebound” relationship. All they do is tell you how cool the new person in their life is. You know that they’ll be broken up in like 5 days.

- Who hates Rodney Harrison with a passion? He’s such a baby. Over excited and annoying, I place a hex upon him. I have no real hexing ability, but damnit, I’m doing what I can over here. When he was running the INT back for a TD, I sat there looking at the TV with the face Robert De Niro has in “Meet the Parents” when Greg tells him he milked a cat.

- The young girl who sang the national anthem for the Steelers game was pretty amazing. Nice set of pipes. Conversely, Poindexter wasn’t so good for the Eagles. I had to change the channel as though I was watching a bad performer during American Idol. I felt like I was killing the anthem in front of a sold out stadium.

- Was I the only guy during the FOX pre-game to think that Terry Bradshaw had some horrible growth on his face? I don’t know why they put his microphone so tight across his face.

- Will Andy Reid die of pneumonia? I watched the Gatorade bath occur in the final minute of play. It took them about half an hour to get indoors. True I sound like a parent, but I am only jittery as I got sick recently and wouldn’t wish that upon any human being, not even the Patriots. See? I’m not playing. I have become neurotic about staying health. I’m practically eating out of my Purell Hand sanitizing pack. Anyways, after the bath, I sat there like Andy Reid’s mom. “I realize that’s what they do after a victory, but he really should get indoors. He doesn’t even have a proper hat on.”

- Good thing the Steelers used all their fireworks display during the national anthem.

- I think you can officially claim that it sucks to be Duce. He’s getting really good at losing at the conference championship games.

- Who honestly thinks the Steelers will be any good next year? I’m posting this on the boards. I find it hard to think that with the parity (god, I hate that term so much just because of its sheer overuse), the Steelers will have another superb record. It was an amazing run. They played incredibly well in the first 11 games or so. But the games I saw against the Giants, the Bills, the Jets, and the Pats, they were a very beatable team. Their offense lacked imagination. I can see them in the playoffs next year, but perhaps as the 10-6 team that they deservedly are. I'm not saying they are a terrible team, just not really a 15-1 team. The Bears of 85; that was a legitimate 15-1 team.