One Fan's View: Happy as a puppy

by Kevin Shenoy

The aftershock of the opening game of the Buffalo Bills 2005 season against the Houston Texans has me as happy as a 6 week old puppy on a linoleum floor. I can barely contain myself. I am full of boundless energy. I even left a puddle on said linoleum. However, now that some time has passed since the win, I can definitely see that there are things that this team needs to do to be better. In fact things they need to do to be a contender, we will get to those later on but let us first start with the good stuff.

J.P. Losman executed well in the first half. In particular, that first drive was text book. He owned it. He was 5 of 5 throwing including the big throw to “Sara” Lee “Pound cake” Evans. He seemed really relaxed and comfortable. I was impressed. Not as impressed as the guy behind me. I hate these guys who tell you the stats based on the first 5 minutes of any given game or season. “Wow, he looks good 3 for 3 for the season.” Thanks pal. If this was perhaps week 8 and you could spout off some kind of stat without the aid of TV or radio, and then say it. But on the first drive of the opening game of the season, you can’t be saying, “He’s not thrown an incompletion yet in his NFL Career.” Likewise, extrapolating 16 games worth of production based on the first drive is a definite no-no. “At this pace, Losman may throw for 600 yards for this game, additionally if he stays healthy he could throw for 9,600 yards in a season. I’m basing this all on the first drive of the game. I see no reason why my math and logic won’t hold” That is such C line CBS color commentary. I’m looking right at you, Tasker.

Willis McGahee took some time to warm up, but he was breaking off some big runs in the second half. I was actually really surprised with the difficulty he had turning the corner in the first half. He just didn’t seem to have the speed to pop outside the defenders. But in the end he had his 100+ yards, and the Buffalo Bills are still undefeated when he reaches that mark. See even using that stat, I feel stupid because if you have any sort of Bills love that stat has to be tattooed in your head at this point. No, seriously, you need to know that stat until it no longer holds true. I am predicting early 2006 season it loses its ability to hold water.

Even Rian Lindell, normally not referred to in any of my columns other than the name “Fancy I”, played well. Due to the impressive 5-5 performance, I will give him the one time acknowledgement and call him by his given name. That is as far as I will go. I still think he sucks. His first kick off was just trash. I’ve literally kicked a glass bottle with more grace and skill with greater distance. I wish that I could look him face to face, because I have ragged on this guy for two years. Granted I know he doesn’t read this article and even if he did, I’m sure Kevin Shenoy doesn’t strike fear in him. But I would like to think that if we passed each other, it’d be like a Kung Fu movie where the two enemies lock eyes. DUM DUM DUM DA!!!!! My mouth moves insanely fast while dubbed over in English. “I see you have improved your skills grasshopper. Now show me you can keep it up.” I’m sorry if I lost you constant reader.

The defense was stifling. Sure they had that mini breakdown of penalties in the second quarter which lead to the “touchdown”. Note the quotes. I’m not sure if I am going to recognize it. As a protest, Carr never got in. If Buffalo had any timeouts remaining, also part of the breakdown when the Bills burned two timeouts in the red zone on the same drive, they would have easily won that challenge. So if my protest stands, that means we pitched the shutout. I will have to have my protest viewed in my fantasy league as well since I have the Bills on D.

Troy Vincent was like a Visa card (“everywhere where you want to be.”) It was just studly. For the most part, I think this is one of the few exceptions where the defense had great stats and held without any major breakdowns the entire game. If you are aspiring to really be the 1985 bears, well, you’re doing a good job in the first week.

With all that said, I will say it sucks that Buffalo took so many field goals, and we didn’t do jack in the second half. I have no idea why they kept trying to throw it once they were all soft on the run. I am fairly certain that a TD drive would have occurred if the Bills just kept sticking their faces in it. It seemed like once they had the lead, Buffalo didn’t run all the interesting formations and razzle dazzle as they did in the first half. It was just standard drop back passing.

It sucked that JP almost pulled a Bledsoe and gift wrapped 7 points for the Texans early in the second half to single handily sway the momentum of the game. But you know what? A win is a win is a win. And a drop is a drop is a drop. How many times have your heard your Pats friends say that? Now the Buffalo Bills are that team. Winning ugly but perhaps winning more.

And to that extent let me say this: when the Bills win every game this year by battling it out and winning the small battles without doing anything grandiose, they better get their props. The stupid Pats have played this Texans-Bills game a billion times. All the sports reporters basically talk to Monica Lewinsky to see how they can greater satisfy the ego of the New England nation. Their game plan can be slow, boring and at times down right unentertaining. But they either get the blow out score without the big bang, or they hang in there until they win. This is essentially the team the Buffalo Bills are aspiring to be. And they looked pretty good doing it. The team better not get this chintzy primetime coverage with everyone else in the nation suddenly paying attention to them.

Literally, on the flight back to New York, I was watching ESPN Prime time. It went to commercial and I went to ESPN 2. I watched what I thought was the perfect amount before I switched back. When I got there, it was over. They had the score up of the game. I was just shocked. I realize the Bills beat the Texans, and no one thinks they’re any good. But Buffalo had a first round QB just come in and play the game that the coaches and reporters said he’d have to play. JP Losman didn’t crack under the pressure. He played better than at least half of the other QB’s in this league. And it was his first game. Is that not worthy of a report? Had Losman been in Miami, or San Fran or some other city, I’m sure there would have been like 10 reports. I hate how our fine city just gets crapped on. But our time is coming. Our time is right now. Believe it people.

DVD Extras:

• Do you think the Texans will change their names to the FEMA Texans? They had no idea where to go or what to do. David Carr looked like the New Orleans Mayor. He was frustrated and angry, and no one came to help him out. But moving right along with this metaphor, perhaps the Bills Defense is just a force of nature. And we chalk it up to “these things happen.”
• I love Ralph Wilson. With that said, I say the following out of love, not hate. Do not ever let Ralph talk at halftime ever again. I realize that he isn’t as senile as he comes across during these speeches, but the man rambles. I feel like I’m Mike Meyers, and he’s Kayne West. You just sit there wondering, “Where is this going and when is it going to end? Am I allowed to smile?” The crowd sat there like “Oh, gosh, this is uncomfortable.” It is much the same way when you are old enough to appreciate the ramblings of your grandparents. You know not to hang up the phone, but you can’t help but wonder where the story is going and why it’s even being told. You look at your parents and they just shake their head apologetically. But whatever, he’s the owner, so talk away Ralph. Talk away.
• I don’t want to sound like someone who broke up with his girlfriend and just found out she’s dating someone super amazing, but what the hell. How did Drew Bledsoe throw for 3 TD? And that on the road. In that same spirit of finding out about the ex, I just have to say, “Well, it will never last. He had his chance with Buffalo, and he blew it. I don’t care what he does. No really, I don’t. But isn’t that convenient that he changes now? I’m so over him. I love JP so much more and he’s twice the QB Drew was on his best days.” But honestly, doesn’t that make you a little annoyed? I still refuse to back down from my 3-13 prediction for his Cowboy’s.
• Judging by some of the Bills fans and some of the fights that broke out in the second half, it was a real bummer that we won’t have our free Tim Horton’s coffee on Monday. Some of these hangovers are going to be killer. I don’t understand how all these fights break out at a Texans game. There wasn’t a single Texans jersey there. We were amongst our brothers. It wasn’t like the Jets or Pats where you are struggling to find Bills fans amongst the masses and you want to just slap their mouths. To all our jailed Bills fans brethren, remember Barnes is still working. He’s the official attorney of the Bills.
• How hilarious is it that Travis Henry fumbled the ball on his first carry and ran for 35 yards. There is no NFL stat kept for falling on your face when a gigantic hole is opened up, so I can’t even tell you that obvious Henry stat. It is all very Fredo like that he decided to go against the family. “Travis just promise me you’ll call me two days in advance when you want to see our mother. You’re dead to me Travis.” Henry is just sitting there in that crazily relaxed lounge chair, “I’m smart, not dumb like everyone says.” Sure you are Travis.
• Brian Moorman really had an average day. I was a little let down. I hope he fights it off. - Dad’s quote of the day where said right after Losman ran for his first scramble for 6 yards, “And there is Drew Bledsoe’s entire rushing career. In one play.”
• Going for it on 4 th and 2. It showed some moxie, some cojones, some panache, and a touch of chutzpah. I loved it. Mularkey even said in the post game, “We figured if we didn’t get it, the crowd would still help us out.” I ask, wouldn’t they do that even closer to the end zone? Whatever, it all worked out in the end. But please think about going for it more often on fourth down and goal when at home. And as an addendum to this thought, the 3rd and short bootleg is a little too predictable. You tried running it with Bledsoe a couple times. Everyone knows that this season the Bills have a guy with wheels, you are going to try the same thing. Just an observation.
• Talking about JP’s wheels, his second half run for 19 yards was amazing. He really took off and got extra yards out of nothing. Brilliance. He was one move away for running 60+ yards for a TD. If he does that, two things happen. One, the Ralph goes crazy and western New York has an inundation of kids born between Sept 2005 and January 2005 named JP. And two, that is the first time in the modern era of the NFL where a white QB runs 60 yards for a TD.
• On the flip side of all this excitement is the fact the Sabres have completely defecated on the bed. To have two teams going in such different directions, I feel like Joe Simpson, father of Jessica and Ashlee. One kid has it all, the other one just sucks. You try to love them equally, but Jessica is so much cooler.
• Before the game, the NFL commemorated the Sept 11th attacks with “America the Beautiful” by Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. As I write that it doesn’t even make sense. We want two complete douche bags to remember and honor one of the most devastating times we have ever lived through. Personally, I say let Jessica do what she’s good at (show her cleavage) and let’s go to another ceremony more commemorative in nature. I’m just saying that Nick Lachey doesn’t get me juiced up for a football game, and he certainly does not embody what most US guys are like. That’s all I’m getting at.
• As a follow up to my preseason article of being madly in love and explaining my Bills love to the girlfriend. I have an addendum. We recently went on vacation with each other. To make a really long story much shorter, we didn’t get to go to the Bahamas as scheduled, because of some passport issues. Neither the hotel nor the airline makes it clear that you need a birth certificate if you aren’t traveling with your passport. They only tell you. “You don’t need a passport until 2006.” Anyway, it turned out ok, we went to Puerto Rico instead, and it was amazing. When I called the Bahamas hotel to reschedule and save our hotel money, they said they needed us to rebook that very minute or else we’d lose our money. So Shelly, the girlfriend, pulls out her planner and out falls the Bills schedule. I looked at it and the bye week and said, “November 6th.” Shelly says, “Are you really basing our decision on the Bills game?” And I looked at her and said, “but I wrote that Bills Zone article?” and she smiled and said, “I know, I just didn’t realize that this is how deep it runs. We’ve just scheduled a vacation around the Bills. Ok, I’m cool with that.” The Halo is intact.

I had a near epiphany while waiting in the car during the drive home as my Dad and I stopped at Tops to get a $4 rotisserie chicken (yeah, that’s how amazing Buffalo is….$4 chicken and we’re not talking about McNugget meat either.) Anyway, as my dad went in to get the chicken, I was left in the car with the radio. On came Billy Joel’s ever classic and timeless tune, “Just the way you are.” That song got me to thinking. Those lyrics are pretty much spot on as to how I feel within a week of the season starting. Literally a week before each season, there are like 8 doomsayer fans who curse out the team and it makes you worry. Then you are with your Pats and Jets friends and they make you think we have the crappiest team since Kotite was allowed to coach a team. But those lyrics:
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are
Along with the overly cheesy smooth jazz sax, these lyrics in total synch if you are as crazy about the team and the Buffalo region as I am, and I’m sure you’re close.

Anyway, most importantly, the Buffalo Bills are 1 and 0 tied at the top of the East, looking down at the Jets. He he he he he he, I knew they were terrible.