| October 13, 2005 | « Previous Story | HOME | Next Story » | Posted at 04:52 AM |
Wow, we are 2-3, one game out of first, and have a new QB to lead us to the Promised Land. Are you buying any of that? Neither am I. I’ll give you that this game was, at the very least, entertaining. Even if the Buffalo Bills blew the game, they actually scored 2 touchdowns, moved the ball down field, and stopped the Dolphins on a couple key third downs. However, watching the team slowly slip into a coma in the second half was reminiscent of the Bucs game. What is the deal with being so annoyingly plain and unimaginative on offense for the fourth straight year? Do we need to hire Indiana Jones? He found the Lost Ark, the Holy Grail and the Temple of Doom; I’m sure he could find the end zone.
This article is the “I’ve said this before” column. Every time you read “I’ve said this before”, you should say it in unison like an infomercial. “Set it and Forget it!!!” Anyway, how many times have we collectively asked for the Bills to have a killer attitude? “I’ve said it before.” It’s shocking that a team that hosts some of the league’s most rabid fans lacks the aforementioned killer attitude. We need an old Asian man from a Kung-Fu movie standing on the sidelines just repeating, “Finish him”. At 17-0, we followed with two defensive interceptions. Neither churned out points nor worked the clock. “Finish him, grasshopper.”
On their second drive, the Bills settled for a field goal. After clearly swinging the momentum in their favor by giving the fans a reason to cheer with a TD drive and a three and out stop, the offense drives the field again. We are ready to start jumping up and down with glee; we settle for three. The worst part is that it’s not a 40 yard field goal; it is a 24 yard field goal. The Bills took 3 when they should have clearly had 7.
The Buffalo Bills have a first and goal from the one. “I’ve said it before,” that when on the one yard line at the Ralph, they should run up the middle all four times. No matter what point in the game. The crowd noise, the defense’s over-inflated sense of grandeur, the fact the other team is pinned on the one, and the fact that Willis averages positive yards per run are compelling reasons to just pound it out. Either the Bills get the TD by the sheer odds of averaging positive yards a carry, or we do our jobs as the 12th man and let the defense convince us that it’s that good.
But instead, Buffalo ran to the right. Stuffed. They run right again. Stuffed. And then the Bills run the much hated third and short bootleg. “I’ve said it before,” that I hate the third down bootleg because everyone knows it’s coming. This play in particular was even worse. They had Sam Adams as the eligible receiver. He backs off the line of scrimmage, and the entire stadium groans because we know they are passing. You think I’m kidding about the groaning. I’m not. The stadium panicked as though we were all Drew Bledsoe losing track of the play clock and desperately calling a time out. They run the play, and the play is blown up. Holcomb tosses it to Shelton for a 5 yard loss. While that is maddening, if Holcomb doesn’t get rid of the ball it’s probably an 8-10 yard loss.
Now, because of Buffalo’s favorite albeit stupid third and short play, going for it on fourth down is out of the question. We, the crowd, all look at each other as though we just heard about a loved one getting in a car accident. “Oh my god, is he ok?” “I’m not sure, it’s too soon to tell, but it doesn’t look good.” Then the hushed silence of prayer overtakes the room. Same exact thing. “Oh my god, what was that? They are going to lose.” “I’m not sure, it’s too soon to tell, but it doesn’t look good.”
My dad had ripped the Tim Horton’s coupon from the back of the program when it was first and goal from the 1. The Bill’s lack of killer execution has been passed onto the weary fans. People in our section looked over at us as though we put our collective net worth on black and spun the roulette wheel. For God sake, they are at the one yard line in our home stadium, people! We should be able to count on a single yard. It shouldn’t be some bold move to rip the Timmy Ho’s coupon. I bet Patriot fans could rip the Timmy Ho’s coupon. Why can’t we? When the Bills failed to score the second touchdown for the free Timmy Ho’s Monday coffee, we had to silently fold the coupons and put them back in the program as though we were asking for a favor from the Godfather.
“I’ve said this before,” but the defense plays great when they are taking the ball away. They aren’t stopping teams cold. They aren’t the black hole defense. People pretty much do what they want with us. Buffalo wins when they turn the ball over. If it doesn’t feel completely like the “Bend but don’t break” Walt Corey defense, then I don’t even know what to say to you. But I’m sure Zantac would be pleased to know their product works so well.
When it becomes third down, the entire defense becomes a used car salesperson. “We’ll give you the lot, everything must go, take what you want with no payment down!!” They weren’t so bad this game (Miami converted 3 of 9), but they gave up one of those conversions with Miami pinned deep in our end zone. This spits at my “let’s just watch them pinned in our end zone and get the ball back” logic. I hate this team sometimes. I’m sorry, hate is such a strong word. I vehemently hate this team sometimes.
But this weak third down defense got me to thinking. Perhaps on third down, they should take out their entire defense and substitute them with the offense. Since the offense seems to stall their own drives on third down, maybe they will have a better go at it doing what they do so well and kill an opposing drive. And similarly, on offensive third downs, let’s watch as the Bills move the defense in. Since they are so good at giving other teams first downs, maybe they’ll be able to keep the chains moving.
In conclusion, I was happy we won of course. I don’t think that Holcomb played a game that JP couldn’t have played. On Holcomb’s short passes, he was throwing at people’s feet. His mid range ball looked accurate, but JP definitely has better arm strength. It’s just a question of confidence. Once he gets confidence, I have no problem believing that he will fly up the learning curve at a really accelerated rate. He’ll leave Holcomb as a solid backup.
Holcomb’s presence did bring a more comfortable offense onto the field. However, the results were the same as the previous weeks. They became sloppy and stagnant as the game wore on. There were multiple times I thought, JP could be doing this. On a third down and long play, Holcomb fumbled from a hit he should have been able to see coming. Luckily the Bills recovered and punted it. JP would have been expected to do that.
Even more shocking was the second down fumble on the last field goal. It was mind boggling. Would JP have been able to do anything more inexperienced than losing 15 yards from the 12 yard line? Then the coaches call a Pat Robertson, ultra-conservative run up the middle on third and 27. Everyone knew they were going to do it. Either bring in the big set up with two tight ends and run effectively, or go for the gusto with, dare I say it, a killer punch. Pass the ball and play for the game, not for the odds.
If both quarterbacks are having similar results, maybe the problem is higher. The offensive game planning is so bland. Receivers run 10 yard routes when Buffalo’s offensive line can’t hold blocks that long. I stand by misdirections like reverses and fake reverses hold defenses for a split second. They haven’t done either since week 1. Maybe shorter routes and more timing patterns for deep threats will help get the passes completed.
Who knows what’s in store for this weekend. I think the Jet’s should be a good place for JP to get his confidence back. If he played well against Houston; I think he should be fine for the Jets. Yes, I am directing this mainly to Evan and Joe, two good friends who happen to be misguided Jet fans. The Jets are worse than the Texans.
Sure some of you may say, but Vinny played well. I’ll tell you what happens this week. Chris Berman and the ESPN crew decide to do a warm-your-heart piece on Vinny Testaverde. They send a TV crew and reporter, they talk how he was out of football, and came back. We’ll find out how his dog died when he was released, and how it was unbearable to move on. You and I, the casual fan, will watch it on Sunday Morning before the game, think “Geez, I’m happy he got over the tragic loss of his dog by making $1 million and throwing 2 TD’s.” ESPN will conclude that the verdict is still not out on Vinny, and perhaps he’s found a good fit to chase after his elusive Superbowl Dreams. You’ll turn off your TV thinking, “he still sucks.” And sure enough once the game starts, he’ll get himself killed in Buffalo, injure himself and the Jets disaster season will continue to unfold exactly as we expected when we heard they lost to the Chiefs. Enter Stage Right, Bollywood Bollinger, and the laughing and celebration at the Ralph begins. If anything less than this occurs, I will hate the Bills for their love for playing so under their potential. No wait, vehemently hate.
DVD Extras:
Congrats to Ralph Wilson for giving Thurman a full 5 minutes and change to thank the crowd. Ralph even snuck in a kiss to Thurman’s wife. Definitely not senile at all. I stand corrected from my “never let Ralph talk again during halftime”. The guys to the left of us were taking bets on how long Ralph would ramble on for when they were rolling out the podium. We were all shocked when Thurman got to the podium before the Dolphins came out onto the field. You’d think then, “Why doesn’t he just root against the Bills and Sabres and let the opposite happen.” While many of these columns may make you think I am like George Constanza, I am not. Therefore, I can’t just do the opposite. Case in point, this year, I drafted Brady in my fantasy draft. I thought it was diabolical. I needed him to win games in fantasy, but if he was unable to do so, the Shenoy curse would end it for him. Additionally, I’ve always sucked at fantasy so I have no real hope at trying to do anything in the standings. Think of me as an Arizona Cardinals like team. I thought I was so cool because either I become a fantasy god striking a level of annoyingness that none of my friends had ever seen by losing to me at fantasy or I continue to blow at fantasy, but start the demise for one of the weakest dynasties every to get the name “dynasty”. It was brilliant. Fingertip tapping, goatee stroking Brilliant. But no such luck. The dynasty of mediocrity continues onward, and Brady is playing well. There is no beating the system. As for my fantasy squad? They are at the top of the league, but like Bledsoe, my inevitable demise is not far off.
Bledsoe tracker: I know some of you must be tearing your hair out by seeing these performances. But I plan to be the horrible stock broker who just keeps telling you, don’t sell, this will turn around. However, we all know it. They just need to play a primetime game. They play the Eagles again in Philly on Monday night 11/14. “The end is near.” Hang in there.
As I entered the stadium, there was a Dolphins fan who screamed out, “who did the Bills beat? The Texans. Ooooo, that’s impressive.” I hope he’s thinking, “Who did we lose to? The Bills and the Jets.” Meanwhile they beat the Broncos and the Panthers. The Panthers are this years version of the Seahawks. Everyone talked about how the Seahawks were going to the Super Bowl, and they played to be a glorified 8-8 team. Carolina is following the same model. Anyway, good luck dolphin fans proving to everyone that you’ve completely turned it around when you lost to two struggling teams in your own division. Fin fans can be so stupid most of the time.
“Every time I want out, they keep pulling me back in”
-Michael Corleone, Godfather III.
I know Michael, I know. Wait until we are 3-3 next week. It will only become more maddening, but, alas, this is the power of the mob.
Kevin Shenoy is a member of the New York City Buffalo Bills Backers
