One Fan's View: Buffalo fans have Blue Balls

by Kevin Shenoy

The final Bills game of 2007 and the Winter Classic occurred within days of each other. And I now realize something about the state of being a Buffalo sports fan. I wish there was some classier way to say this, but, alas, there isn’t. Being a Buffalo Sports fan has been a perpetual state of blue balls.

There I said it. Let it sink in. Every time we’ve been given a game that has been billed as the Big Game, we have choked. Super Bowls, Stanley Cups, Conference finals, games that can potentially send us to the playoffs, games that are versus the Pats, games to weak teams, games to great teams. It’s all had the same result.

It makes you wonder how far removed I am from Rainman when for the last 29 years I have gone to every one of these events hoping to god that this is the one game where we pull it off. As I’ve been apt to do this entire season, I’ll make the analogy to Quantum Leap. “Every leap is hopefully his last leap home.” But it never is. In the show, Sam Beckett never leaps back into his normal life. We never win that big game, yet we hope. And that Big game has gone from being literally the Big Game (Superbowl and Stanley cup) to big games…for us. Games like Cleveland. Games like a regular season game versus a young team from Pittsburg. That’s a lowering of expectations, no?

In the last 4-5 years it has gotten exponentially worse. It would be one thing to lose a shootout in football where teams are going back and forth. For a few minutes you got to cheer and believe we were going to win. In hockey, it’d be nice to get to the championship game and sniff the possibility that we could choke and come in #2.

We’ve enjoyed the foreplay of yesteryear. We’ve done long playoff runs in the past, but now we want the payoff. We want to scream and release that pent up energy of 4 Super Bowl and two Stanley Cup losses. But our teams don’t do it for us. They meet our already lowered expectations, but never exceed them. In the Giants game, we knew that 14-0 wouldn’t last, even though it should have. And once the punt was blocked, you knew as it poured that it was all over for the Bills.

In the Winter Classic, when the penguins scored 21 seconds in, I’m surprised you didn’t hear 71,000 people all say in unison, “are you effing kidding me?”

“When is it going to be our turn?” Can I say that any more grumpily and whiny? The last 3 weeks have been such an annoying, apocalyptic curse. How much more of this can a higher being dish out onto one region? We can’t even close the deal on a fish shop….and we don’t even like fishing.

The Eagles game was more of the same thing. Nothing entertained me; nothing surprised me. By the middle of the first quarter I realized, “no touchdown’s today.” It was a nonchalant thing too. But a game without a touchdown is basically a game that is not entertaining. Even when you win a FG battle, you secretly hope you won’t see that kind of game for another 10 years. Yet, we’ve been subjected to that too many times in the last 8 years.

In the meantime, the Bills have lowered my Classiness Index to well below a passing grade. I’m stuck watching the Giants-Pats game with friends and saying such things as, “I don’t care what the score is at the final gun. In my books, the Giants aren’t winnersunless they’ve significantly injured someone on the Pats.” I watched the Winter Classic saying, “I will slap Crosby’s overbite back into place if he scores the winner.” I’m turning into a Philly fan.

And this brings me back to the state of the blue ball Buffalo sports. At least in the mid to late 90’s we had the masturbatory joy of the Bandit’s and the one time Roller Hockey Buffalo Wings (or whatever they were named) to give us a meaningless championship. Sure it wasn’t the real deal, but it still felt pretty good.

Is 2008 the year we finally get some? I hope so.

DVD Extras

• First thing first, on my flight to Buffalo two Saturday’s ago, I was on the same flight as Kevin Everett. He was with his Fiancé, and they were in the first row of our JetBlue flight. I noticed him as I was getting off because he was waiting for assistance. I didn’t really notice him until I was two steps from getting off, so I didn’t get to say anything. But the man looks really good considering what he’s gone through in the last 3 months.
• From the Giants game: It’s fair to say that I will be suing all makers of so called “Rain Resistant” wear. I was thoroughly soaked despite wearing rain resistant jacket and pants. When you have a ridiculous lawsuit, how much are you suppose to sue for? I guess I’ll go for $1.5BN to cover purchase price of the Bills and new stadium construction. See you in court!
• My theory: Gildbride and Fairchild share the same brain. Both are offensive idiots destined to ruin QB’s and offenses for years to come. First quarter, Fairchild was using the brain with the no huddle and screen passes to marshawn. Then Gilbride asked for it back after the blocked punt. This is like the Michael and Janet theory that most of the developed (non German/Tokyo) world believes in. You never see Michael and Janet at the same time, therefore, they could be the same person. Likewise, you’ll never see a Gilbride offense and a Fairchild offense put up points at the same time. They are using the same brain.
• It’s somewhat hard to complain about the Eagles game. Literally the Bills played with some of the biggest no-names out there. We had Costanzo covering punts, Seinfeld running hilariously predictable WR routes, Elaine as the 9th Safety, and Kramer as coach
• So Marv left. That’s a swift kick in the gonads. That of course goes real nice with the above mentioned status of that region of my Buffalo-induced body.
• I’m not sure what the point of having Marv for two years was and a coach for 3. You should probably match the two contracts term wise because no legitimate GM would want to come in and deal with someone else’s coach for a year. I know, silly me for thinking we’d go out and get a proven winner in the personnel department. But this scenario is so mind boggling. Why would Marv stay through the April draft when a new guy would want to actually be able to make changes immediately? Oh, right, the Bills are now aiming to be run as poorly as the Cardinals and Lions. Fantastic.
• I liked Marv, and I think his drafts were good. But there needs to be continuity, and promoting someone from within, who has been jaded by these last 8 years isn’t going to help turn the mentality at one bills drive around.
• When I hit 90 years old and I’m a multi-millionaire and I have a steady stream of income, you better believe I’d spend pretty heavily to get myself a championship. I’d probably max out my credit cards and all bank credit. What are they going to do, kill me? How Ralph is possibly ok with the mediocrity for the last 8 years is beyond me. He seems to be the least connected owner in the entire league. The Dolphins owner is playing golf with Parcells, Jerry Jones knows the entire NFL and college coaching system. And Ralph plays tennis with his wife. How sweet.
• This free agency better be the most exciting thing ever. My brain can’t take this nonsense for much longer.

I hope you all have a great 2008. I’ll try to do some small write ups on the playoff games, and personally, I hope I get to write the, “The PATS CHOKED!” article. That’s my current Superbowl.

Kevin Shenoy can be reached at binaural02@hotmail.com