One Fan's View: Preview and prediction

by Kevin Shenoy

Well Bills Fans, this year, I have decided to predict the future based on nothing but logic. I’m not going to bore you with my emotional pleas to why God, the NFL, Jauron, the law of averages and anything else couldn’t possibly keep us out of the playoffs for 10 straight years. This article looks at what the season will look like on a game by game basis. As always, I’d love feedback from you long time “One Fan’s View” email buddies as well as any newbies that might want to write. I’m warning you that the prognosis isn’t pretty, but knowing that ahead of time, I’m still cheering on our favorite Bills for the full 16 games.

1. At Patriots – Prime time…on the road…versus the Patriots. Thanks NFL. I like our odds of this favorable matchup. I predict we are competitive through the first half down by 1 score. Patriots get the ball in the second half and then beat us by 2 TDs. We all argue on Tuesday and Wednesday that bad coaching did us in, but that we have the talent to win. Someone states quite vocally, “I can’t wait for the rematch.” 0-1 (Disclaimer: If the Bills win this game, the rest of the article will not apply. I am presuming that a loss to the Patriots just reconfirms the same old status. If they pull off the miracle, then anything can happen, and I’ll be shouting, “road to the Super Bowl goes through Buffalo.”)

2. Buccaneers – Home opener, everyone is fired up at 1pm. The only problem? The NFL scheduled a 4pm game. The setting sun, the rowdy drunks replaced with the passed out drunks. The Buccaneers stagnant offense matches our inept defense for a few rounds. No pass rush gets through, but their QB has no one to throw to. Bills turn it on in the second half and win by 10. Monday morning fans will say, “See, the Patriots really are their own thing. We are 1-1 now. I like the direction we are going. Lot of football left to play” 1-1

3. Saints – Saints start off sluggish but eventually dominate the Bills’ defense by the middle of the second quarter. The Bills no huddle is sporadic. They let the margin get too big before they start putting up points. It becomes a shoot out, but the damage is done. The Bills lose 38-31. Fan response: “It stinks that we didn’t get going early. But the offense is starting to click. Don’t write off the season 3 weeks in, man.” 1-2

4. At Dolphins – Another 4pm start. In the Bills favor is that its only 90 degrees and the usual blinding reflection of the empty Joe Robbie (or whatever they call that stadium now) seats has dulled to a mild orange roar. Going against the Bills favor is that Marc Anthony and J-Lo sign during halftime. The Dolphins soundproof their locker-room while they pipe in Bose speakers into the Bills locker room. The Bills could potentially string us along by playing well into the 3rd quarter. Eventually Jauron has no timeouts, runs a 3rd down draw play on a must score drive. He settles for the field goal, Lindell misses, and the Dolphins go on to win. I’ll write in the post game. “I hate Fancy I” Someone will email me his great looking stats. I say, “but he never kicks outside of 40 yards.” I get no response back. Bills lose this one. Fan response: “No way. I can’t believe they let that one get away. That’s just bad coaching. That’s going to come back to haunt us.” 1-3

5. Browns – Ahh, a win. Mangini will find a way to lose. He’ll already be under fire for being a total hack living off of someone else’s glory. While the Bills are enjoying a totally dominating performance on both sides of the ball, the CBS camera will cut away to Mangini staring blankly at the field with no answers. Then CBS will show Jauron who will be staring blankly because that’s what he does. Then a third shot of Ralph Wilson staring blankly will be shown. The Announcers say, “that’s Ralph Wilson. He kept the Bills in Buffalo all these years. How much longer?” They’ll have officially pooped on our 2 score win. Fan Reaction: “if we can go3-0 until the bye, we’ll be 5-3 and right in the thick of things.” 2-3

6. At Jets – Good old Meadowlands at 4pm. It’s now getting grey and disgusting. The Jets will be struggling with their QB situation. The broadcast will show the JP squared play where Jason Peters misses the block and JP drops the ball 4 times early when you hadn’t even thought about that play. The game, as has been the case for the last 5 years, is a field goal battle. TO is the difference, and we win this game. Fan reaction: “Oh my god, I can smell playoffs. Is this the year? TO looked dominant baby!” 3-3

7. At Panthers – This game totally destroys your two weeks of happiness. Steve Smith will punch all of our CB’s in the nose and score 3 times. The Fox announcers will tell us every annoying fact about Steve Smith that by the middle of the 3rd quarter you think, “Who knew that Steve Smith was a Leo and liked long walks on the beach?” You’ll also be thinking, “this got out of hand real quickly, perhaps I’ll get the Halloween decorations out for the kids.” That being said, you’ll still hold out hope for the win, forget about the decorations, get yelled at that Halloween is less than a week away, and still have the loss linger in your mind. Fan Reaction: “I knew that was going to happen. But you know what? We learn from those mistakes and move on.” 3-4

8. Texans – If JP can produce a win against these guys on the road….from behind, then I’m fairly confident anyone can beat these guys. I realize that was 2 years ago, but not everything has to be a science. I just feel this. It’ll be close as always, but the Bills secondary is going to be the difference. And the reason they’ll be the difference? Whitner is no longer a starter. 4-4

Bye week – The chatter amongst Bills fans. “Hey, not bad. I’ll take it. If we turn it on here and beat a good Titans team, we could do some damage.”

9. At Titans – Preseason redux. Everything that sucked in the preseason match up happens again. The only exception being is that it last for more than 2 series. Some player that we thought, “we can’t live without” will get hurt. An undersized, high motor guy who does magic tricks will be his backup. He will not have the magic to make the Bills win. I presume that there will be some shocking special teams play that makes the Bills the national joke for the week. Fan reaction: it becomes like the healthcare debate. Half the Bills fans hate this team and call for Jauron to be dismissed. They couldn’t stand watching all the timeouts being used, not running a 2 minute drill when the game was still close at the end of the half and questioned why they challenged the play where the receiver clearly never put any feet in bounds nor caught the ball. The other half will say, “it’s one game. That’s why you play the games. They can turn this around. It’s simple math. He’s Yale educated you know.” 4-5

10. At Jags – This game as of right now is totally up in the air. The Jags are terrible, and the Bills will be in the middle of their unpredictable identity. The optimist in me says, “Bills win.” But the pessimist in me shoots the optimist in the face and declares, “Bills lose.” Pessimist wins. Fan Reaction: “If they move the Bills from Buffalo but let the Jags stay when they visibly cover up sections of the stadium, I’m giving up football for good.” 4-6

11. Dolphins – Snow game! All white Dolphin uni’s. Trent shakes off the bad weather knocks on him. Turnovers and awesome special teams along with a mildly capable offense make the stadium a happy place to be. Fan Reaction: “I still hate the Dolphins and that felt particularly good.” 5-6

12. Jets in Toronto – Nine Canadians bother to pay full price for these tickets. A stadiumful of Jersey alcoholics make it up to the game and chant J-E-T-S, Jets Jet Jets! The 2,000 fans from Buffalo will be drowned out. My Jets friends will be telling me that 1st and 10 will be called 1st and 9.1440 meters. Again a field goal battle ensues. Matt Sanchez who has struggled in his starts thus far plays incredibly well. He leads the Jets to break the Bills hearts in his first ever come from behind victory. I hear from Jets fans that Sanchez is the future and that a Super Bowl is imminent. Fan Reaction: If Perry Fewell put his DB’s on the receivers instead of playing off the receivers by at least 9.1440 meters we could have won. Secretly I start realizing that we are going to go 10 years without a playoff game. 5-7.

13. At Chiefs – Bills Lose. “Kevin, how can you say that? We destroyed them last year?” Right, that was last year. This year Cassell and Pioli blow us away. A run game that won’t quit with a side of 3rd down conversions will be the meal that the Bills choke on. Plenty of opportunities to try and win this game but Jauron and Co will attempt to go for it on 4th and 3 early in the game with a run up the middle that gets stuffed, attempt a fake field goal at the end of the half and run out of time, and is seen clapping enthusiastically after each mistake. By the by, it’s no longer simple math to make the playoffs. We’ll need three teams to lose out, the Bills to win the remaining games, and for Leodis Mckelvin to calculate the 40 millionth and 1st digit of pi before the Patriots game. “See, it’s still a possibility!” 5-8

14. Patriots – Ahh, the Bills model with the Patriots. Play the first game well and then get crushed in the second game. I’ll have spent the entire week praying that the Bills win and that the fans run onto the field and tear the posts down. My prayer also includes that this is just what was needed for our 200 to 1 shot attempt for the playoffs a reality. During the middle of the second quarter on Brady’s march down the field, I’ll be shown the light on why I’m not religious. Wes Welker is open all day on the slant and when we finally wise up to it, Randy Moss will be shagging deep throws to the house. To add to the fury every annoying Boston fan will populate the far endzone and make leaving the stadium a nightmare. Leaving the stadium I’ll have the score of 49-7 tattooed on my retinas for the rest of my life. Fan Reaction: Jauron has to go! 5-9

15. At Falcons – Loss. No one will care about this game, but we’ll watch anyways because that’s how our addiction works. But this game will be fun because now we are at that stage where we aren’t hypercritical of every play. We actually sit back and enjoy the awfulness. You are predicting play calls with 98% accuracy, wowing your family members who aren’t even football fans that you know exactly what’s going to happen. Fan Reaction: “That was such a joke. Why don’t we have so and so on our team. I heard Bill Cowher was in a hangar in the Buffalo airport waiting to be unveiled after the Super Bowl.” While logic tells you that is impossible, a friend of yours says, “but last year would you have expected them to sign TO?” Now you quietly make inquiries to the Buffalo International Airport and page one B. Cowher and anxiously wait to hear who answers. 5-10

16. Colts – The Colts are awaiting their postseason to start. Manning is in jeans on the sidelines. It is snowing in unbelievable quantities. If you are in Buffalo, your power probably has gone out at 12:53pm. You scramble for a bar because you gave the tickets away to the guy who pumps your gas on cold mornings. You also accepted the fact that he overcharged you for pushing the burden of attendance on him. Therefore, you end up in Buffalo Wild Wings trying to catch the game and feel like you’ve totally sold out your entire identity. If you don’t live in Buffalo, you don’t even know why you are watching anymore. You have a better idea of who will be a free agent next year than what the score in the game is. You kind of want the team to lose so we get the better pick, but you also see they are playing the back ups. “Never again,” you say. Backups win. Bills lose. Fan Reaction: “Jauron must go! I hate….wait, I just got a v-text. Holy crap, they just resigned Jauron to a 15 year contract!” 5-11


And that my friends is what logic tells me should happen for the season. I look forward to the season, and more importantly, I look to be proven wrong. I will gladly eat my crow with red hot if the Bills make the playoffs. And for clarity sake, I don’t mean that literally as I don’t want crow mailed to my apartment.

As always, Kevin Shenoy can be contacted at binaural02@hotmail.com. While I may not be able to respond to each email, I certainly appreciate the feedback.