One Fan's View - Jauron-a-no!!!

by Kevin Shenoy

I’m not sure commenting on the games at this point makes any sense. It’s obvious that there is a lot wrong with this team. The issue starts at the very top and until changes are made, I could mail in articles the same way Dick Jauron gives post game interviews. “I watched the game and I wanted to throw up.” “I thought the shots of Jauron clapping made we want to break a pair of Ray Bans.” “I keep saying, ‘it can’t get much worse’ but they keep finding a way.” I’m the same broken record that I accuse Dick Jauron of being.

But let’s look top down at each individual match up this week:

Ralph Wilson Vs. J-Lo, Marc Anthony ownership group. Somehow J-Lo is a better owner than Ralph. If Bill Parcells said to her, “hey J-lo, I want bring in Dick Jauron, a career loser than can’t beat above .500 teams, can’t win a divisional game, can’t finish a game, and can’t break down a basic 3-4 front for his team to succeed against.” I can’t imagine even J-Lo agreeing to hire this man. That should be fun to see J-Lo get inducted into the Hall of Fame a few years from now. Although maybe this is bizarre-o world and Ralph is an amazing dancer and would love to wear his cleavage green dress to show us that he can do J-lo’s job better than her. Now we know why he’s named after puke.

Bill Parcells vs team of GMs in Buffalo Look at the first two points in DVD extras about drafting. In a ten year span, the Bills have missed on every first round pick by either drafting a dud, failing to keep a decent player, or paying an average player more than they are worth. Bill Parcells, finish the AFC East Cycle. Come to Buffalo or at least recommend someone who knows something about talent evaluation for us.

Sparano vs Jauron Jauron loses every match up against Sparano with the exception of if they were both on the TV show “The Biggest Loser”. Is it any surprise that Jauron would win the Biggest Loser Title? And what makes me sick is that somehow I hate perhaps one of the nicest guys on earth. Jauron seems like a genuinely nice guy. I’d love for him to coach my kid’s football team. But NFL coaching is not his thing. We’ve known this for 3+ years now.

Henne vs. Edwards Who was the rookie out there? A few weeks ago we were annoyed that Edwards was dunking 2 yard passes over the line of scrimmage. This week he didn’t even see throw passes to the line of scrimmage. Each play seemed to net at least -5 yards a play. True, the OL has 3rd string fodder as tackles this week and it was evident that they couldn’t hold the line, but Edwards needed to roll out more to buy time and take shots down the field. He’s regressing. Either he can’t see the field properly or his receivers are blanketed. Either way the clock is ticking for Edwards, and he doesn’t really seem to care.

DVD Extras:

• Superhelpful 2008 draft – With McKelvin out, we had one contributing player in Reggie Corner from the 2008 draft class during the Miami game. One. And to be honest, I don’t remember them saying his name once. The remaining players were either injured (McKelvin, Hardy, Bell), cut (Bowen), or not used(Omon, Ellis, Johnson). Omon had 5 carries this year even though he was the primary backup to Jackson. Chris Ellis doesn’t even get to dress on Sundays (and unfortunately was dealing with personal issues with his mother passing away this week), and Steve Johnson is either slowly coming back from a rib injury or isn’t considered good enough. Obviously this is on the front office, but I still don’t know if the coaches know talent when it’s there. A Train remained on the team when fans were asking for Fred Jackson to run more. Last year fans asked for Fred Jackson more. We were the ones clamoring for a 50/50 split. These coaches told us JP was a great back up, and he didn’t win a game. They would have kept playing JP if he didn’t get injured in the first place. Do any of the good teams have drafts that are as useless to their team as our current 2008 draft class?
• Superhelfulfirstroundraftpicks – Since 2000, we have a nasty habit of picking players in the first round who not only stink and are useless to the Bills, but also end up out of football by their fifth year. To top it off those players then end up going to a minor league affiliate and are never heard of again. Stunningly enough it only seems to happen to “even” years. In 2000, Erik Flowers was out of the NFL by 2005. In 2006 he played for the Argonauts. In 2002, Mike Williams ended up out of football by 2007 only to play for the Redskins now (essentially a minor league team that has a ton of money to spend on reject Bills). In 2004, JP Losman left the NFL in 2009 and joined a UFL team. In 2006, we have Whitner and McCargo on the docket to crap out. I’m pretty sure by 2011 its safe to believe McCargo will be out of football (some will argue Whitner might be there too). McKelvin is now injured. Last time a Bills DB broke a leg and came back, it was Ko Simpson. And I believe that worked out wonderfully. What about the “odd” years? The “odd” years gave us players who don’t stay with us. Nate Clements (2001), Willis McGahee (2003), no pick in 2005 but our first pick was Roscoe Parrish and he’ll be gone next year, Marshawn Lynch (2007)who isn’t exactly beating out the Coe College kid, and now we look to Maybin (2009) who can be described as Mr. Invisible so far. Keep up the awesome drafting, front office. We’ll keep the light on for you. UFL, we’ll send you our 2010 pick now if you let us play 8 games in Las Vegas over a 5 year stretch for $100MM!
• Turrets is a communicable disease? – Mark told me that he believes that the Jauron clapping is a mild form of Turrets. And then I asked Mark if turrets can be passed on because every time I see Jauron clapping, I start cursing and twitching.
• 4th and 6 vs 4th and 23 Last week, the Bills went for 4th and 23 down two scores from their own redzone. The Bills down 2 scores on 4th and 6 elected to punt from their own redzone. Somewhere in Dick Jauron’s head there is an explanation for this. I’d love to hear it.
• Miami Massacre The last time something got massacred in Miami, it was the Dexter Season 3 Finale. My god. 31-3 at one point? I was madly scrambling to Google Frank Reich’s phone number. Chad Kelsay Only the Bills could sign a player to a Multi million dollar deal for a number of years and have an announcer call him by the wrong name.
• Chad Kelsay. And to top it off, the announcer said it one more time because he knew he wasn’t right, but couldn’t think of his real first name.
• Real Father Son conversation After the game, I asked my dad, “when you came from India, did you have job offers from any other part of the country.” “No, Buffalo was the job I wanted.” “Ok, before 1978, did you have a shot to moving anywhere else before I was born.” “Minnesota offered me something, but Buffalo countered. So we stayed.” “Well, that wouldn’t have been much better anyways.” So there you have it. I was destined to root for this team.
• Cover 2 Now I know why it’s called cover 2. Apparently you only cover 2 players at any given time. I’m anxiously awaiting the cover 11 to be rolled out next year under the new regime.
• Top Ten Jauron Losses If you have a favorite band or a favorite actor or you watch E! Television, it’s all the rage to rank moments. After reading Jerry Sullivan’s article of, “the Worst Jauron defeat,” I thought, “that would be fun to see how people would rank humiliating, annoying, and devastating Jauron losses. I rank them as follows:

• 10 - Patriots 2006 season opener – we squandered a 17-7 halftime lead and just perfectly showcased what the Jauron years would look like.
• 9 - Titans 2006 loss – Classic Jauron. With the game close and a long field goal an option to try and win, the Bills elected to put the ball in JP Losman’s hands. They got knocked out of the playoffs by a QB that is all but hated in most NFL circles. More annoying is that we lost a game to the Lions that would have made the difference.
• 8 - Broncos 2007 – Conservative Jauron decides to be bold and go for the bomb on 3rd and 1 to ice the game. It fails, and they lose on a kick that doesn’t even have time to set up properly. Sweet.
• 7 - Lions 2006 – Bills lose to a very beatable Lions team and struggle to move the ball.
• 6 - Patriots 2007 – After losing 38-10 in the first match up, you think, “it couldn’t be worse. And it does get worse…on national TV we get spanked 56-10 with blackfaced Patriot fans gloating in the endzone. Perfect.
• 5 - Jets 2008 – the JP game where they ask him to win a game by rolling out. This one was extremely high in games that evoked “The Crying Game” reaction.
• 4 - Browns 2008 – Uninspired play and losing to a team they should beat. That sounds really familiar, no?
• 3 - Patriots 2009 – Game all sealed up…it would take a miracle for the other team to win. Miracle granted. Bills lose.
• 2 - Miami 2009 – Getting beat by a team whose starting QB is missing and whose defensive leader is gone. Nicely Done.
• 1 - Dallas 2007 - The first of 3 disaster Monday night games. Someone asked, can it get any worse after this game…and then it did. Two more time.

• Can it get any worse – Every year, every game, I make the mistake of saying, “how can this get worse?” And they keep answering it. You’d think we’d be approaching the asymptote and the chances to surprise us are relatively small. But here we are.
• Putting on my week 15 face I am already in the diabolical stage of Bills Fandom where you are sickly enjoying the beat down. Normally this is reserved for the game after the week we are mathematically eliminated, however, I’m pretty sure that time has already come.
• Fire Modrak and Brandon First I’m not sure a quality coach is going to come here with those jokers. Fire them now. I realize you can’t fire Jauron now, but what value is Modrak and Brandon adding? Get them out and show the NFL that we are committed to a brighter future and a lot of change.
• The new Coach – please kill me if the following scenario plays out (like you know it will). The Bills fire Jauron after the Colts game. While the good coaches are out there, there are as many as 16 other teams are also potentially looking for an upgrade because they missed the playoffs. The Bills want to look at an OC/DC from another team that is in the playoffs. They wait it out as Shannahan, Gruden, Cowher, Schottenheimer all sign with another team. The Bills finally get to interview their candidate and don’t like him after all. They rehire Jauron. I’m guessing this scenario has a 75% chance of happening. Ugh.

As always, Kevin Shenoy can be contacted at binaural02@hotmail.com. While I may not be able to respond to each email, I certainly appreciate the feedback.

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