One Fan's View: I can't believe this

by Kevin Shenoy

Winning not what it once was
Let’s be honest. If you are a long term holder of the Bills, you knew that winning this game wasn’t in our best interests. This game left me feeling like the principal from an 80’s movie. I know the kids want to dance, and I know I’m supposed to hate their desire to dance. I’m supposed to be on the side of the parents and priest who think dancing is the end of the society as we know it. But the thing is, once “footloose” breaks out, I’m the guy tapping my toes telling the world that these kids are alright

.

In this analogy the kids are Ralph and Co, the angry parents and priests are the legion of Bills fans that want everything and the kitchen sink thrown out of One Bills drive. I know I should hate this team winning that game. I know it gives Ralph and his cronies a pathetic excuse of saying, “things are really in place. See? We can win games...in our division…on the road…against a 3-4 defense. And our coach did that. Give him a chance (preferably for another 2 so we don’t have to eat the contract).” I know I am supposed to be in lock step with the Billboard guy but when you live in NYC and you hear the joyous screams from Jet fans, you grow to hate the Jets. And though I know this potentially set us back from launching Jauron, Brandon, and Modrak into the stratosphere, I still enjoyed the win. Much like a night of heavy drinking, I feel much different on Monday, but I will always recall this boring game with fond memories.

Bills fan stuck in New York Jet fans can be merciless. When they win, you must immediately prepare your criminal defense of liking the Bills within seconds of the final gun. You know the first 3 hours of Monday will deal with slams and insults of the Bills (which I can take) and/or Buffalo (which I most certainly will not). Even fair-weather Jet fans will swing by, “Too bad you lost. Is it snowing in Buffalo yet (hahaha)?” Then I scream out, “it was snowing here you idiot.” Then I rip off my shirt and turn into the Hulk, except in blue and red.

You have to prepare like a lawyer to defend why the Bills aren’t the worst team (though this year I haven’t put up much of a defense). You also try to create reasonable doubt that the Jets are in trouble. Even if the Bills suck, you like to hit them with, “but what do you have. Jenkins is gone, your QB sucks, and your special teams melted down more than ours and we were at goo stage.”

Sanchez made it pretty easy to rip apart the Jets this week. As bad as the QB play has been the last 10 years for the Bills, I don’t remember a 5 interception game. In fact, I felt bad for my Jets’ friends. They are realizing what we still haven’t completely come to terms with. Do not pick a California boy to play for a North East team. Addendum to that note, the moppy-ier his hair, the most awful he will be. Enjoy these coming months Jet fans….it only gets worse.

This particular game summed up by a kick As is the case with every 4:15pm Meadowlands game since I was a kid, I know the Jets-Bills game will be a borefest. No matter if the Bills or Jets are good or bad, this game always generates tears. Typically, there are 4 plays or less that excite either fanbase, and the game ends with you sitting in the dark and only the basking glow of the television flashing the final score. You feel like you’ve completed a marathon and don’t really even care about the result. You’re just pleased that it’s over.

I guess that game winning kick was a good summation of how this game played out. The game waffled between each team taking a crack at winning but then indecisively deciding to do the exact opposite. The game winning kick waffled between being atrociously wide right, to squeaking just in, to being a superbowl 1 (superbowl 25 depending on how you count them) wide right, to squeaking back in again. That was without a doubt the most painful game winner I’ve ever seen. In a 4 second span my reaction was:

“Damn you Fancy I…Wait it’s got a…bah! Super Bowl 25!...oh my god, it’s good.” Then I blacked out. When I came to, my phone was vibrating constantly. A number of texts from Bills fans and Jet fans. They all said the same thing. “BAH! I can’t believe this.”


DVD Extras:

• Old Article - I posted an article two years ago about how Jets games at the Meadowlands always makes me feel like I forgot to do my homework (Thanks Eric R. to remind me to reference this article). These games for my entire existence have never ended with me standing up and saying, “What a great game.” I’ve only said either, “thank god for that one play” or “that one play sucked.” Two years ago we had the JP bomb to Evans, last year we had the JP squared (Losman and Peters) atomic bomb play. Aside from the kick in overtime, I have no idea what one play made me happy or what one play made me upset. If it wasn’t for the nails on the chalkboard browns game, I would have said this was the worst game I’ve seen in a while.
• Can I be honest – I mailed in the article last week. I wasn’t as angry about this season until Monday afternoon (I had already sent the article in by that point). The rage came from watching the Jauron press conference feed getting cut when he got the tough questions. It was a flood of emotion that overcame me. I was pissed. Why would the PR team try to spin the ring ceremony debacle and intervene on the press conference? Then they asked the NY media to not cover Bills players quotes. Buffalo Bills, stop trying to control the stories and start controlling the personnel of the team, damn it. “Honestly. Who throws a shoe?” That’s the type of constant state of confusion I’m in with this team. Ralph, you put poor Dick Jauron out there in front of 70,000 wolves every week. Dick Jauron sucks as a coach, but surely seems like a good guy. He at least takes it like a man, week in week out. He goes up there knowing that the reporters are going to let him have it. Yet he deals with it like a man. Let Jauron go. Do him a favor. This is becoming inhumane to let a good man dangle for your failures. Yet, when you have to face the music, Ralph, you hide. Like the colicky, little baby you’ve always been. When you don’t get your way, you just wrap it up and walk away. I wonder how many other Hall of Fame inductees avoided the music when the going got tough. Go out there and take the vocal beating you made for yourself. Then try to start and fix it. Do you want a medal for staying in Buffalo all these years? Was a $20-$50MM profit margin a huge sacrifice? Everyone is on Obama’s case for getting the Nobel Peace prize, but it seems like he’s just following Ralph’s lead. Do nothing and get a prize. Is this Little League? Does everyone get a trophy? Most, if not all, of the Hall of Fame Inductees played injured and sacrificed to be a champion at some point. Ralph, what have you sacrificed and what have you won?
• Wilson, please see Gary Bettman Year in, year out, Gary Bettman awards the Stanely Cup. No matter what city he is in, he knows he’s going to get boo’d. Even if the home team wins! Despite overseeing complete chaos of the league, he still goes up there like a man and deals with it because somewhere in his little head he knows he’s earned it.
• Purple Nurple? - Did Revis try to give Owens a purple nurple when he got flagged in the first quarter? A nurple though shoulder pads is a bit aggressive, no? Now, I officially hate Revis for pulling off the worst of highschool moves.
• Firemen Ed – He looks like John Locke from “Lost” but not nearly as cool.
• Special Teams – It seemed like every Bills special teams play came with a penalty. What is going on? Was April only good the last couple years because we were purposely keeping ST studs or is this a Jeff Fisher like anomaly? I’m beginning to get worried.
• Indian sighting- When they helped Kris Jenkins off the field, the Jets trainer was an Indian fellow. As we say within the community, “Yeck-citing!”
• Fitz Fumble The Walt “I called the tuck rule” Coleman reffing unit called what was the most blatant forward throwing motion a fumble. Without having to relive the anger of the tuck rule, what I found amazing is that it took them about 15 minutes to determine that he didn’t fumble. And in significantly less time, the Bills let the Jets get right back to that same spot.
• Not to pile it on Fancy I – Am I the only one that thinks his game day picture makes him look like Vaclav Varada.
• Blocking receivers – I watched the Indy game against the Titans the other week. I noticed when other teams throw the WR screen, the other receivers race out to make some key blocks. Indy does it so well. Even when it falls apart, they are still getting 5 yards on the play. When we do it, our best blocking receiver in Reed totally whiffs and Owens ends up with negative 4 yards.
• The billboard I did hear about the billboard asking for Jauron’s firing. I saw on the message board what a second sign should say should the money be raised. I’ve come up with only two. 1. “For the cost of season tickets, I bought this billboard and got some level of satisfaction and joy out of it. Bring in real football people!” and 2. “And you thought losing the steel industry sucked.” Below should be the Bills record (updated each week of course).
• Mark and I are the GM team for the promised land – Looking back at the 2008 draft class with one player on the field for us right now, Mark and I have pretty much agreed that we should run this team. We both throw darts at a draft board just as accurately as Modrak and Co, we could find coaches (namely our friends Aaron and Kabir) to run a team at 1-15 (perhaps even higher! But most definitely cheaper than $3MM a year), and we’re local boys that everyone can fall in love with. Think of us as Corto and Mcnally. Guys who weren’t very good but lovable for no other reason than being born in this cursed sports town. Mark and I come at a much better rate than Modrak and Brandon. I can also sell suites (“Look, you get to see the game and have your own private bathroom. The sink looks like a sink and the toilet looks like a toilet. This is different from the public bathrooms where it all looks like a urinal and people treat it as such.” Sold!) So Buffalo, it’s a marketing gimmick totally on par with bringing TO to town. Roll out two Buffalo Boys to return old glory to the Bills. Who wouldn’t be on board?! We even get to hire a minority with me on board. Rooney rule taken care of! For the Bills fans looking to get some level of emotion shown from anyone in the organization, we’ll give you some emotion. Play us that Pizza Hut Commercial where “Buffalonians” are excited to eat “real wings” from Pizza Hut. You’ll get a whole lot of angry that you’ve never seen before. And that’s for Wings. Imagine the old school WWF Bushwackers insanity you’d see from us should Mckelvin fumble with a Patriots win on the line.
• That damn commercial – The reason I know those aren’t real Buffalonians eating those “hot wings” is because even if the wings did taste like your mid level, Wednesday night Buffalo pizzeria wing (a little more crispy than saucy and a tad undersized compared to Duffs), when that chef rolls out and tells them they’re hot wings from Pizza hut, I don’t expect laughter and “aw Shucks.” I, for one, throw whatever is closest at the cameras and have a full on Jerry Springer Show temper tantrum. I trust everyone in WNY would do the same thing. But alas in truth, we know those wings couldn’t even be the midlevel, Wednesday night Buffalo pizzeria wing. We know they look like chicken nuggets deep fat fried with orange paint. You can steal the jobs out of WNY, you can mock the region for snow, you can even put out a high school football team in our favorite team’s colors, but DO NOT pretend that we would ever, ever succumb to someone else’s “hot wing” and be duped by it. In the words of a recent congressperson Joe Wilson, “you lie!” Pizza hut.
• Thank you Nick A. – Nick A. sent me a link a few weeks back to a DirecTV sweepstake where you write why you are the ultimate fan that deserves two tickets to the Super Bowl. Perhaps it’s because he read that last year I won a trip to Thailand through Bombay Sapphire. Perhaps winning travel sweepstakes is my true calling. Anyway, I promised that I would post “my essay”. However, upon going to the site, I noticed that it had the little box where you say why you deserve the tickets, and it was limited to 100 words. I also noticed that last years winner won because he named his child after his favorite player (plus he was a Dallas fan). I’m extreme and all, but I’m not that extreme. I feel like I owe Nick an apology because I wrote my 60 words (I think that was how long it was) but sent it prior to copying it to send him. The back button didn’t take me back to my submission. So I feel stupid that he sent me this great link and didn’t get him the copy he asked for. As for the rest of you wondering, “WHAT DID YOU WRITE?” Well, I essentially said that this contest should be limited to Bills fans and Lions fans because we are the only ones who know our teams aren’t ever going to the Super Bowl, so why shouldn’t we get a chance to do what our teams clearly can’t do. Then I mentioned these articles and copious amounts of Bills related travel that I’ve done. I’m not Pinto Kenny by any means, but I am Jetblue Kevin. And that hopefully counts for 2 tickets to the Super Bowl. And if I win tickets to the Super Bowl, Nick A, I’m buying you a Bills Jersey!
• I’ve taken to the sarcastic clap - And guess what? It’s therapeutic. Watch a pass go to the sideline on 3rd and long, clap. I see why Jauron has been doing this. This guy is probably a yogi or something. It explains the constant zen like state he’s in.
• Not changing allegiances - I have a couple friends and family on my distribution list that are not Bills fans. Typically our discussions are spirited and contain a lot of barbs and jabs at each others’ teams. Of late, I’ve been getting funeral eyes from these friends. “Sorry your team isn’t doing well. This is probably for the best.” Now, after the Browns games, I’m actually getting, “you can join us over here. The Giants aren’t so bad.” Or worse, “there’s always the Jets.” The Giants are at least a decent team. The Jets are a different color of Bills. If I ever considered leaving the Bills, I’m certainly not going to the Beta Bills. Did Tina leave Ike (Turner) for Mike (Tyson)? Anyways, my stance on switching allegiances is based on the following: Did the Captain of the Titanic listen to Bruce Ismay screaming out, “I got you a seat on this Dingy! Join me, Captain!” No, he put on his hat and stood in his little glass booth and took it like a man. Anyone sensing a theme in this article? You’ll find me in the depths of the Atlantic next to my HMS Bills alongside my honor. I can live (and die) with that.
• Awful way to end a game – I assume you all saw this video from a high school football team that got their field goal blocked yet won the game. The highschool team had their kick blocked and the ball never crossed the line of scrimmage. The blocking team went crazy and ran to the sidelines to celebrate. The holder picked up the ball and sprinted to the endzone to win. I emailed this link to Mark the second I saw it and titled the subject, “waiting for the Bills to lose a game like this, now.” When we were in overtime and Weatherford was looking to pass, my heart nearly exploded in my chest.
• Bills have pushed me into action - Every time a Buffalo sports team has hit an incredible low, I’ve always been tempted to learn coaching in that sport. I think it’s because as a rabid fan, I know I’m right about everything. But perhaps if I coached, I would be vindicated that I actually am right about everything. After Kasparitis scored in OT against Hasek in 2003, Mark and I sat in our apartment devastated. Somehow when conversation started again, it turned to coaching a squirt hockey team in NYC. We were excited again. We not only would get to skate regularly, but we were planning to get the Lindy Ruff approved black suit, yellow shirt and matching yellow tie for when we stood behind the bench. Plus it had the added benefit that when we won our inevitable championship that we would be hailed hockey geni (plural for Genius, no?) for the 9-12 age bracket. It was genius until the site reminded us that hockey practice is routinely at 5 and 6am. It fell apart about 37 seconds after. Fast forward to 2009 and I spent my Sunday night looking up Pop Warner football in the city. My Dad has a friend, Jon, who is a high school football coach. Earlier this season I asked if there was a book on scouting and what not. I wanted to see if I could read up and become better than the Bills Front Office by simply reading one book on scouting. Jon recommended a book by Steven Belicick (Angry Chick’s father). He went on to say that Bill Polian is so high on this book that he insists everyone on his staff read this book. Anyways, here I am waiting to get a book from the dad of the man I despise. But I am getting closer and closer to making this coaching thing happen. The idea of wearing a Motorola headset with no one on the other end is making me giddy!
• Apologizing to your team – Jauron/Edwards take note – Last Saturday, my beer league hockey team got to the championship game. In absolutely Buffalonian style, we lost game 2 of the 3 games series as well as the championship. We, the Sled Dogs, played the Scapegoats, a team that should be at least one division ahead of us but somehow squeaked their way into our division. They’ve beaten every team but 1 and that one loss came because they didn’t have enough players. In game 1 of the championship, we lost 4-1. We lost our cool and at one point had 3 people in the box and got into a bunch of skirmishes (which were actually a lot of fun). In game two we, as a team agreed, “play our positions and don’t let them in our heads.” We did that the entire game and were leading 2-1 with under two minutes to go. Then Buffalo struck. For reasons unbeknownst to me, we got called with “too many men” with 1:30 to go. They promptly scored with 30 seconds left. In overtime, they picked up a loose puck and tried to skate in on a breakaway. Our die hard defensemen, Kris and center, Steve, hustled back, dove and broke up the play. Yet the Refs decide, “PENALTY SHOT!” REALLY? They scored; season over. Blah. At drinks afterward, I told everyone, “if I wasn’t on this team, we win that game. That was Buffalo rearing its ugly head. I’m sorry.” It wasn’t that hard.

As always, Kevin Shenoy can be contacted at binaural02@hotmail.com. This year, I’ve gotten a lot of emails from long time readers and a bunch of new people. I believe I have responded to almost everyone. But thank you so much for the kind words and the funny stories you’ve sent in. In a season this awful, the emails have totally made this season worth it. And if they keep being as entertaining, I’ll make a point to try to use more of them going forward, giving credit where credit is due.